Sometimes You All Think I Am A Sane Person. And Then I Tell You Things Like This.

See Blogstalkers?  I told you I was going to start taking this blogging a whole heck of a lot more seriously.

So along with having just entered the new year, my 29th birthday is this coming Monday (the 7th).  This year will really represent the very last year of my 20s.  I think I'm ok with that.  I have freaking out moments but for the most part, 30 is not as terrifying as it used to be.  I do want to make the most of this year and do as many things as I can before I have miniature ladies and fellows to care for, so as well as my ridiculous resolutions, I'm working on creating a 30 before 30 list.  I'm sure I'll show it to you when it's finished.  Let me know if you have any grand ideas.

In the meantime, let's talk about something that only one person in this world - my husband - knows about me.  I don't DO baths.  And it's really hard to explain why not.   And that is why I never tell people.  UNFORTUNATELY there was a giant lovely deep bathtub in our room on our honeymoon and our "Butler" Jonathan was constantly running lovely aromatic baths for me and I was constantly draining them after he left and saying things like "This is not a Victorian novella Jonathan!  Do I strike you as the Duchess of Bath?"  The last night though he outdid himself and the tub smelled delightful and was full of bubbles and flowers and tiny floating lights and I knew Ryan wouldn't let me ignore it without some sort of explanation.  So I sighed and gave in.

Lauren: I'm going to drain the bath you know.

Ryan: I know.  I assume you might tell me now why you're so terrified of bathing?

Lauren:  Ok first, that was poorly said.  I shower all the time.

Ryan: Fine, why are you so terrified of bath-ing?

Lauren: I'm embarrassed, this is so weird.

Ryan: I was positive it would be.

Lauren: I'm really not scared of baths per say, it's just that I have this weird reoccurring vision that uh...thebathtubisgoingtofallthroughthefloorwithmeinit.

Ryan: I did not quite catch that.

Lauren: If I'm in a bath, I just can not for some reason, stop thinking about what would happen if the tub just like, fell through the floor with me in it.

Ryan: You don't take baths because you think that might die from a tragic bathtub accident?

Lauren: NO.  That's not it at all.  Because I don't die.  I don't even get hurt.  But like all of a sudden I'm in the resort room below this and I have NO WAY to explain myself. and I have no towel and the nice French couple staying below us is flustered and shouting SACRE BLEU! And I am shouting I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!  And then I'm trying to climb up the dresser and back into the hole in the ceiling and then resort security runs in and and sees that the French couple is not "Probably high on Island Mushrooms" like they thought and there is indeed a crouching nude girl on the top of the bureau.  And things go downhill from there.

Ryan: That is nuts, you know that right?

Lauren: Oh yeah, totally.  There's no way I wouldn't get hurt if I fell through the floor in a ceramic bathtub.

Ryan: Something like that.  Is this why you have never used our tub at home?

Lauren: Yes sir.

Ryan:  And you're fine bathing things like dogs and babies in a tub just not getting in yourself?

Lauren: Correct.

Ryan: Ok I can deal with that.  Let's go to dinner.

And then we never talked about it again until two days ago when I made my resolutions list and added "Take a Bath" because in our new place we have the deepest longest most wonderful whirlpool tub and it's sad that it doesn't get used.

And then last night.  I totally took a bath.  No bubbles because I'm still working through a separate If-I Can't-See Through-The-Water-Then-It-Probably-Has-An-Eel-In-It fear but I totally took a bath.  And I didn't even one time think about what would happen if the tub fell through the floor.  (It would land in our empty garage where there are loads of bags of clothes just waiting to donated so I could easily get dressed and let myself back in the house without anyone noticing.)

I did though, make sure the big garage door was closed twice while the water was running.  You can never be too safe Blogstalkers.

So this is crazy and I'm embarrassed that I just told you all this.  Tell me one of your irrational worries in response?  Or give me a suggestion for my 30 before 30 list?

176 comments:

  1. you shouldn't be embarrassed.
    i can't seem to justify a bath because all i think about is ruminating in my own filth.

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    1. That doesn't bother me too much. I would never take a bath INSTEAD of a shower, just in addition to my showers. And I rinse off with the shower head at the end. But I get it.

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    2. I am the same way! I need to shower BEFORE and AFTER the bath thus eliminating any realxational pleasures the bath may otherwise provide. so I just... don't. And in further germaphobic bathtub news, hotel bathtubs??? forget about my own filth - who knows what kind of debauchery has gone in there.

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    3. That is also my anti-bath reason. I too have to shower before and after, or atleast after a bath. Pool, hot tubs, ocean, whatever else I'm fine, but a single person size tub of water, can't do it.

      Brittny

      Bsnovelwritingblog.blogspot.com

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    4. Yeah, have never done a hotel bath. Didn't even use our gigantic honeymoon spa bath. I know my own tub is clean and I figure if I've showered that morning and then rinse again after the bath, I'm doing alright. But I know lots of my friends hate baths for the same reasons.

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  2. I just stumbled over your blog and I'm liking it. Want to know what I love? The "do not try to steal my shit, yo" disclaimer at the bottom. Hilarious!

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    1. Glad you're liking it! I always forget that disclaimer is there until someone comments on it!

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  3. I'm terrified that if I close the shower curtain in our bathroom that something will materialize in the tub and jump out at me the second that I go into the washroom.

    My mother in law can't go to sleep until she checks each and every cupboard in her house, especially if she has gone out throughout the day. I have to check every single room to do the same. At least our crazy is mutual.

    My dog is afraid of ducks. He is a 60 pound boxer, and he cannot get away from them fast enough.
    Feel better?

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    1. I used to do sort of the opposite of the shower curtain thing! I used to be terrified to take a shower behind an opaque curtain, because of murderers, obviously.

      I check the rooms of my house only on nights when Ryan is gone and I am alone, but I tell myself that is because I am practical and not neurotic.

      Haha! I love dogs! They are afraid of the most ridiculous things (not that I'm not I guess.) I have a tiny windup Mickey Mouse and both of my tiny dogs are positive it was sent here by the devil to slowly walk towards them.

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    2. I shower with a foot of shower curtain open ever since I decided it was a good idea to wake up to sweeney Todd one day. Somehow I want to see the evil man with razor coming?

      This has the added benefit or improving the amount to which I can hear NPR in the morning.

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    3. I had a cat who was terrified of bananas. So it's not only dogs!

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    4. Sophie I love that you do that too! We have glass shower doors now but at the last place I was always scootching the shower curtain open a bit and then making up leaking shower stories when my husband wondered how the floor got so wet.

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    5. Amanda - That totally cracks me up. Bananas.

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    6. I have two dogs, one who is terrified of cameras. She goes to the nearest corner and bangs her head repeatedly until the camera is put away. Her sister meanwhile photo bombs practically every pic any of us take.

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    7. I use to have a chocolate lab who was afraid of sheep and motorcycles. It's a long story.

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  4. Thank you for sharing, Lauren. I love that you've created a safe space for us. With that, here is my irrational fear: that I will somehow become untethered from my spaceship during a space walk and float quietly and serenely away through outer space, completely powerless to do anything, until my oxygen runs out and I die a horrible death. Am I an astronaut? No. Do I have ambitions to be one? No. Will I ever in my entire life be in space? No. Do I hyperventilate every time I hear the song "Major Tom"? Yes.

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    1. Ok so there was a newish show that got canceled recently that that actually happened on! I think Ron Livingston was in it? And Ryan made me watch it. The guy just slowly floated away and there was nothing to be done....shudder....I don't think about that often, but I totally totally get it.

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  5. You know what? Not adding bubbles to a whirlpool tub is actually a good idea. The jets make the bubbles go OUT OF CONTROL. So then it's either turn off the jets or be smothered by a wall of bubbles. I probably just gave you another phobia. I'm sorry.

    30 before 30- wear penguin hats with Katie.

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    1. Added to my 30 before 30 list! Even if it like July 17th and too hot for penguin hats.

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    2. Ugh. I will BE 30 by July 17th. That's terrifying.

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    3. Well then we simply must get it done before your birthday!

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  6. I love baths, except for the "falling through floor" part (my parent's house was raised 6ft off the ground because they live along a river that is prone to flooding, I feel it was a rational fear) and the "germ-y water" part (just, blech!). My solution is to always read in the tub, then I'm thinking about the story and how awesome it is (or isn't) and not any of that other stuff. :)

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    1. I'm sorry that you understand my irrational "fear" but this comment just made me feel so much better. Although, honestly I think you probably have much more of a right than I do to fear the tub collapsing through the floor, given the background of the situation.

      P.S. I totally did just read for like an hour last night and cleared my mind. It was actually sort of awesome.

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    2. Another plus-Guaranteed uninterrupted quite time, as long as I lock the door, away from my husband who insists that interrupting my reading is not as annoying as I say it is...

