Remember Birthdays (Like A Boss), Prank An Intern (Like A Boss)

Good closer-to-Morning-than-usual Blogstalkers!

So lately I've been having some trouble coming up with blog post ideas.  And when this happens I have a couple of things I do to help me brainstorm.  I either write something entirely different, like for one of my other two sites (which are now linked at the top of the blog) or I take a walk.  Because I live in the middle of a big busy city, taking a walk will almost always either result in me thinking of something to write about or will result in something ridiculous happening that I can recount.

Today I took a walk and a combination of those two things happened.

I didn't sleep especially well last night because of night terrors so this morning after driving Ryan to work at eight (trading started late today) I decided to amble over to Starbucks, hoping that I would be able to think of a post along the way.

Nothing much happened before getting to Starbucks except that I stepped in a deceptively deep pothole and got my foot all wet, but while I was standing in line I heard someone behind me say, "Lauren?"  I turned around to see a face I had not seen in quite a while, my old intern Matt.

Let me explain a little bit.  Before I kicked accounting to the curb in favor of blogging/writing, I worked for three different companies.  At two of these companies I actually had interns that worked for me.  (Well not technically for me, for my boss, but I was the one that taught them things and ordered them about.)  Matt was one of these interns.  We had a weird relationship.

Back to Starbucks.

Lauren: Hello Matt, you seem to have aged.

Matt: I have.  Three years in fact.  I'm a grown-up person now, engaged and everything.  What are you doing here?  Call in sick to work today?

Lauren: What! No.  I work for myself now.  I am a writer of high quality writings.  Congratulations by the way, that's awesome.

Matt: That explains the pants.  That's seriously cool though, what do you write?

Lauren: A couple of different things but mainly a blog, sort of a humor-based thing about my life.  What about you?  Where are you now?

Matt: Still accounting.  For a tiny little company down the street from here.  I really like it actually.  Though I can't say I don't look back on my tortuous interning days fondly.

Lauren: What do you mean tortuous?  I was the best pseudo-boss ever.  I made you brownies on your half birthday.

Matt:  You were the worst!  You called me Grasshopper and made me eat a Cheeto you found under your desk.

Lauren: I paid you to eat that Cheeto.  you weren't getting paid to be an intern and you were in college and I was trying to help.  And Grasshopper was endearing.

Matt: And when you weren't calling me Grasshopper you were calling me "My Intern Matty" on the phone so that whenever I met someone new the first thing they would say was, "Oh I thought you were a girl."

Lauren: I only did that because you convinced me to watch the movie Watchmen even though I was certain I wouldn't like it but you said it was your favorite movie and that you would burn me a copy of it and then you replaced the last five minutes with a video of you singing The National Anthem.  Badly, I might add.

Matt: I only did that because you made me play Dance Chicken with you in front of the bathroom doors.

(Dance Chicken was where Matt and I would wait until one of our coworkers went to the bathroom and then both go dance ridiculously in the hall around the corner from the bathrooms until one of us got too nervous that our boss or someone was about the round the corner and quit first.)

Lauren: Oh come on Matty, Dance Chicken was awesome, everyone got into it eventually.

Matt: Ok yeah Dance Chicken was awesome, I've actually thought about starting it at my new office, trying to get the feel of the place first...  But what about the week you brought a bag of all of your sweaters into the office and then every day after I got into work you would change into the same color I was wearing and everyone would be like, "You two are always matching."

Lauren: That was not even a little tortuous.  That was hilarious.  And anyway that was in response to you sending me an email saying "Hey, just wanted to let you know since you were out today, that we're doing a company spirit thing tomorrow and are supposed to try to wear as much red as possible."  And then I wore all of the red things I owned and got a bright red wig and looked so stupid.

Matt: Ok that was bad, but seriously you can't even argue with me that you were the one that did the very worst thing.

Lauren: And what is the very worst thing?

Matt: The Pleasant Circle property thing?

(At all three of the jobs I've worked, we've had properties/facilities/deals that we've worked with.  One of them at one job was named Pleasant Circle.)

Lauren: Matt, seriously I have no idea what you're talking about.

Matt: You were always getting off the phone with the rep for Pleasant Circle and being like, "That guy is such a jerk!"

