Make Like A Tree and Leaf

Happy Fall Blogstalkers!

I realize the first day of fall, at least here in the states, was a couple of days ago, but I really feel like Happy Fall is something one can say all the days of the Autumn.  The same is not true of Winter.  Because like, on the first day of Winter, everyone is all "Happy Winter! It's almost Christmas! Isn't snow magical! LOOK AT MY BOOTS!" but on February 17th, or heck, March 25th if we're talking about Chicago, if you tried to say Happy Winter to anyone they'd probably sic the mafia on you.

And then I'd be all, "You can't sic the mafia on us, we ARE the mafia!"  And Ryan would be like, "Lauren, for the love of god, be quiet."  And out of the side of my mouth I'd be like, Just play along POTATOES...yeah that's right you heard me, this here is Ryan Potatoes Gallagher.  He'll bury you deep in the earth like a potato."

But all of that is to say, I have an entirely different story to tell you about Fiona's new toy.

This is what it looks like:


I thought it was a perfectly nice toy.  At first.

Ryan: I love this thing.

Lauren: I know! Did you notice that the F, the L and the R are all in a line?  The toy is basically saying that we belong together and that we named our daughter appropriately.  It's like an incredibly accurate zodiac chart.   We'll have to think of an "X" name for our next child of course, but I feel OK with that.

Ryan: What are you even talking about?  I meant, I love this thing because L, as in Lauren

Lauren: Yes I know which letter my own name starts with Ryan.

Ryan: As I was saying, the L, as in Lauren, is a leaf and the R

Lauren: As in Ringo.

Ryan: *Totally ignoring me* As in Ryan, is a rake.  And rakes are in charge of leaves.  So.

Lauren: What!? *shreakily*  I mean, ahem, of course.

Ryan: Oh do explain how this is a good thing for you.

Lauren:  Well, I've not had much time to come up with this rebuttal but...leaves basically spend their time taunting rakes.  Like, "Look at me up in the sky, being awesome and making friends with squirrels while you slowly rust on the ground waiting for me."

Ryan: You're grasping at straws.

Lauren:  *warming to a cause* Plus the life of a leaf is pretty amazing if you think about it.  First they're green and shiny with youth, then resplendently red or orange with age and then finally they slip from the tree and float gracefully to the soft grass below.  And the disgruntled rake is basically just like a leaf chauffeur whose only job it is to gather all the fallen leaves together into a big leaf party which then provides immense amounts of fun for children.  And the rake just hangs on the wall in the musty garage and talks to the shovel all day.  And the shovel is like, "Don't you like digging?"  And the rake is all, "Not particularly."

Ryan:...

Lauren: Plus people are always like, "OH look at the leaves!" and "Aren't the leaves gorgeous today!" And "I love the fall, with all the beautiful leaves."  But the only thing they ever say about rakes is " God Dammit I have to rake today."

Ryan: Fine, you win.

Lauren: Say you wish you were a leaf.

Ryan: I wish I was a leaf.

*Later that night*

Lauren: I don't know why you thought that toy was ever going to be on your side.  I was looking at it more closely tonight and G is for Goat and 3 is for 3 waistcoats, which are like fancy vests, and those are two things I love.  Plus 5 stands for 5 tops and everyone knows you hate tops.

Ryan: I hate that toy is what I hate.

Lauren: I think my work here is done.

(P.S. Thanks to Lydia in the comments of a previous post for suggesting that Potatoes be Ryan's mob name instead of his last name when I was bemoaning the fact that if he was Ryan Potatoes I had to be Mrs. Potatoes.  The comment section is always full of incredibly intelligent conversation and debate, as you can tell, you should check it out.)

19 comments:

  1. I wish I could see what C is. Also C and B are on the same line (rows, not columns), which means Brian and I are perfect for each other and both of my future baby names are in that line too. I WIN.

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    Replies
    1. C is for Cow, I know this because I memorized all of the letter last night and then challenged Ryan to see who could remember more. But that's great because you know, cow-milk-cheese. Congratulations.

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    2. That's fantastic. I love your logic. Thanks Lauren. I think I'm going to order cheese sticks at the bar tonight. :)

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    3. I feel like it would be wrong not to. I'm going to order Ryan to pickup some cheese sticks on his way home. I'm blaming you.

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    4. Blame accepted. Also if you want a magical cheese and sausage plate...might I recommend Tribes Alehouse in Tinley Park?

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    5. Oooh duly noted.

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  2. One of the reasons I didn't change my last name when I recently remarried was because my DH's last name is "Robinson" and I couldn't face having people sing cuckoo-ca-choo at me all the time. Sigh. That and the fact that I felt like I had LITERALLY just finished changing my name back to my maiden name from my first marriage. All this is to say, I can understand why you would hesitate at being Mrs. Potatoes if Ryan were Potatoes. I think. Or maybe not. It's the end of the day, I overshare.

    Where's our mandatory pic of Fiona per blog post?

    I apologize if this posts twice....I may have broke the comments. Oh and the title of this post makes me think of Back to the Future "Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?"

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    Replies
    1. Oh I'll have to add a picture! Honestly she's been teething so badly lately (four new teeth in like 10 days) that there haven't been a lot of smiley moments. Poor baby.

      Also, I have never seen all of Back to the Future. I'll just go hide now. I'm terrible at movies.

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  3. I just enjoy that Ryan treats your relationship like a game of rock, paper, scissors but you view it more like an AP test essay. Essays are always my testing form of choice, because even if you're not exactly right you can write circles around the answer until you wear your reader down. And then you WIN ALL THE POINTS.

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    Replies
    1. I LOVED AP Tests. I even took ones for which I had not taken the class. I just bought the review books and studied on my own for them.

      And thank you for that analogy. That's exactly what our relationship is like. Brilliant.

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    2. I feel like this is a test and you are my high school English teacher and you are baiting me to see if I'll admit to anything. To this, I say, "It's been 20 years. I already won all the points. NO TAKE BACKS! GET OVER IT!!"

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  4. A piece of advice: If you are telling people that you're in the Mafia and these people may at some point become a problem to you and your family, don't go around giving out your last name. Maybe Ryan's mafia name should be Ryan "The Rake" Potatoes?

    As for your last name changing to "Potatoes," just say you kept your married maiden name.

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    Replies
    1. And now I'm left wondering why you know so much about the mafia.

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    2. I know a guy who knows a guy who owes a guy a favor. No need to ask more, knowwhatImean?

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  5. What's on the K? Is it a kite? Does the kite have a penguin on it? If not, my kite is cooler than your kid's toy. I'm going to be over here feeling all superior now. Unless there's a kangaroo on that block, because hot damn kangaroos are cool. And punchy.

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  6. Plus, leaves come in all shapes and size and interesting colors, and rakes only come in pointy or super-pointy versions.

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  7. Ryan really didn't give the argument enough thought before making his stand. I mean, seriously, does he think he is dealing with an amateur? OF COURSE you could come up with a rebuttal!!! I am proud, but utterly unsurprised.

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  8. I love the idea that rakes are just bitter leaf chauffeurs.

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  9. *must go inspect Jack's toy now for future sass opportunities...*

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