      Also, the good thing about 'irrational fears' is that you can always find a way to rationalize it to yourself, which is the only person who matters. :)

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  7. Megan M.1/03/2013

    I'm turning 29 on the 13th! Happy Early Birthday!

    I'm still scared of Freddy Krueger. If I take a bath with bubbles then all I can think about is a knife hand suddenly popping out and slashing me to bits.

    My husband thinks my fears are adorable but he also thinks that if I would just watch the movies again, I would be totally cured. He once insisted that I watch the trailer for the newest remake until I started sobbing and screaming "I just can't do it! I can't!"

    Why do scary movies always have to ruin bathrooms for you? The one room that you absolutely HAVE to go to at least two or three times a day?

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    1. Happy Early Birthday! to you as well!

      I've never seen the Freddy Krueger movies. I'm awful with movies. Every tiny little thing terrifies me. And you want to know what ruined toilets for me? An episode of Scrubs, a sitcom. I can't even tell you what I think about when I have to run to the bathroom now.

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  8. I'm terrified of those sidewalk snow plows.... you know, the ones you can outrun easily. Why? I have no clue. Never had a bad expirence with one, never was chased by one, one has never hit me or my car... I just have panic attacks when one is near me. Almost hyperventilated on the way to work yesterday because one was doing it's duty, quite well I might add, and it was within 4 city blocks of me.

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    1. Haha! Welcome to the club of "Why The Heck Am I Afraid of THAT?" We get patches for each of our irrational fears.

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  9. Meghan1/03/2013

    Cows! Absolutely terrified of cows! My brother still moo's at me from time to time just for amusements sake.

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    1. My SIL is terrified of deer. Her brothers are always certain to point out deer crossing signs while driving. They almost make her cry! I'm sure she would completely understand the cow thing!

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  10. I think about that too! It has to have happened at least once, somewhere, right? I live on the first floor in my apartment complex, so now I think about how awful it would be if my upstairs neighbor's tub fell on me while I was in the bathtub/shower.

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    1. AH! I've never thought about it in reverse! I used to do the same thing with bunk beds though. Which is why I always insisted on being on the top. Better the squisher than the squishee am I right?

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  11. I have these terrible dreams where I am essentially trapped on an elevator or keep trying to get on one and failing. They are never normal elevators, sometimes they are the size of a room, other times the floors are trap doors, or you have to jump over a huge gap to get onto the elevator. Claustrophobia, much? I'm okay riding on elevators, but god help me if I ever get trapped on one. (I may just jinxed myself!)

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    1. I'm ok with elevators unless they are too crowded. And then it's not because of a claustrophobia thing but rather a "this elevator is going to fall" thing. I think it's all related to my fear of heights. Fingers crossed you never ever get trapped on an elevator, like ever.

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  12. That sounds like my fear of flushing toilets as a child. My mom made me watch this ridiculously stupid, scary movie called C.H.U.D. (which stood for Cannibalistic Human Underground Dwellers). I was 5 years old. All those monsters coming up from the sewers traumatized me until I was 12. And, even then, I would 'flush and run'...lol.

    When I turned 20, I went back and rented that movie. I laughed my ass off through the entire thing (well, not really), but it was not nearly as scary as my 5-year old mind remembered.

    So, no, you're not alone in your silly fears...nice post, Lauren.

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    1. I was traumatized by Arachnophobia (the movie) until I was like 12 too! I have never heard of that movie, but as a 5 year old it probably would have made me cry!

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    2. I was well versed in Jason, Freddie, and plenty of other weird monsters or zombies. My mother was a horror-movie freak. That's probably why I don't like those movies much. I am more of a true-life movie type of girl. I like movies I can relate to...and Arachnophobia scares me more today than C.H.U.D. does...lol. I am at my friend's house and was showing her your blog. She was like, "You're the first person I know that knows about that movie!" I'm like, "Haha! Same here!" (Mom doesn't count).

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    3. I really like true-life movies too. And romantic comedies, and some dramas, especially historical stuff (just watched The King's Speech for the first time last night.) My cousin is just like your mom. She doesn't have kids yet but she like...waits in line to see Saw 3 the night it comes out. Weirdo.

      I'm totally going to look up this CHUD movie now. Not watch it. Just look it up. I'm sort of interested. Tell your friend I said Hello! I'm sure she won't be weirded out at all that some strange girl on the internet that she doesn't know is saying hi to her.

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    4. Nah, she's much stranger...lol.

      Now, the Saw movies I watched every one. I did love the Saw movies...there's an exception to the general rule. Saw II was the best!

      But, yeah, comedies, romantic, suspense, drama...true stories. I need to relate and be able to 'get into' the movie. Same with books.

      Have fun being grossed out.

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    5. Gah!! I watched the trailer and that was a mistake. What is up with their eyes? And their teeth? ::shudder::

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    6. IDK...if I remember right, they were humans turned monster because of some radioactivity. Thank God our computers can make better movies than that now (save money on seaweed).

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  13. Cassie L1/03/2013

    I never got over the "There is something in the closet" fear. To this day I cannot sleep with the closet door open, it MUST be closed. I guess I figure if it is closed then whatever is in there can't see me and I will be just fine. My husband thinks this is the funniest thing in the world.

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    1. I sleep with closet door closed too! And my room door! I even lock the bedroom door. I'm sure that'll change once children are in the picture, but it just makes me feel safer now.

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    2. Cassie L1/04/2013

      Not it doesn't lol, I have three and they all sleep with their closet doors wide open and it constantly freaks me out.

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  14. Anonymous1/03/2013

    It's not quite that I have an irrational fear of crossing bridges (the fear being perfectly rational, of course). The irrational thing is that the only way I can cross long bridges is by visualizing myself crashing into the water below. Somehow I just know that if the Bay Bridge (4 effing miles over the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland of why-can-I-see-through-the-guardrails-what-kind-of-crazy-person-designed-this-thing?!) gives way underneath me, I am going to be able to maneuver within the car such that it will dive perfectly into the water without causing any significant injuries, and that I'll then be able to open the window and swim away from the falling debris. But if I don't start planning for it before I start the journey, I just know that I will undoubtedly get sideswiped by a truck (it happened once, thankfully not on a bridge, but I'm pretty sure this is what they call PTSD) and shoved sideways over the guardrail, ending in a fiery death underwater. It's all about being prepared--like being a Boy Scout, but horribly morbid.

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    1. Gephyophobia right? My mom hates bridges with a passion. If a bridge doesn't have at least three lanes so she can use the center lane then she sometimes cries and always yells at the person in the car with her to be quiet so she can concentrate.

      A 4 mile bridge sounds scary even to me, I think that is perfectly rational to be afraid of a bridge anything like that. I'm actually sort of impressed with your preparation. I think I'm going to start doing that. Like, instead of being like "this elevator is entirely too full and is definitely going to fall" I'll just think "when this elevator falls you need to figure out the exact moment of impact and jump."

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    2. Alison1/03/2013

      I have had a recurring bridge nightmare since I was a little! Specifically, the Golden Gate Bridge. The weird thing is that it wasn't really the bridge that freaked me out, it was this girl who was walking on the bridge and as I drove by in my dream (weird in itself since I wasn't old enough to drive), she would make prolonged creepy eye contact as I passed by. Then I went to grad school in San Francisco and while I was there, a little kid who was visiting the city actually FELL THROUGH part of the bridge and died -- the tragedy only added to my phobia. One summer I was offered a job that was on the other damn side of the Golden Gate Bridge. I almost turned it down but I really wanted the job so I actually drove across the bridge twice a day for two months. But yeah, I was white knuckling it the whole time!

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    3. Anonymous2/26/2013

      There is this 22 mile long bridge on I10 in Louisiana and it is the only one I ever have trouble with. Every visit I make with my family to go visit people out in Texas, I ask someone else to drive over that bridge. Then somehow I end up driving over the darn thing, panicking the whole time. Terrible.

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  15. Say what?! I'm not sure what the problem is, this all seems perfectly legitimate to me. (I love your blog btw).
    Also, thank you so much for my Chrimbo card. I love post. I'm sorry I didn't send you one back, I failed at Christmas this year after having fallen into a metaphorical late 19th century home renovation hole.
    I turn 30 in March, if I am to achieve 30 things before then I will need to get a shift on, unless I can count things like making dinner and feeding the cat and then I'll achieve thousands of things.
    How about getting pregnant before 30?

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    1. Getting pregnant before thirty is HIGH ON MY LIST. I'm not sure it's quite as high on Ryan's list. (He turns 30 in October and also, does not have a list.)

      So glad you like the blog and the Christmas card! Sorry if it arrived to you late! Don't even worry about not sending one in return, was not expected or necessary in the least!