Lauren: Yeah? So? He was a jerk.  He called me things like Sweetcheeks and Muffin and suggested at least twice a phone call that I run along and get a man for him to speak to instead.

Matt:  Ohhhhh.  Well nevermind then.

Lauren: No, you have to tell me now!

Matt: Ok so maybe one time I accidentally used the phrase "That Pleasant Circle Jerk" in front of *our boss* and it was awful.  I convinced myself that you were somehow behind it I guess...

Lauren: Haaaaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahah  Oh My God, I'm dying.  That's the best thing EVER!  How did I not know about this!?

Matt: I didn't want to give you the satisfaction of knowing your evil plan worked.

Lauren: Sorry Matt, there was no evil plan.  That was all you.  Even I'm not that awful.

Matt: Wow. Ok. Wow.  I've got to get back to work.  Here's my card though, email me your site will you?

Lauren: Absolutely!  You're definitely going to want to read today's post.

Matt: Oh.  Crap.

Poor poor Matty.**

**My intern's name isn't actually Matt (though it was another name one could turn into a girls' name by adding a 'y' sound.**

So I sound like a terrible pseudo-boss huh Blogstalkers?  I swear we both had tons of fun with it all.  We were by far the two youngest people in our department and it was what we did to make work fun.

Ever played a prank on anyone?  Ever been pranked?  April Fools' Day Maybe?  Tell me, I'm dying to know.

Also, anyone want to be my blogging intern now?

86 comments:

  1. Too funny! At a former job, one person and I did a lot of pranking on each other and I did it to another person too.
    Examples: one guy's office windows leaked when it rained and he got to go on a trip to Hawaii in the middle of February. So while he was gone, I put instant snow powder on his window sill. The whole 6" x 6' window sill. The powder is hard to see if you aren't looking for it. The day he came back, it rained and his sill exploded in snow.
    The co-worker and I who pranked each other.. He was a former military "man's man" so one day after he went home, I wallpapered his office with pictures of unicorns, rainbows, and Disney princesses. He loved that.
    Another time, I swapped out his office switch plate with a pink princess castle plate. He didn't even see it until I was standing in his doorway talking to him. Best reaction ever. ;)
    Thanks for reminding me of those fun times!

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    1. Mary, I love the Disney princesses stuff! I've been in offices where people basically cover everything with newspaper or bubble wrap but that's totally taking it to the next level and I love it!

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  2. Lisa S2/06/2013

    Maybe slightly terrible, but in a good way. It would definitely not be boring to have you as a pseudo-boss. And especially Dance Chicken sounds hilarious.

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    1. I should mention that all of this was over a period of like two years and I did also buy my intern drinks after work quite a bit (he was 21) to make up for everything.

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  3. Monica K.2/06/2013

    No work pranks, but I think being your intern would've been one of the best jobs to have. Ever. Right up there with being paid to drive a golfcart around the campus of USF when I was in college.

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    1. Golfcarts terrify me! I'm like the worst driver ever (though I'm getting better) and so vehicles without sides make me hyperventilate. Though in general that job does sound awesome. When I was in college I got paid to take people's ID pictures. Sometimes I would take them one split second before they were ready so it came out all goofy and then I would just say "Sorry there's a weird delay on this camera!" Only to people I knew though!

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  4. I convinced a guy I worked with (also at an accounting firm. I was the marketing person, not an accountant. Obviously) that Friday's were Catwalk Friday's and you had to walk down the hallways at work like you were walking on a catwalk. It was fierce.

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    1. Joules if I ever work at an office again, I'm totally stealing that. Also, I might just do it myself here on Fridays. Just because you're alone doesn't mean you can't be fierce.

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  5. Being your intern sounds like a fantastic job!!!!!!

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    Replies
    1. I swear it actually was sort of fun! I made lots of baked goods.

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  6. Replies
    1. Or Carl(y) or Al(y) maybe?

      Haha I can't say!

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    2. Meghan2/06/2013

      I was thinking maybe Sam(my! My need to know is driving me nuts!

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    3. I just want to keep things nice and anonymous otherwise I would totally use his real name!

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    4. I think that the real "Matty" should step up and just out himself in the comments and put all our curiosity to rest.

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    5. I shall send him an email with your suggestion!

