Training Day

It's a brand new week Blogstalkers and hopefully a brand new, blog-updating, email-answering, Lauren.  Anything is possible right?

I spent yesterday in the suburbs at my cousin's baby shower which meant that yesterday evening I found myself at my parents' house getting ready to take a train back into the city.  I know taking a train sounds pretty self-explanatory - Board at one station disembark at another - but there are actually a large number of other things you have to keep in mind to take a ride on the railroad successfully.  Like, "Mind the gap" and "Beware of any man carrying a briefcase because once I heard a story about how some seemingly normal office worker guy carrying a briefcase pushed a fellow traveler onto the tracks and then got arrested and when they searched him his briefcase was full of rats and that sounds like a true story."

Also, trains, like movie theaters, tend to be cold, so dress accordingly.

Yesterday this is where the problem came in because I was wearing a sleeveless blouse and had not thought to bring a jacket.  So I borrowed/stole a Snuggie from my sister.  I was really glad I did this because sure enough the train was icy.  So I donned my blue Snuggie and settled in with my book.

Soon I became aware that the guy across the aisle was staring at me curiously on and off.  Luckily he didn't have a briefcase so I didn't have to worry about rats any more than normal but it was still a bit disconcerting and made me a bit fidgety.

So I called Ryan.

Ryan: Yes? Did you miss the train?

Lauren: *whispering* No but this dude two seats over keeps eyeing me and it's making me nervous.

Ryan: So move.

Lauren: I can't, I JUST got my Snuggie situated correctly.

Ryan:  I don't even know why I answer the phone when you call.  I'm going to stop.

Lauren:  YOU HAD BETTER NOT.  What if I was getting attacked by rats right now?

Ryan: I always have full confidence that's not the case.

Lauren: But your confidence is so misplaced sometimes.  Like..remember when you said you had full confidence in my ability to do a somersault?"

Ryan: ::sigh:: No one ever gets attacked by a briefcase full of vermin LAUREN.

Lauren: Oh? Just like how "no one ever gets hurt doing a somersault LAUREN?"

Ryan: I've got to go, I have to pick up my crazy wife at the train station.

Lauren: Alright well tell her I said hello and that I adore her new sleeveless top.  It was certainly worth whatever she paid for it yesterday at the store without telling you.

And that was the end of that story.  Until today when I called Ryan at work to see if his sister, who is staying with us for the week, was going to be around for dinner and he didn't answer.

So I sent him this picture.

So far no response.


Hey Blogstalkers.

This'll be a quickie as I am still in the 'depths of despair' morning sickness-wise.  I love the crap out of this baby but it certainly can be cantankerous.  Oh well.  Like Father Like Fetus I suppose.

So first and foremost, I just wanted to take a quick moment and finally finally announce the winner of the Origami Owl Giveaway.  Congratulations are in order for Southern Girl!  If that is you just shoot an email to and I'll put you in touch with Lauren C. who ran the giveaway and has been nothing but supportive and amazing the last couple of weeks.

If you didn't win you still have the opportunity to procure yourself something lovely at a 15% discount through this weekend if you order through Lauren's Direct Site.  She will be posting the discount code details on her Origami Owl Facebook Page sometime soon so if you entered the giveaway by "Liking" her page you should see it!

Thirdly, THANK YOU all for your understanding and patience the last couple of weeks.  I so appreciate all of the sweet messages and emails and comments.  THANK YOU for not hating my baby-growing guts for basically disappearing off the face of the blogosphere.

Lastly,  I've been giving a lot of thought to how me being pregnant/having a child are going to change this blog.  I initially wanted to keep all of the baby/mommy stuff off of my site but it turns out it's really difficult to think about anything else right about now.  So I'm probably going to write about it and while I'm at it I'm probably going to start blogging about other topics like cooking and giveaways and whatever else I come up with here as well.  To do that,  I'm looking into a redesign that would incorporate a number of pages so you all could pick and choose what you want to read and what you want to skip like crazy.  (The main page will have all entries in all categories in order of how they were written so if you actually want to read everything you don't have to jump around.)

