Mostly Wordless Wednesday - Scare Tactics

Hi Blogstalkers,

As you all know very well, Ryan is a cantankerous sort of person.  I have suspicions that he is getting more ornery as the years pass and I have moments where I drift into a daydream about our future and us growing old together and it is the movie Dennis the Menace.

Usually he reserves holiday-dyspeptic attitude for Christmas but this year he's a special kind of crotchety and he's being rude about Halloween as well.  He's being total pumpkin grinch.  Or a "grumpkin" if you will.  He's all, "Why is there candy corn out already!?" (IS IT REALLY!!! OH MY GOSH!!!) And "Did you seriously already buy candy corn?" (I should have bought stock in candy corn I bought so much candy corn)  And "Why is there a bowl of corn on the cob on the coffee table?" (So NO type of corn is appropriate then RYAN?)

So I've devised a way to get him into the Autumn Holiday spirit.  Out of niceness and nothing else.  If instead it makes him fume then that is entirely his problem because I am just doing this to be nice.

Though I suspect, and so far I have been correct about this, that he will just totally ignore the entire thing and pretend like nothing is happening.

So here's the plan:  Every day, starting with September 1st and continuing on until October 31st I will replace one item that Ryan uses daily with one fall or Halloween themed item.  Let me explain a little bit better with pictures.

September 1st:

He sometimes does crossword puzzles or sudoku on the train.  This is the only writing implement I left in his bag.
September 2nd:

His bedside table.  I saw him give this one a side eye but he kept his mouth shut.  He definitely now knows that something is up though.
 I have TONS of ideas but because this is a 61 day project I'm starting out really small and building slowly.  Here's a glimpse of some of my extensive research. (AKA going to Target and Homegoods all the time.)

New soap dispenser.  For scaring away germs.

"Ryan could you get the garage swept today?"

He wears t-shirts every single day.  It would be a shame if all his t-shirts were dirty at the same time except for these two t-shirts and maybe another t-shirt that makes him look like a teenage mutant ninja turtle. (I have to think this one through though because it could backfire and just result in an entire day with no shirts and I couldn't say anything about it.)  

 To replace his dinner plate.  Just his.  I also have a small glass pumpkin with a lid in which I could absolutely serve his soup.  And like maybe a beaker of some sort for a glass?

To replace his alarm clock.  (On the weekend of course, can't have him missing his train and then bothering me all day with his opinions on which neighborhood hooligans we need to watch out for on Halloween in case they get ideas about TP-ing our house.  We have one tree.)

 To store his spirits.  He'll probably use them a lot in the coming months.

 As an alternative to a lamp on his nightstand.  "Ryan can you please blow out your light, I'm trying to get some sleep."

For TP-ing our house.  It should be easy.  We only have one tree.

He likes to snack on peanuts, almonds, etc. and so I always make sure we have some in the house and keep them for him in a special bin in the pantry.  I could remove them and just put this in the bin.

For picking him up at the train station (as Fiona and I often do) after it starts getting dark early.  We walk so obviously we will need a lantern to guide our way.  For safety.

So what do you think?  Any ideas for me?  I need tons of ideas.  (Of course I'll share the execution of all of this with you as the weeks go by.)

P.S. Don't feel too bad for Ryan, I make him loads of tacos and cookies to make up for my absurdity.  It's an unspoken agreement but I'm pretty sure he's fine with it.


  1. Has anybody called you a genius lately? Because people need to recognize your geniusosity (it's a word) more often.

    You, Lauren, are an absolute genius! And hilarious!

    1. Well I don't know about the genius thing because I just went to change into pajamas for sitting on the couch and when I went back downstairs Ryan was all, "Are you wearing a different pair of jeans?" Because somehow I did not put on sweatpants but rather a different pair of jeans.

    2. You did it because your mind was on other, loftier, things, much more important than mere pants! Genius often manifests itself thusly!

  2. Does that rib cage t-shirt GLOW IN THE DARK? I neeeeeeeeeeeeed one!

  3. Does he wear bedroom slippers? Or just shoes on a non- work day? Because these!

  4. Bonus- not just Halloween appropriate, but useful year-round!

  5. Need you remind him that it's Fiona's first Halloween and all of these things are necessary for her first experience??

  6. That is brilliant. You are brilliant.

    Also, I am totally holding the location of cheese nirvana hostage.

  7. This is an amazing idea. You could switch out all his bath products for pumpkin scented alternatives?

  8. You are amazing! I love this and can't wait to watch it unfold. You should get cut outs in the shape of leaves, pumpkins, skulls, witch's hats and make him a sandwich or a nice cheese plate.

  9. I need those dinner plates. Immediately. Christmas this year just got way more interesting.

  10. This is hysterical!!! I love it!!! Can you maybe substitute his wedding ring with one of those spider rings? Or maybe his comb with a skeleton hand? I'm not good at this stuff but I keep trying. Hahaha!!! I may have to steal this from you next year. :)

  11. Amazon sells a pumpkin pudding flavored toothpaste. And of course he'll need a Halloween hand towel to wipe off his chin when he throws up after using it.

  12. If he brings his lunch to work you could pack it in one of those plastic pumpkin trick or treat buckets! Or any trick or treat bag :)

  13. Spider webs. Spider webs EVERYWHERE, but built up slowly over the days. Bonus points if he jumps when he touches them accidentally, around light switches and the like.

  14. I love the way your mind works! Can't wait to see how it all plays out!

  15. Metal pumpkin cookie cutters come in handy for lots of things: cookies, pancakes, bread.
    Change his ringtone to Monster Mash. Make spaghetti for dinner, but add red & yellow food coloring to the water so it turns orange.


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