First I want to mention that late on Friday I actually added a video update to the last post. A video of me rapping, so check that out if you want. It's quite good.
Today I am going to tell you a bedtime story. So grab your blankies and your warm milk (rum optional.) This is actually the story that my dad told me most nights of my young life to make me go to sleep and stop asking so many questions. He didn't KNOW why Sleepy didn't just take more naps and YES he was positive that Alf was not going to come over in the middle of the night and eat my cats.
The only thing you need to know going in to this story is that toddler Lauren had extremely chubby cheeks. Strangers were always commenting on them and then squeezing them all rudely and sometimes it made young Lauren cry and made her wish she didn't have delightfully chubby cheeks.
So my dad crafted this gem to make me feel better about old ladies pinching my face. He also made up another story about how it is rude to pinch adults in the face no matter how many times they pinch you in the face, but that is a story for a different day.
As I was approximately three years old hearing this story, I obviously could not recall all of the specific details so I asked my dad to transcribe it for me. I assumed that this meant he would type it into an email and send it to me but I was mistaken. I actually had to drive to the suburbs to pick up pages that looked like this: (don't try to read this, I'll type it out below.)
Which actually turned out fine because then I got to go through a bunch of my childhood photos and grab some to show you all. These photos will prove what I've been telling you all along, I've ALWAYS been weird and ridiculous.
First here are a couple of pictures of me around the time my dad made up this story.
|My sister was born and I was all MY BABY.|
|Me and My Dad|
And away we go.
A long time ago. In fact a very, very long time ago there lived a kindly old king who ruled his kingdom with smiles and love. All of the king's subjects were very happy and hoped that the king would live forever. But alas, the king was very old and since he did not have any children of his own he decided to find a princess to rule his kingdom when he was gone.
The word went out to find the perfect princess; but how would the king decide on the best girl for the job? Well, that was easy, for in this kingdom the true measure of kindness and fairness and beauty was determined based on the chubbiness of one's cheeks.
Many many girls, all lovely in their own ways, flocked to the castle in hopes of being the new princess and ruling the land with smiles and love. But most of the young ladies, while being very pretty were just too skinny. Their cheekbones stuck out farther than their cheeks. Their knees were knobby and their noses were pointy. Their cheeks were not chubby enough at all.
And then there were possible princesses who had wonderfully chubby cheeks. But everything else on them was also chubby. Their fingernails and eyelashes were chubby. Even their hair was chubby. Though beautiful, these girls simply would not do either.
The king was in despair. Could it be that the perfect princess did not exist? Just as he was about to give up and send all of the young ladies home, there was a great commotion from the back of the hall. Slowly the crowd parted to reveal a single young girl with long brown hair, beautiful big brown eyes, a sweet entrancing smile, and, something even more wonderful. As the young girl approached the king he saw she had the most perfect, the most round and squishy chubby cheeks he had ever seen. The kindly old king, who ruled with smiles and love, reached out and with the back of his hand touched the most chubbiest and most beautiful cheeks he had ever seen. They were JUST RIGHT and the king knew he had found his perfect princess.
The kingdom was overjoyed. And sure enough when the old king was gone, the new princess ruled with smiles and love and kindness and fairness. And everyone lived happily ever after.
I don't know what explains THESE pictures though.
|I looked at this picture forever and was like "There is something really familiar about that girl," and Ryan was like 'Yes, that is because it is you." And I was like, "NO....that's not it...OH it's the little boy from Love Actually!"|
I'm blaming my parents for the next two. I can't imagine I was able to dress myself like this.
And here is a random assortment of other pictures from my younger days.
|After I dyed my hair red to play Annie.|
|After I got SMASHED IN THE FACE WITH A SOFTBALL. And had to wear an eye patch for like six weeks.|
|I've mentioned that my dad is a Civil War nut and thus I've been to like every major battleground. And dressed up like a solider, obviously.|
|OMG Lauren! You know responsible scientists wear PANTS!|
|This is sort of a picture of me since I am the one handing out candy. But I just wanted to show you all my dad's tombstones. He's been on top of the Zombie Apocalypse thing since before it was cool apparently.|
So that's all for today Blogstalkers. Tell me something random about your childhood?