      Happy Early 30th!

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  16. Kaitlin1/03/2013

    Instead of New Year's resolutions, I make a list of things to do (as many as the age I'm turning) during those 365 days. This year, I visited a few places I'd been meaning to go, threw a cocktail party, read 40 books, and celebrated New Year's.

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    1. That's awesome! I love that idea! Good luck when you're turning like 92!

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  17. I'm making a 30B30 list too! But my birthday is in 6 months, so I really should get on that.

    And I have an irrational fear of drains. Like Jump-out-of-the-shower-and-almost-die-slipping-on-the-bathroom-floor-to-get-away-from-the-drain. I blame a book I had when I was a little kid, it had this whole underground world and now I'm damaged.

    I should totally blog about this....

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    1. I really really really want to know what book this was because I have a creeping feeling that I read it as well but that it had the opposite effect on me. I used to put water and pieces of cereal down all the drains in my house to appease the underworld.

      And yes, totally blog about it! Also, just saw a picture you posted on FB recently (I think you're wearing a pink sari sort of thing and the picture is GORGEOUS!)

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    2. I would say either "IT" by Stephen King or the one with Morlock holes...I forget the name. Both terrified me of drains and sewer grating. "we float down here". *shudder*

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    3. Nope Mel, it was a children's book. I think it was called The Tub People, but I'll have to consult my equally damaged little sister to be sure.

      I'll be sure to blog about it soon (and link back here :)

      p.s.- Thanks Lauren! I'm rather fond of that picture myself!

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  18. I am 36 and still convinced that something under the bed wants to get me. Nevermind the fact that under the bed is so crammed with stuff that I could easily dispatch anything that tries to get me.

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    1. I should clarify. I could easily destroy anything from under the bed because it would be minuscule. Also, I still freak out that there is... the boogieman from under my bed having a leisurely stroll around my house when I am in the shower. In this scenario, my disloyal dogs are letting him wander. Jerk dogs.

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    2. That seems perfectly reasonable. I may or may not have chosen my current bed frame because it sits flush to the ground making it so there is no "under the bed." No reason to give undesirables more places to hide right?

      I so get the shower thing! I only shower when I'm home alone if I have to. I'd much rather my husband was home keeping an eye out for monsters and ghouls.

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    3. Cassie L1/04/2013

      I must admit I bought my current shower curtain because it is "clear-ish" and I can see if someone is walking around while I shower. Darn imaginary creepers.

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  19. I go through these periods where I'm afraid to ride escalators. I think they're going to go incredibly fast and eat me whole.

    When I was little, I wouldn't ride one.

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    1. Anonymous1/03/2013

      I LOATHE escalotrs with a fiery passion, so I avoid them at all cost. Of course, seeing a kid get trapped in one when I was a wee one doesn't help much...

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    2. Ahh! Seeing someone get trapped would definitely do it for me. Yikes. I don't mind escalators I just hate the ones that are really tall and have like nothing on the other side of the railing. It's a heights thing.

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    3. Anonymous2/26/2013

      My child totally tripped on the escalator at Universal Studios, got her dress caught and damaged a shoe. I snatched her up and away from the evil thing before anything awful happened and she remained very angry with me for two days because I ripped her dress. I won't get on one with her even now and that was 3 years ago.

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  20. Brittany B1/03/2013

    Ya know, that's not such a crazy fear! I can't sit on a toilet while it's flushing (the Potty Monster from Look Who's Talking Too scarred me), so I have to avoid ato-flushers in public restrooms.

    As for 30 before 30, I recommend you and Ryan dressing up at Easter as the Easter Rabbit and a helper bunny and going to a charity event for kids around that time to hand out candy and hugs. I did it one year for a Special Olympics even, and I have to say, it is one of my favorite memories, even with the mad sweat stain I had running from my hairline to my posterior when I took the costume off. (Yes, March in Georgia gets HOT, y'all!) It's something fun, a great thing to do, and will give you an AWESOME blog post!

    Good luck with the bubbles girl!

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    1. Haha it seems like everyone has some sort of bathroom fear!!

      That's a great idea too! I'm sure Ryan would only do it if AGAIN, OJ flew in from Dallas and dressed up like a small chick or something. But I'll bring it up. I wonder if any of the hospitals in the area look for people to dress up from time to time? I would definitely do that. And I will tell you, I can not imagine how you handled GA in a bunny costume at Easter. Chicago in a Claus costume at Christmas was even like BOILING.

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  21. Meaghan1/03/2013

    Aside from when I'm showering, I never fully close the shower curtain. I leave both ends open just enough that I can see if there is a murderer lurking inside waiting to kill me while I brush my teeth.

    And my best friend informed me last year on my birthday that 29 is the victory lap of your 20s. You look back at all the dumb crap you did, celebrate surviving it and plan to make your 30s kick ass. So I'm spending the next 7 months doing just that.

    One of the big things on my list is skydiving with my brothers in the spring since my husband is terrified of heights. There are also lots of books to be read as well.

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    1. I like your (and your friend's) attitude! I might adopt it as well.

      I can never ever go skydiving. My grandfather was part of the 82nd Airborne in WWII which was one the parachuting troops to land on Normandy Beach. He made all of his grandkids promise to never jump out of a plane. (Though I can't say I would do it anyway...much too scared.)

      Have so so much fun with that though! I know people who have done it and loved it!

      And Amen on the books. My stack only seems to grow.

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    2. I love the victory lap idea. I loved turning 30 and it was because I took stock of my life and it was awesome - I was where I wanted to be, doing what I wanted to do, with the people I loved.

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  22. I'm am irrationally terrified of spiders to the point where I have nearly gotten in car accidents twice when they appear suddenly in the car.

    The first time, a huge one dropped down next to me while I was riding shotgun in my best friend's giant boat of a Buick when we were in high school. I simultaneously screamed, unbuckled myself, scooted into the middle of the bench seat, and swatted it with Kleenex box that was on the seat. It took about 1.5 seconds for the entire ordeal to take place. My friend turned to me and said, "Don't you ever do that to me again!"

    The second time, I was driving, by myself, at night, on the highway, and a spider went skittering diagonally across the inside of my windshield. I simultaneously screamed and somehow reached down and grabbed a reusable shopping bag from the floor on the passenger side and used it to squash the spider.

    I also have recurring nightmares that my teeth are crumbling and falling out. I wake up with my heart racing.

    My 45-lb German Shepherd mix is terrified of balloons.

    I think we all have irrational fears.

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    1. MonicaC - if you haven't read this yet then you should. I think you would completely understand!

      http://www.allthingsgd.com/2009/01/saved-by-saint.html (might have to copy/paste)

      I HATE spiders too, but I don't quite so nuts. Anything that stings on the other hand, I might actually like bail from a moving vehicle.

      Ryan has the same sort of dream about his teeth, I guess it has to do with fear of losing something important? Or it's just a dream, one of those two.

      And I'm right there with your dog. I think I've written about this before, but I will not go near a balloon. They've made me cry before.

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    2. I had the same dream about my teethe, but it was a bad nightmare, because in my dream, I had just drank out of a pitcher of milk that had a dead, black cat in it. Not quite sure what that was all about...

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    3. See, I don't consider a fear of spiders as irrational. Those mother-flippers are vicious and sneaky. I'm mightily impressed that you managed to touch one with your hand, even through a bag.
      About the teeth dream, I know this might be a bit literal, but have you been to the dentist recently? I used to have recurring dreams about my teeth falling out, but they stopped once I started going to the dentist regularly.

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    4. Loved the link, Lauren. I'm not quite THAT bad about spiders, but just looking at one is enough to make my stomach turn. Thankfully, I have a very understanding husband who just rolls his eyes at me when I fearfully squeak out "Hun! A spider! Get it!" Bonus: My balloon-terrified dog will gleefully stomp any any creepy crawlies she finds on the floor to death with her paws. I've seen her dispatch both spiders and centipedes that way. Awesome.

      Rhian - I haven't been going to the dentist regularly (no dental insurance right now)... but I don't think there's a correlation. I do know at least 3 other people that have bad dreams about their teeth crumbling and falling out... it must just be a common thing. For me, it happens most often when I'm highly stressed out and anxious. Still, pretty creeptastic. I hate waking up in a cold sweat and immediately running my tongue over my teeth to make sure they're still there and whole.

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    5. Supposedly, the teeth dream means that you feel that you are out of control over something in your life. I hate it when I have it, the loss of the teeth is always painless but so creepy in the dream.

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  23. I'm not good at creative ideas, but here's another 30 before 30 list if it might inspire you: http://www.iamnotthebabysitter.com/30-before-30/

    Good luck!

    The first weird fear quirk that comes to mind is that I am NEVER sockless [outside the shower] and have a really hard time understanding why anyone would be. I haven't owned a pair of sandals since I can remember.

