If You Give A Mouse A Shoe

First things first Blogstalkers,

The official winner of the St. Patrick's Day Giveaway (according to a random number generator) is Katie Did.  Congratulations!  There wasn't an email attached to the comment so if that is you please email me at LaurenRaeGallagher@gmail.com to go about claiming your prize.

Good luck next time to everyone else!

Anyway, today I would love to tell you a hilarious story of St. Patrick's Day in the Gallagher house but honestly it was boring.  Ryan went to the NCAA games on Saturday and I stayed home and organized my office/library and then on Sunday I just made a traditional Irish Dinner and then we drank a couple of Black and Tans and fell asleep.  So...no adventures to speak of.

Unless you count alphabetizing all of my books as an adventure.

Part of My Library
So instead I shall tell you the tale of last Thursday.

It was sort of raining in Chicago and when that happens my dogs refuse to trot along into the front yard and use the facilities.  So I have to bundle myself up and slap a leash on them and drag them across the street where they usually huddle in grass and look miserable whilst I say things like, "It's just a tiny bit of water, not the end of the world DAISY." and "Oh dear lord I hate the rain, if I was a dog I would totally refuse to go outside when it was raining."

So this particular day I belted myself into my coat* grabbed my gloves and the leashes and stomped barefoot out onto the front porch.  Not, as you probably guessed because I forgot about how shoes work, but because the front porch is where I keep my Ugg boots.  I only use these boots for taking out the trash or taking out the dogs.  They are beat-up and gross and I don't like to have them in my sparklingly clean (you keep your mouth shut RYAN) house so outside they remain.

*Sidenote: The belt on my coat is very tricky in that one has to be adept at both belts and tying knots to properly seal the coat.  So sometimes I ask Ryan to do it for me, which he does grudgingly.  One time one of his friends called to see if we were coming to brunch and Ryan was all, "Yeah I'm coming, I just need to strap Lauren into her coat first."  It was not hysterical.

I pick up the first boot and as is my custom, jam my hand into it to make sure there are no snakes or spiders hiding in the toe (in retrospect a flawed practice.)  All I feel is fuzz so onto my foot it goes.

I pick up the second boot and do the same.  Except this time my hand comes into contact with something.  At first I am like, OH that is where my one sock went the other day (the day when Ryan came home from work and I was only wearing one sock and he was like, why are you only wearing one sock? and I was like, Huh.)  So I start to grab the thing to pull it out but it starts to squirm and my whole world goes still.  As if in a trance I draw my hand out of the boot, place it back down on the porch and go back inside where I start jumping up and down and crying and squeaking like a mouse in a boot.

Eventually I calm somewhat down and retreat back upstairs, where I wash my hands countless times and drink juice straight out of the carton because I've been traumatized.  Ryan gets home about half an hour later and I tell him the dogs need to go outside.  "Ok......." he says and looks at me all oddly and then gingerly approaches me and gently rubs my arm like I am some sort of priceless objet d'art and I am like "WHAT Ryan?"

"It's just that you're standing in the middle of the kitchen drinking orange juice out of the carton, which you only do when you are traumatized, and also you are only wearing one boot."

So I told him the story about how I TOUCHED A MOUSE and he thought it was hysterical obviously because of how he always thinks things that are not in fact hysterical are hysterical.  And he laughed and laughed while I stood in the kitchen glaring at him and tapping my boot.

"Are you just about finished?" I finally ask.

"How do you know it wasn't a rat?"

And then I took me and my orange juice off to the shower where I let the hot water run over me and comforted myself with the fact that I have delicate lady feet and a rat probably could not fit in my boot and that at least the mouse was keeping warm.

Just in case it had been a rat though, I made a small sign and attached it to the boot that was still on the porch.  And then over the course of the night as Ryan came up with increasingly horrific ideas as to what I had touched, I made other signs.

Here is my boot today:



There was another sign that said "This is also not birdhouse, No Bats AND No Robins!" but I guess the elements took it.  Or an ironic bird used it to feather its nest.

So that is my tragic tale.

