I Wanted Seltzer! Not Salsa!

How is it hanging Blogstalkers?

P.S. I hate that phrase.  Never let me use it again.

So a lot of times on this blog when I can not think of post ideas, I turn to Ryan, who though it probably wishes it were not so, remains my font of inspiration.  Sometimes I can come up with an idea just by gazing at the form of my topless husband as he lounges on his hammock and mists himself gently with hose water, shorts hiked up to expose milky sun-starved thighs.  Other times I need to say, "Ryan give me something to write about."

At which point he'll usually peel one eyelid back and do this odd cyclops glare thing that he has mastered and that I can not replicate no matter how many of my insomniac hours I spend making ogre faces in the bathroom mirror and say something inane and unhelpful like, "Are those my pants?"

Yesterday his response was, "Get me some salsa, wench."

So I was about to get huffy and affronted and never bring him salsa again for as long as we both shall live.

But then I thought about it and realized that the traitorous baby also thought that salsa sounded delicious at that moment so I decided to go ahead and make some...  But not just any salsa...the best salsa in the whole entire world.


Salsa

1 1/2 - 2 cups Cherry Tomatoes, quartered

1/3 cup Red Onion, diced

Half an avocado, diced

1 TBS cilantro, chopped

1 1/2 TBS Sriracha

2 tsp Lemon Juice

1/2 tsp Fish Sauce

Then mix all of that shit together and eat it with a spoon or put it on pork or chicken or use it on a salad instead of dressing.  Or blend it up a bit and attack it with a handful of shrimps.

Or just eat it at the counter with tortilla chips while singing I put my hand upon a chip, then I dip, you dip, we dip to your unborn child.  Whatever.  I promise you'll love it.

Ryan was so pleased with this salsa that he patted my stomach, said "Good Baby" and then sprayed me with the hose a little.  Rousing success.




18 comments:

  1. I hate aight, that word deserves to die a horrible, fiery death.

    I need to use the dip song more, that's pure genius.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ::shudder:: a fiery fiery death indeed

      And thank you, *bows*

      Delete
  2. That sounds absolutely amazing and if I had all the ingredients I would make it immediately. I don't have anything to put it on except a spoon, which sounds heavenly.

    Related note: Isn't fish sauce amazing for smelling SO bad?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh a spoon is fine. It's just like a cold chunky soup then. Like gazpacho but with more texture.

      And yes, fish sauce is one of my top five condiments. Fish sauce on white rice with lime is a guilty pleasure of mine.

      Delete
    2. I recently started a keto diet (low carb) so a lot of my guilty pleasures are a no-go for me. That being said, that sounds delicious. Maybe I can find some kind of warm medium on which to put fish sauce and lime that would be just as delicious.

      Steak?

      Delete
  3. I now have the dip song stuck in my head. Thanks for that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If it helps, I have a terrible commercial jingle stuck in my head right now.

      Deep River Waterpark, It's Simply Spashtaaaastic!

      Delete
  4. For a cyclops with milky-white thighs, he's awful quick to throw around demands.

    He's lucky to have you. Wench.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your comment just made me laugh forever.

      Delete
  5. Anonymous8/08/2013

    Ryan sounds EXACTLY like my husband. "Bring me a t-shirt, wench. Go get my shoes, wench. Make me a cheesecake, wench." And then I threaten to poke him in the eyeballs.

    And my first reaction to this salsa? "HOLY MOTHER OF GOODNESS, is there AVOCADO in there????" Yes. Please.

    -Megan Clarke

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I WISH Ryan told me to bring him a t-shirt from time to time. I'd do it no matter what he called me. Even if he called me a chippie. Which is not a very nice word RYAN.

      And yes, yes there is. And it is delicious. Sometimes I even add a whole avocado instead of just a half.

      Delete
  6. So even though you made him salsa, was it really seltzer he wanted? I love this post but I am a bit confused. Not hard to do! Lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha sorry! The title is just a quote from a Seinfeld episode. My titles almost never have anything constructive or helpful to say.

      Delete
  7. When I was pregnant last year, my first full on craving was salsa. Not just any salsa, but salsa from an authentic Mexican restaurant not too far from my house (but far enough to have to drive to, of course.) My husband would truck his butt to the restaurant and buy quart after quart of this salsa...I literally remember that I had eaten over 100 oz of salsa in just a few days. Best part? An old guy that worked there told him that unless he made sure to get me every single thing I was craving, the baby would get a birthmark of that item on whatever part of his body that I pointed to on mine. I love that man.

    Perhaps you should share this ancient folktale with Ryan. I've seen it listed as a myth online...but seriously - use my kid as proof. No birthmarks. Score.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Looks yummy! I must use the chip song for myself. I often sing loud and offkey to my audience or family, whichever you prefer. My go to taco song: I throw my hands up in the air sometimes saying a-yo I'm making tacos. I chop lettuce and then shred some cheese, singing a-yo chop some avocado.

    I'm weird. I don't even try to hide it anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am stealing that recipe and going to the store today because YES.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! Do it! And let me know how it turns out.

      Delete
  10. Oh how I have missed you when I have been off being a grown up and the moving and the crap yeah. If I remotely liked tomatoes I'd be all over this but I may make it for work or mom.

    ReplyDelete

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