    Also, I will never wear any of the same clothes in bed as I wore outside the house. And, obviously, I'll never wear the same socks in bed as I wore to walk around the house, unless I was wearing slippers.

    Okay, now I just sound OCD and mysophobic. But it's sort of the same, right??

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    1. Oh, and I forgot my previously mentioned fear of storm drains. I give them a wide berth and insist my child do the same, so that we don't get grabbed by sewer clowns. Come to think of it, "don't let your child watch scary movies" might be an important lesson from this thread.

      Which reminds me, I ALSO have an irrational fear of baby dolls coming to life. My daughter received a "Baby Alive" doll for Christmas last year, and every once in awhile I would hear it say something like "I'm hungry" for no apparent reason at 3 am. I had to destroy it. I mean, how could I possibly be expected to live with that in the house??

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    2. Thanks for the link!

      I'm never ever sock or slipper less in the house either! (Though I do wear sandals outside in the summer.) I have a weird condition called Reynaud's Phenomenon that makes my hands and feet turn blue when they get too cold (or too hot...it's weird.) So I like to keep socks on.

      I'm totally guilty of wearing to bed clothes that I've worn out of the house...Which is mainly because I wear pajamas to the grocery store a lot, but still, I could see why it would bother people. I wash my sheets a lot, does that make up for it?

      The baby alive this is cracking me up right now. Not that you were scared of it, that you destroyed it, haha.

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    3. I am SO glad I'm not the only one afraid of storm drains. They terrify me!

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    4. I'm assuming your fear of storm drains comes from watching the movie 'IT'. If not, DO NOT LOOK IT UP! Hate clowns with a passion, fiance made a clown cake for my son's then 5th birthday. It looked exactly like the 'IT' clown, and he had to physically restrain me from pushing it off the table onto the floor so I could stomp it.

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  24. I can't use a porta potty because of an episode of the X-Files with a nasty dude with a round teethy mouth. I check behind the shower curtain before I pee, love that our new shower is glass! I am constanly jumping when showering in a shower with a curtain, I hate not being able to hear my surroundings. I can't use the bathroom in anything that moves,(plane, bus), bad experience on a charter bus in 5th grade. We all have something that makes us a little unique, too many are too afraid to talk about it though. No shame here! From a 26 year old who still sleeps with a stuffed animal to help control her anxiety.

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    1. I still have my stuffed animal from when I was a child! His name is Beary Bear even though he is a raccoon and he no longer has a nose. He sleeps on the floor next to my bed wrapped up in a tee shirt or something. Sometimes a tee shirt straight out of the dryer because he catches cold easily.

      And I hear you on a glass shower Adore ours!

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  25. That is not at all at any point insane. I don't take baths either, because I'm truly terrified that something claw-y will come up the drain and get me, and I won't be able to see it through the bubbles.

    When I explained that to my ex, he asked me how the thing can get up the drain without the water draining and me seeing it. I had no answer for his logic. But I still don't take baths.

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    1. Makes PERFECT sense. I still do not do bubbles. I'm more afraid of slithery eels with teeth than something clawy but I just can't be in water that I can not see through. I took a completely clear bath yesterday. And then I took a quick shower and washed my hair and all that.

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  26. Ok, my fear is not totally irrational but kinda and I get made fun of for it alot. I am so freak scared of snakes it is not even funny. I can't even watch shows with it on. My "friend" locked me in a room one time with the jungle book running (yes the cartoon version) and I cried so hard and pee'd my pants because of the snake on there. Wow that was embarrassing to tell!

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    1. Oh My God Kaa! That stupid snake from The Jungle Book! He was much too scary for children. I had two kids who made me fast forward that part when I was babysitting and I was HAPPY TO DO IT. Stupid Kaa and his stupid tongue.

      Snakes, in my opinion, are perfectly reasonable things to be afraid of. I am almost as afraid of balloons as you are of cartoon snakes, so really don't feel silly about it.

      And anyone that tries to tell you that it would help your fear if you would just like, hold a tiny garden snake, is out of their mind. It did not help my fear of spiders to hold a tarantula. Instead I sort of passed out.

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  27. I have a fear of "something under the bed". I think it's because I watched Poltergiest as a child and the clown under the bed thing scared the crap out of me. I am 37 and I still can't watch scary movies because I end up sleeping with the lights on. I won't stand next to the bed for any reason...I usually either leap into bed or run and jump! I don't even like lifting up the bed skirt to look for something under there since I am pretty sure something is going to jump out at me!

    30 before 30: Go on another trip before you have kiddos!!

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    1. First - the trip thing is on the list! Trying to decide where!

      I've never seen Poltergiest, nor do I intend to, but I think the "under the bed" fear is something a lot of people can relate to. When Ryan worked nights I used to check under the bed every night for axe murderers, not that I would have been able to do much if I found one.

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  28. I have an irrational fear of grasshoppers and crickets. I know that they can't bite or technically harm me, but the fact that they jump and are unpredictable scares the bejesus out of me.

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    1. Aww I love those springy little bugs. I used to catch them as a kid all the time! (And then release, not like put in a jar or something.) But I could see why their sudden jumpy moves would be terrifying. I mean, who am I to judge, I'm afraid of bathtubs and balloons. Ha.

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  29. I have a bath "thing" and an irrational fear I will share.

    1. I will not take a bath because I do not want to sit in my own filth. I am quite certain that there will be some kind of bacterial issue that develops in my lady bits. And no, I am not a dirty person and I shower daily and I have never even heard of anything like this happening. But that doesn't mean it won't.

    2. I am terrified of sharks. I will not be the only person in a swimming pool. Ever. Even if you are next to the swimming pool, that's not good enough, someone has to be in it with me. Because once I saw a movie where there was a fancy Hamptons-esque party in a yard with a pool that was just steps to the beach. Somehow Jaws (I'm not actually sure it was a Jaws movie, but obviously all sharks are named Jaws) got into the pool through a pipe connecting the pool to the ocean. Since this is clearly something that could happen in real life, even if your pool is 1,000 miles from an ocean, I cannot be the lone swimmer. And I'm 32. (This is also what I think of when people ask me why I'm not embarrassed to admit that I love Michael Bolton. "Oh, if you only knew my other secrets!!")

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    1. 1. Did you see like the very first comment? You are totally not alone in this fear! I totally get it too. I have decided though that if I am going to take baths then I am ok if I have showered that morning and rinse off again afterwards. But hey, to each their own!

      2. Yeah sharks. Yuck. My cousin Carly and I used to convince our younger sisters Jordan and Ashley when we were little and at our other cousin Lacy's pool that there were tiny invisible sharks in the deep end. Then the little ones would stay in the shallow and the other three of us got to use the water slide without interruption. I think those two still have shark/pool issues today. Oops. I'm not a big fan of sharks but I'm an even less big fan of things like jellyfish and man'o'war so I just don't go into water that I can not see through. I'm fine with oceans as long as they are clear.

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  30. Wow. That's funny because I JUST took a bath. Once you get acclimated to bath-ing...you should go to LUSH and buy up all of their delightful bath things. Bath bombs. Bubble bars. Delicious amazing wonderful bath stuff. There are like 3 LUSH locations in the city. Do it. It's awesome. I promise they aren't paying me to say nice things about them. I just have an addiction. It's a problem.

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    1. I've been to the LUSH in Water Tower! Their stuff smells so good and looks amazing but I think I have to work my way up to non-clear baths and then soapy showers to follow haha. I'll totally get there!

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  31. Lauren you are not alone. I'm a bath lover but sometimes fear that things will fall on me while I'm in the tub.

    @Erin Jeannine, I saw the same movie and have the same fear since I was 11... I have panic attacks in the pool. My besties talked me down and I can NOW swim in the deep end but I still check the drain. You know, just in case.

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    1. I didn't use to think things would fall on my while I was in the tub (just that I would fall on things) but then someone else mentioned that and now I'm like, yeah that could totally happen.

      I am so glad I never saw that movie.

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  32. When I was really young, maybe 4 or 5, I remember my Mother saying she did not take baths because she thought it was like marinating in your own filth. It always stuck with me, and to this day it has lead to me being unable to comfortably take a bath without showering first. In my mind, if I am totally clean, then there is no filth to marinate in. When we stayed at the Mansion on Forsyth Park(a super fancy hotel in Savannah, GA where we got married) there was this amazing, huge bathtub that looked out over the bedroom of our suite. Well, let's just say that Brian discovered my secret extra-clean bath ritual. He said he was willing to ignore it considering he does showers AFTER bathing(like you!). So, I think it's normal to have weird fears regarding baths.

