Training Day

It's a brand new week Blogstalkers and hopefully a brand new, blog-updating, email-answering, Lauren.  Anything is possible right?

I spent yesterday in the suburbs at my cousin's baby shower which meant that yesterday evening I found myself at my parents' house getting ready to take a train back into the city.  I know taking a train sounds pretty self-explanatory - Board at one station disembark at another - but there are actually a large number of other things you have to keep in mind to take a ride on the railroad successfully.  Like, "Mind the gap" and "Beware of any man carrying a briefcase because once I heard a story about how some seemingly normal office worker guy carrying a briefcase pushed a fellow traveler onto the tracks and then got arrested and when they searched him his briefcase was full of rats and that sounds like a true story."

Also, trains, like movie theaters, tend to be cold, so dress accordingly.

Yesterday this is where the problem came in because I was wearing a sleeveless blouse and had not thought to bring a jacket.  So I borrowed/stole a Snuggie from my sister.  I was really glad I did this because sure enough the train was icy.  So I donned my blue Snuggie and settled in with my book.

Soon I became aware that the guy across the aisle was staring at me curiously on and off.  Luckily he didn't have a briefcase so I didn't have to worry about rats any more than normal but it was still a bit disconcerting and made me a bit fidgety.

So I called Ryan.

Ryan: Yes? Did you miss the train?

Lauren: *whispering* No but this dude two seats over keeps eyeing me and it's making me nervous.

Ryan: So move.

Lauren: I can't, I JUST got my Snuggie situated correctly.

Ryan:  I don't even know why I answer the phone when you call.  I'm going to stop.

Lauren:  YOU HAD BETTER NOT.  What if I was getting attacked by rats right now?

Ryan: I always have full confidence that's not the case.

Lauren: But your confidence is so misplaced sometimes.  Like..remember when you said you had full confidence in my ability to do a somersault?"

Ryan: ::sigh:: No one ever gets attacked by a briefcase full of vermin LAUREN.

Lauren: Oh? Just like how "no one ever gets hurt doing a somersault LAUREN?"

Ryan: I've got to go, I have to pick up my crazy wife at the train station.

Lauren: Alright well tell her I said hello and that I adore her new sleeveless top.  It was certainly worth whatever she paid for it yesterday at the store without telling you.

And that was the end of that story.  Until today when I called Ryan at work to see if his sister, who is staying with us for the week, was going to be around for dinner and he didn't answer.

So I sent him this picture.


So far no response.


33 comments:

  1. Monica K.6/24/2013

    Words cannot describe the amazingness that is you. Thank you for brightening up my otherwise dull work day.

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  2. I love that you make otherwise sucky Monday's a teeny bit better. Thanks Lauren.

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  3. Lauren, I just want to let you know, in case you were ever wondering, that you are all the right kinds of wrong. :)

    Also, the nice thing about knowing you're right about being attacked by briefcase-living rodents is that you know that some day in the future you'll be able to tell him "I told you so."

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    1. Thank you, I am 100% taking that as a compliment!

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  4. I've missed you. I love your rat photo. I'd never heard the story about the briefcase full of vermin but now I'm going to be paranoid about THAT while taking the TRAIN, LAUREN!

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    1. Haha sorry! I think it was just an urban myth that we used to pass around at school since we all took the subway to and from class every single day.

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  5. I literally laughed out loud at that. I still am. My dogs are looking at me like I'm cray-cray. Absolutely perfect.

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    1. So glad you liked it! The picture totally cracks me up too.

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  6. "No one ever gets attacked by a briefcase full of vermin LAUREN"

    Spoken like a guy who has CLEARLY never been on the Red Line.

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    1. Right!? I went to Loyola so I spent a lot of time on the Red Line and those tracks are COVERED IN RATS.

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    2. Seriously! I'm pretty convinced the rats are in cahoots with the Mole People who live in the Jackson Red Line station.

      (this theory MAY have been the result of a few tequila shots and a loud noise).

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    3. You're probably correct. It does smell like what I assume could only be Mole People in that station.

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  7. Okay, so Ryan should obviously know by now that you getting attacked by rats is not the most ridiculous thing that could happen. I mean, come on. I think it's less likely that you would have a totally uneventful train ride...

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    1. Haha I love this comment. I mean, it's ME, so yeah, totally less likely.

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  8. That will teach him! I love that you have a stuffed rat readily available for situations like this. =D

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  9. Ahahahahahahah!!!!!#!

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  10. so glad you're feeling well enough to blog! I now want to pick fights with people about the probability of ridiculous things happening and then send pictures of them happening.

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  11. I'd never heard about that story about the man with the briefcase full of rats... and I'm catching the train to London tomorrow - thanks for warning me, I'll be on the lookout for vermin....
    (Oh and I had to google Snuggie - over here we call them Slankets (as in blankets with sleeves), but Snuggie sounds much more cosy! At least you weren't wearing a onesie...)

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  12. I feel like Ryan missed the obvious answer that the dude was staring at you because he was in awe of your Snuggie. Whenever I wear my Snuggie on the train, people constantly stare at me or ask me for directions to Mordor.

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  13. You never fail to make me laugh!

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  14. You never fail to make me laugh!

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  15. EmilyM6/24/2013

    I have missed you, I am glad you are back and feeling better! You always make me smile. I totally call my husband all the time to find out if his brother, who is staying with us for a semester, will be home for dinner too as opposed to actually calling/texting my brother in law. Glad its not just me that does that!!

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  16. This was hilarious. And I agree Ryan should know and acknowledge by now that almost anything is possible when you go out for an adventure without him.

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  17. I freaking love you. I recently found your blog and am completely obsessed. I lie awake at night, hiding under the covers reading your archives when I should be sleeping. I should probably wait until I know you better to ask this, but...are you going to Blogher? I hope so because I am going and I'd really like to stalk you, I mean hug you, I mean say hello in a totally non creepy way. I promise I'll leave my briefcase full of rats at home.

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    1. Oh I am totally going to Blogher. They made it especially easy on me this year by having it where I live.

      I look forward to my rat-unfilled hug. Or straddle. Or whatever.

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  18. Be careful! Those rats are KILLER!

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  19. Ha, glad you are back to your normal self even if the baby is sucking all your energy.

    I missed your last post so having just read it laughed out loud at the mental vision of you sat in the wrong part of a pedicure seat - not good when at work...

    Love your blog hon. x

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  20. hahahahahaha. hey...who's he to call into question your TOTALLY REASONABLE fear of strangers? And really, you're doing him a favor by preparing him for the tragic news. He gets to hear it from you instead of the 10 o'clock news. "Woman found dead on train when stranger opened briggs and riley laptop bag and revealed an assortment of stuffed rats. Before the stranger could tell the woman they were merely stuffed animals, the woman slipped on her snuggie and hit her head - injuries were catastrophic. Identification of deceased pending notification of next of kin." Just sayin....he's lucky to have you. Happy Friday!

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  21. HA HA - I have a very clear vision of Ryan rolling his eyes on that one!

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