Five Things Friday: A Fascinating Story About Eggs.

1. Yesterday I slipped on our driveway while unloading groceries and dropped the eggs.  Three broke all over the driveway. I meant to clean them up but  then the baby starting fussing and I forgot and when Ryan got home from work he was like, "What the heck is going on with the driveway LAUREN!?" And I totally lost my nerve and was all, "We must have gotten egged! By unknown neighborhood kids.  You should go clean it up since you saw it first."

2. I had bought the eggs in the first place to make deviled eggs because I need foods I can eat with one hand and I am sick of granola bars and bananas.  I made deviled eggs out of the rest of the eggs remaining after the driveway incident.  Last night I noticed Ryan counting something in the fridge and then he turned to me and asked all suspiciously, "How many deviled eggs did you eat today exactly?"  I did some quick, 'add six deviled egg halves to the actual amount of eggs I had eaten to make up for the driveway eggs' and said, "Umm Nine? Is that right?"

3. At that point Ryan sighed and was like, "You're really running with this egg story huh?"  And I was like, "I'm not running anywhere with anything RYAN, I ate nine deviled eggs today."

4. After I put the baby down following one of her middle of the night feedings, I was starving and decided I wanted one more deviled egg and as I was in the kitchen eating it, I sneezed twice.  And inadvertently squeezed my hand around the egg in the process.  So I did what any person would do and began licking the detriment off of my fingers like they were deviled egg popsicles.  And that is the story of how my husband heard me whimpering softly in the kitchen at 3AM and came in asking what was wrong only to be told "What does it look like is wrong? I'm exhausted and somehow have been reduced to sucking on eggs.  I'm no better than a goddam platypus."  He might be the only husband in history that had to spend a good three minutes patting his wife's back and saying things like "Don't be silly, you're much much better than a platypus," and "I think you mean mongoose anyway." in a soothing voice in the middle of the night.

5. I've run out of things to say about eggs.  NO WAIT.  I HAVEN'T.  Look at what one of my lady eggs made.


Say Hello! I don't bite! Unless you are a deviled egg and then I will bite the heck out of you.

PS Ryan did in fact clean up the driveway eggs but I then made him a double batch of his favorite chocolate chip cookies for being such a good husband.

39 comments:

  1. You are precious.
    So is your daughter!
    I'm glad to see more posts from you; your kind of humor and delight is exactly what I need in my life, ha!

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    1. Thanks so much! I love getting compliments on my daughter. It's way better than when someone says they like your top.

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  2. Eating 9 deviled eggs is a totally legit and possible thing. I'm not saying that because I've done it and know or anything, just trust me.

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    1. As long as you promise to trust me that it's possible to eat an entire bag of chocolate chips three days ago. Because my friend did that.

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    2. I totally do! lol Recommended serving sizes are for amateurs!

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  3. So glad you're back!!!

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  4. Oh my goodness- Poor thing! I've been there, there is just no rhyme or reason to any of it! On another note, I think you would be great as a reality show :)

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    1. A reality tv show would be great except then I'd have to put on pants and stop singing so much. Because I sing a lot during the day right now and no one wants to watch "American OHMYGODMYEARS"

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  5. Also isn't a deviled egg really only like half an egg? Hardly a snack! And also, yum. In spite of my pregnancy heart burn, that sounds awesome. SO GLAD you are back!!!!!!!!!! More please!

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    1. They were DELICIOUS. I highly recommend them. Oh ooogh I hated the pregnancy heartburn. Hope it eases up a little for you!

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  6. Ok...

    Now that I am full of pizza with a not-angry boyfriend and at a computer that will let me comment on your blog and not a stupid "smart" phone that apparently doesn't like Blogger blogs...

    I would have TOTALLY run with the egging story. If Fiona were old enough, she would have backed you up too. I think.

    And really, I probably would have eaten 9 deviled eggs. So I'm sure you could too. I mean, really if that's all you're eating...4.5 eggs isn't REALLY bad at all. That's like...barely anything. You're practically starving yourself. I can't believe RYAN would let you starve like that.

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    1. I also had ALMOST an entire box of Spongebob Squarepants macaroni and cheese though. Ryan says I can't say ALMOST an entire box just because I gave the dogs each one noodle. But Ryan doesn't make all of the rules.