    Also, on the 30 before 30, perhaps a food crawl of Chicago? Or another city you like to visit? Write a list of all the retaurants you have wanted to go to, or he dishes you have wanted to try at some of your favorites, and spend a few days doing a tour of them. :)

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    1. First - the food crawl thing is really good idea! Ryan has a list of places he wants to try so maybe I'll just make him figure that one out? And I'm for sure going to travel somewhere, just have not figure out where yet. Maybe Europe since I have yet to go?

      It seems that's a pretty common bath thing since five or six people have already mentioned it. Like you said, I just quickly shower afterwards (or at least I have the one time I have taken a bath in the last ten years haha) but I get the beforehand thing to. To each their own!

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  33. This is not going to help your phobia...but when I lived overseas the Embassy had to move my family into a new apt because the bathtub in the one we lived in was slowly descending into the apt below us.

    America is much safer though! I would totally trust them!

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    1. Gah!!!!

      Never bath-ing again.

      (Am Kidding - Ryan did lots of jumping around in our tub here to prove to me that it is safe so I think I should be ok. Either that or he loosened it considerably.......)

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  34. My irrational fear is that there is a sniper sent to take me out. I cannot go outside in the dark alone without silently freaking out. I used run to the trash can and run back to the house, if I had to take garbage out. But now I make my 10 year old daughter do it instead while I watch anxiously from the doorway. And the trash can is not even 10 feet from the door.

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    1. Haha! I used to hang out at my next door neighbors' house some nights and when walking home I had to do the same sprinting thing when I reached the gap between our houses. I don't even know what I thought was there, but it was something sinister!

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  35. As a kid I was SURE that there was a serial killer/ people I knew (which would have been worse) behind every shower curtain. So I checked before I went to the bathroom!

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    1. The "People I Knew" line is almost making me cry here. So funny. I still check like that for serial killers, but never for like, my sister in law. That is simply awesome. Best story ever.

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  36. Laurie1/03/2013

    HA one irrational fear?? I could list dozens, but topping the list is that no one can talk to me while holding any kind of paper in their hands. I am afraid they will wave it around and papercut my eyeball. I also don't walk under trees because I am afraid a snake will fall out and land on me. Mind you, I do not live anywhere that would have the kind of snakes that would be in a tree, yet one day while on a walk, someone posted a MISSING SNAKE poster on a tree. Irrational? I think not. I was afraid of falling tree snakes before I saw the poster but this just solidified my fear.

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    1. Laurie, this is so weird, but that paper thing, yeah my sister has the same exact fear. A papercut to her eyeball seems like the worst possible thing ever to her. So you're totally not alone!

      Snakes is turning into a theme around here. Tons of people are scared of them, though I quite enjoy your little twist on the fear. Quite enjoy it indeed.

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    2. Sharon1/03/2013

      I got a papercut on my eyeball once with The New York Times, somehow I jammed it into my own eye while reading it...It hurt, but not as much as you would think, and healed quickly. Not sure if that makes its better or worse for you....

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    3. Kara F.1/04/2013

      A couple years ago I was getting a box down from a high shelf and a piece of paper sitting on top of it drifted off and floated down peacefully and then gouged me right in the eyeball. I could feel a flap of cornea every time I blinked so I wouldn't open the eye at all.

      It actually healed in a matter of hours, though. The cornea has a crazy high cell turnover.

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  37. I get carsick but only when other people are driving. I'm convinced that when other people are driving the risk of me dying is significantly higher because clearly they can't drive as well as I can and it makes me sick. Doesn't matter where we're driving as long as we are in the car longer than 30 minutes it's sure to happen.

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    1. I am such a bad driver (though I try really hard) that I could probably get you sick pulling out of the driveway. We should never be in a car together. Unless you're driving I suppose! Then we could go anywhere! Just not anywhere with balloons please. I hate balloons.

      Also, I read your last comment on your jar of notes and I am TOTALLY stealing it. If I blog about it I'll be sure to link back to you (I noticed you talked about it on your blog as well.) Such a good heart-warming idea.

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    2. Oh I'd so drive. Between the random soundtrack and new made up lyrics it would be an epic road trip. And I only like balloons at kids birthday parties and I'm not due at one of those until February lol. And yes the jar is great, need to add a few more notes to it today.

      Delete
  38. I am freaked the f out by people in animal costumes. Mascots or childhood characters, it doesn't matter. I'm postive that they are out to get me and are secretly plotting behind their oversized dog/bird/goat/etc head.

    The real kicker of it all is that I work at an amusement park that has a few of these animal "friends." Luckily for me, my office is behind the scenes and doesn't have any outside windows. I have accidentally thrown a bottle of water at one who decided it would be a good idea to visit me though. It was saved by the safety glass of the teller window.

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    1. Funny! How do you feel about giant gingerbread men? Did your high school/college have a mascot? Did you have to avoid basketball games and the like?

      If it makes you feel better, when my sister and Vanessa and I went to Disney for part of my Bachelorette party either Chip or Dale caught my sister in a surprise hug and she freaked out in the middle of the park. She was like 25 at the time.

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    2. Giant gingerbread men I can handle. :-) I really only freak out if I can't see their face. In high school, I definitely avoided all sporting events. It gave me time to develop my inner book reading nerd. (Ohh and side note, my hs boyfriend's little brother later became said mascot. It may have contributed a little more to the breakup than I let on.) And I never ran into Cy in college, thank goodness! I do take comfort in knowing I'm not alone.

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  39. I am outing my husband. His mom took him to see "Jaws" when he was a youngster. He cannot sit in any large body of water without freaking about sharks. Ocean, lake, large swimming pool..he is certain sharks are lurking everywhere. He's okay in a lake if he is water skiing, as he is above the water in the "shark free" zone, but should he wipe out it's another story. As a girl who grew up in S. California and swam in the ocean every day every summer, this fear is hard for me to understand.
    I have more things that irritate me than frighten me...like popping your gum or biting your nails and chewing on the nail for an hour. Not mentioning names. ;)

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    1. It seems that there are more than just a couple of people with the same fear as your husband! I love hearing about all of these! I'm not a big lake person but it's not because of sharks. It is because someone told me catfish have teeth. And I don't know if that's true and I don't want to google it for fear that it is true.

      And here is a confession about me: I can't really chew gum. I ALWAYS forget to actually chew it when I get lost in one of my reflections or books or something and then I choke. Happens every time. I can only chew it for like twenty seconds to freshen my breath and then spit it. I'm similarly bad at life savers.

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  40. I just thought of one...I read a lot of true life crime novels and they usually include finding dead bodies just off the running path. whenever I am running or walking on a path I am always terrified of finding a dead body.

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    1. Love it! (Well not love that you're terrified of it, but it's very unique and makes me giggle so I love it.)

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  41. Anonymous1/03/2013

    I always check the back seat of my car when I get in it at night. Even though I always lock the doors I am convinced there will be a murderer waiting to grab me as soon as I close the door.

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    1. Oh yeah, I do that one too. We have an SUV so I actually open the second row door and throw my purse in there and then peer over the seat for murderers and then open the front door while simultaneously closing the second so that no one can sneak in when I am not looking. Not even a ninja.

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  42. Anonymous1/03/2013

    Escalators was high on my list for a long time. My neighbor's dad had to "rescue" me when I was 7 because I wouldn't go down by myself. Now, my son shares my escalator fear...my daughter could care less. My big fear is of falling, but it's from odd places. I'm afraid of heights only if it's not secure. For instance, I could go up in the Stratosphere in Vegas and look down, but I made my husband get into the roller coaster first because the only thing between my clutzy ass and the fall was a chain link fence. Hell. no. And I don't like getting on counters or chairs because I might fall and get hurt.

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    1. I always say that I'm not exactly afraid of heights but more afraid of falling! Although glass bottomed observation decks make me cry, so it's not entirely true in my case. I've never been afraid of escalators but I do hate the ones that are entirely too tall and have large drops off the sides over the railing. So I'm only afraid of escalators when I'm afraid of falling off them I guess?

      The counters/chairs thing doesn't factor much into my life since I'm tall and have enormously long arms. I can reach all of our cabinets in our kitchen no problem. Otherwise yeah, my husband would be on the chair, not me. Especially since our chairs swivel and that is an accident just waiting to happen.

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  43. Anonymous1/03/2013

    I love hearing about your irrational fears Lauren! It definitely makes me feel less alone about mine :)

    I absolutely hate washing my face in the bathroom sink because...I am completely convinced that if I close my eyes to rinse the soap off, when I open them a man with a knife or a zombie or a ghost or SOMETHING SCARY will be looking in the mirror at me. I specifically buy those face wash cloths that don't require rinsing, even though they are more wasteful (sad sigh) and they don't work as well as a good scrub with face wash and water, because the idea of bending over the sink and closing my eyes is too much to handle!

