Letters To My Husband

Hey Blogstalkers!

The fact that I'm writing today means that I have, once again, navigated through the choppy and treacherous waters that are the Fourth of July.  This marks the 29th time I have successfully done just that and I don't think it's wrong to be more than a little bit proud of myself for this.  29 times to do anything is quite a lot.  Plus it's more times than any of my younger siblings have survived the Fourth.  So I'll just go ahead and add it to the list of things at which I am better than them.

But anyway.  As I mentioned in the last post, I am currently on a form of modified bed rest called "Pelvic Rest" which basically just means I have to sit on the couch a lot.  At first this sounded sort of OK to me.  Unlimited time to read and write and watch movies unhindered by things like doing laundry and polishing the silver.  But it turns out "I'm on pelvic rest" is just another way to say "Moooom I'm booored."

So I started emailing Ryan a lot.

Dear Ryan,

The doorbell just rang so I ventured off the couch to answer it.  It was a strange woman saying she locked her keys in her car asking if she could use our phone.  Because I am smart and know that is how kidney-nappings start, I just directed her to the doorman at the condo building next door.  She pretended to walk that way until she thought I couldn't see her any longer and then changed direction and wandered off down the street.  What do you think this means?  Should I have offered her some pound cake?

Lauren Gallagher

p.s.  I'm not even allowed to take baths right nowice or otherwise.


Dear Ryan,

I just spent thirty minutes trying to think of something new to do today.  Unfortunately my brain is also on pelvic rest so the only thing I could come up with is hula-hooping which I am almost certain I am not allowed to do.  I'll confirm with my doctor but I'd bet Shoop-ba-dooping and loop-de-looping are also out.  Anything that rhymes with 'hooping' really.

I think I'm going mad.

Anyway, Wicked Wicked - Have to Kick It

Lauren 'Oil-n-Vinega' Gallagher

Dear Ryan,

In less than six months this baby will be here and then you will have one and one half Laurens.  How did you ever get so lucky?

Lauren Gallagher

Dear Ryan,

I'm not sure why you were so stompy this morning.  I untied the wagon from the back of your bike before you needed to leave for work.  And honestly yesterday when I firmly secured the two together with a jumprope and a series of complicated knots I just thought that you'd be elated that I solved our transportation dilemma.  Sure I'm not able to walk much lately and yes I continue to be unable to ride my bike very well  but I'm perfectly content to sit in a wagon with the dogs and a cooler full of snacks whilst you pedal to wherever it is you've been jetting off to in the afternoons.  I mean, right before you leave, you're always complaining about how I'm "never not in the house" and about how I'm "always sitting on the couch" looking at you so I thought this would fix all the problems.

Lauren Gallagher

p.s. In an effort to apologize for whatever it is I have done, I shelled all of your pistachios for you today while I sat on the couch.  Please also consider that an apology for eating all of the crunches out of your Raisin Bran Crunch.

Dear Ryan, 

I'm trying to come up with names for my new blog header categories today and I'm going to include all of the 'How Ryan Met Lauren' entries as one of the sections.  Any ideas on a name for that?  Taylor Swift got all up in my head and now the only thing I can think of is "It's a Love Story".

Lauren Gallagher

Dear Ryan,

"This Love Has Taken Its Toll On Me" is both too long and too rude to use as a header.

Lauren Gallagher

p.s I know that I don't need to include the 'Gallagher' at the end of my name and I understand that you're well aware of my full name so help you God.  Gmail just fills it in for me automatically.

Dear Ryan,

I ate a pear today and then had to change my pants and my top.

Lauren Gallagher


Poor Ryan.  Any suggestions on a better blog header name for our fairy-tale-like love story?

39 comments:

  1. I know pears are pretty messy but....really?

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    Replies
    1. I know....Honestly I just need to admit that I don't know how to eat a pear. I always make the biggest mess of the things. That's why I usually don't change until after breakfast if I know there are pears in the house.

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    2. Good plan. Now, you COULD use a knife and fork to eat your pear but I'd probably make fun of you even more for that than for needing to change your clothing after eating the pear.

      Have you thought about taking up some kind of art/craft while you're on pelvic rest? Maybe making chainmail? Imagine making little chainmail booties for your child, or in 20 years (or so) showing their significant other the itty bitty suit of armor you made for their first birthday?

