Holiday! Celebrate!

Happy April Fools' Day Blogstalkers!

First and foremost, I promise you this post will contain zero April Fools' Day Jokes. (And this is not some sort of convoluted April Fools' Joke where I promise you no April Fools' Jokes and then include one and when you are all "But you PROMISED there would be no April Fools' Jokes! and I am like, well that promise was ALSO an April Fools' Day Joke and I have now fooled you twice and shame on you.)

Seriously there will be none because this day brings back nothing but traumatic memories for me.  Like the year when my dad put grape jelly in the toe of my shoe (there was saran wrap involved so no shoes were actually ruined) and was all "I Got You Good!" and then made about a thousand "toe jam" jokes.

And then I got grounded because apparently - according to my mother - throwing a tiny jelly-filled shoe from the second floor of the house (we had an indoor balcony) at one's father's head and yelling "I Got You Good!" is not in fact an April Fools' Day joke and is really just throwing a shoe at someone's head.

I'm still working on a retribution prank for that year.  Something where I do something epic and then say, "It's peanut butter jelly time, bitch DAD."  I've not got the details worked out.


(If you got through that entire video you are a stronger person than me.)

But moving on.  Today is about an entirely different holiday, namely Passover.  I've mentioned before and I will mention again right now that my husband is Jewish.  He gets it from his mom's side of the family.  In the years since we have been together it has been traditional for his family to go to his grandparents' home to celebrate the Jewish holidays.

Because I always wanted to be a good guest and a good little girlfriend and impress everyone with how I, admittedly a Christian girl, would obviously do unbelievably well at instilling a respect for Jewish traditions in my children SHOULD A CERTAIN JEWISH MAN CHOOSE ME FOR A WIFE ALREADY,  I researched all the appropriate things to do and say on each holiday.

Come Rosh Hashanah I would be all "L'Shana Tova! To A Good Year!" and I would eat the apples dipped in honey even though honey makes my mouth itch.  and on Yom Kippur I would wish everyone an easy fast.  If it happened to be a Friday "Shabbat Shalom"s were in order and on Purim I would happily participate in all of the festive drinking.

My first Passover though was a bit of a struggle.  I had been both working and studying really long hours and had somehow neglected to look up what was appropriate to say and do on this day.  So in the car on the way to his grandparents' home I asked Ryan, "How do I say like, Have a good Passover in Hebrew?"  He happily filled me in, obviously delighted to have a girlfriend that was interested in his customs.  Or so I thought.

One appropriate thing to say on Passover is "Chag Sameach" which sort of sounds like "Khag sa-MAY-akh" with the "kh"s signifying a sort of guttural, back of the throat noise.  This is not how Ryan taught it to me.

So we get to our destination and shed our coats and say our hellos and I greet one of Ryan's relatives in just the way he's directed.  She looks at me sort of funny so I sort of questioningly try again.

"Hog Sammich?" I quietly intone while Ryan giggles off to the side of the hallway.

"Well no.. but we have lamb and matzo," she laughs.  "Why don't you come in and sit down?"  Then she hands me a bowl of Skittles for some reason.

And Ryan just keeps laughing and laughing.  And then I get it.

I've just walked into a Jewish household on Passover and asked for, of all things, a Hog Sandwich.

Not only is pork something that is not eaten in a kosher home but as it is Passover, bread it pretty much forbidden as well.

I was horrified.

Luckily these gatherings are pretty informal and Ryan's family is amazing and no one thought it was anything but funny.  Ryan was downright tickled pink, the goober.  Still though, I have stuck to "Have a Kosher Passover" upon this occasion every year since.

And at some point, as you know, I did marry my Jewish boyfriend and thus was joined for all eternity with one of the people from The Land of Milk and Honey.  Even though honey makes my mouth itch.

So that's all for today.  Did you all have an enjoyable holiday weekend?  Have any funny holiday stories to share?

37 comments:

  1. Well I married a Jewish man too, and converted and this makes me feel much better about my life. and my blonde haired, blue eyed obvious not Jewishness his family seems to hate, lol.

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    1. Ryan's parents were in a mixed-religion marriage in that his dad was Irish Catholic and his mom was Jewish so converting was not something that was ever discussed when Ryan and I got engaged but I have a friend who did convert and so I know how much dedication and hard-work it takes. You should totally be proud of yourself!

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    2. I'm blonde, blue eyed, and am Jewish (not converted)...

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    3. Come hang out with my inlaws D+P! and thanks Lauren :) It was a lot of work but I'm super glad I did!

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  2. This makes me laugh for several reasons. First, it makes me think of the scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding where John Corbett asks how to say "Come inside and eat" in Greek and they teach him to say "I have three testicles" instead. Second, Ryan is wicked, which is funny in this instance. Third, WTF with the skittles?! (Are Skittles Kosher?)

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    1. First - Haha I totally remember that scene! And as a side note want to mention that Windex really is a miracle tool. It does everything.

      Third - I don't know? There are always bowls of candy littered about at his grandparents' house. I don't think it's a holiday-related thing.

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    2. I was thinking of that movie while I read this as well! It was funny in the movie, but mean of Ryan to do to you!

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    3. He swears he wasn't trying to make me say that but I will never believe him!

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  3. My family (or a portion of it at any rate) had a grand Easter Holiday. It involved soldiers, eggs and a funny little man in a Captain America T-shirt...

    We took pictures and everything! Go look...I'll wait...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    SEE! Hardcore Easter Fun!

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    1. Haha adorable! I love the idea of the soldiers guarding the hidden eggs!

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  4. ...and now I want a ham sandwich.