And no worries, I promise almost every single entry will be written with grace and ablomp my normal humorous slant on life.  And the majority of the site will still be a collection of entries about things like Five Things Friday - My Five Favorite Road Trip Games, alternatively titled, Why Ryan Doesn't Go On Road Trips With Lauren Ever and How Vanessa tried to be a really good friend last week and take me to get a pedicure because I was feeling sallow and worthless and how I was so tired I accidentally sat in the water part of the chair instead of the chair part of the chair.

So hopefully this change won't scare everyone away.  I actually feel like it'll benefit the humor aspect of the blog because I won't feel so much pressure (not from you, from myself) to wake up on certain days and BE FUNNY RIGHT NOW.  Feel free to make suggestions or ask questions in the comments section, I should be at the computer to respond for a while.

Oh also, turns out today is my second Blogiversary!?  In celebration I am wearing a long skirt as a strapless dress because my washing machine is broken.  Or it could be at least.  I don't know, I haven't checked on it in a while.

P.S. I had to make the change to moderating comments because of copious amounts of SPAM.  So if you don't see your comment pop up immediately that is why.  I'll try to channel Speedy Gonzalez as far as moderating goes.

Sock It To Me. Ooh Short Title Today. I'm Impressed With Myself.

Hello Blogstalkers!

Your eyes are not deceiving you, this is a real post.  You thought I forgot how to do those didn't you?

Well I didn't.  I did forget how to do the Electric Slide apparently which resulted in a large number of precocious middle school children laughing at me, but that is an entirely different story.  The moral of which is - I can't teach you, teach you, teach you, I can't teach you the electric slide.

Anyway.  Last weekend was high school graduation weekend in Ryan's and my hometown and since he had various cousins/family friends receiving their diplomas, off we headed to watch the festivities.  Ryan's allergies this year have been awful and since I am already carrying around what is basically a large duffel bag full of oyster crackers and Pedialyte and jolly ranchers and comic books, it was no skin off my back to throw in a bunch of Kleenex and Allegra for his needs this weekend.

I did make him carry the bag for a while though when I got especially nauseated which was embarrassing for him for two reasons.  One because then he had to go through the purse-searching line at graduation with all the other delicate ladies and two because it has a large picture of Lou Diamond Phillips on the side.

This picture to be exact. (Long Story)

I was all, "Remember when you used to be cool at this high school Ryan?  How things have changed."

So eventually we found seats alone the way at the back of the graduation so I wouldn't be crowded by people and smells and so Ryan wouldn't bother anyone with his allergies.  We settled in for the long haul.

At this point I should mention that we had been to another family outing the day before and Ryan had asked me for a Kleenex for his eyes or nose approximately every one minute and thirty seconds.  At which point I invented in my head a sort of fanny pack device that was really a box of Kleenex with a belt poked through it.  But when I presented Ryan with the idea, even generously offering to make him one for the next day, he laughed in my face and said I was ridiculous.  So I came up with another option.

The beginning of the graduation ceremony slowly passed as I almost continuously passed Ryan his requested facial tissues.  Halfway through the event, when he once again reached his hand out, I put my little plan into action.  I slowly reached into my sleeve and handed him what he assumed was a tissue but was actually the end of a white sock.

A white sock that was attached to this:  A carefully constructed chain of colorful socks and one scarf.  (In my mind it was supposed to be all scarves but they were all too big and bulky so socks were the next best alternative.)

This is a really odd picture.

With his eyes pointed ahead, he slowly pulled the sock up to his face.  And then realized something was amiss.  He looked down and was all "What the hell?"

At which point I just widened my eyes at him in surprise as he pulled and pulled the chain of socks (which was wrapped through my sleeves and around my back under my jean jacket) until it was all out.  And then I whispered, "Ta Da!"

He was not amused.

So that was my silly little weekend, how was yours?  Anything magical happen?  (I realize it is now Wednesday and a weird day to be asking you all about your weekends.)

P.S. On the way to the graduation in the car, with the socks all stuffed into my jacket I got really hot and desperately needed something with which to mop my sweaty brow.  And Ryan was all, "Don't you have a scarf or something in that huge bag of yours?"

P.P.S. After graduation Ryan saw the humor in the whole episode.  Especially after he realized I had "given him clothes" and thus "freed him from his house elf days of drudgery."

P.P.P.S. I'll announce the last giveaway winner this week, just finishing up some final details.

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