I will not say "Happy Monday" because in most cases that is a ridiculous thing to say. What I will offer instead, is this: If you, like much of the population, are sad that it is Monday, I have a solution for your problem - have a sandwich for lunch but instead of bread use waffles.
But moving on.
To support myself though college, before I landed a very impressive internship in an investment bank and started wearing impressive bottom-cladders or 'slacks', I worked a number of odd jobs including but not limited to: cashier at a grocery store, fitting room specialist at Banana Republic, daycare attendant, person in charge of taking all of the school ID pictures, and tutor.
The fact that I had so many jobs over such a short period of time might suggest to some of you that I am flighty, but that is decidedly not so. For one, I've tried lots of times to jump off things whilst flapping my arms frantically and have yet to achieve lift-off. (Ryan says I'm more droppy than flighty). Secondly, of these numerous positions, some were summer jobs, others I worked simultaneously and a few were work study positions that I sadly had to give up after graduation.*
*Because apparently it is unseemly for a grown-up member of the workforce, no matter how newly minted, to call up varsity basketball players, no matter that they are 12 days older than said workforce grown-ups, and say things like "Hi Andrew? This is Lauren from the Campus Card Office, I notice you have an appointment to get your ID picture retaken today? Great! Well I just wanted to let you know that a few things have changed since you were last in. Bathing suits are now totally appropriate attire as are just the pants to a tuxedo with an untied bow tie hanging around your shirtless neck. OK! See you soon!"
All of that is to say that today, I thought I would give you a Five Things Friday post (anything to create the illusion that it's not Monday after all...) So hold on to your britches Blogstalkers. Or if you're a former varsity athlete of an appropriate age maybe don't. Whichever.**
**Note to self: Remember to stop showering JUST BEFORE you write a blog post. It makes you much too fresh.
FIVE THINGS MONDAY - JOBS I HAD WHILST AT UNIVERSITY EDITION
1. Campus Card Office Worker - As mentioned above this job entailed me sitting behind a computer taking ID photos for all enrolled students. It was an excellent way for someone that is naturally an introvert to meet literally everyone on campus. And then promptly forget all of their names. And then be befuddled when everyone still seems to remember you and sort of freak out, for example, when someone shouts "Hey Picture Girl! across campus or when a random student approaches you at the cafeteria ice cream stand on the second day of school and says "I know you from somewhere!" and so blurt out the first thing that comes to your head which is "Probably from offering to buy me a popsicle the next time you saw me." At which point the student is all, "Well either that or from being your cousin your entire life you ding-a-ling." At which point you are all, "So....no popsicle then?"
One long-lasting benefit of working at the grocery store is that I still remember all of the produce codes. And so instead of spelling out extremely long items like 'the purple kind of cabbage" and 'pea' I can just write a long series of numbers on my grocery list. At one point I thought it would be helpful to also teach Ryan the numbers so we could finally have our own language and he could say things to me like "You are the 222 of my eye" but it turns out Ryan is a terrible memorizer. I'll ask him to throw me a '419' from the fruit bowl and the next thing I know there is a cantaloupe whizzing toward my person.
4. Fitting Room Specialist at Banana Republic - This is just shorthand for saying: I sat in a tiny room and folded discarded clothes all the livelong day. The shiny-haired sales floor associates called us fitting room folk "Closet People" but it bothered me not one bit. I loved my tiny folding room and putting everything back in order. Plus I played a game with myself to make the day go faster. It was called "Lauren Folds Five" and it entailed me playing a Ben Folds Five song on my iPod and then attempting to fold five button down shirts perfectly before it ended. Ryan is still impressed by how neatly I fold things. I caught him showing OJ his drawers once. And one other time I saw him showing OJ the contents of his dresser. Haha, OH SELF, you kill me.
5. Tutor - I did this off and on throughout all of college to earn some extra cash. The tutoring money was my mad money - the only money I allowed myself to spend on non-school nonsense like vacations and shoes and tweezers. I tutored mostly middle school/junior high aged students who I found through Craigslist. Taking the subway after dark to new neighborhoods in a big city was probably not the safest thing for a 19 year old girl to spend her time doing, but it paid for Disney World so I kept doing it. Plus, I actually LOVED tutoring. Which is why I'm actually exploring going back to doing it, through a reputable company this time, for a couple of hours a week while I'm at home. The process to be accepted as a tutor is extremely thorough. So far I've had to take three one hour tests, fill out a huge application and undergo a phone interview. I've just been notified today that the next step is conducting a mock tutoring session via Skype. So I dug out my old box of learning material to see what lesson I could come up with.
It turns out that unless I want to reprise my grammar lesson about gerunds by telling the story of how "Ger und the direct object of his affections go to a party-to-ciple some apple juice together" I'm going to have to start from scratch. What is wrong with me?
Tell me about a job you've had?
P.S. Ryan and I are off to California this weekend for a whole eight days! And we're going to Disneyland! And I'm not going to lose my camera or my mind this time! Maybe! SO many books to pack! Higitus Figitus!