And Now If You'll Excuse Me, I Think I May Have Exfoliated Too Much Skin Off My Foot In The Shower And I Must Call My Doctor

TGIF Blogstalkers, am I right?

It's been a long week around here.  I accidentally shrunk my favorite sweater, befouled my newly immaculate kitchen by trying to take a scalding hot bowl of spaghetti out of the microwave without oven mitts and then quickly realizing how hot it was and screaming and throwing the bowl into the air and I have a husband who can not stop coughing on the back of my neck in the middle of the night.  (Poor poor Ryan, he's so sick right now.)

On the flip side, my dogs had an excellent week!  They got a new sweater and had fun cleaning spaghetti off of the kitchen floor.

The cap to it all though was when I was doing the nightly search of my scalp for grey hairs and found something alarming.

Lauren: Ahhhh! What is this?

Ryan: *from the bed* What ever is the problem now dear?

Lauren: There is a bright red hair growing out of the front of my head.  Like neon red if that were a thing.  A color that totally doesn't exist in nature.

Ryan: Are you sure it's not just a piece of spaghetti from earlier?

Lauren: Yes RYAN, I am pretty sure I can tell the difference between my hair and spaghetti but thank you for being helpful as always.  Look!

Ryan: Haha that is weird.  That's the reddest thing I've ever seen.

Lauren: It seems my scalp has just decided to sprout hairs in all of the colors of the rainbow.  People are going to start asking me if I'm wearing a clown wig before long and I'll have to just be like, no this is my normal hair.

Ryan:  It's like your love of wigs and costumes is backfiring.  It's karma.

Lauren: Or maybe a freakish hormone imbalance, I'm calling Tatiana in the morning.

Ryan: Who?

Lauren: My doctor Ryan, obviously.

Ryan: You are a freak.  You call your doctor if you poke yourself in the eye.  *adopts girlish voice* I'm worried I may disrupted the rods and cones.

Lauren: What was that?  Was that supposed to be me?  I can't help it if I'm a hypochondriac and have a very low pain tolerance.

Ryan: Yeah who knows how you plan to get through childbirth.

Lauren: With drugs Ryan.  All the drugs!  I even made Tatiana make an advance note on my chart that I want all the existing safe birthing drugs during labor.  I instructed her to specifically note that if any new drugs were invented between now and then to make sure I get those as well.

Ryan: And she did that?

Lauren: She at least pretended to.

Ryan: I'm going to sleep.

Lauren: And I'm going to self-diagnose this red hair using the internet.  Oooh this link says I can determine what's wrong using palm reading.

Ryan: Great.

Lauren: No it is great actually.  My health line is quite vivid, I must be fine.  Completely in balance hormonally.

Ryan: I can assure you that is not the case.

Lauren: What the heck!? I don't have a marriage line!  Give me your hand.  Oh good you do have one, we're married.

Ryan: Believe me I have more than one line from this marriage.

Lauren: Yeah I've been noticing that you're starting to get a bit wrinkly.

Ryan: Goodnight Lauren.

Lauren: Goodnight monkey.

So that was our perfectly normal weekday bedtime conversation.  Hope you all have a lovely weekend!


27 comments:

  1. I think the bright red hair is a sign that you're turning radioactive. Your superpowers are finally coming in, Lauren! You'll now be able to warm your spaghetti WITHOUT a microwave! Tada!

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    Replies
    1. Yes! I've waited so long for this day to come!

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    2. I know you were really hoping to grow tentacles, but we don't have a choice in our superpowers, you know? (And as I was proofreading this I read "testicles" instead of "tentacles" and now I'm laughing at my own dumb joke. Today is awesome.)

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    3. Haha I think Ryan and I would be having different conversations altogether if I were hoping to grow testicles...

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  2. My husband has a single red mustache hair. I like to tease him and say he has some Irish in the wood pile. That's probably racist or something. I hope not. I mean, it's not like the Irish are a race unto themselves and personally I think they're awesome, but I can say that because I do have Irish, which isn't in any wood pile, but right out in the open where everyone who cares to look can see.

