Anyway, I've had some recent requests from some of you Blogstalkers to bring back the Five Things Friday posts so I am going to do that for you all today, though I can not promise that it will be a fixture in the future. Also today is only four things. You'll thank me, there are entirely too many words in this post.
So I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm a hypochondriac. Everytime I have a headache or yawn a lot I think I'm suffering greatly from something unfortunate. It started I think when I ran out of books to read as a child so I found and read my mom's Medical Dictionary.
Four Things Friday - The Ailments I Most Frequently Convince Myself I Have
1. Appendicitis. If my side hurts I have Appendicitis. It doesn't even matter which side it is since the medical dictionary assures me that Appendicitis pain, while usually manifesting on the right side, can actually move around and affect the left side as well. It can even make the behind-the-belly-button area sore. Ryan knows that if he looks over and finds me with my finger in my belly-button, he has caught me testing for appendix issues. I am so sure that at some point my appendix is going to insist on seeing the outside world that I have considered buying it a jar, something with a nice city view perhaps though I suppose anything trumps an intestinal view. The best part about this idea is that come Halloween when I make my bags full of Monster's Eyeballs (peeled grapes) and Worms (spaghetti noodles) I can also use the appendix and then all my friends (Ryan and Vanessa) will reach inside that bag and be like, "Uhhh I don't know, what is this? A dried apricot? Is it supposed to be like a monster tongue?" And I will get to shout, "NO! It's a real appendix!"
2. Meningitis, specifically Bacterial Meningitis. When I was going away to college I made my mom take me to my doctor and have him give me the vaccination for Meningitis because I read that it was much more common on college campuses than anywhere else. Now you might say, but Lauren, as you were an all grown-up 18 year old why did your mommy have to come with you to that appointment? Well that is because the doctor did not deem it necessary when I asked the first time and so I left an article on college and Bacterial Meningitis where I knew my mom would see it and then she was like "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS!? We are getting you a vaccine for this." And I was like, "::sigh:: If you say so mom."
One of the most common symptoms of Meningitis is neck pain when you attempt to bring your chin down to your chest. So anytime I detect any symptom of any kind or just feel 'off' my very first diagnostic test is to touch my chin to my chest. This is especially unhelpful because of how I have a bad neck anyway (I've been to lots of physical therapy for it) so it very often hurts to touch my chin to my chest. It's gotten to the point that I do this so often that (like the appendix thing) Ryan has started to notice it and say things like "LAUREN, you absolutely do not have Meningitis, you just ate too much cheese." To which I reply, "No I don't think that's what it is. I've eaten more cheese than this before and it didn't hurt to touch my chin to my chest afterward. Let's just keep a close eye on me for the rest of the day."
Sometimes he dismisses my Meningitis fears so much that I think, "Just you wait Ryan, one of these days it is going to be Meningitis and then you will regret it! I can not wait until that day comes." And then I think "Lauren sometimes you think the stupidest things."
3. There is not a name for this I don't think but I am convinced that my bottom teeth are moving around. I swear they are not in the same place they were in last year. Chewing just feels different. When I casually mentioned this, my dentist just laughed and assured me that if my night guard still fits that my teeth are not "having middle of the night dance parties as you so eloquently put it." I pointed out that the night guard would only prove that about my top teeth, which are quite obedient and excellent at biting into apples, and I was not worried about those teeth but rather the ones down below. I was like, "Look! This tooth is starting to cross over this other tooth! It's like freaking Snaggle Rock down here!"
(Remember Fraggle Rock?)
4. Strep Throat. I legitimately got Strep A LOT as a child/teenager until finally my tonsils were so damaged at 21 that my doctor insisted I get them taken out. Because I was older when I had it done the recovery from that surgery kicked my butt. I couldn't eat anything for weeks and had lingering ear and throat pain for the next month until all the inflammation was gone. So even though my doctor promised me that I would most likely not get Strep any longer, I am terrified, even eight years later that the surgery and recovery will end up not being worth it. Just last week I woke up with a sore throat. I forced Ryan to examine me using a flashlight and a popsicle stick. I was all, "Dju hee unny huphahock eyes?" To which he responded, "No I do not see any Streptococci but your throat looks a little blue, actually a lot blue." Which freaked me out for a good ten minutes whilst I googled "Blue throat, probable botched tonsillectomy." But then I remembered that in order to get the popsicle stick I had had to eat a blue popsicle.
That's all folks! I'm a weird bird and I know it. And now you're all scared away.
Have the loveliest weekend possible!