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  7. Hysterical!! I love coming over to read your posts for an afternoon laugh/snort :)

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  8. Emily Edwards :)2/06/2013

    You sound like a super fun pseudo-boss! And Im glad you linked your other blogs to this one, I was looking around for them.

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    1. Yep! I've been meaning to link them for a while, I'm just awful at blog maintenance stuff. And I'm always afraid I'm going to like, accidentally delete everything.

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  9. Chrissy? Love your posts!

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    Replies
    1. Haha maybe, I'll never tell!

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  10. Jennifer W2/06/2013

    For what ended up being about 2 weeks, my friend from work would call my husband after I left to catch Metra and ask what I was wearing that day. She would recreate it as best she could before she headed into work from her place in the city. So for 2 weeks we were "twins". It took me three days to figure out that we matched, and a full 10 days to figure out that it wasn't just a coincidence. She broke down and told me finally. She was very committed!

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    1. THAT IS AWESOME. Seriously one of the best things I've read in a long time.

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    2. Jennifer W2/06/2013

      I should give kudos to my husband (might have been a finance then actually) as well. He kept his pretty little trap shut while thinking it was hilarious!

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    3. Seriously, both your husband and your friends deserve many a kudos!

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  11. I can't prank because I can't keep secrets. I want to play Dance Chicken! And Fierce Fridays!

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    Replies
    1. We should at BlogHer! Let's have Joules make a schedule of ridiculous events because of how she is very organized. Mine would be written on a napkin.

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    2. Good idea... I'll make some pie charts! ;-P

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    3. Words cannot appropriately express my level of excitement. Punctuation can. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    4. Haha, your spacing shows commitment.

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    5. And then I will instagram my pie chart. And then I will blog about it. With pictures of us all doing dance chicken outside the elevators. Because that will be FREAKING AWESOME!

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  12. My poor interns have been forced to participate in Intern Wars with one of our other locations. One particularly intense year, the winners were ultimately named when they planned, baked for, and executed an excellent themed party. Don't feel too bad for them, I also scored them a sweet ride in an awesome military aircraft. And I bought them breakfast burritos on the regular...

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    1. Haha that's awesome! Anything that makes work a little bit more fun is great. I bought my interns post-work drinks more than breakfast (they were all 21) but I never got them a ride in anything exciting.

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  13. Jennifer T2/06/2013

    I used to work in a super busy outpatient surgery department, and one of the surgery trasporters and I were constanly pranking each other. His favorite thing to do would be to tape or rubber band my phone receiver to the base, then call from random extensions. I would be in a frenzy to get the phone free. He also loved to grab the mouse ball out of my computer mouse and take it with him. (Harmless) pranking at work is fun. You have to love what you do, since you spend so much time at your job.

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    1. Absolutely, the HARMLESS part emphasized. If my intern hadn't had fun with it then I absolutely would not have done it. I might be mischievous but I swear I'm not a bully!

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  14. I'd watch your back, Lauren. While this isn't technically a prank, Matt may want to even the score. Maybe he'd even try to recruit Ryan and OJ. Matty-who-isn't-Matt, are you taking notes? This is your chance to shine, you should take advantage of it in the most public way possible. Don't worry, Lauren can use it as a blog topic - she won't mind.

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    1. Oh yeah, I wouldn't mind at all! Get your revenge all you like!

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  15. Hm. I officially nominate myself if you are taking blogging interns. Never been around much office pranking. My last job was at the Pentagon and they take themselves FAR too seriously around there. And now I work a block from the White House so the snipers on roofs looking through our windows scares us all into orderly work behavior. Sigh... at least I can experience joy and laughter through your blog : )

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    1. Those snipers sound intense! That would scare the bejeezus out of me. I so so so wish I could have blogging interns! I just would have to pay them in butterfly stickers and jellybeans.

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  16. Anonymous2/06/2013

    seriously laughed outloud at my desk. i wish i had thought of these hilarious ideas to prank people at work. Lorrie

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    Replies
    1. Please feel free to use any/all of them!

