Ryan Is Always Taking Pins To My Balloons

Happy 2013 Blogstalkers!

I do so love the beginning of a new year.  Just the idea of a fresh start always gets me excited.  I used to feel the same way about the beginning of a new semester in college.  I'd buy new notebooks and pens and make elaborate library schedules and wear fancy button/zipper closure pants and go to class and pay attention and do all of the suggested problem sets.  For one week.  And then I would be like "Watching this Saved By The Bell - The College Years marathon is the same thing as going to class."

I usually do pretty much the same exact thing with New Year's Resolutions.  But not this year!  Maybe!

I spent a couple of hours yesterday making a list of resolutions, both light-hearted and serious because I think both are important and now I will share a portion of my resolutions (and Ryan's reaction to some of them after I made him read my list.)

 - You know that new diet book The Virgin Diet?  Do that, but with modifications.  Like cheese is OK after midnight or whenever naked.  Call it The Promiscuous Diet or The Slutface Diet so as not to confuse people or invite lawsuits from the creator of the original diet when you blog about how "it totally does not work."

No cheese in the shower.  No big deal RYAN.  You know I almost always accidentally get into the shower while still wearing my underwear anyway. 

 - Remember to close the curtains more.  The neighbors are Nosy Noras.

I think one of them just got a telescope for Christmas too.  What!?  Relax Lauren, I'm sure it's just to look at the stars.  We live in a big city Ryan, there ARE no stars here!  Where are my sign-making supplies?  Please no signs..... 

- Hang sign in window that says "Point it elsewhere perv."

- Finally convince Ryan that his joke about how the Orlando WNBA answer to The Magic should be renamed The Tricks is not hysterical and is in fact, sexist.

You totally cracked up when I said that the first time.  That was awkward nervous laughter from being so offended!  You said it was the best thing you'd heard all year.  We were two minutes into 2013!  It was either that or "Time to take down the Christmas tree!"

 - Get that tattoo we considered.

What tattoo?  And who is we?  Oh ummm...well "we" sort of just means all of the Laurens.  Like Past Lauren who wrote the list and Present Lauren who is reading the list and Future Lauren who will actually go get the tattoo.  I'm really never the same Lauren twice.  Oh and THIS tattoo.  On my toe.
Get it?  Because then it will be my... Oh Good God Lauren.  Seriously?  Yes! My MISSILE-TOE!!  We are going to get into so much mischief, all the Laurens, my toe and I!

- Learn choreography as done by Selena Gomez and her dancer friends to the Taylor Swift song Trouble.


You know, you say I don't say enough nice things to you but I will say this, your taste in dance routines has increased dramatically since you were 16 and had that ridiculous routine to that one Lee Ann Womack song.  Oh yes...Why They Call It Falling...wait how do you even know about this!?  I only did that routine when no one was home.  I was in unrequited love and it was dramatic and angsty and... Your sister told me about it.  She saw you performing it one time.  On top of the coffee table.  You thought she was at cheerleading practice.  She said you were wearing something really weird too.  A petticoat from my old Laura Ingalls Wilder Halloween costume and a sports bra.  Shut up, stop laughing! You know what, give me back my list.  You can't read it anymore.  Don't act like you didn't do stupid things when you were younger too.  You chose your confirmation name (Sebastian) because in the movie Cruel Intentions Sebastian got to hook-up with Reese Witherspoon who you loved with a fiery passion.  That's not even true.  I chose Sebastian because he is the patron saint of athletes.  Oh because you're such a sparkling athlete.  Yeah.  Thanks to me choosing Sebastian as my patron saint.  I'm done with this conversation.  Seacrest Out.

So those are some of my resolutions.  But my very most important one right now is "If you're going to do this then do it."  And by it I mean Blogging.  I need to get better at it, post more often, answer more comments/emails in a timely manner.  I'm seriously going to try in 2013.

What are some of your resolutions Blogstalkers?

OH, P.S. I am dumb and I found a box of unsent Christmas cards in the trunk of my car today when I went to the grocery store.  So yep.  Some of you are going to be getting those in about three days.  Just think of them as very early Christmas 2013 cards.  I am so on top of things this year already.

30 comments:

  1. Those all sound really doable. Good for you and all the Laurens!I think you may have left off "make the babies". Oh, wait, that's probably on RYAN's list. Right? Right?!

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    1. I have a list of very serious resolutions too which *might* include something about babies. Haha.

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    2. My secret resolution *might* involve a wedding or at least an engagement...but we can't scare the boyfriend by publicizing these things on the internet. ;-)

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  2. i love your resolutions. i kinda love the missile-toe tattoo, but know i would hate it when not hyper. my resolution this year is to watch all my DVRed shows. fingers cross i can keep it!

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    1. As of last night my DVR is officially empty which is making me so sad! I wish I had more to watch. Good luck!

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  3. I really think all tattoos should be pun related. I also think that all confirmation names should be chosen in a spirit of penitential reflection... Like when I decided mine should be Ann because then my initials would spell KRAK. As luck would have it I got to keep my initials with the marriage. But is it luck? Or did God really approve of my joke?

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    1. I have come up with a tattoo for you. An itsy bitsy little percussion instrument on the back of your earlobe. It will be your Ear-Drum. Also, this comment cracks me up.

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    2. I love the Ear-Drum tattoo idea! For someone else, not me. Tattoos freak me out.

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  4. I always fail at New Years Resolutions. That's why I made only one this year. It is both silly and serious: To stop being afraid of my crock pot and to actually use it in 2013. That kind of leads into a "do more cooking at home and stop eating out all the time, then maybe you will have extra money to buy yourself pretty things" resolution but I don't want to go that far and commit to that much...

