I think I've mentioned before that Ryan is nuts for technology. So when the new iPhone came out recently, he rushed to buy it through pre-sale. He's using my update because I'm perfectly happy with his old phones. But sometimes I do make him beg a little. Just to brighten up my day. Today he was notified his phone was ready and so he informed me he would be picking it up at lunch. The following is our chat conversation on the subject.
Lauren: I'm so confused. You want the new phone because it's SO BIG. But the last time you wanted a new phone it was because it was SO SMALL. I clearly remember the conversation. Because you were trying to convince me to give you my last update for the tiny phone and I was like, RYAN, either size matters or it does not. And then you were stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Ryan: Fine. Size matters. Final answer.
Lauren: Alright but if a new iPhone comes out in like a year and it's the eensiest weensiest thing, so small you can barely see it and you are like, "It's so small though! It fits right over the top of one of your molars." I'm going to remind you of this conversation. And then you are not going to get that phone. And I am going to use your update to get it. And we will be out to dinner together and your clunky phone will ring and you'll have to wrestle it out of your pocket and smash your palm against the screen to turn it on and breathlessly say "Hello?" And I will just tap the outside of my cheek lightly to activate my dental-phone, which I've just dialed with my tongue to call you, and barely whisper, "Are you jealous of my phone?" And you can not get mad.
Ryan: Fine, whatever, so I can have your update?
Lauren: You've agreed to my term, so yes. Are you going to geek out about your new phone and laud it across all your social media platforms?
Ryan: No I am not going to do that. I'm going to be quietly euphoric.
Lauren: Actually...how would you even share a picture of your new phone if you wanted to? It's not possible! I've found a loophole in Apple technology. A wormhole I guess technically. Wait, these new phones can't take pictures of themselves can they?
Ryan: I really don't think that's a feature anyone wants.
Lauren: What!? Yes it is. People would love to be self-photographic. Imagine if all humans had cameras built in. I would adore not having to carry my huge camera around. I could like, go to the Eiffel Tower and stand in front of it and just like...blink...and have a timeless photo of myself.
Ryan: I don't think blinking would be best way to use this camera. You'd have your eyes closed in every picture.
Lauren: Huh...How would you make it work then? Saying "cheese" is obviously out. If my picture got taken every time I did that then I'd just have a million pictures of me blurrily running toward Parisian cheese stands or sitting wide-eyed in front of the mini-fridge at the hotel shoving a hunk of gouda in my mouth.
Lauren: And the hotel desk people would be like, "Mademoiselle we got the note you left about how you'd like your mini-cheese-bar restocked, "this time with full-size cheeses" because a "probable mouse" must have eaten everything that was in your fridge because it certainly wasn't you that ate all that cheese, and even if it was, that wouldn't be shameful because this hotel basically has the daintiest cheeses ever."
Ryan: Oh dear lord.
Lauren: And I'd be like, "Yes, a big fat mouse ate all that cheese." And they'd be all, "Well actually we know it was you because you were using our wireless network and your mind photos were automatically uploaded to Le Nuage (which is The Cloud in French)...and well...
|In gym clothes, eating cheese.|
And then Ryan stopped responding.
Talk to me Blogstalkers. Eaten anything good with cheese lately? Read any good books? Today I ate tiny microwaveable beef and cheese tacos for lunch while I read Accounting for dummies (to maintain all of my professional knowledge whilst I am being a mom) so I really need help in both areas.