Now I must go, I have to research buying one of those tiny cameras doctors thread into bodies to help diagnose and treat diseases.  So that I can thread it into my shoes to look for wildlife, obviously.

61 comments:

  1. If it makes you feel any better, I found out a mouse has been living in my car. It chewed up a potato chip sack that was in the back floorboard. Chewed it like Lay's Dill Pickle chip confetti. Which was pretty, except then I realized a mouse had done it and I *do not* like mice in my car!

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    1. Ahhhh!! Did you find the mouse and banish it from the car?

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  2. "THIS IS NOT A BAT CAVE (IT IS A BOOT)" And now my Monday has meaning. (My money is on the furry creature being a chipmunk, which isn't a bad thing at all if you think about it. If you'd invited it inside it might have recorded a hit album for you...

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    1. Dang it you are right. I'm making a new sign. "Tone Deaf Chipmunks Not Allowed, Other Chipmunks Welcome"

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  3. if i leave shoes outside I always use the hose attachment to the vacuume and vacuume the insides before I put them on because wildlife is sneaky, and nature is not to be trusted.

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    1. I'm just so wildlife-starved living in a big city where MAYBE SOMETIMES I see a rabbit in the park so I didn't even think about this happening!

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    2. Omg this comment made me laugh as hard as Lauren's post did. You are correct, sneaky and very untrustworthy.

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  4. Becky M.3/18/2013

    Shouldn't you post signs on both shoes? (Otherwide they will think one is free to move into!)

    Also- love your bookshelves! Where did you find them? We are moving soon and I need to create more room for all my books in the new place!

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    Replies
    1. Bookshelves - Just plain old Ikea. The top pieces and the shelves are separate but they look really nice in person and don't have the annoying shelf holes all over the inside like some IKEA pieces.

      And yes I should, but when I made the signs only one boot was still outside...haha.

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  5. I just pick mine up and shake them upside down. Also a flawed process, cause although it would probably remove mice, rats, snakes and possibly birds, spiders would still be in the boot. That's it, I'm just going to quit wearing shoes. Or never take them off, one of those.

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    1. That's what Ryan always tells me to do! But yeah, spiders are grabby and hard to shake.

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  6. Perhaps you should get some sort of a lidded bin to keep these boots in... Clearly the wildlife are too tempted by your Ugg boots to take heed from a post-it note!

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    1. That is an excellent idea! But for the moment I no longer am keeping any shoes outside. At least not shoes I wear. The Ugg boots are clearly going into the trash.

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  7. For the record, I WOULD consider alphabetizing your books an adventure. I'd consider alphabetizing my books an adventure, and I don't have nearly as many books as you do.

    (As you can tell, I don't have many adventures.)

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    1. For the record I actually had a great time doing it. And I found about a thousand books I want to reread.

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  8. You reacted better than I would have. One boot would be out in the street had I touched a mouse in it.

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    1. Honestly I think I just had an out-of-body experience for a brief moment where my brain knew I couldn't handle the drama of this situation and so sort of went on autopilot.

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  9. If it makes you feel any better, I sometimes violently bang my shoes against the floor while my fiance gives me the wtf face. One word: scorpions.

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    1. My sister went to school in Arizona and found scorpions like all the time, even in her apartment. I will seriously never live in AZ just for that reason alone. I do not blame you for all the shoe banging!

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  10. Laurie3/18/2013

    A couple years ago I was sitting on the wood floor in our living room. For some reason I put my hand under the throw rug and was fiddling around with what I thought was a stick or something. I finally pulled it out and it was a dead lizard! I think our cat killed it while it was under the rug and there it remained. If I see a lump of any sort now I won't pick up the rug. I make my husband do it. Also I sort of want to go home now and throw out that rug because I made myself feel sick. I always shake out my shoes so I don't know what made me randomly stick my hand under the rug.

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    1. Ahhhhhhhhh! I would DIE. (I'm 100% throwing out my boots by the way, but they are old and definitely less valuable than a nice rug....also, one time one of them had a MOUSE in it.)