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    1. I actually had a ham sandwich for lunch as we had leftover ham from Easter with my family.

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  5. Alas, no funny stories. Not even a cute "Lois got chocolate all over her face and clothes, isn't she CUTE!" thing.

    My holidays are no fun at all.

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    1. I totally got chocolate all over my face and clothes yesterday but NO ONE thought it was cute.

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    2. I totally would have thought it was cute and then I would have helped you lick it off.

      Oh wait. No. Inappropriate, LAURA.

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  6. What was up with the Skittles? I watched The Ten Commandments Saturday night. Damn, that's a long movie and it goes so well at the end until everyone starts partying like teenagers at the first week of college. Shame, freed slaves, shame. And can I just point out that Charlton Heston was hot in 1956.

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    1. I don't think anything was up with the Skittles just a like, sorry no ham but here's some candy!

      And we totally have that movie DVRd to be watched in bits and pieces this week. It's like five hours long! I've never seen it and Ryan is excited for me to experience it all.

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  7. Brooke4/01/2013

    No story, but i do have a fairly harmless prank that involves "gel"... gelly? idk, but here's the basic idea.
    You have an unsuspecting prankee... You also have their toothpaste tube, and some anbesol gel (used to numb canker sores- it's a harmless prank.) what you do is put the anbesol in the toothpaste tube, and then when the unsuspecting prankee brushes their teeth, their mouth slowly begins to go numb, and they kinda freak out. It's funny, and will wear off in a matter of hours.

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    1. Ha! I'm unfortunately pretty prone to canker sores so I use that stuff quite a bit! Ryan would certainly freak out.

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    2. Brooke4/01/2013

      another good one is painting bar soap with clear nail polish... it refuses to lather, no matter how much the victim rubs it....

      taking a needle and thread and attaching the victims underwear together... they grab one pair, the rest follow. it's really funny and easy to undo.

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  8. Merete4/01/2013

    Easter have always been my second favorite holiday (after Christmas of course). There are many reasons for this, most including all the candy and good foods that are consumed this week, the best tradition, however, is one my mom made. The first thing she would do when we arrived at our cabin in the mountains where we would spend the week was to hide a new book in each of us kid's beds. Finding a new book under your covers, picked especially for you is one of the best things in the world, I tell you. Having four siblings also meant that I would have almost enough reading material for the week.

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    1. Ok I LOVE this. I remember the thrill of having a new book just for me. One Christmas when I was pretty little and The Boxcar Children was a popular kids' series my biggest present from Santa was a big box that I opened to find all of the books in the series that I had not yet read. It was the best present I've ever gotten I think, to this day.

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  9. I physically squirmed in my chair at the thought of jelly in my shoe. How... ucky is the only word that comes to mind. UCKY.

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    1. Yeah UCKY is correct.

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  10. My husband did the same thing to me with Spanish! Except he had me mix up the pronunciation of psychology...I'm so traumatized I'm scared to even type it!

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  11. My mom and I arranged to toss the small marshmallows at everyone during the part of the Seder where we recite the plagues. When everyone said, "Barad (Hail)" and dipped out a bit of wine, we tossed them around the room and laughed.

    I have no intermarriage excuse. We're just a weird family with a strange Seder. Next year we want to get fake blood for the first plague.

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  12. Laurie4/01/2013

    My oldest daughter got engaged to her boyfriend of four years yesterday so that was exciting. Easter is her favorite holiday and he proposed in a very cute way. But here is the funny part.....we were at brunch talking about wedding stuff and the subject of the honeymoon came up. I, very seriously, asked her fiance "have you heard about that new honeymooon thing called the in-law honeymoon?" He said no and asked what it was. I told him it is a new tradition where the parents of the bride accompany the newlyweds on their honeymoon, including sharing a hotel suite. He looked like he wanted to die but very graciously said "well that sounds like fun." I kept him on the hook for several minutes before I told him I was kidding. I told him her father and I are going to take a post wedding cruise so we can unwind from all the wedding stress and we definitely do NOT want to go with them.

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  13. That story is a classic. I hope someday your son or daughter uses the same trick on their significant other when they come to see you- and I hope you have skittles on hand.

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  14. Nope no funny Easter stories. We had a decidedly no Easter meal complete with baby back ribs. I graded papers and enjoy a good workout before a lovely bout of insomnia.

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  15. This is adorable! I love it! :)

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  16. Laura Z.4/01/2013

    I am Irish Catholic, and my husband is Jewish. I could tell many culture clash stories about this time of year! None of them involve Skittles, though. :-)

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  17. Every Easter, my Grandmother had a tradition of having an extra chocolate bunny called the "Sacrificial Bunny" that was ceremonially sacrificed (i.e. smashed to pieces with a hammer) and shared. I kept the tradition up with my housemates, but seriously weirded them out the year I accidentally bought a solid bunny and ended up "sacrificing" it using a hammer and ice-pick.

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  18. You've got a great writing 'voice', you should think about writing a book! (If you haven't already). love the peanut butter time bitch/dad hehe. :)

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  19. I'm a big fan of any holiday that encourages, nay requires, drinking. I'm catholic after all.

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  20. Kristina4/02/2013

    I'm not a fan of the April Fools day pranks, so thank you for not including them

    when you think of/implement your revenge plan, you have to share (and take pictures) lol

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  21. Brian's Catholic family is convinced that I'm going to convert him back from his atheist ways. I tell them it would take a better lady than I, and they just smile and thank the heavens that I'm at least not a heathen. Mostly. I'm just hoping I can convert him to a married man. Someday. Preferably before I turn 40 and can no longer produce the world's most adorable future children. Did I say that out loud? Again?

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