This past weekend, though a hoot and a half, was busy and exhausting and I am so glad to be back to BAU. That is a throwback acronym to my Accounting days and means Business As Usual. We accountants were often so very busy that we had no time whatsoever to use ALL THE WORDS and thus often shortened things to time-saving acronyms.
I still employ these acronyms a surprising amount in my current life. They are very useful. Just yesterday for example I was at the chocolate factory because I was running low on toffee when a bag of chocolate covered Swedish fish caught my eye.
|Seriously, a literal chocolate factory.|
|Talk About Your Childhood Wishes.|
And I was all, "Hello darling, just calling because I've come across some FMCG* from the Northern regions of Europe and so I did a quick check on my CPP** before I attempted acquisition and unfortunately it's not up to snuff after all my QC*** testing so could I please see you in my offsite office immediately?"
*Fast Moving Consumer Goods
**Current Purchasing Power
Which I think you'll agree sounds much more professional than "Ryan! They've started coating fish in chocolate and there is only one bag left and I only have three dollars and I have to spend that on toffee because I've already gnawed on it a little, so please scoop up all the change you can find in the car and get in here STAT!"
The woman behind the counter was even like, "You young kids and your financial mumbo jumbo these days!", obviously very impressed. And I was like, "Yes I'm very good at finances.", as Ryan came ambling in with a roll of quarters which I had been keeping in the glove compartment for surprise crane machines but that I decided was also alright to spend on candy.
So I thought I would share with all of you a brief list of other helpful acronyms. So that, amongst other things, you can go forth and win all of the arguments about everything because you sound so smart and knowledgeable. You are welcome.
UITF - Urgent Issues Task Force. While this is was originally a financial oversight team, it can also work in situations where the opinions of others are necessary to reinforce your point.
"Ryan my boo, my one and only love, though your opinions on things like whether or not we should acquire an Aqua Navigating Vehicle are always important to me, I assembled a UITF of some of most fair and equanimous persons we know and unfortunately at this point in our lives they all equivocally agree that we should really focus on keeping our feet on solid ground and our eyes pointed toward the future."
Paints a much more polished dialogue than:
"I just called my mom and all of my sisters and they totally agree with me that buying a boat right now is ridiculous. Plus I know you just want a boat so you can pretend to be a pirate. No eye patches for you landlubber."
VALS - Values, Attitudes and Lifestyles. Used in marketing, this term is also very useful when expressing concerns to your spouse over the fact that you do not necessarily agree on an important decision.
"Sweetheart? Though I appreciate your input in any and all aesthetic decisions, I thought we agreed that an enormous bag of legumes was not in keeping with our dual decorating VALS."
Is so much better than:
"What the hell!? I said no beanbag chairs in the living room! Come here so I can kick you!"
R&D - Research and Development. Used in business practice to denote a group that works to create new products and ideas. Comes in handy also when trying out new recipes.
"To answer your question about the somewhat pungent aroma permeating the air of all of the different stories of our home, it is the result of some R&D I was doing today for the tantalization of both your tastebuds and your eyeballs. This has only occurred because I never stop thinking about ways to please you."
Might get you more help cleaning exploded pig products out of the oven than:
"Oh shit! The Ham Pie! I was just taking a quick moment sit on the deck and google pictures of celebrity hairstyles that would look darling with my face shape and I must have forgotten to set a timer. OH MY GOD it smells everywhere! It even smells in the garage!"
PIPS - Paperless Item Processing Systems. I use this to refer to my laptop/ipad.
Because shouting this down the stairs:
"Honey? I've somehow contracted a PIPS virus. What? No, PIPS. P-I-P-S. No I don't think taking my bra off would help. I don't think you're hearing me correctly. Can you just come up here and lend me a hand?
Can sometimes at least be distracting to a husband when what you're really trying to get across is that you *might* have broken your computer.
So there's that. I should mention that these are all HYPOTHETICAL arguments. Except for the beanbag one. That happened.
Now I must go shower...(after first making sure the blinds are in the bedroom are closed this time because I can not even tell you how many mornings have been punctuated by me walking naked as a jaybird out of the bathroom, seeing the open blinds and being all "OMG WTF LRG! CYA*!")
*Cover Your Ass (Another delightful accounting term)