Second things second, you may have heard by now that Justin Timberlake has just announced that he will be releasing a new album in 2013. As you might imagine, my initial feelings about this announcement were intense. So I obviously called Ryan at work.
Ryan: Yes?
Lauren: Justin Timberlake is coming out with a new album and I'm having some misgivings.
Ryan: That's weird. I'd think you'd be happy as a clam right now. Downright over the moon.
Lauren: I know but like, I don't know if I can handle love ballads about certain people.
Ryan: Oh you mean Jessica Biel?
Lauren: Is that her name? I wouldn't know.
Ryan: Haha actually it's not, I just remembered reading somewhere that she took his last name.
Lauren: Goddammit Ryan. You're not being any help.
Lauren: I just find the timing of this record suspect. Like, he just got married, I can't imagine he's bursting with songs about mistakes and breakups. Well actually I can imagine it but my fantasies don't often come true. I mean, Prince William never once asked for my hand in marriage and Prince Harry hasn't yet either.
Lauren: OHMYGOD. I just thought of something. What if the title of his last LP was foreshadowing for this one?
Ryan: Huh?
Lauren: You know... Future Sex Love Sounds? I don't want to hear that JUSTIN.
Ryan: I'm sure that's not at all the kind of album he's recording.
Lauren: How do you know!?
Ryan: Because you think everything is foreshadowing and it almost never is. Remember that time in college when we were grocery shopping and you tripped on an orange and fell down and I asked if you were alright and you said "Never better, Disney World Here We Come!"
Lauren: Oranges equal Florida. Florida equals Disney. Plus if I remember correctly we did go to Disney World that year.
Ryan: Ok whatever Lauren. Can I go now? I have things to do.
Lauren: Are you saying I don't have things to do? Because I do. I have to go make a list of songs that I would be okay with Justin putting on his album and then tweet it to him.
Ryan: *weird groan sighing noise*
Lauren: *singing loudly* I Just Haven't Met You Yet!
Ryan: Goodbye Lauren.
So yeah I really WANT to be excited and I'm sure I'll get there soon. I guess I'll just go eat pickles and think until I'm tickled pink.
A Brief List of Songs That Would Be OK For Justin To Include On His Upcoming Album.
Someday My Princess Will Come
You're Jess - Somebody That I Used To Know
Beauty and the Biel
Tears in 7th Heaven
Bonus Track:
Cry Me A River
Help me out with more titles Blogstalkers?
wait, so oranges=Florida= Disney? i'm owed so many trips to Disney!
ReplyDeleteoh man, me too!
DeleteLast week i bought a box of oranges, and dropped them all when i slipped. I'm sure dropping them counts too so Disney, here i comeee !
it was slightly embarrassing when i had to scamper around the grocery store grabbing them back, but it's all worth it now!
excuse me while i make a phone call to boyfriend LMAO
my dad likes to throw the seeds at me. maybe i can convince him that every time he hits me with one, i get a day at Disney! now i'll just have to make sure to stand closer to him!
DeleteYep, oranges=Florida=Disney, that is how math works.
DeleteSteph - That so sounds like something I would do.
L-O-L
ReplyDeletei can't wait for your post that will come after the album comes out.
love you so much LMAO
i waited so long for this post!! :P
I'm seriously nervous for this album! Glad you liked the post!
DeleteOh! Oh! "Bye, Bye Biel!"
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like an excellent song.
DeleteI think he may be writing music about being trapped in a loveless, arranged marriage with someone whose name he hasn't even bothered to remember.
ReplyDeleteI certainly hope so.
DeleteUmmm... "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Lauren For."
ReplyDeleteHaha that should be the anthem of my life.
DeleteI don't want to brag but I totally saw JT on his Justified/Stripped concert with my husband and 10bajillion tweenage girls and he was amazing!
ReplyDeleteJealous! I'm hoping he releases this album and then tours and that his tour stops at the United Center because Ryan's company has a box there and thus I could get sweet tickets hopefully.
Delete"Shouldn't Put A Ring On It"
ReplyDeleteSure NOW you're full of grand ideas. Have you seen JT dancing with Beyonce to the original song on SNL? Slays me.
DeleteMy sister sent me your way for this specific post and I've been blog stalking since. 1) You're awesome. 2) I had the same exact thoughts about the potential love ballads about HER. Ugh, can't stand her and that stupid pink dress she wore to the wedding. ;)
ReplyDeleteSending Biel Back
ReplyDeleteMy Loveless Marriage
Damn Jess
Until the End of Marriage
Summer Love Is Over
Finding My Way.. To Lauren
Bahaha, Okay I'm cracking myself up now.
He could remake Dude Looks Like a Lady
ReplyDeleteYou're Still (Not) The One
You make me miss Britney
I Can't Get No Satisfaction
What Hurts the Most (is this marriage)
(Staying Married would be) Virtual Insanity
I got your Christmas card today! :]
ReplyDeleteThank you. It really means a lot to me that you reach out to your readers like that.
In completely unrelated news, if you haven't heard this, you should listen to it immediately.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVKCHZqax84
Is "eating pickles until I turn pink" code for something? Becuase, that would be awesome!
ReplyDeleteI Wish I Had Never Mary(ied) Camden
ReplyDeleteFuture Sex/Love Silence
LoveStoned/I Think She Spiked My Drink
Damn Girl, I Want a Divorce
I can't help but have my brain go an inappropriate direction. But I believe I'd like to add to the track list: "D*ck in a box [addressed to not Jessica]." The rhymes might need some tweaking to make the flow a little better there.
ReplyDeleteHow about these?
ReplyDeleteTrapped
The Devil Made Me Do It
Save Me
Help! I Need Somebody Else
I Need A New Girlfriend
YOU AND JENNY FROM THE BLOGGESS ARE N'SYNC! She made up a new song possibly...I'm too modest to say but read her post for today.
ReplyDeleteI feel a little guilty about this, but part of me hopes that Justin Timberlake's solo career will go downhill, so that he will feel compelled and desperate enough for the N'SYNC reunion tour.
ReplyDelete