    Stephanie

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    1. I hate washing my face in the shower! Even if the bathroom door is locked and I have ascertained that there is no one else in the bathroom, I hate having to close my eyes for extended periods of time. Who says Zombies can't pick locks!? And ninjas most assuredly can.

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  44. Anonymous1/03/2013

    I become irrationally scared and immediately burst into tears at any movie, tv show, or commercial where one person moves their mouth but another person's voice comes out. I have to always have the remote control within reach so I can change the channel the second I see it happening. I have even been known to interrogate ticket takers before entering a movie theater so I can be prepared to flee if necessary.

    I blame my sisters. When I was 11 years old they took me to see The Exorcist. That voice coming out of Linda Blair's mouth scarred my psyche forever. But the funniest part of the whole thing is that I adore scary movies. The scarier the better. Just as long as every person, apparition or demon talks with their own voice.

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  45. Anonymous1/03/2013

    has anyone mentioned if you are turning 29 you are done your 20s and actually entering your 30th year? like when you turned 1. you were done with one. so you have about 3 more days to experience the last year of your twenties. make it good!!!!!

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  46. 1. I now think of you about 3/4 the time I think of my birthday (I'm not so self-absorbed that I assume you remember this: we share the magical day of January 7). I'll let you know how thirty actually feels come Monday.
    2. I HATE baths, but mines more of a "why sit in dirty water" thing. Sad part is, I also HATE showers. I think they're an enormous waste of time (yes, my 8-15 minutes are sooooooo valuable?!?) and a poor investment, since they just have to be repeated. But I do shower. Almost every day. In fact, after we just moved and I know no one and have no job etc., I decided I should shower every day just so I can officially declare myself NOT a lazy bum.
    3. In reference to Anonymous/Stephanie's comment, I am a total chicken liver when it comes to scary movies. 4 million years ago when now-husband and I were dating, we watched The Secret Window. Afterwards, I went to brush my teeth/wash my face while he took the puppy out to potty. Next thing I know, someone's touching my shoulder, I spin around screaming and punch as hard as I can. After he slammed into the wall and got his breath back (I punch hard when I want to- it's my one natural skill), he asked the ridiculous "what was that for??" question. I told him you NEVER sneak up on someone who can't SEE OR HEAR- especially someone who was expecting the puppy to take much longer to pee, assumed the screen door was open to all the bad men because now-husband rarely shut it behind him when taking the puppy out, and just saw a movie where her life-long crush is a MURDERER.

    9 years later and he's never snuck up on me (while I'm face-washing) again.

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    1. Oh, and as for irrational fears... I check the backseat before getting in the car, when we lived in Idaho I was terrified a freak windstorm would blow in one of our doors or blow down a wall of our house (the door thing happened once and a windstorm did take down our 6 foot fence and our house was a basic siding builder-house...) and our dogs would get out, get lost/die/get hurt etc. So anytime I was at work and a windstorm picked up I was a wreck, and I'd practically hold my breath on the drive home until I could see my house.
      Oh, not a fear, but seeing/eating asparagus gives me instant nose pain because when I was 14 and babysitting I got stabbed up the nose with a plastic asparagus (we were sword fighting. Luckily I had the carrot, since I love carrots.) and bled for ages/had the nose equivalent of a black eye. It's so bad that once I was eating a pasta/mixed veg dish and my nose suddenly started hurting... later I found out there was asparagus in it. And my nose is now hurting just typing this.

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  47. You don't need bubbles! Just go to Lush and buy some bath bombs. They have things like seaweed, confetti, or flowers in them and change the water colors (but you can still see through it)!

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  48. For years I wouldn't take a bath because I was afraid of sharks. Something about laying down in the water and the fact that sharks live in the water. I don't know how my mind connected the two, but it did. So yeah, it's totally crazy and I have finally gotten over my fear of it ... for the most part. Although I can't swim in lakes because I can't see what's in the water and when I was young my brother convinced me that sharks had been found in Lake Michigan.

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  49. I am terrified that while snorkeling I will get left behind by the boat, or swept out to sea. I am not the least bit concerned about sharks, or jellyfish, or any other sort of dangerous sea creature. My time snorkeling on my honeymoon in Antigua was spent cautiously keeping an eye on the boat while circling it, never more than 20 feet away, or tagging along a little too close to the dive boat employee (they called him shark bait...funny, no?) he probably thought I had the hots for him. Really I just figured they wouldn't leave their own employee behind so I would be safe as long as I was close enough to touch him at all times.

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  50. I have a boatload of irrational fears, but probably the strangest is a fear of animals with long necks (giraffes, llamas, ostriches, camels, etc.). It mostly stems from another irrational fear of mine, that those animals will strangle me with their long necks. I also don't like the unpredictability of how far their heads can reach at any given moment.

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  51. Just came across your blog, I am hooked. Your style is awesome and you have a great sense of humor. Look forward to reading more!

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  52. Sharon1/03/2013

    I also have the not-so-irrational (I think, anyway) of things falling through floors. Not bathtubs as much, but heavy things. We recently put in a wood stove, and I had to have my husband explain that the floor was reinforced and how there was no way the wood stove would crash through the floor. I also worry about balconies collapsing while at theaters, and heavy beds falling through floors. I can usually talk myself out of it and sit in the theater/bed/by the stove anyway, but, yeah.

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  53. Mary P.1/03/2013

    I completely get panicky and freaked out if I'm surrounded by people I don't know. Like, when I worked downtown and rode the train to and from work, I stood by the doors the whole ride so that at least one side of me wasn't near people I didn't know. And so I could get the hell off the train and fast walk to my destination.

    I also have to sit on the end seat at the movies unless people I know are sitting on both sides of me and I'm in the last row.

    I'm not at all claustrophobic, but I hatehatehate being in crowded places and will do my best to get out of them quickly. This does explain part of why I do NOT go shopping on Black Friday.

    Also, if I have to go in the basement when I'm home alone, I totally run up the steps two at a time and then slam the door shut behind me.

    So, really, the bath thing seems pretty normal to me. :)

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  54. Raptors. And yes, I mean the dinosaurs. I have many irrational fears, but that's the biggest. My six year old cousin even looks at me and says "They aren't real. They died a long time ago." This fact didn't stop me from clutching the car for dear life and forgetting to breathe when my friend was driving and said casually, "Oh look. A raptor." REFERRING TO A TRUCK WITH THE SAME NAME. At least bathtubs are tangible... And we have friends to share the crazy with.
    P.S. Love this blog, keep writing!

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  55. I have 2 weird irrational fears. I can't stand to have shower curtains closed. If they are closed I'm certain there is someone in there that is going to jump out and kill me, even if I had just checked a minute ago. Oddly this also pertains to clear glass shower doors. Those must be open too, so that they don't hide the killers. You know, behind their clear glass. My brain is brillant sometimes.

    My brain is also convinced that if I dangle my hands or feet off the bed while sleeping that an alligator is going to eat them. It is always an alligator and it doesn't matter if I know that my dog is under there and wouldn't let an alligator hang out with him. Heck, during my childhood I had a trundle bed under my bed and I was still convinced of it. They only come out in the dark though. I used to have to run and jump into bed when I was younger so that the alligators wouldn't get me.

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  56. Fish eating my eyeballs. It's something I read in a Christopher Pike book once many moons ago... They found a girl's body in the water, and the water was cool, so the body was preserved, except for her eyes. I can not snorkel or even swim in any kind of water where there is aquatic life.

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  57. I turned 30 this fall and some of my pre-30's adventures included Bee Keeping lessons, learning to ride a horse (because I have an irrational fear that they are going to bit my arms off), trapeze lessons, getting a tattoo and other fun thrills. And then I threw one hell of a ridiculous party! Also, I love baths but am leery of bubbles because I have a If-I Can't-See Through-The-Water-Then-It-Probably-Has-An-Shark-In-It fear.

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  58. Totally scared of frogs! When we were teaching the life cycles in the kindergarten where I teach, a parent brought in tadpoles for our class. Yea. I managed to not embarrass myself too badly, but the students caught on pretty quickly that I was terrified of the things when the little legs started showing up. When it was time to release them, our campus custodiaan led the parade of children (with me trailing along at the rear,) to release them into the creek down the street. The other teachers affectionately call me "Frogkiller" now. Oh, and now we do caterpillars and butterflies!

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  59. I am scared of gum. I haven't chewed gum in like 18 years (I am only 31). I have a horrible reoccuring dream that my teeth dispense bubblegum and I can't ever get it all out of my mouth. Terrifying!

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  60. I have a completely irrational fear of food or crumbs (those are the worst) getting on my skin. If they get on my clothes I am super uncomfortable. But if it gets on my skin I can freak out inside until I clean it. But it doesn't stop there! Fruit is clean and can touch me without problem. Veggies are the same. I eat with the tips of my fingers only and it's ok if they get dirty. I also hate touching other peoples utensils because I have seen that they get greasy with food!