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  11. Heather Bennett3/18/2013

    I once went to put my work boots on, which only ever live at work, and my foot found something, so I pulled my foot out to investigate. And there was a DEAD MOUSE STUCK TO MY SOCK. So I threw my sock, and my boot, and jumped around screaming for awhile then made my boss get rid of the mouse for me. So I totally feel your pain.

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    1. I can not even reply to this it freaks me out so much! I'm so sorry that happened!

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  12. The EXACT thing happened to me except the mouse was in my work shoes and dead. My cat apparently thought a dead mouse would make a magical morning time gift. I called my husband to shriek about the whole thing and he just laughed at me before proceeding to tell all of his coworkers the story.

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    1. Oh my gosh all of these stories are freaking me out so much!

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  13. Ewwwwww I would have left the boot outside forever, for sure. I just wouldn't be able to handle such a mouse-magnet in my apartment! On the bright side... at least you checked your boots before jamming your foot inside. I cannot even imagine how traumatizing it would have been if you had put the shoe on without checking (for you and the mouse)!

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    1. Yes thank goodness for that at least!

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  14. OMG. My husband insists that shoes come off in the house, so we have a cabinet in the garage where I store my shoes. One day, as I was putting my foot in my super cute boot, a lizard ran out. So of course, I dropped the boot and started jumping up and down and screeching that a giant reptile was going to eat my foot.

    Now, my dear sweet husband (who is handy so therefore, there are lots of tools) keeps a boroscope (used for looking inside walls for contractory-type things) in the garage so I can scope out my shoes without putting my hand/foot in them. Because shaking them out isn't enough. Bugs and reptiles can hang upside down, so they could definitely cling to the inside of a boot.

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    1. And now I'm getting a boroscope.

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  15. "How do you know it wasn't a rat?" Best response ever. Still chuckling.

    I've been there and, although I'm not especially squeamish about critters, I totally know the horror of realizing you've just unexpectedly touched something alive. My procedure for boot checking involves first TAPPING the boot upside down to dump out helpless things like snakes and (I guess) robins. Next I compare the weight and temperature of the boots to rule out the presence of anything that can cling really tightly. Of course, storing boots upside down, off the ground on a boot rack would probably prevent most of the cohabitation issues...

    Thanks for the laugh!

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  16. Mary M3/18/2013

    YOUR BOOKSHELVES! I want them.

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  17. That is horrifying. Absolutely horrifying. I'm so sorry you had to touch a mouse/rat.

    I always hate reaching under the seats in my car because I expect that there will be a nest of rats or something else awful under there. I think it's a rational fear because I do not clean my car as often as I should but I do drop french fries every time I eat while I'm driving. They could live a fairly long life on my dropped fries. I might copy your idea and post signage to let them know that they aren't welcome. It can't hurt, right?

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  18. When my brother was young, (like 5/6) if he didn't like something we were having for dinner, he would find a spot someplace in the house and spit the food into a napkin and hide the food there. Needless to say, my father found some very interesting (albeit it very moldy) crumpled up napkins years later.
    One year (near the end of winter), brother put said napkin with food into my mom's winter boot. The boots got put away for the winter. The next winter she stuck her foot into the boot, only to find this nasty lump in it. She was quite disgusted with her find.
    She still tells that story to everyone, lol.

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  19. That is freaking traumatic! ARGH! I also love your bookshelves. I have had a bunch of my books packed away for a few years and I cannot wait until I can put them all out on nice bookshelves. I alphabatize my books too, by author and then do them chronologically within the authors. Because I am a huge nerd. But it is nice to know other book people do that too!!

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  20. I have the mouse oogies just thinking about what happened to you! I will comfort myself with someone's suggestion that it was an adorable chipmunk. Even though the chipmunks in my neighborhood are jerks.

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  21. I am so, SO sorry. I am a total weirdo and I really like insects, but I cannot handle rodents. My head is all tingly (in a bad way, not like the good way when someone brushes your hair) after reading this. Sending virtual hugs and my sympathies.

