Pinky and The Brain

Hello Blogstalkers. Long time no nonsense. I miss you all.

And because I miss you, especially late at night when I'm tired and emotional and rocking my baby, I've started to write tiny posts and think about posting them. Now due to the fact that I write these posts in the middle of the night, I usually wake up and read them and realize they're absolutely gibberish. (I especially enjoy the parts where I write LOLOLOL like I know even as I'm writing that none of this will be funny in the morning and so I've got to notate the parts where I'm supposed to laugh.)

But all of this is just to say, I've actually decided to publish one of these posts today. Because it's Christmas and if you can't say what you like at Christmas, then when can you?

So without further ado and with admittedly a bit too much opening aplomb, because I'm a wordy little thing, here it is. I apologize in advance for the nonsense and/or gibberish. 

Every year since the beginning of Ryan and Me, Ryan and I go to The Walnut Room at Macy's for a Christmas lunch. The food isn't particularly great (they boast that they've had the same pot pie on the menu since opening in 1907) and it's crowded and you usually leave covered in glitter from the fairies that make the rounds sprinkling dust on your head so that your Christmas wish will come true, but it's a tradition. And I sort of love it. And now Fiona sort of loves it. So we go. 

All of that actually has zero to do with the actual topic of this except to say, we were in the car on the way to lunch....I did warn you of the aplomb bomb that I was about to drop. (In case any of you were worried that I wasn't still gangster, I think that previous sentence will set your minds at ease, yo.)

So anyway, we were in the car.  And we were chatting about something or other and I said something brilliant. I can't quite remember what it was but I assure you it was brilliant because Ryan gave me that sideways glance he's so perfected for times when I say brilliant things. And then I got lost on a tangent. 

"That was absolutely brilliant. Lyrical in fact," my brain thought. "It should be a song." Then my mouth sang it out loud a bit. And Ryan was like, "I heard you the first time, and I've told you before that singing something at me doesn't increase its brilliance."

And I thought. Huh.

And then I thought this:

It's like my brain is always trying to be a songwriter but my mouth keeps mucking it up. Like...I write some gorgeous lyrics and then am all, this is basically genius. 

But then my tuneless mouth gets ahold of them and makes my brain question everything. And my brain is all...maybe those lyrics weren't basically genius Adele-caliber ideas after all. And my mouth mutters "Well you won't hear me say I told you so!"

At this point my brain is annoyed because my mouth is always smarting off and smarting is something a brain should do, not a mouth. So my brain is all ...or maybe you should just keep your flappers shut from time to time... And my mouth is all,"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?"And Ryan is like, "What!? I didn't say anything! I was actually thinking it was nice you were being so calm and quiet in the car for once."

And I am like,"Still waters run deep, RYAN."And then my brain is all Oooh those are basically genius song lyrics. with me here mouth. But my mouth is done paying my brain lip service (don't tell me what to say) and instead decides silently and with lots of thoughtful lip chewing to pair up with my butt instead. Which turns out to be a mistake because my butt is distracted by the seat warmer and just keeps singing Hot Bottoms! to the tune of the Hot Pockets jingle. And then my mouth is annoyed because singing is something a mouth should do, not a butt. 

So my mouth is all, "I'm never teaming up with you again, BUTT!" And Ryan is like, "I haven't done anything to deserve this!"

And my brain is like, that's the farthest thing from an Adele lyric I've ever heard. In response to which my mouth shouts, "Stop comparing yourself to Adele!" And Ryan is like, "I've literally never done that!"

Then we've arrived to lunch and Ryan's sister, who is meeting us asks, "How was the car ride?"  And Ryan say, "Confusing, as always."

And that is that.

Have a Happy Holiday Blogstalkers!


  1. Haha I've missed you and your fantastic posts! Btw, I love the Love Actually reference :) !

  2. Amazing. Come back! Happy holidays! :)

  3. Ha! Brian often asks me, "What brain process happened for your mouth to arrive at such a random conclusion?" And I'll explain what got me thinking about the thing that led to the thoughts that brought my mouth to the words. And he'll be completely impressed by my brilliance.

