Try Saying "Shower Massage" or "Unique New York" Five Times Fast

Today Blogstalkers, I shall tell you of the lovely thing that happened this weekend at Quizno's.

Truth be told, it is probably the only lovely thing that has ever happened at a Quizno's.  Because, you know, it's Quizno's and well...gross.

So anyway, Ryan and I were grabbing lunch really quickly in between other obligations.  We parked and hurried into the sandwich shop.  Since I am not good at hurrying, I totally tripped over the threshold of the door and stumbled like a drunken monkey about eight steps into the restaurant.  And Ryan was like, "Seriously?  I can't take you anywhere."

I like to think what happened next is karma.

We walked up to the counter to order and since I am a lady and ladies go first I placed my order before Ryan.  And I did it with grace and aplomb, which is a difficult thing to accomplish when one is ordering an item with the words "holy" "moly" and "guacamole" in it.

Then Ryan stepped up to the plate, ready to order the same thing he always orders at Quizno's, a Turkey Bacon Club.

"Hi, Yes, I will have the Turken Bakey...."

At this point I started giggling uncontrollably and Ryan shot me a dirty look like, "Lauren.  Please.  You are being absurd," then turned back to the counter.

And he said the exact same thing.  Except this time, halfway through he figured out what was happening but he couldn't stop himself and he couldn't figure out how to correct it so he just started speaking more slowly and for some reason in a really high-pitched voice.  And he ended it like it was a question.

Like.."Sorry I mean I will have the Turkennnnn Baaaaaaakeeeeeeeey?" 

I started laughing so hard that I wasn't even making noises any longer and tears were rolling down my face and the guy behind the counter was cracking up and the couple behind us in booth were cracking up and Ryan just stood there opening and closing his mouth like a fish.

Eventually..."I'm sorry sir, I didn't quite catch that, what will you be having?" Asked the sandwich employee.

Ryan just turned to me, confusion written across his face, in obvious need of assistance.  So I stepped back up to the counter and said, "Yes, he shall be having the Turken Bakey, of course."

"Oh, of course," said Noel (for that was his name) and winked at me.

It was a happy happy day.

Now if you'll excuse me, I must go.  I need to text Ryan at work and ask him to please pick up some Bakey on his way home.  Because everything is better with Bakey.

Ever let words get the best of you Blogstalkers?  Been bafflingly befuddled by the English language?

Tell me about it.  For example, when Ryan's brother Danny was like 17 he once accidentally called the t.v. show Pushing Daisies, Daising Pussies right in front of his mother. 

92 comments:

  1. I find that my turken bakey always tastes better if I order it in falsetto...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh for sure. I'm going to try it out on other food items in the future, see if it affects the dining experience.

      Delete
  2. As a small child my daughter confused the words peanuts and penis. At the checkout stand. Next to the Planters display. Where the nuts were in tubular packaging. When she asked my husband what they were. Loudly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did that once too...in a cab...as an adult. When I tried to tell the driver that his car smelled (in a good way) like baseball peanuts. He heard me wrong and was all offended for a minute and then was like 'OHHHHH PEANUTS! Yes I was just eating some."

      Delete
  3. Just laughed so hard, I scared the dog. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have quite the gift for Malapropisms, especially when I'm doing something important, like introducing my new Mother-In-Law, to a high ranking military officer. "General, have you met my MIL, Jenny? She works as a Female-Body-Inspector..." (My MIL is a fingerprint expert for the FBI... not what they print on dumb t-shirts.)

    I got to "Fema..." before my voice went all high and squeaky and I literally could not stop the sentence. I was trying to say Fingerprint expert with the FBI and had thought technically she does examine female bodies, and that's what came out.

    While the most recently embarrassing, hardly the last time I did it.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's too funny! I love a good malapropism.

      Delete
  5. Hysterical! My baby sis used to confuse words all the time and would get so mad at us when we laughed. We still tease her about her favorite candy being a "fingerbutter."

    ReplyDelete
  6. I was trying to read something on my friend's necklace once and I couldn't put it together. It was one of those circular medal-type things and I was following the letters as they wound around it, saying aloud "Pro.... moter...what is that?" to which she replied "Promoter." Apparently I'm not good at reading words that are written in a circular formation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes but in your defense, reading in circles is really hard. Haha.