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  17. We had two snowmen that my boss kept outside his office around Christmas and as I would work way later than everyone else at a task that had a lot of down time waiting on another person before I could get it done, I got creative. I would take them and put them in various positions all around the office and tape the picture outside his door after returning them to their place. The "boy" going into the ladies room, eating a certain picky persons food, photocopying their butts, you know, normal stuff snowpeople do when left alone at night. The other employees would actually come to his door each morning to see what mischief had been gotten into the night before, there was a whole montage on the wall by his door by the time the holidays were over. Our office got very stressed for 3/4 of the year with us being in the green industry, so I tried to find ways to help people let off steam a bit.

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    1. I seriously LOVE this. If someone did that in my office I would have thought it was the coolest thing of all time. You are awesome!

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    2. Well thank you. :-) You should do a post on that, change things here & there around the house and fill us in on Ryan's reactions. One of the things I really miss about working outside the home is having people to mess with. My husband and kids aren't quite as receptive. :-)

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  18. We love pranking at this office. Well, I should say half the office loves it and the other half tries to call in sick when they suspect they are going to be pranked.

    We have:

    1. Used duct tape to generate walls around our admin's "office" in the front room and refused to enter without knocking, hearing her say, "Come in," and pretending to open the door. We would pretend we couldn't hear anything she said unless she opened the door.

    2. Called and told a client that we accidentally input a number backwards (I called and blamed my coworker for the error) and their 5 digit refund was actually the amount they owed. Oh, and the IRS was going to draft that amount tomorrow which was coincidentally April 1st.

    3. Flipped someone's office around so all the items that face the window now faced the door, the door stuff faced the window.

    4. Changed printer port mappings so people had to wander around the office to find what they printed.

    Wow. Reading this, I'm kind of difficult to work for if you don't have a sense of humor. I did spend one day only answering questions with a magic eight ball once which I found hysterical. My coworkers were not as amused.

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    1. Holy crap, I would both want to kill you & join you!

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    2. Haha, holy pranking Batman! I think it's all about the people. As long as everyone thinks it's all in good fun then is perfectly harmless. I really love the Magic Eight Ball idea by the way, might steal it.

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  19. I would LOVE to be your blogging intern and I definitely hang up my phone multiple times a day calling someoen a jerk or something..not as nice.

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    1. Haha you can start tomorrow if you are alright with being paid in leftover Christmas candy.

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  20. I just want to make it totally clear that you played chicken with the chicken dance!

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  22. OMG, your pranks are awesome! I've always been too wimpy to play pranks on people, I'm
    terrified of people being mad at me. I want to be your intern! mememe!

    FYI- I've had night terrors the past few nights, too. It's the aliens! (not really... at least I hope not)

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  23. That's awesome, I think it would be super fun to work with you!!

    Shortly after I started at my current job, I became friends with a co-worker who can only be described as the "class clown". We were always joking around and having fun. Being a fan of the US version of The Office, I decided to copy one of Jim's pranks on Michael, so on a Friday afternoon, I swiped my co-worker's favorite coffee mug and put it in Jell-o. I got to work early on Monday morning, set it on his desk, and hid around the corner so I could hear his reaction. He took it well and the whole office had a laugh over it. My co-worker vowed he would get me back but to this day, I hold the Prank record.

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  24. Was his name Chris? Because I had a friend in high school and she had a younger brother we used to torment by calling him Chrissy. It was awesome!

    Dance Chicken sounds like fun, unfortunately at my work we have those 'corner' mirrors everywhere, so it wouldn't work out so well for us. Also my boss would probably join in, so it'd be more like 'dance party' instead of 'dance chicken'.

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  25. I'd love to be your blog intern. I'm wanting to start one up but am more than a little intimidated.

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  26. We should take bets. I'm going with Nick. So Nicky. Or Nikki. Or Nicki. Or Nikky. Either way, your interns name was Nick. Anyone else have a bet on his real name??

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  27. When I worked as a Birthday Party Hostess/Supervisor at 16, I would mercilessly tease a 13 year old host called Kevin: I would change his name every once in a while and start referring to him a Hernando Consuelo or Jermaine. And any time he disapeared behind our supply podium, I would accuse him of snorting lines back there.

    Poor kid.

    It was an awesome job.