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  22. Michelle3/18/2013

    My house is 56 years old and we've had mice in our basement. They're deer mice and they're itty bitty little things. We have a "have a heart" trap and used to catch them and then release them back outside. We called it the MRP, or Mouse Relocation Program and used to take them to a park with nature tells and let them go. I didn't want mice in my house but they were adorable little things and i could never have hurt one.

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  23. I'm glad it did not bite you! In my head though that makes me think it was a baby something, because an adult critter would defend itself, for sure. And then I would wonder what it was, and probably end up putting the boot in a box with fruit and water and poke holes in the top and when the mister came home I would be all "it lived in my boot - can I keep it?"

    And I would name it Boots.

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  24. Sarah H3/18/2013

    A mouse ran along my leg when I was sleeping once. Thanks for bringing back those memories. Off to take some medicine and never sleep again...
    Also, I forgive you.

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  25. I am not normally scared of mice, but it is a total FACT that they are disease ridden. Also their only defense is shock and awe, I remember one running across my kitchen counters (yes, I know, ew) in California and it BURST from behind the microwave. It worked, I was too shocked to even move.

    Also, I couldn't ever kill a mouse. Let's just be honest, they helped Cinderella dress for the ball!!

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  26. I love that a) you drink orange juice out of the carton when you are traumatized and b) Ryan knows that you drink orange juice out of the carton when you are traumatized.

    And, I'm totally with you--would never wear those again.

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  27. Jennifer W3/18/2013

    My husband pulled an old pair of ice skates from his parents garage and announced he was going to start skating again. I said "well you might want to clean those up first". He put his hand inside and came out with a nice little nest of some sort. I screamed and said "what in the world has been living in there!" he deadpanned back at me

    "probably a muskrat"

    A MUSKRAT! Who says that? Why is that the animal you come up with?!

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  28. Love your book collection. Can we see the other part of your library? How many of those are read or TBR? Organizing books sounds like a lovely way to spend the day to me.

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  29. If it makes you feel better I was vacuuming the couches a month ago and lifted up one cushion to find a nest of 6 very new born baby mice wriggling around in a newly chewed hole underneath.

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  30. Maybe it was a cute Disneyesque mouse? You probably missed the chance to do a musical number with an adorable talking mouse.

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  31. I'm not scared of mice - I've caught them in my house and moved them outside with a strainer and a cookie sheet. But I don't like surprises either and finding one hiding in my shoe would have made me jump and scream. I'm not nearly as quick as the person who commented on your fb page so if you're looking for a topic sometime, I'd love a list of the books in your library. :)

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  32. I've never actually heard of anyone FINDING anything in their boot when they shove their hand in there to check. I do it all the time, but have never found anything!? I guess I should start taking it more seriously. That, and checking to make sure there are no snakes in the toilet when I sit down. Funny!!!

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  33. Ahhh! I love your book shelves! Super jealous!

    When my dog was still a puppy she felt it would be nice to give me a present. She pulled a full slimy gross chicken carcass out of the garbage can and threw it on me in the middle of the night. I have never been more terrified in my life! I thought i was getting attacked by some slimy creature. Needless to say all my garbage cans have since been locked down. I feel your pain.

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  34. I totally want your bookshelves- and all your books! Every time I move I end up giving up a lot of books and then feeling really sad. My dream house would have a wall like yours just filled with books!

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  35. My husband left some pallets outside last summer, and because I was sick of looking at them I covered them with a gross water resistant blanket (not much better I'm aware) and when I went to move them I found a mouse nest with TEN mice. My dog had a field day chasing them all while I hid in the house.
    He didn't catch any.
    He also just likes to play with them.

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  36. My sister had like ten pet snakes growing up. The thing about snakes is that they escape. A lot. It became the "new normal" to find snakes all over the place. Including my rollerblades (ha remember rollerblades?!). I wasn't freaked out- see snakes, escaping- but my friends lost their damn minds. Which made it that much more awesome.

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  37. That's why, no matter how gross my shoes are, I have a really difficult time leaving them outside. I do not want to have a spider crawl into my shoes, thinking it has found a nice, warm home.

