First I want to let you know that next week on this here blog is going to be like, EPIC so be sure to check back. Also OJ will be here next weekend so that bodes well for the week after that.
Today though I am completely stealing The Bloggess' Rules For Life idea. Forgive me. Imitation is the highest form of flattery right? (Except when one of your best friends wears the exact same dress as you to the eighth grade dance and you are flat as a board and she has boobs to spare and you feel like she's shouting at you, "What!? I was just showing you how the dress is SUPPOSED to fit.")
Lauren's Rules For Life
Buy tights/nylons one size up from what the package recommends. You will thank me.
Listen more than you talk.
Carry hairspray, it solves most of life's problems. Among many other things it: removes ink stains and can be used as a substitute for pepper spray. (Do not use it to remove ink stains from all over your mouth after a pen explodes in your mouth.)
Say you're sorry. Mean it.
If you must cut your own bangs, make sure you've not had any drinks beforehand.
Even if you don't think you need to pee, never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you somehow humiliate yourself by running into a wall or accidentally slapping yourself in the face or literally slipping on a banana peel that someone has discarded in the middle of a crosswalk while you are on a second date just go with it. Bow, curtsy, say "Ta Da!" and throw your arms up in the air, whatever. It's much less embarrassing than crying or pretending it didn't happen. You can cry about the banana peel thing whilst praying to the gods to please stop making your resemble nothing more than a comic strip later when you are alone.
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice. (This is from my dad.)
If you are new to working out with weights, read all of the instructions for all weight machines at the gym before using them for the first time. Do not just assume you know what you are doing. If you do not read the instructions and just dive right in you are not allowed to be upset when someone comes over and corrects you. Also, never tell a trainer that is correcting you, "Oh I know, I use this machine differently than most people, to really target my heptoid muscles." Trainers know all the muscles and they will call you on that shit.
Don't lick knives. Even if they are covered in peanut butter.
If you learn how to ride a bike once, then you always know how to ride a bike. The same can not be said about rollerskating.
This is a pretty standard one but, if someone is nice to you but mean to the waiter then they are not a nice person.
There are a lot of things to be said about an immaculately clean house. One of those things is, A lot of time is wasted keeping your house immaculately clean. I'm learning that clean enough is OK.
It's ok to take the cliche literally and totally judge an actual book by its cover.
|I can almost guarantee you the words "throbbing" and "mewling" are used repeatedly in this book. (From HERE)|
Learn to cook/bake one thing expertly. Then you and everyone you know can call it your "Famous whatever". Like...Lauren's Famous Chicken Salad or Vanessa's Famous Bruschetta. (Before the chicken salad there was actually a delightful pork tenderloin dish. But then there was a misunderstanding with my sister being all "Lauren and her FAMOUS LOIN are here!" during a family party.)
And lastly, don't ever be afraid to be exactly who you are. This is dumb and cliche but I was scared to just be me for a very long time. I'm so much happier now. And slightly chubbier. But hey, me likes cheese.
What would you add? If anyone wants to tackle this idea (originally The Bloggess' idea) on their own blog, let me know and I'd be more than happy to link up to your post!
LINK UP LISTS
Everyone On This Bus Is Drunk
Stories About My Underpants
Have a great weekend!