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  28. I am seriously impressed by your creativity right now. I once had that sort of relationship with my boss. He was the prankster type, mainly focused on trying to startle/scare people and get them to scream. Except that I don't startle easily and I never scream, so he began to focus all his attention on me. He would come in early and hide in dark buildings and behind doors, place rubber cockroaches and spiders under my papers, even tied fishing line to a raccoon hat and rigged it up to look like a wild animal crossing my path. Good times. I, naturally, was an angel and just tolerated him. Although I found out that he had deliberately never told anyone at work when his birthday was, so I asked to see his driver's license picture as part of a conversation one day, then memorized his birthday, waited until that day, and tied balloons to EVERYTHING so that he would have to hurriedly try to destroy them before anyone figured out it was his birthday. I even had the security guard hand him one at the front gate.

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  29. When I worked as a lifeguard one summer, we always played little pranks on the kids. We had all the kids convinced that one of the guys that worked there was from Australia.

    But my favorite prank is when we filled my roommate's whole room with balloons, and covered every inch of the walls in post-its. We made him cookies to make up for it though.

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    Replies
    1. What about that time your dad said that you had a message from 'Myra Mains' and gave you a phone number to call. To the local funeral home. You were so pissed about that....Especially since it worked not just once, but twice.

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    2. What about that time your dad said that you had a message from 'Myra Mains' and gave you a phone number to call. To the local funeral home. You were so pissed about that....Especially since it worked not just once, but twice.

      Delete
  30. My office is so boring comparing to your coworkers, nobody here even thinks of pranks and I don't think they will laugh about it either.

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  31. Lisa in Seattle2/06/2013

    I hate pranks with a passion, so I never do 'em and I don't take kindly to 'em either. My husband, though, is an excellent prankster at work - they're always funny and entertaining and never make anybody feel bad or cause any damage. He managed to fill a co-worker's overhead storage bins with packing peanuts so when she opened them, all these styro bits cascaded down (he cleaned up for her). He occasionally changed the office manager's name in the phone system to read out in different nicknames. The only thing he did to me was once he got to the parking lot before I did and hid behind another car. He had my spare keys, and when I pushed the button on my alarm to unlock the door, just as I reached for the handle he locked it again. This happened three times before he stepped into view. He said if he'd had a videocamera at the time, we could have cleaned up on AFV.

    I heard about a prank at MSFT many years ago that involved crawling into the space above a guy's office, removing a ceiling tile, and dumping a carton full of Superballs onto his desk while he sat there. This may be apocryphal, however.

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  32. Nicky would work quite well. I'm going to read all of the Matt and Matty references as Nicky now.

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  33. omg, i would love to work with someone like you! that sounds all sorts of awesome! i especially loved how you matched with him everyday!

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  34. A couple of years ago, I convinced everyone on Fracebook that I had gotten fired from my job. Everyone was all..."OMG! I'm so sorry...Those jerks..." and then I revealed that it was an April Fool's joke and everyone was all..."OMG! You jerk!" except for the people that didn't get the second part of the memo...and months later when I actually quit in the most satisfying way, they were all, "What? Didn't you get fired from there months ago?"

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  35. I will be your blogging intern, but only because you believe in Starbucks. And, I also believe in Starbucks. I'm also afraid of getting a grown-up job and becoming a productive member of society. I don't know what kind of pants you were wearing, but if they were awesome enough for him to comment on them, then I also want to wear those pants.

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  36. I came across your blog recently and you crack me up. Please promise me when those dependents are no longer pending you won't become soft:) Thanks for the laughs!

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  37. We never did pranks per se, but embarrassing each other was just part of the job. My favorite was when we found a singing telegram for my bosses birthday and it was this huge man dressed as a fairy that showed up at the office. My boss embarrasses easily, and was bright red the whole time. So to get back at our other boss (who OK'd the whole idea) he got the information from the company and ordered a singing telegram for him! I think we must have hired people from that company at least once a week for a month with the two of them getting back at each other! Random.

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  38. I like to scare my husband and kids but that's about it.
    My grandmother however, is a ditzy blonde and I could tell you some hilarious stories about her!

    Such as: The other day she got Burger King and there was something wrong with her meal so she went to call them. She started complaining as soon as they said hello and kept talking about her whopper. The lady kept trying to interrupt her and my gram was not having it. Finally, the lady got a word in and goes "Ma'am. This is Mcdonalds."

    I died a little bit.

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  39. I've never pranked or been pranked good enough to remember it. But my younger brother always, every single year on every single holiday, tells my mom and her side of the family that he got his current girlfriend pregnant. Even though everyone knows it's a joke, the idea is so scary that everyone still goes silent until he verifies it's a lie!