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    1. Oh I LOVE my crock pot! Especially in the winter. When I was working 8-5 I would actually get everything ready the night before then just dump it all in the pot and turn it on 8 hours in the morning. It's so nice to come home to dinner already made. Though the dogs always got a little perturbed that they had to smell like beef stew all day long.

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  5. Megan M.1/02/2013

    I once suggested an ironic tattoo to a friend... and she actually got it. I also had a boyfriend in high school who decided to get my initials tattooed on his arm while he was doing time in juvie, even though I told him it was a stupid idea. It faded out, because, you know, it was done in juvie.

    I'm going to have to try that Slutface Diet. It sounds awesome!

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  6. My artist offered to tattoo a peanut butter jar on my friends behind for free once, I told her she should've gone for it and come up with some future story about it being her street name. And I resolved to quit being insecure, but I'm not sure I can do it.

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  7. Ryan should rethink his cheese stance. I am not ashamed to admit I have had nachos while soaking in the tub (*cough* more than once *cough*) and they would have been pretty bland without the spicy cheese on top.

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  8. LOL! Cheese in the shower sounds like an idea I can get behind. I started a diet today. But it involves as much cheese as I want as long as I count the points and do 15 minutes of yoga for ever 1/2 oz of cheese over 4 ounces. It's going to be a long day of yoga, then cheese, then yoga, then cheese. I'll call it the delayed gratification diet (Or Weight Watchers in which I eat real cheese and none of that diet crap).

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  9. i don't really make new year resolutions, but i'm turning 30 in 5 months so i have resolved to like how i look by the time i turn 30. weather that involves self-acceptance or less chocolate and butter, i'm not sure yet.

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  10. For what it's worth, I think your blog is awesome as-is. I just started following you a couple (weeks? months? I don't know, I suck at time) ago and you're one of my favorites.

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  11. Happy New Year! Okay, last things first - I'm so glad you found that box of cards because I'm still waiting for mine. Now, back to the middle - the "All of the Laurens" - I thought you meant the members of the Lauren Club and I was kind of scared because I don't think I can handle getting a tattoo - I'm okay with a tee shirt and a secret handshake. I'd LOVE a secret decoder necklace that dispenses vodka too. But after completely reading and understanding that you are "All of the Laurens" I'm okay with the tattooing on them. And a missile-toe tattoo is funny, really funny actually. <3 OL

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  12. Oh yay! I thought I just hadn't made the final list for the Christmas cards, which made me a bit sad.

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  13. Mine is to actually stick to my "diet" and not cheat as much as I did over Christmas. I had gastric bypass in November and have already discovered that *nothing* that is supposed to not sit well actually gives me no trouble at all. I'm going to have to live on sugar free fat free cheesecake pudding until I see my surgeon again next week or he's going to yell at me.

    Love your Christmas card - I have it hanging in our kitchen doorway with the others. We had so many picture cards this year we're going to have to do one next year. Yep, that's me - always behind the trend.

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  14. Let's see ... (1) to live more life in real-life, and less digitally. Which seems a weird thing to post on a blog I am obsessed with, but I really just mean have a better balance. Maybe things like no internet until kids are asleep, and less taking of pictures to try and live through afterwards, instead live in the moment more and take more mental pictures. (mental like in my head, not like insane). (2) to try to stick to my workouts of 2-4 per week BUT to not berate myself if I can't or don't some weeks. (3) to not weigh myself every day because seriously, why am I such a sadist? Or masochist. I forget, I always get them confused. Probably one reason of many I would make a horrible dominatrix. (4) to worry a lot less, preferably not at all, what others think of me, because really? Why do I care?? (5) I can be a very envious person, envy can appear and start to consume my thoughts and mood. Making me into someone I really don't like, and have no place being, as my life is awesome. I am going to work very hard of squishing thatbtrait into a tiny ball, then squishing it into a trash compactor, and being rid of it for good!

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  15. "We are going to get into so much mischief, all the Laurens, my toe and I!"

    This cracked me up! I tried to share with my husband but he just looked at me like I'm crazy (you know, as usual) and went back to playing Nascar on Xbox.

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  16. That is the perfect tattoo. Well played!!

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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  17. I love what you say about starting a new semester of college. I'm the same way. The first week of class, I'm bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, until it hits me how much work I'm going to have to do and I panic.

    I guess panicking less should be my New Year's resolutions... Maybe.

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  18. Tells you how blank my brain is, I totally missed the missle toe thing lol. Very funny but it would hurt lol, well more than normal tattoos hurt. Don't feel bad about the cards, I have a stack of waiting to be filled out adorable ones because by the 22nd I totally gave up on sending them. I really only made a few resolutions. I'm going to work out, cut back on the eating a bit, drink more water, keep up the routine for my hair and start adding a list of my good moments/blessings to a jar whenever they happen so I can uncork the jar at the end of the year and read about all the stuff I totally forgot about.

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  19. I feel like we're living the same lives in different places.... Also, you should definitely make that sign.

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  20. You know, you could totally keep Christmas going all year by working on Christmas cards ahead of time. In fact, I bet you could get thousands of them on sale now. For pennies even, by Valentine's Day.

    Ryan, I'll await the Thank you note.

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  21. Aha! Unsent Christmas cards, that was to me! I got mine today, thanks Lauren!!

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  22. My resolution for 2013 is to tackle my list from 2012. Because I'm not the sort of person who rushes into things...(That, and I am the sort of person who breaks both feet and spends six months in a wheelchair and six months on crutches, and that pretty much eats up the year in terms of getting much of anything done that doesn't involve sitting on my butt....)

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  23. I got my card today. Thanks, Lauren!

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  24. Ligouri1/08/2013

    I received your Christmas Card ON YOUR BIRTHDAY Lauren. Coincidence? I think not. Thank you!!

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