      Delete
  7. There really should be a warning on this post as I almost just choked to death on my apple. Hilarious.
    My nanaw always called the LTD catalog the LSD catalog. We eventually stopped correcting her because the confusion on people's faces was priceless when she would mention it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's a big road in Chicago called Lake Shore Drive, or LSD fondly to residents. Once I was talking to my aunt on the phone while on a bus on Lake Shore Drive. She asked what I was doing and I said, "Oh just on LSD and going to see Ryan."

      Delete
    2. That is priceless. Just on an acid trip!

      Delete
  8. I can't ever say check cashed correctly. I *always* say cash checked.

    ReplyDelete
  9. That was hysterical! I just laughed so hard that I had to move the phone away from my face so I would stop reading and calm down! I do know a woman who's mother called her to tell her that her uncle (named Dick) had fallen and broken his hip, except she said "uncle hip fell and broke his Dick!" I couldn't breathe for about an hour after I heard that! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OHMYGOSH this totally reminded me of another story from when I was like 10. There was a boy that lived in our neighborhood whose name was Richard but for some reason everyone called him Little Dicky. Once my dad was playing basketball (barefoot for some reason) with Little Dicky and some other boys and he got injured. And he was in a lot of pain so he hobbled into our house shouting mumbled things. All we heard though was "I broke my little dicky toe!"

      Yours is HILARIOUS.

      Delete
  10. Lisa S2/11/2013

    I can not stop laughing and it's making my stomach hurt. That kind of wrong-sayings make me laugh inexplicable amounts, and his reaction to it, and your description of it are just hilarious.

    Words tend to get jumbled on the way out of my mouth on a daily basis, but not with as hilarious results.

    P.S. I can not say "Unique New York" even twice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So glad you liked it!

      Try "Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers" that one gets me most times.

      Delete
    2. Lisa S2/11/2013

      I made it through it twice, third time baby and buggy switched places, fourth came out "rubby bubby gubby...".

      I also can not sing the Belle song from Beauty and the Beast without singing about the butcher and his bread instead of baker. One of those crazy things my brain won't correct.

      Delete
    3. Now I have that song stuck in my head. Which is awesome actually. It's a pretty excellent song.

      Delete
    4. Lisa S2/11/2013

      It is. You're welcome.

      Delete
  11. This was too funny! I had a somewhat similar incident this weekend with my husband. I was talking smack to him about somehting (I'm still sure he deserved it), & I managed to fall up our stairs...and smash me knee cap on the concrete step. Stupid Karma.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh OUCH! Karma can be such a bitch sometimes. Right now though, we are firm friends.

      Delete
  12. All the time. Fuddruckers has always been Rudfu..ers. You get the gist. Even when you can say it right, you are so used to saying it wrong that it can't come out right. Then when you are with your kid, who is like a parrot, you try even harder to say it right, and it comes out wrong.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yeah Fuddruckers. I've done that one. Haha.

      Delete
  13. My husband is German so this happens a lot - he's just never in on the joke. Once, in front of a lot of people at work, he referred to his intestines as his lower 'intesticles'. He didn't understand why everyone was laughing. There's really not a good explanation as to why he was even discussing his intestines at work. Must be a German thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That. Is. Awesome.

      My BFF Vanessa's boyfriend has a German boss who, instead of saying, "Are you F-ing with me?" Says, "Are you playing with my balls?" ALL THE TIME. I'm not sure how that translates but it's hilarious.

      Delete
    2. I just peed myself. I sent that in a text to my husband so he could explain. He hasn't responded. Sometimes he pretends his phone is broken or that he's busy 'working'.

      Delete
    3. Ryan does the same exact thing. Please let me know if he can explain!

      Delete
    4. He's never heard of that saying and I asked a lot of follow up questions to be sure. "Yeah, that's definitely not a German thing."

      My husband's co-workers will make up an American phrase and work it into conversation until my husband picks up on it. Example: It's like wrapping spaghetti around a tree. Maybe that's what happened to this guy and he thinks he using a totally appropriate American phrase. I do know that Germans use the word eggs instead of balls as slang so this guy may not have a clue as to what he's saying. Don't tell him! Is that mean?

      Delete
    5. All of this made me laugh so hard!!

      Delete
    6. This whole thread made my day!!