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  38. Meredith Ouellette3/19/2013

    I feel your pain!!! I tend to get small field mice in my apartment periodically and lo and behold one day I went to put my sneakers on and inside was one of the little suckers. Except unlike yours, mine had been previously sent to mouse heaven by either my cat or the smell of my sneakers. Let me tell you... dead mice are just as bad as live ones! :)

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  39. I'd alphabetize my books, but I always feel bad about putting ones I really like on the bottom shelf.

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  40. I was once at my parent's farm and my sister wanted to show me something it in one of our muddy fields. I put on a pair of my dad's big muck boots (way too big for my feet, so there was lots of extra room at the toe.) We walked around for about 15 minutes before we came to a barb wire fence we had to climb through. I lifted one leg, then slid through and lifted the other leg though. When I put down my second foot....crunch. I froze, I screamed. I made my sister pull off the boot. The bottom of my BARE FOOT was bloody. She tipped the boot over and out rolled a squashed mouse. OMG. Needless to say, I never put anything on my feet without thoroughly checking first that they are empty!

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  41. Dana M.3/20/2013

    How do you know it wasn't a rat?

    Seriously?

    Grounds for divorce. Call me. I know a lawyer. We'll take him for everything he has. Also, a shirt or two.

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  42. Anonymous3/20/2013

    I really, really don't want to be that guy but . . . if it was a bat you may need to get rabies shots. And . . . you only have 72 hrs to get them after exposure. My friend had a bat in her pants (long story) and, even though she was never bitten, needed the shots. So yah might want to go see your doc. Now I'll stop being your mother.

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    Replies
    1. It definitely wasn't a bat! It was almost assuredly a small house mouse and I wasn't even close to bitten.

      Plus because I am a hypochondriac anyway I did check with my doctor. But thanks so much for your concern!

      Delete
  43. I can beat that story. About a month ago now, blizzard raging outside, I live in Wisconsin. So I was going to use the first floor bathroom before going to bed since my husband was using the bathroom upstairs. Usually I don't turn the light on and just rely on the light from the night light in that room. Luckily I turned the light on this time and there in my toilet was a bat. It had it's wings spread out and was kind of swimming in my toilet. I squeeked, slammed the bathroom door and yelled for my husband. He only has two jobs around here, do the dishes and catch the bats that we get flying in from the garage in the summer, never before a winter bat. So we flushed it. I have gotten an all clear from the wardens and wildlife staff as the flush being more humane then trying to fish it out of the toilet and possibly getting bit and then tossing it outside into the blizzard to freeze. Imagine if I hadn't turned on the light and had sat and started to pee? How would you explain that to a doctor, "Well Doc, I got this here bite on my butt from a bat that I didn't see was in my toilet because I was too lazy to flip the switch on. "

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  44. I can beat that story. About a month ago now, blizzard raging outside, I live in Wisconsin. So I was going to use the first floor bathroom before going to bed since my husband was using the bathroom upstairs. Usually I don't turn the light on and just rely on the light from the night light in that room. Luckily I turned the light on this time and there in my toilet was a bat. It had it's wings spread out and was kind of swimming in my toilet. I squeeked, slammed the bathroom door and yelled for my husband. He only has two jobs around here, do the dishes and catch the bats that we get flying in from the garage in the summer, never before a winter bat. So we flushed it. I have gotten an all clear from the wardens and wildlife staff as the flush being more humane then trying to fish it out of the toilet and possibly getting bit and then tossing it outside into the blizzard to freeze. Imagine if I hadn't turned on the light and had sat and started to pee? How would you explain that to a doctor, "Well Doc, I got this here bite on my butt from a bat that I didn't see was in my toilet because I was too lazy to flip the switch on. "

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  45. Gah! I once found a water bug in a boot-style slipper. Lucky for me, my spidey sense told me that I should turn it upside down and shake it out before putting it on.

    Clearly, you need a little box to protect your Uggs, like they used to use for the milkman, or they use now for medical samples.

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