    Okay, fine. Usually, he's just like, "Where the hell did that come from, Chrissy?" And I'll explain the process. And he'll give me one of those side glances you're speaking of. And then I'll start singing all the insurance jingles I know as if they are one song that is connected. God, Brian is so lucky.

  4. I've missed your gangsta (it ends with an 'a' if you mean it, right?) self... mouth, brain and butt. Thanks to all 3 of you (and RYAN) for providing me some laughter. I needed that today.

  5. So glad you posted! I've missed your brilliance!!


  6. We went to the Walnut Room with my BIL, SIL, and Emma Jane last weekend! Last year the sparkle fairies ignored us because we were just four grown ups drinking holiday cocktails, but this year we had a super cute baby with us and a fairy stopped and was all "ooooh I'm a fairy let me talk to this baby." And I was like "Step off, Fairy. I AM THE FAIRY GODMOTHER!" And that is probably why the rest of the fairies ignored us.

    1. For the record, I AM her Godmother, and I have THREE other GodChildren and WHY DON'T I HAVE WINGS YET?!

  7. Oh Lauren, you make me feel like I'm not alone with my crazy brain!! <3

  8. And now I'm singing the Pinky and the Brain theme song. :)

  9. You are more like my husband. He has conversations with himself all day long and the point at which he decided to bring me into the loop usually causes me to say "what the actual Eff are you talking about?" Then we have to squiggle back through his day to see how and where he came to the finale. It's quite a trip. However! He has never had an argument between his mouth and his butt. That IS brilliant!

  10. You are amazing! And so funny. And I love how funny Ryan is too. :) Welcome back! Hopefully we will have more of these when time allows. So...maybe when your kids go to college. Haha!

  11. I didn't even need your strategically placed "LOLOLOL" to tell me when to laugh, my mouth did it all on it's own! Merry Christmas to you and your family. :)

  12. She's back! And brilliant!!

  13. My brain is much more likely to come up with a brilliant solution to things that people don't necessarily think of as a problem. Like an automatic dishwasher loader. You can put your dirty dish in the sink and it rinses the guck off and then sends it to the correct location in the dishwasher. And I'm all like "It's brilliant! Saves me a ton of steps, and if the boyfriend doesn't put his dish in the dishwasher then it's not a problem! Kind of like turning on the Roomba. It just works on it's own!" And said boyfriend is all "Babe, that's so dumb, because dishes are all different sizes and sometimes you just have a lot of cups or plates or whatever." And I'm all "Thanks, Rob. See if I like your penis pad for men who drip." And he's all "That's fine." And I'm all "Fine".
    But then we make up and get to have sex, so that part is good. But then I see dirty dishes in the sink and I start thinking again.


  14. Annie Guetschow12/18/2015

    Merry Christmas you delightful little elf!

  15. I'm so happy to see this! Missed you! Half my conversations with my spouse begin, "Ok, so just know this is my thought process...I was thinking about Pinky and the Brain, which made me think of Power Puff Girls, which made me think of my sister, which reminded me that my niece lost her first tooth, which made me think about the dentist, so please remind me to buy toothpaste."

  16. Welcome back! I've missed reading your posts.
    Hope you're enjoying the holiday season.

  17. Fabulously funny as always, missed your posts!

  18. Fabulously funny as always, missed your posts!

  19. Brilliant! Loved your post as always! Great source of totally relatable entertainment for my days :) glad to see you posting again.

  20. Brilliant! Loved your post as always! Great source of totally relatable entertainment for my days :) glad to see you posting again.

  21. We got seat warmers installed in our car today and now I will be singing "hot bottoms!" indefinitely.

  22. So happy to see a post again. I've missed your insanity.

  23. I had to do a double take when I saw you in my Feedly. So glad you decided to post.

  24. Anonymous12/21/2015

    I've missed your posts!! Please come back soon!!


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