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  40. Anonymous2/06/2013

    Oh my..."That Pleasant Circle Jerk!" It took me a minute (very tired). But then I started laughing so hard, while trying to stay quiet, that my husband woke up in a panic because he thought I was crying. I will read this to him tomorrow when he is awake, he will love it too. I can only imagine their faces just after it was said. he he. Thank you, I really needed that laugh today.
    Liz

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  41. Haha, that sweater thing is genius!

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  42. I remember once I sent an invoice I mocked up to a workmate for a down pipe he'd accidentally hit with a forklift. He freaked out and I had to catch him before he went to beg our supervisor not to make him pay it.

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  43. Debbie2/07/2013

    once, years ago, we were getting a rash of those 'may i speak to the person who handles the purchasing of your office supplies' phone calls. newsflash, we arent that fancy, if someone needs somthing, they run to office max w/ the company credit card. we dont have time to assign job titles in this place. anyway, i got tired of trying to explain this to people so i just invented a person named 'frank' who was in charge, but never seemed to be in. one friday a guy called & i used the ol 'oh you want to speak w/ frank, but hes not in right now' & this guy was all 'gee, everytime i call you say franks not in, does he really exist?' so i got equally smug & said that frank was indeed a real person & he just happened to be on a hunting trip right now but that hed be back on monday....so monday came & the guy called back & asked for frank. since i already knew it was mr smug calling, i let out a little gasp & choked sob & said, "oh my god, FRANKS DEAD!!". mr smug was all shocked & was like, "how did he die??" & i said, "it was terrible, he was shot by his best friend who thought he was a deer in the woods, I TOLD FRANK TO WEAR THE ORANGE SWEATSHIRT!!!!". mr smug had no idea what to say & quickly got off the phone. a co worker was in my office listening the whole time & was rolling (literally) on the floor laughing. of course the next day when we received condolence flowers from mr smugs company, my boss decided it wasnt that funny & i got in trouble, but it still goes down as the best thing thats ever happened around here & 11 years later, my co worker & i still love re-telling the story to new people.

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  44. As HR, one of my jobs is to introduce any new employees around the workplace. I especially like to single out someone that has been irritating me lately and tell the new employee that, "So-and-so is hard of hearing, so you will have to speak up when you are talking to them." Then introduce them. Ah, fun times. I don't let it go on for too long, though.

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  45. A couple of years ago my oldest was in fifth grade and the little one in fourth. One day I got a frantic phone call from the older one saying that the little one hadn't gotten on the school bus and they already left school and she didn't know what to do. I immediately hung up the phone and called the school and had them running around looking for my "baby". About 5 minutes later I got a second phone call from the older one saying "April Fools!! she's here with me on the bus." I had to call the school and the transportation office to let them know I had been April fooled.... grrr. My daughter is still very proud of the fact that she "got me". I have to admit, I am too! :)
    PS: I don't always comment but I do check your blog everyday.
    PPS: thanks for the christmas card. It was a little weird explaining to my family who you all were, but at the same time it was awesome! I love that you took the time to send those out to your readers.

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  46. I was reading this and literally clapped my hand over my mouth when I read "Pleasant Circle Jerk". So much awesomeness!

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  47. I wish there was a way to attach pictures here cause we wrapped a co-workers cube in Christmas paper, in like July.

    It was awesome.

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  48. Ligouri2/07/2013

    So, all I can think of is finding out his name. And the name "Doll" keeps popping into my head. And now I can't figure out why you would work with a guy named Dolly.

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  49. Hahahahaha, hilarious!!! Pleasant circle jerks, indeed.

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  50. I kinda want to work with you. I play pranks of my friends all the time. I am a teacher and always play pranks on my neighboring teacher(we share a wall and door). One day when she went to the bathroom, I moved all my kids to her room and all her kids to mine...they all played along and she came back and started teaching totally differnt kids. I also llama bombed her classroom when she was gone one day...printed out about 500 pics of llamas and stuck them all over her room. It was awesome. A few years ago I made a big announcement to congratulate my fellow teacher for winning the Pickle Eating contest over the weekend...i love doing dumb stuff. Makes a boring day way more fun!

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