      Delete
  14. I read this while sitting in an exam room at the walk-in clinic and totally laughed out loud. They are probably adding a psych exam to my list of tests now. Totally worth it.
    Also after not being able to taste or smell for four days straight, I would kill for a bakey anything that I could taste. Thanks for the laugh. I needed that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anytime! Hope you're feeling better soon!

      Delete
  15. You are going to get me fired because laughing out loud, as loud as I laugh, is frowned upon in this establishment. HOWEVER, this is what ryan gets for not letting you have babies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EXACTLY. It makes perfect sense.

      Delete
  16. A friend and I went to the grocery store once and they asked her if she wanted plastic or paper bags. She replied, "Plaper." I still giggle about it and give her a hard time. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha that just made me laugh out loud. Plaper.

      Delete
  17. Mine isn't as funny as some of the rest, but when I was younger I always had a hard time with floor vs story when talking about multi-level buildings. The number of times that I told people I lived on the third florry is beyond counting. It still sneaks in from time to time if I'm not careful.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ha ha. I should not laugh at Ryan because this happens to me on a regular basis! I almost always switch the sh for ch in words. And for years (seriously, 6 years) I pronounced cinnamon as sin na na mon. It took me from 4th grade til 9th grade to realize my friend smiled/giggled whenever I said it and she finally told me why! Also, I used to think that only meant turn, this was because it was painted underneath the arrows on the road. I was eight and just starting to learn English, but still!

    ReplyDelete
  19. that is awesome! I was crying this weekend with laughter because we had watched this ridiculous animal planet video about Scooter Dog and I said it was scooterlicious because it was so bad. It sounded so funny, I couldn't stop laughing and my 15 yo daughter kept asking me what I had spiked my coffee with :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. My (especially) French friend regularly goes to Subway and orders a sub with "raped cheese and kacumbers" It's wonderful.

    Also, I genuinely laughed so hard to the point of making no sounds, and ended up rocking back and forth with my mouth wide open. Ryan is that unintentionally hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  21. this story is mortifying, yet, I feel safe enough here with all us Blogstalkers so here goes. I work for Yankee Candle and we offer to trim each candles wick's to the correct height. After a very long busy day after ringing up another trasnsaction, I very hapllily offer to trim their 2 *icks ( NOT WICKS) so their flames burn even & perfect to ensure a better,perfect & happy burn. Best part....these were 2 men,not females. However, I sure entertained males & females while they were waiting. Oddly, no one wanted me!

    ReplyDelete
  22. For whatever reason, as a child I once messed up the name "Engelbert Humperdink." Why I was trying to say it, heaven only knows. BUT...it made my parents laugh. So I kept right on messing it up.

    To this day, my mother thinks I can't say that name. And I'm barreling down the straightaway towards 50.

    This is just out little secret.

    I mess up words all the time, but that's my show stopper.

    ReplyDelete
  23. When I was a kid I said "Fermoom" instead of "Perfume." Oh... and when my friend's mom lived in a condo, I told people that she lived in a condom... That was awkward.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hilarious, thank you for the laugh. I can't seem to stop giggling. My niece does stuff like this all the time and we tease her relentlessly....one of the most memorable was when she was telling us about her friend that had her tonsils taken out...she told us she had her nostrils taken out....it took us awhile to get it and to this day we always ask how Portia's nostrils are :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. A friend and I were working together and every time she needed the dust pan she would ask me for the potholder. It went on so long that I've almost forgotten that it's actually called a dustpan. Even my kids call it a potholder now.

    ReplyDelete
  26. My great grandmother could never say the name of the restaurant "Fudrucker's" properly. She'd always call it "Rudfu*ker's", and honest to God had had no idea what she was saying. My family let her carry on like that for years. (of course, this was the same woman that used Fast Teeth powder as talcum and was convinced that golf balls were connected to the clubs by giant rubber bands so that they didn't get lost).

    ReplyDelete
  27. Hahaha.... I'm seriously crying because I'm laughing so hard. Thanks for the Monday afternoon pick me up!

    ReplyDelete
  28. My sister, from the age of about 1 to 3 called my parents "Mad" and "Dum", mixing up the first letter of each. Got a lot of giggles!