    I'll shut up now.

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    Replies
    1. Since I have a husband who is 50% Irish and with a very Irish name (his middle name is Patrick even) I am qualified to say your comment is not racist and is awesome!

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  3. You can unshrink your sweater!! Yes, I know unshrink is not a word! But here...follow this link: http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2012/10/how-to-resize-shrunken-clothes.html

    Thank pinterest for this helpful info!

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    Replies
    1. Oh! Yes! Thank You! Trying this immediately.

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  4. i can never read through a whole blog post without laughing out loud at least once :-)
    my husband has a multi colored goatee - red, brown, blond, and just added... grey!
    i think it's adorable. i'm sure Ryan thinks the same about your bright red hair.

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    Replies
    1. Happy to have made you laugh! I shall text Ryan right now and see if he thinks it's adorable.

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  5. actually my hair will turn red before it turns white, so don't pull the red ones :-)

    I have very dark hair with very light skin and irish ancestry, if that matters, not sure it does. i never inquired if it was 'normal' with my dr. :-)

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    Replies
    1. So sad I missed the reply by thismuch :)

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    2. Sorry! I have very dark hair with very light skin as well! I've never had this happen before though.

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    3. It probably started when I was a tiny bit younger than you, I let myself grow in my white hairs at 29 because I could not be 30 and getting white hairs. I still pull them occasionally though :)

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  6. I love that you do a nightly gray hair check! I do as well and make my husband search the back of my head. He is not that great of a searcher. I always find way more than he says exists! Happy Friday to You!!!

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  7. You know how the red dot on the top of the turkey thermometer pops out when the turkey is ready? Maybe this is your thermometer telling him you are ready for something.

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  8. It's left over from when you dyed your hair as a girl to play Annie, it was just hiding until the right moment to pop out and scare the bejeebers out of you.

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  9. I do an hourly grey hair check. And there are a lot of them. Stupid stupid roots growing out faster than I can dye them.

    Also, I have freakish black hairs growing out of my dirty blond/brown roots. Is baffling.

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  10. I gave up on the gray check and may be donating the boxes of super cheap Feria I was able to buy a few weeks ago. I looked in the mirror yesterday as I was getting ready for my interview and noticed that the EXTRA dark black dye has already succumbed to my gray hair saying kick rocks as the roots were already peaking back through with their taunting grayness.

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  11. That's awesome! Just realize that your body can't contain all it's awesomeness any longer and just had to sprout that hair to let everyone know! :)

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  12. Anonymous3/01/2013

    This may help your sweater. Not at all sure if it works, but it looks promising. I've been meaning to try it out on of my mistakes, but I've been too lazy. Good luck.

    http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2012/10/how-to-resize-shrunken-clothes.html

    Liz

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  13. Ooh, maybe you'll end up with a rainbow coloured head of hair! You'd have to pay a fortune at a hairdresser for something like that, but you'd be getting it for free!

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  15. Wow, Lauren, this is awesome. Are we peeking in each other's windows? My husband cringes every time I talk about a new beauty routine or device...reminding me about the time I "filed my feet" and could not walk properly for a few days, and just yesterday I was bemoaning the fact that I Googled 'left shoulder blade pain' and now was stuck worrying if I had lung cancer (it said that tumors grow and press on that area). He then refreshed my memory that I cleared and weeded an entire garden last week and I probably would not die. I wish you were peeking in my windows, I would love to have company!!

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  16. HAHAHAHAHA...

    My only problem is that if I pluck all my grey hairs, I would barely have any left. :(

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  17. Your marriage is adorable. Also, please keep us posted on that red hair... It could mean that your soul is disappearing, which would be terrible. Speaking as a ginger myself, though, I can tell you that it's not so bad. :)

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  18. I dyed my hair red once. I wish it would magically turn red and I would no longer have to pay to color it.

    You and Ryan are so cute. :]

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