Since Ryan has been an absolute prince lately what with the knocking me up and all, I've been racking my brain trying to think of something special I could do for him. But could not come up with anything that seemed just right. Until we were flipping through the channels one Saturday trying to find a random movie to watch before going to bed and he stopped it on a shot of a group of men in a restaurant eating sushi off the body of a not-very-clad woman. And he laughingly said something annoying about that being on his bucket list, just to bother me. I was about to dismiss the entire episode but then I remembered that he'd said basically the same thing when I had forced him to watch the Sex And The City movie years ago and how I had been severely affronted and huffy.
And so a plan was hatched. If he wanted to eat sushi off a semi-nude body so badly (gross gross gross) then I could give him that. And then he could cross it off his nonexistent bucket list that he only brings up when he knows it will drive me mad and we would never have to talk about the sushi thing ever ever again.
And everyone would be happy.
So I googled pictures for inspiration. And made notes.
More leaves than this for sure.
And then I enlisted a partner in crime because this was obviously not a one person job.
We started with an arts and crafts hour in which we made not-at-all-scanty leaves and lifelike flowers for decoration.
This was the planned ensemble: (Which would be worn OVER UNDERWEAR, let's make that clear right now.)
I still was not sure it was enough leaves.
We bought cheap sushi from Jewel because we were unsure if Ryan would actually eat any of the sushi off of a person (because seriously who does that?) even if it happened to be the person he loves best in the world and then we waited until about fifteen minutes before he was due home from work and started work ourselves.
There were lots of "Ahhh OJ NO!"s and "Don't look yet!"s and "My leaves are slipping! Don't you dare try to fix them just hand me some tape and turn around!"s but eventually we got the job done.
And that is the story of how when Ryan got home and climbed the stairs he was met with this sight:
|I should be a paparazzo because I am obviously excellent at getting "up the skirt" shots.|
Then Ryan was all, "What the hell!?" and OJ was all "I've made you dinner darling!" and Ryan was all "Why is this happening! I don't want this." and I was all "It was on your bucket list RYAN, I was just trying to do something lovely for you."
|I swear he is wearing boxers under the leaves.|