    ReplyDelete
  29. At the Buffalo Wild Wings takeout counter I ordered a side of Habo Manganero sauce instead of Mango Habanero sauce. I was laughing so hard, I almost couldn't talk and like Ryan, I kept saying it wrong to the point of not knowing how to say it correctly.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I'm always muddling up words. Not exactly a good thing when you work with customers all day.
    My most embarrasing one so far, is the mistake I made on Saturday actually. As the head cashier, it is my job to say the 15 and 5 minute warnings for when the store is closing. So I was about to do the 15 minute announcement. I push the buttons to activate the intercom and I say "Thank you for calling *store name*, How..." and quickly hang up the intercom. Aww nuts, thats not the right saying. So after having a salesman laugh at me for a little bit I was finally able to choke out the actual announcement. It sounded like I was trying not to cry when I said it.

    ReplyDelete
  31. That story had me old man laughing in the office, it's a good thing all of my co-workers already know I'm crazy. Thanks for the cheer.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I have mild dyslexia, which sometimes causes me to talk like Yoda. Oftentimes, when the 4-year-old I babysit is getting into mischief I can be heard yelling "Do not you do that!!" When I realize what I've said, I just have to laugh at myself.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I once tried to order a Strawberry-Rhubarb muffin, and couldn't stop blubbering about "Stoober Doober" muffins while my husband and the muffin lady just stared. Eventually my husband stepped in and ordered for me, but my mouth was still going on and on. I feel your pain Ryan. I also train technical courses and can never say "version" correctly. I always talk about the different Virgins of Excel and Word. Sigh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do the virgin thing too!! So embarrassing!

      Delete
  34. PS Lauren you are so funny; your posts always make my day!

    ReplyDelete
  35. When I was a kid I called C3PO 3PPO.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Was laughing to the point of crying before I got to Ryan's second attempt because I just KNEW what was coming! Officially my favourite couple! :)

    ReplyDelete
  37. When I was a cashier every once in a while I'd mix up credit and debit from running my mouth all day. So with a straight face I'd ask people if they were using crebit. Only got a few funny looks other people just didn't notice. Which makes me wonder if they think that's how I talk?

    ReplyDelete
  38. My mom says "pacific" instead of specific. I have a cousin who says "Just so happenly..." and another that says "pulla" when she means pillow. I am completely incapable of saying "rural." Whenever it comes up I stumble and stutter and eventually spit out "farmland."

    ReplyDelete
  39. Anonymous2/11/2013

    once i said "im hot, turn on the bacon". but thats because i was having a reaction to a painkiller they shot me up with. that lasted 3 months. i said some weird things.

    ReplyDelete
  40. When I was a kid I used to think that 'five times fast' was a certain speed at which you had to say the given words.

    I stumble on words daily. It is definitely worse since I had my son. :S It is super fun when it happens while I am at the front of the class teaching a room full of teenagers about science.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Michele2/11/2013

    In high school our economics teacher accidentally called the burger chain Fuddruckers, Ruddfu**ers. It was awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  42. Anonymous2/11/2013

    Once when we were playing "Taboo", my husband kept calling chopsticks "wood chops" and he could not for the life of him think of the correct word. Also, I hate when restaurants give their menu items silly names so you sound foolish when ordering :P Also, also once in a dream I called Scooby Doo "Ooby Scoo" and woke up laughing and could not stop...
    ~nicole

    ReplyDelete
  43. My husband was defending his doctoral thesis which had the word "persuasiveness" in the title, and he couldn't say the word. He was like"persusivism...perusuveness...." After stumbling for a while he just skipped over it. Your story made me laugh until I cried. And then I coughed until I couldn't breathe.

    ReplyDelete
  44. When my daughter was 3 we watched the little mermaid together. When it was over she put her tiny palm to my face and said "mommy, you so pretty you look like a mer-da-maid". That was 10 years ago and still the best compliment I have ever gotten.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Awesome, just awesome :)

    ReplyDelete
  46. In 8th grade I was answering a question in Science class and instead of saying the word "organism" I said, "Orgasm". The worst part of it was that I realized what was happening half way through the question, but I couldn't stop, so I just kept rambling on. The second worse thing was that no one acknowledged it and laughed, to relieve the tension. The teacher, the students, the teachers aid, everyone just looked at me with open mouthed horror.

    ReplyDelete
  47. My 4th grade teacher had an emergency surgery part way through the year and had his spleen removed. However when I went home and told my mom about it I said he had his scrotum removed. Her look of horror was classic.
    Also my mom told me a story about a lady who got up in church (LDS church) and told the whole congregation about how she had been helping her husband recover from something medical by rubbing his scrotum every night, and she went on about how she massaged it and rubbed it and all kinds of stuff. After she sat down the congregation just sat in horror until her husband got up and said "sternum".
    Apparently all my funny stories have to do with scrotums. Hahahaha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This made me laugh out loud... I just have visions of the man standing up to correct everyone with "sternum" hahaha...

