First and foremost, I promise you this post will contain zero April Fools' Day Jokes. (And this is not some sort of convoluted April Fools' Joke where I promise you no April Fools' Jokes and then include one and when you are all "But you PROMISED there would be no April Fools' Jokes! and I am like, well that promise was ALSO an April Fools' Day Joke and I have now fooled you twice and shame on you.)
Seriously there will be none because this day brings back nothing but traumatic memories for me. Like the year when my dad put grape jelly in the toe of my shoe (there was saran wrap involved so no shoes were actually ruined) and was all "I Got You Good!" and then made about a thousand "toe jam" jokes.
And then I got grounded because apparently - according to my mother - throwing a tiny jelly-filled shoe from the second floor of the house (we had an indoor balcony) at one's father's head and yelling "I Got You Good!" is not in fact an April Fools' Day joke and is really just throwing a shoe at someone's head.
I'm still working on a retribution prank for that year. Something where I do something epic and then say, "It's peanut butter jelly time,
(If you got through that entire video you are a stronger person than me.)
But moving on. Today is about an entirely different holiday, namely Passover. I've mentioned before and I will mention again right now that my husband is Jewish. He gets it from his mom's side of the family. In the years since we have been together it has been traditional for his family to go to his grandparents' home to celebrate the Jewish holidays.
Because I always wanted to be a good guest and a good little girlfriend and impress everyone with how I, admittedly a Christian girl, would obviously do unbelievably well at instilling a respect for Jewish traditions in my children SHOULD A CERTAIN JEWISH MAN CHOOSE ME FOR A WIFE ALREADY, I researched all the appropriate things to do and say on each holiday.
Come Rosh Hashanah I would be all "L'Shana Tova! To A Good Year!" and I would eat the apples dipped in honey even though honey makes my mouth itch. and on Yom Kippur I would wish everyone an easy fast. If it happened to be a Friday "Shabbat Shalom"s were in order and on Purim I would happily participate in all of the festive drinking.
My first Passover though was a bit of a struggle. I had been both working and studying really long hours and had somehow neglected to look up what was appropriate to say and do on this day. So in the car on the way to his grandparents' home I asked Ryan, "How do I say like, Have a good Passover in Hebrew?" He happily filled me in, obviously delighted to have a girlfriend that was interested in his customs. Or so I thought.
One appropriate thing to say on Passover is "Chag Sameach" which sort of sounds like "Khag sa-MAY-akh" with the "kh"s signifying a sort of guttural, back of the throat noise. This is not how Ryan taught it to me.
So we get to our destination and shed our coats and say our hellos and I greet one of Ryan's relatives in just the way he's directed. She looks at me sort of funny so I sort of questioningly try again.
"Hog Sammich?" I quietly intone while Ryan giggles off to the side of the hallway.
"Well no.. but we have lamb and matzo," she laughs. "Why don't you come in and sit down?" Then she hands me a bowl of Skittles for some reason.
And Ryan just keeps laughing and laughing. And then I get it.
I've just walked into a Jewish household on Passover and asked for, of all things, a Hog Sandwich.
Not only is pork something that is not eaten in a kosher home but as it is Passover, bread it pretty much forbidden as well.
I was horrified.
Luckily these gatherings are pretty informal and Ryan's family is amazing and no one thought it was anything but funny. Ryan was downright tickled pink, the goober. Still though, I have stuck to "Have a Kosher Passover" upon this occasion every year since.
And at some point, as you know, I did marry my Jewish boyfriend and thus was joined for all eternity with one of the people from The Land of Milk and Honey. Even though honey makes my mouth itch.
So that's all for today. Did you all have an enjoyable holiday weekend? Have any funny holiday stories to share?