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    3. I've been cross stitching snowmen. It's sort of like making chainmail but less cool. Probably the same amount of stabbing myself with sharp metal objects though.

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  2. Anna Otto7/09/2013

    The only people who think bedrest sounds awesome are the people who have never been on it;) Hang in there!

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    Replies
    1. I will fully admit that I used to think bed rest wouldn't be awful. Now I just desperately want to do some jumping jacks or something.

      I read your FB comment too btw and I'm so glad everything worked out in the end.

      Delete
  3. Love and Other Drugs. Love and Other Indoor Sports. Love and Other Accidents. Love and OPP.
    Love,
    Katie 'Soup-n-Sammich' Kelly

    P.S. Love, Actually.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally was thinking Love, Actually this morning. It's on my short list.

      P.S. I miss sammiches (I'm not exactly sure how to pluralize sammich). A turkey sandwich is the thing I miss the very most this pregnancy. Please eat lots and lots of them for me.

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    2. I shall eat all the lunch meat on your behalf, the way Joey gave up meat for Phoebe's bloodthirsty pregnant self. Only, you're both the pregnant one and the one without a sammich, so I feel like an ass now.

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    3. Ha! I just watched that episode of Friends and it KILLED me. I wanted that sandwich so badly.

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  4. "As you wish"

    "Better than a fairy tale"

    "The long, adorable, story of us. With photos."

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    Replies
    1. Oh I LOVE "As You Wish". I still have not managed to make Ryan watch that movie with me. Though I did get him to watch Gone With The Wind this month so all in all a successful month.

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    2. What the heckfire, RYAN! My son is 13. I have made him watch it already so he gets when I reference it. After reading all the comments below (and I can't believe I forgot it) I also vote for "Wuv, twue wuv". Second to my own "As you wish" idea.

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    3. As you wish would totally rock

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  5. Hi, Lauren! Good to "see" you again! Sounds like you're feeling a bit better, even if you're stuck on pelvic rest. Because that's a thing.

    My suggestions:

    New and Improved: Now With added Dependant!

    We're bringing Sexy back.

    Adventures in parenthood.



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I officially hit my 2nd Trimester on Sunday at 8am. (Yes I did count down to the hour) and so I'm expecting to just keep feeling better by fits and starts.

      My tagline is changing shortly so the Dependant idea will still be incorporated somewhere. And I've got a separate header for the baby/parenthood stuff all figured out. But I do like me some Justin Timberake lyrics......

      Delete
  6. Michelle7/09/2013

    Ryan **hasn't** seen The Princess Bride? What is he, a Communist? A non-liker of the best moves ever made? This situation needs to be rectified, post-haste. And then have him read the book, just for good measure.

    This reminded me of the fact that Tim (my wonderful husband who really is just *the best*) has not seen Top Gun or Poltergeist. I'm all, "How did you make it out of the 80s?" and he just tells me to shut it. I don't understand things like these.

    Anyway, I hope the pelvic rest gets less boring. Video games? Words with Friends? Snapping photos of whatever you can see from where you're sitting and making photo montages? Hope you're well, despite the "resting"!!!

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    Replies
    1. Michelle7/09/2013

      OK, so that should say "movies" not "moves." Clearly I can't type and yell at my children at the same time today.

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    2. I know! I even tried to entice him with the Vizzini Poison scene on YouTube and he was just like "Meh". Plus once we saw Saul Berenson at a restaurant once and I was like "OMG OMG OMG Inigo Montoya" and he was all "No way that's the guy from Homeland."

      Full disclosure though, I have not seen Polergeist. Too scary.

      And I'm doing just fine. Just a bit complainy but that's normal. It wouldn't be nearly so bad if I could read or watch movies or all that. But both make me seasick. Or how I assume being seasick would feel. I don't know as Ryan as never taken me on any cruises.

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    3. Haha! Hilarious you called him Saul Berenson instead of Mandy Patinkin. My husband will always call him Inigo Montoya.

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    4. Ahhh I can't believe I did that! I blame Ryan and his brain infiltrations.

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    5. Holy crap... Mandy Patinkin WAS Inigo Montoya... Holy Crap... I always see him as Jason Gideon from Criminal Minds... Oh god... I now cannot reconcile the two...

