Textual Healing

Happy Thursday Night or Friday depending on when I post this, Blogstalkers!
(So Happy Friday Then.)

I'm guessing I'm not alone in the fact that I have a couple of specific people I text or talk to when I'm feeling a little bit down and in the need of some uplifting.  You'd probably think it a foregone conclusion that Ryan would be one of those people but he is not.  He's actually quite bad at things like uplifting text messages.

For example, from yesterday:

Lauren: Songs about ants make me tired and aggravated.  They're always like marching somewhere two by two or moving giant rubber tree plants or something.  It's like, OK I get it ANTS.  Now stop showing off.

Ryan: Having a bad day?

Lauren: No.  I'm full of delights and hootenannies today.  Can't you tell?

Two hours with no replies whatsoever.

Ryan: What's for dinner tonight?  Tacos maybe? I have high hopes for tacos.  High in the sky apple pie hopes.

Lauren: Oh HILARIOUS Ryan.  I wish I had taken hours to think of a comeback and then said that.

(And yes I did make him tacos.  But I also made him bring home apple pie.)

So anyway.  For general cheering up I turn to either my dad, conversations with whom I usually post on Facebook (you should totally friend me on Facebook), or my friend Katie (who writes the book blog Words for Worms).

Here is Katie's and my most recent conversation.

Lauren: (After once again justmissing the Mensa-accepted IQ test score.) Ugh.  Mensa is overrated anyway.  They send you surveys about how you're working on continuing education and they get all snooty if you're not always bettering yourself.

Katie: We should start our own society for people in the top 2-8 percent of IQ.  We will call it, "Fuck You, Mensa."

Lauren: And instead of bettering ourselves we will just eat a lot of grilled cheese sandwiches and call it buttering ourselves.

Katie: YES!

Lauren: Which SOUNDS like someone saying bettering with a British accent.  Which is probably how Mensa says it anyway.  So the two things will be basically indistinguishable.

Katie: And there will be recreational tap dancing.

Lauren: And we will get rid of half serving sizes.  Because it makes no sense for two cookies to be 1.5 servings.  Am I supposed to like...break the cookies into fractions?  Because I'm not going to take the time to do that when I'm hungry for cookies.  Probably something else invented by Mensa to make people do more math.  Stupid Mensa.

Katie: Seriously.  Why bother with fractions when there is a WHOLE pie in front of me MENSA!?

Lauren: Exactly.  After this conversation I don't even want to be a part of Mensa any longer......Though I guess if they really wanted me I might still accept.  You know, for THEIR sake.

Katie: Well you are nothing if not altruistic.

Lauren: I am.  I literally GAVE candy to a baby yesterday.  Which one must assume using logic is a very difficult and altruistic thing to do as its opposite is cliched to be quite easy and evil.

Katie: Obviously

Lauren: And sure that baby was in my uterus but I'm not like SURROUNDED by babies here.  I just chose the closest one.

So that it that.  How are you all doing?  Any exciting plans this weekend?  Ryan and I are going to the Northwestern/Ohio State game since NU is his alma mater.


  1. When you said you gave a baby candy I immediately went to the baby that is currently inside of you. I'm glad you did not prove me wrong.

    As a side note, I said to Laura, "Lauren updated" and she immediately giggled. Without even reading this, she started laughing; that's how awesome you are.

    Just thought you should know.

    1. Once my grandma told me that every time she thinks about me, she laughs. She doesn't read my blog so I've never decided if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

    2. I'd go with good thing: Regardless of the reason, you bring a smile to someone's day just at the thought of you. Try not to think of why and just focus on that smile. :)

  2. This is making me giggle all over again!

    1. I read the entire thing to Ryan last night using voices. He's never as amused as I think he should be.

  3. Very jealous of you going to the game, and while I'm quite the Blogstalker, I love my Ohio State Buckeyes!!
    Hope you have a awesome time!

  4. i wanna be in the "Fuck you, Mensa" club. I always thought Mensa was a really odd name for a group of smart people. That's what I call my sisters when they're being stupid, because MENSA is Spanish for dumb.

  5. I don't text my husband for support when I am feeling down either. He is the world's slowest texter and he NEVER has his phone anyway (his number is actually programmed in my phone as "B Never Answers") For support I turn to my BFF Kim because she generally agrees that we should just get rid of the people who are bringing us down.
    Off to Disneyland for a week tomorrow (watching the ASU vs. Notre Dame Game at The ESPN Zone since we are Sun Devils).

  6. I would like to know what IQ test you took. Sounds like fun. So......?

  7. Being a total math nerd, I immediately figured out that 1 and 1/3 of a cookie is a serving...ridiculous! Just eat 4 cookies instead, then the serving sizes and # of cookies are nice numbers. Plus you get to eat 4 cookies :) Which the baby will appreciate!

  8. That organization idea sounds FANTASTIC.
    And giving candy to that baby? Genuinely charitable of you! ;)

  9. I will join any club that involves eating mass amounts of grilled cheese!!!

  10. Man I hate when guys do that! My boyfriend is the worlds' most awful texter. He never responds, drops conversations, and answers complainy text with "I'm sorry to hear that."

    NO YOU ARE NOT! You will be sorry when I come home and set a stampede of llamas on you due to that nonhelpful response.

  11. Lauren! You have to post an update, pretty please - just so we all know you're okay! I worry when this much time goes between updates :)


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