      Delete
    2. I am sitting here trying to figure out how I am going to be able to get up and run to the bathroom fast enough because I am thisclose to peeing myself. For reals. The church lady story might be the funniest thing I've ever read.

      Delete
  48. That is freaking hilarious. I tend to mix up words when I'm teaching and talking about something I'm not super invested in at all. But I don't do it when I'm talking about really complicated statistical things which is weird. I do love stats though so that could be a reason why. I agree on the Bakey though--everything is better with Bakey.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Come on, 'fess up, you and Noel were in cahoots, weren't you!

    ReplyDelete
  50. I do this all. The. Time. Once, when I was a teenager, I meant to say "snow job" and said "blow job" by mistake. To my FATHER. I wanted to fall off the earth.

    Also, I've just discovered your blog. Love it! Have added you to my Moxie Recommends roll :-)

    ReplyDelete
  51. HAHA! This is so funny, I actually laughed out loud and then everyone looked at me like I was crazy! I'm on day 6 of the headache from hell right now, so my words keep coming out slurred and I sound like I'm drunk and/or having a stroke. I hope I'm not having a stroke.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Anonymous2/12/2013

    Kind of strange but until today I thought hushpuppies are a "special sort of cookies" today so 20 years too late my dad told me that hushpuppies are shoes = he laughed so hard,

    ReplyDelete
  53. Anonymous2/12/2013

    I once had a friend order a "Big n Nasty" from McDonald's instead of a "Big n Tasty." I laughed so hard for so long that I never got myself together enough to even eat my food. Your description of the whole event just killed me. (In a good way!) Poor Ryan! haha!

    -Megan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha! Big n Nasty is kind of more appropriate, don't you think? lol

      Delete
  54. My daughter says "Heat Seaters" instead of Seat Heaters. EVERYTIME. it's funny, but she's not trying to be funny and doesn't even realize she said it until we all start laughing. When my 23 year old niece was a little kid she used to say "soup lips" for Fruit Loops and "crareks" for crackers. I STILL use her words when talking about those two things.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I say heat seaters too! I've finally just given up and that's what they're officially called now.

      Delete
  55. This post had me laughing so hard I was crying (at work)! Thanks I really needed it :)

    ReplyDelete
  56. So funny. Just the other day my husband said something to me about "trazy craffic" and I laughed hysterically for about 5 minutes straight.

    ReplyDelete
  57. I don't know when I originally read this but I did, and I didn't comment at the time. Today, as I was sitting in my cubicle, I started thinking about turken bakey and couldn't stop giggling.

    Thanks for that. I needed it today.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Anonymous2/13/2013

    Wish we could be BFF's because GIRL you are too funny ! I too was laughing out loud sitting in my cubicle...Co-workers looking at me like I was nuts.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Jessie2/13/2013

    My husband once said to me, "You are so opaque I can see right through you!" To which I started to laugh and said, "You realize you meant transparent, right?" He was the English major, not me!

    Also, I once tried to tell him that my brain was a sharp as a tack, but what came out was that my blain was as sharp as a tack. Kind of ruined the whole point for me...

    ReplyDelete
  60. My brain is just a tiny bit broken, so I say this kind of stuff all the time, but you did a really amazing job of telling the story; I cried with laughter and had to stop reading a few times because I couldn't see the page through the tears and giggles. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  61. When I taught high school, I often flubbed words, but the best was when I was trying to say "California Pizza Kitchen," but despite my best and repeated attempts, it kept coming out "California Pizza Chicken." The entire class, including myself, was cracking up. So I gracefully ended the delimma by quoting Napoleon Dynamite (which was popular at the time) with: "Everyone at school thinks I'm a friggin idiot."

    ReplyDelete
  62. My friend Liz once walked up to her dad and inexplicably yelled "Voag Wagon!" into his face, then walked away. She later explained that what she meant to say was "I want to go to Walmart" and had no idea why Voag Wagon came out of her mouth, but once she realized it did, she decided to give the whole thing up and just walk away.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
 
Site Design By Designer Blogs