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  7. It takes a lot to make laugh, and for some reason, your eating a pair and then having to change your clothes made me burst out into a huge chuckle here at work. Now, I have to change my pants and my top because I've been fired and they won't let me keep the uniform. LOL

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    Replies
    1. Sorry! That is a true story too. I absolutely can not successfully eat a pear without making a grand mess of myself. I need to look up a video on how to do it correctly.

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  8. I wish your blog had "like" buttons because I would "like" just about every other sentence. Especially the one about doing things better than your siblings. That's my life in a nutshell ;)

    Do we get to read any of Ryan's responses because that just might be fun. Keep hanging in and keep writing! ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kasey!

      I would totally post his responses if they weren't either rude or just his standard "Please stop bothering me at work" answer.

      Delete
  9. Other than from the can, I don't think I've ever eaten a pear. And my suggestion for a header title would have been "Wuv, twue wuv", but if Ryan is going to be a spoilsport about Princess Bride then that might not work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pears are delicious and I highly recommend them. I just don't know how to eat them.

      And I'm totally making Ryan watch The Princess Bride tonight just because that is a great idea.

      Delete
    2. Ohh man, I so thought you meant you only ate pears while on the toilet. I was very confused by this TMI comment until it clicked on my head.....ohh, pears that come IN a can......

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    3. Shellie, that made me laugh FOR LIKE EVER.

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  10. "Wicked Wicked Have to Kick It" BAHAHAHAHAHAHA amazing. Hang in there! Hopefully this will be a brief period of rest for you and will up and moving soon!
    Oh the sammich. SIGH I MISS A TURKEY CLUB!
    And really it should be "Wuv Twue Wuv" HOW CAN HE NOT HAVE SEEN PRINCESS BRIDE?! OK, I clearly need to walk away from the CAPS button.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yay! I'm so glad someone caught the terrible Salt 'n Peppa reference!

      And I MISS A TURKEY CLUB SO BADLY IT HURTS SOMETIMES. Nothing else sounds good to eat and I can't eat that so it's rough.

      And I KNOW. He's terrible. He has seen both Pootie Tang and Freddie Got Fingered, so that makes it even worse.

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  11. Laughed out loud at the kidney-nappers - that must make me a such a bad person.

    I wholeheartedly understand the pear issue; I have the same problem with nectarines. Hubby just hands me a piece of kitchen roll to put over my T-shirt and rolls his eyes at me.

    Being on annual leave I started emailing Hubby with a range of questions and discussions - he has taken to ignoring my emails now since one yesterday afternoon just informed him - "Mum and Dad have taken me to a 'famous' ice-cream shop and yes it was delicious and no I did not fetch you any home". In my defence, I was 50 miles away from home at the time and mum's dog wanted to share....

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  12. Ahhhh bed rest. Yes, I remember those days. Not fun (read: f*7%ing BORING times). Well it's good that you're writing. TG for the invention of laptops, right?

    PS. "TG" stands for thank god - and not "twitter goddess", which is what I thought when I re-read this comment.

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  13. "all of the crunches from your raisin bran crunch" made me giggle so hard.

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  14. You guys all crack me up. I haven't seen the Princess Bride in *years*. Now Im going to have to order a copy and inflict it on my children. Mwah ha ha.

    Lauren, when Ryan complains because you're bored out of your mind on pelvic rest, remind it that it's half his fault that you're in this condition. If you want to distract him all day at work, he can at least pretend to be amused.

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  15. You're funny and so cheerful through all of this! You give me hope for when our baby is born someday. My family suffers from extreme morning sickness...think my mom had H.E. I'm calling it that, because I keep mispronouncing it.

    My sister took lots of herbs with her first pregnancy. Can the hospital lend you a fluid IV? They probably won't, but it would be a fun post to hear about you wheeling it around. Just a thought...

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  16. While trying to come up with a header, for some reason the band Squeeze popped into my head. I checked and nearly every song title off of Singles - 45s and Under would work. Except for maybe Up the Junction or Slap and Tickle but that's entirely your call.

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  17. Anonymous7/23/2013

    How did you score lazy pelvic rest? I had that for almost the whole of my last pregnancy and just couldn't have sex! Guessing the fact that I had three other kids to take care off took the sit around and watch tv or read off the table--but I am going to honest and let you know I am jealous. Also, take care. Pregnancy is hard sometimes, not all of us enjoy it or sail through all glowy and stretch mark free. :-)

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