    What makes this really bad is that I have three boys. My oldest is super clean like me. My middle is horribly messy. He gets food everywhere and all over himself no matter what he eats. He puts food into the palm of his hand just like my husband and it FREAKS ME OUT!! Thankfully my youngest is just 5 months old. Maybe I can teach him to be like his biggest brother.

    I love to cook and have found ways to avoid getting too messy. And thankfully it doesn't freak me out to do the dishes!

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  61. I have an irrational fear that I will open my mailbox and find a very angry rattlesnake. It may stem from a movie scene I witnessed as I walked through the living room as a young child, but maybe it just comes from my very odd brain. There's really no telling. I also am afraid the New Madrid fault in Southeast Missouri is going to let go and cause an earthquake as I'm crossing the bridge over the Mississippi River at Memphis. I mumble "Please let me get across before the earthquake hits" over and over until I make it to the other side. Consequently, I'll be crossing that bridge again this Saturday, so send earthquake soothing thoughts out into the ether if you think about it this weekend.

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    Replies
    1. PS I made it through Memphis safe and sound. You probably new that since there hasn't been anything on the news about a huge earthquake in the midwest.

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  62. I love baths.... but I have an irrational fear of falling down the stairs and dying. Whenever I am at the top of a staircase (and spiral are the WORST) I always get this polaroid glimpse of my tripping and falling. It's bad. I grip stair rails very tightly... germs be damned!

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  63. Anonymous1/03/2013

    My husband travels to Vancouver a fair amount, from Sydney. My most irrational fear is that some kind of apocalypse will break out whilst he is away...how would he get back to us?? So as much as I'm looking forward to the Zombie Apocalypse, it better happen while he's in this country!!
    Nic.

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  64. Jessica1/03/2013

    Alright. Here goes. For as long as I can remember, I've been terrified that my teddy bear will grow teeth and eat me in the middle of the night. I KNOW. I actually have a ritual where I have to position him tight against my body with his mouth smashed up into his eyeballs (because I guess if he did grow teeth then at least he couldn't use them??) and hold him there for at least five minutes after the lights go off. If for some reason I move or the bear does, I would have to turn the lights on and start again. I've done it for so many years that the eyes have completely rubbed off and now he just has white dots and now my friends are terrified of the bear too. So I guess I showed them!...

    Unrelated items:
    I am 30 (about to be 31 in a couple weeks--gulp)
    I am still single--which you've probably already guessed by now...:)

    I used to have a couple other weird fears about having to fall asleep in the same position that I laid down in and proper proportions about how much of my body could be out of the covers versus under. But that's a can of crazy for another day...

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  65. Lauren - your fears are endearing. Mine are silly. One is that the way I am going to die is by driving beside a big truck and one of its wheel lugnuts flies off, careens through my car window and through my cheek, killing me instantly. It doesn't even make sense. Yet you should see me every time I drive by a rig, ducked down and looking through my steering wheel to avoid those cheek-seeking lugnuts.

    I am just a touch older than you and have 6 months left to get my 40 before 40 list done. I haven't posted to this blog in forever, but here is my list and the progress I had made by early 2011. http://lehnlife.blogspot.ca/2011/02/40x40.html
    I now have 7 remaining and realistically will complete 4 of them this year. The other 3 won't get done for various reasons this year - but hopefully one day! Can't wait to see your 30x30 list.

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  66. When I was younger, I could not enter a dark house. I would get absolutely hissy-fit, bat-shit crazy, screaming and crying. There was NO WAY I would enter a dark house. Nope, and I would kick, claw, and hit in the nuts anyone who tried to make me. I'm better now, but, back then .....

    I also would flush the toilet and run out of the bathroom or restroom as quickly as possible. I would even open the door first to facilitate my escape. I was scared to death of the toilet overflowing and everyone would know it was me who did it. Now, I just flush the damn thing and if it overflows, then that's what plumbers are for.

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  67. I am afraid of geese. We were at a park once and there was a little island in a pond and a little bridge to get to said pond. I was on the island with one of my brothers and a goose walked onto the bridge. It wouldn't move and every time I got near it, it would honk. I was convinced it was going to eat me. I got into trouble for being late to meet my mom after the little island excursion, and I was freaked out. My mom, being a farm girl, laughed at me and said I should have just yelled at it and it would've left. I am still convinced that it would have attacked.

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  68. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who's crazy :) I see all of my fears on your comments! I cannot sleep with any part of my body hanging off the bed. We bought new beds last year and the furniture store was out of bed frames. We got twin beds to make a King because some of the places we've lived, friends have had to leave their King beds in the garage because the wouldn't make it into the bedroom. To this day, our mattresses are still on the floor and my husband keeps saying we're going to get the frames... I'm just as happy with them on the floor because nothing is hiding underneath them. I also can't sleep if I'm not completely covered up - I have to have a heavy blanket even in July - because if I'm not whatever comes out from under the bed might see me.

    Jaws was the first PG movie I ever saw and I spent the whole summer terrified of the pool and bathtubs. I'm completely over the fear of tubs and mostly over pools, unless Im the only person in the pool after dark. In that case all bets are off. I still (30 years later) fear oceans, lakes and rivers - especially after watching Discovery and finding out the bull sharks can and do live in fresh water hundreds of miles away from the ocean.

    The last one is the monster sized cockroaches (also known as waterbugs) that like to live in the South. They will send me into hysterics and someone else has to kill it for me and remove it from the house. Putting it in the trash is not good enough. Luckily I have a husband and a 16 yo son to take care of them for me.

    The card I sent you for Christmas came back in the mail today :( I dont know what I did to screw up the address but since I also attempted to send one with no address at all, and managed to leave my very best friend in the whole world off my Christmas list it doesn't really surprise me at all. This was definitely not our best December but I'm looking forward to a wonderful 2013. I had gastric bypass on 11/6 and my husband had major back surgery on 12/5 - my excuse for messing things up! - so he and I should both be better than new before the next New Years.

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  69. Most important thing to do before you start having kids is travelling! See the world. Climb the Eiffel Tower, eat a paella in Valencia, drink some Rieselwein in Germany, have a pizza in Pisa, get some original Chinese noodles in Chi'an, visit a rice field in Vietnam or take a safari in Botswana... you're not going to be able to be a large scale globetrotter for quite some time when you're busy taking care of demanding midgets, it's just not practical. So dust off those Lonely Traveller guides and get packing!

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  70. Oh god, I thought I was the only one who worried about things like that! To be fair though, I do live in a dilapidated fibro shack that may very well fall apart at the seams any day now.

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  71. When I was a kid, I always thought there were sharks in swimming pools. If I was in a pool alone, I would panic because I just knew a shark would come up and grab me.
    I still think about that when I am in a swimming pool and I am 37 years old! Nothing is irrational to your imagination!

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  72. I don't know how I came to have my strange fear but I have a fear of plunging into a body of water, in my car, and having to get out as well as rescue whatever nieces/nephews of mine that will be with me. I have seen shows and watched intently where they explain how to get out if you are going underwater in your car. I have a tool that I keep in my car that can shatter the window and cut seatbelts in case it ever happens. When cars plunge into water in movies it completely squigs me out. I imagine what it would be like to plunge in upside down and then have to re-orient myself so I don't freak out and drown before I get everyone out. Truth.

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  73. When I was a kid, my grandmother had a pool, and for the longest time I could not go underwater because I was convinced that as soon as I shut my eyes and went down there, a shark or an alligator was going to appear and devour me. To this day, I still take a deep breath before submerging myself underwater, not just for air, but also because part of me is still freaked the hell out. I'm the same way with baths. If I shut my eyes and I'm underwater, I'm freaking terrified. And that's why I love goggles.

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  74. I've totally worried about the bathtub falling through the floor before. You're not alone!!

    Also, I refuse to run the dryer when I'm asleep or leaving the house, because I have a (maybe not quite so irrational) fear that it will start a fire and our cats will die in a fiery inferno.

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  75. I won't walk over grates on the sidewalk. If it's man-made, it can fail. I know this is irrational. I also speed up to get off of bridges and overpasses for the same reason.

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  76. I can't handle other people being anywhere near me with knives. And not in the rational sense that like a mugger has a knife. I'm talking like, I don't want to be in the same room as my husband while he's dicing onions. Because want if he trips and stabs me? or himself? I can't handle it. When I use knives though, totally fine, I am in control.