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    2. You clearly did not eat the entire box. Definitely only ALMOST. Now Ryan's trying to fight the rules of grammar?

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  7. You are so very awesome and now we want deviled eggs. I'll try not to break three of them first, but that will be difficult. I might have to do four just to get one up on you.

    ... cause that's totally how that works, right?

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    1. Totally. Just don't break them outside. They freeze to your driveway and then you have to use hot water to get them up. And as it turns out the proper way to do this is not to heat up water with a kettle and then try to pour it onto the driveway from the third floor.

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    2. I don't believe you. I think that sounds like the perfect way to clean it, with a followup hosing from the roof. Because that is a brilliant idea in the middle of winter.

      OR you could pour boiling water on it to cook it for the strays. They are cold and hungry and could totally use a snack.

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  8. Now I want deviled eggs. Like, a dozen of them.

    And thank you for the laugh, Lauren. :)

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    1. You and Laura should have a contest called HOW MANY DEVILED EGGS CAN I FIT INTO MY MOUTH ALL AT ONCE. Let me know who wins OK?

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  9. I needed this laugh so much. You are awesome. The platypus part was my fave. I love seeing your pictures on Instagram, but I had forgotten how absolutely hysterical your posts are. Psyched to see you blogging!

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    1. Glad you enjoyed it! I'm psyched to be back!

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  10. oh your daughter is so precious and cute!! Thanks for sharing her pictures.

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  11. So good to read one of your posts, have missed them! The first few months of mommyhood, ahhh. I was in a complete fog. Solomon is two on Sunday and suddenly realized the other day that I can't really remember his first three months. I think when your that sleep deprived you just go on auto pilot! Anyway glad to be able to read your latest shenanigans! Your daughter is so adorable!

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    1. *you're (it was bugging me)

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  12. Glad you're back! Your daughter is so beautiful! Also, ive secretly never had deviled eggs. I don't know how I've survived this long.

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  13. Glad you're back! Your daughter is so beautiful! Also, ive secretly never had deviled eggs. I don't know how I've survived this long.

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  14. Deviled eggs plus chocolate chip cookies sounds like a pretty fabulous meal to me.

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  15. Munchkin! She's so cute. Also, welcome back. :-)

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  16. i've never been happier to see a blog post contain both a platypus and a mongoose.

    also - your egg nailed it.

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  17. Yeah! Why does no one prepare new moms with the information they REALLY need, like having food you can eat with one hand? Or Or only watching mindless, happy movies and TV shows or you will ball your eyes out - I couldn't even LOOK at a picture of the Fox and the Hound without getting choked up for the first two months, I'm three months in with my little boy ~ and I love it!!

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  18. This sounds like my worst nightmare-- I can't stand eggs. Happy to see you posting again!

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  19. Hello! So glad to have something here to read again. Yours is always the last blog I check because it's my favorite (and I read a fair few). Congrats, happy mama!

    Melissa

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  20. Loved the egg story. Glad to see you back posting.

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  21. Furiously, furiously happy you're back. FURIOUSLY.

    P.S. Fiona is beautiful! Congratulations to you and Ryan!

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  22. I'm so happy you're back and you brought this lovely little thing with you. :) Congrats to the lady-egg, it is indeed a keeper. :)

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  23. I've missed your blog and am so glad you're back! Fiona is GORGEOUS. So excited for you.

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  24. I can't tell you how glad I am you're posting again!! Many congratulations on your gorgeous lady-egg creation..Fiona is stunning!! Adorable cheeks...and I bet very nibble-able toes...all babies have nibble-able toes!!

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  25. I LOVE LOVE deviled eggs. I could boil up a dozen and eat every single one. I would pay for it, and it's not smart, but I love them that much that I have to stop myself after about 7. Fiona is absolutely beyond adorable! She looks like the perfect mix of both you and Ryan. :) You MUST read her the precious story your dad wrote for you about the chubby cheeks princess! I had huge chubby cheeks and my dad never wrote me a story. LAME! Missed your posts, glad youre back around. Also, dependant is no longer "accruing". What will your update be?

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