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  77. I have an irrational fear of being hungry. Seriously irrational. I've never wanted for food in my entire life. It got way out of control when I was pregnant. I had to have snack food on my person at all times in case I had one of those "so hungry I pass out" pregnant lady episodes. Which never even happened. Now when I go home for lunch everyday I have to make sure I either have something already in my drawer at work to eat or I grab something while I'm home. This is probably why I weigh more now than I did when I was 9 months pregnant.

    Also, the mirror thing that others have mentioned. Except mine is that if I get up in the middle of the night and need water I won't stand in front of the bathroom mirror or even a window because I'm afraid someone or something will appear in the mirror behind me.

    Oh! And thanks to another youth experienced horror movie (I believe it was called Prince of Darkness if you want to look it up) I have horrible thoughts of waking up and having my husband turn to me with the face of a rotting corpse. It's gotten so bad at times that I refuse to move for fear that I'll brush up against a dead person.

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  78. Katherine D1/04/2013

    ok Lauren here goes, I have several highly irrational fears first of which is bridges. Not so much the smaller ones, though far from being my favorite things, but big long bridges like the Golden Gate, yeah utterly terrified. When I was little and my family would have to go to SF, we would have to cross that evil bridge. I would scream, AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS, and cry, and throw myself under the seat until either A. I would pass out from exhaustion or B. we would finally be off the bridge. I have never in my life walked over a bridge and I am sure that driving over them will inevitably cause them to collapse under me! Shudders as I even think about them ugh! Now I am an OLD adult, sigh, I can make the drive without screaming, mostly, but I feel positively sick in the passenger seat and if I must drive my knuckles are shockingly white before we are a quarter of the way over. I don't think I will ever get over this one!

    The other totally irrational fear is being locked out of my home. No idea why or where this came from, but if I am outside, even if my husband is inside, and the door is locked I go into a hysterical panic that I cannot get in! Weird much? Maybe time to seek counseling? Perhaps! Conversely I have to check the door from the inside several times at night before I can go to sleep to make sure it is locked! Yeah I need help lol. Love ya Lauren, keep sharing. And Ryan, thanks for supporting Lauren in this blog!

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  79. There isn't enough space in this comment box to list off my irrational fears, so I'll give you my top ones. 1. I will be driving over a bridge and it will collapse and my car will fall and I drown in my car. 2. When I'm stopped under an overpass, it will collapse and squish me to death. 3. A rat, snake, frog, or something else gross will come out of the sewer into my toilet or shower and attack me. 4. When I am home alone and sick, I will choke to death on a cough drop. 5. If I go swimming in an open body of water, something will come up and eat or bite me. 6. That when I get a cold or something minor, it's actually an end stage terminal disease deathly cancer, and I will be dead in hours. 7. That I will get in an accident, my car will fall over a cliff, and no one will find me for days or weeks.

    I am also terrified of horror movies, spiders, windowless "creeper vans", dehydration/starvation, elevators falling or getting stuck for days in one, alien attacks (I don't even believe in them), and having to survive without personal care products in a post apocalypse type world (like in Book of Eli...I'm starting to horde wet naps and hotel shampoos).

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  80. Fear of falling through the floor in your tub? You mean, like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6nKxmQOCrQ

    That's okay, at least this fear has a remote possibility of actually happening. (My friend's parent's tub almost fell through the floor, but that was due to water damage to the floor, so while totally possible, also totally preventable.)

    Here's my irrational fear: http://theimponahill.blogspot.com/2012/07/brain-brain-go-away-come-again-some.html
    However, unlike yours, it's not even remotely possible. And yet, I still can't get myself to throw out the YOGURT (EEEW! RIGHT?!?) in my fridge, for this very reason. Somebody please stage an intervention!

    Also, HIPY PAPY BTHETHDTH THUTHDA BTHUTHDY! (Per Owl & Winnie Pooh). Your 30s will be super-fly awesome, I promise!

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  81. I grew up by a dinky lake in West Texas that was full of snakes and gar. It never bothered me, even when I was sure I probably stepped on a dead body. BUT, I'm afraid of swimming in Lake George. Its big and beautiful and lovely and popular, but I'm sure there are monsters there. I KNOW that they (not just one, plenty of them) will get me. Hey, weird crap happens.

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  82. May your birthday be filled with cheese and leftover elves! Happy birthday!!!

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  83. Just tweeted as well @erinmcirish

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  84. I have a fear of peeing during a thunderstorm. I'm convinced I'll get electrocuted. If I have to pee I'll do it in short bursts so the connection to the water is broken. I'm also afraid of ventriloquist dummies, but that is totally rational. Those things are terrifying.

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  85. I don't take baths either (though now that you've used your bath I guess the statement is just "I don't take baths") not because I fear falling through the floor (I live in a one story house built on a slab. If the tub falls through the floor I fall about three inches) but because that whole "nice hot bath" thing? I just don't get it. Stick me in a tub, and I don't feel relaxed, I just end up feeling sweaty, and in need of a shower.

    I am however irrationally afraid of paisley. Yeah, I fear a fabric pattern.

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  86. I can't deal with showers. I mean, I take them when a bath isn't an option, but I'm freaking out the whole time. Partially because someone may come kill me, partially in case poison gas suddenly comes out of the showerhead. I may have been slightly too young for my mom's Holocaust picturebooks.
    Aw, we're like Jack Sprat and his wife.

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  87. My irrational fears are 1)driving down the road, minding my own business, when a truck driving the opposite direction kicks up a rock or stick or something, turning it into a 60 mph missile that sails through my windshield and impales my brain to death. 2) driving down the road, minding my own business, when I go under an overpass and a can of burning acid sails through my windshield and melts my face off. **both of these things have actually happened once, so...totally rational fear.
    Also, 3)sitting at home, minding my own business, when a police squad busts down my door and arrests me, ignoring my pleas that I'm innocent, and I go to jail and get put on trial for something that I did not do and NO ONE will believe me. Terrifying! And this happens in movies and TV all the time, so this is totally rational as well.

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  88. Hmm... seems I'm a bit late to this irrational fear party, but I needed to share just the same.

    I'm equally fascinated and TERRIFIED of zombies. If I were to find myself broken down on the side of a wooded highway at night, it's not the ax-weilding escaped lunatics I'm waiting for, it's definitely the zombies. Forget getting robbed by crackheads - it's the zombies who want to chew my suntan right off my bones.
    When I open the door to the garage every morning to head out for work, I do the lean-over-and-reeeeeach-in-the-dark for the light switch before I can hit the opener button on the wall. I can't very well step into the dark garage if it's riddled with ZOMBIES! Surely the light would blind them long enough for me to (pee my pants) slam the door and run back upstairs.
    I'm sure my repeated exposure to Michael Jackson's "Thriller" as a toddler is the culprit. Damn you, awesome and spooky Vincent Price rap!

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  89. I know I have an irrational fear, I just can't remember what it is. But YAY for you taking a tub!!! It is one of the greatest things ever. I highly recommend 4 cups of epsom salts, no impact on the clarity of the water AND it will make all the aches go away, one of my most favorite things to do. Ever.

    Also, and I hesitate to do this because it can possibly be interpreted as pushy, uppity and obnoxious, but I was an editor in law school and I can't help myself: "per se" no "per say". It's latin meaning by, of, for or in itself. Sorry, obnoxious, I am aware. But I just can't help myself.

    Got your Christmas card yesterday, totally made my day, you all look awesome. Thanks!!

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  90. My irrational fear is not bath but shower related. I'm totally paranoid that someone is going to break in and attack me or steal the baby when I am home alone showering. Therefore the dog must always be in the house as my alarm. Poor dog. As for your bucket list - I immediatley thought of this

    http://travel.nationalgeographic.com/travel/road-trips/vermont-cheese-trail-road-trip/

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  91. I'm not a big fan of baths either, although I totally wish I was, that and soup and oversized sweaters. It's like, I want to like these things, but I just can't

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  92. Jennifer T1/14/2013

    Whew where to begin! :)

    I'm terrified (TERRIFIED) of birds. Like, hide whenever one flies over me. I'm afraid of them attacking me, pooping on me, flying too close to me, pecking my eyes out...yeah, TERRIFIED.

    I also have a strong, shuttering fear of bees. Really anything that can fly and potentionally cause harm. Wings are just so unpredictable, ya know?

    I also have a huge fear of texting the wrong person. I'll check-check-double check the name of the person I'm texting. I'm nearly neurotic about it.

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  93. Anonymous3/07/2013

    This is incredibly late but I just found your blog and I love it! When I sleep at night I have to fall asleep with my back facing the wall...not because I am afraid of a mass murderer entering my house and killing me, but because I am afraid there's an alligator under the bed and it will come up and bite my ass. I have no idea where this fear came from but I've had it since I was a kid. Now that I'm an adult and my bed tends to be in the middle of the room with no walls directly on either side, I have to fall asleep with my back to my boyfriend. Then his ass gets bitten.

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