Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangster

Hey Blogstalkers!  Remember back in October when I buried a dead bird in our front yard?  And I promised you all I would share the rap eulogy I wrote in honor of the small bird?  And then I never did?  Well I'm doing it today.  I am nothing if not timely.  

Also, I should mention that I am going to a concert tonight and totally *might* if you ask nicely enough record me actually doing this rap and post it here later, since I already have to get dressed and put on makeup for said concert.

So without further ado. (To the tune of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air)

You shot from the sky like a tiny arrow,
A daring little bird I named Jack The Sparrow.
I didn't know you well but I still shed a tear,
when I stepped onto my drive and I saw you lying there.

I'll attempt to be polite, so these words may be rephrased,
I shouted "Darn My Luck, GOD?!"and to the sky I gazed.
Then I grabbed the crown I earned by graduating business school*,
Ryan's stupid shorts and my finest digging tool.

I chose a shady spot and scanned my quiet 'hood
For nosy peeping neighbors again up to no good.
The coast for once was clear so a grave was prepared
Then I gave a heartfelt speech about the times that we'd shared.

Remember just this morning when you took me unawares?
By being on the ground instead of flying through the air.
Or how about seconds later when you made me scream in fear?
You always were a prankster Jack, I see now that's quite clear.

After I'd said my peace and mourned your tragic fate,
I made a tiny tombstone and engraved it with the date.
Be careful where you step, it said, for Jack reposes here,
Lying on the ground instead of flying through the air.

Peace.  *drops microphone*

*Yes I purchased myself a tiny crown for graduating college.  Obviously.

Me Doing Gang Signs Probably.

UPDATE: Because of how I have no shame I recorded my first rap video today.  It's quite ill.  Ill means terrible in gangster right?  Enjoy, or don't, whatever, this bitch don't care.

video



Have a wonderful live-bird-filled weekend Blogstalkers!  

75 comments:

  1. Mary P.1/18/2013

    Oh, I SO needed this today! Thank you!

    You should move to the West Si-eed and start collaborating.

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    Replies
    1. Haha I would be the worst actual gangster ever. Everyone else would be plotting gangster schemes and I would be like "Do these clothes make me look gangster? No? More leather? Less Bandanas?"

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    2. Mary P.1/18/2013

      Same here... I am the most un-gansta person you'll ever meet. They'd all be plotting and I'd be all, "Who wants a double chocolate chip cookie? No? Oatmeal craisin? Fudge?" Yeah... It's good I'm in the West Burbs...

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    3. And now I want a cookie.

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    4. Mary P.1/18/2013

      I have chocolate peppermint, spicy oatmeal craisin and peanut butter blossoms out here in the burbs. Plus mint and plain fudge, toffee, and truffles. C'mon over. ;)

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  2. Damn, you're good! That was beautiful, I almost had a tear myself

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  3. I can just hear the synthesizers! You should call DJ Jazzy Jeff. I hear he's not too busy these days. Maybe he'll record your killah rap.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, seriously, what is Jazz doing these days?

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  4. Hahaha! Awesome! I, too, am not gangsta at all. I don't think I could be even if I wanted. I don't like gin and juice.

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    Replies
    1. I like gin and I like juice but not like, together. I do own a leather jacket though, so that probably makes me super gangster.

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    2. I like juice. I do not like gin. I live close to Oakland so maybe I could just go hang out in one of the 'hoods and learn how to be a gangster ;) I also own a poster I bought from an Oakland street artist for $2 that says "Hella Occupy Oakland"...I'm not sure how this affects my gangster status, or if it just makes me a hipster sympathizer.

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    3. I think anything that has the word hella on it is totally gangster. Gangsta even.

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  5. Jamie Boros1/18/2013

    I think we need video of you actually performing this rap. :)

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    Replies
    1. You know..I'm actually considering doing this. Please be prepared to be horrified.

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  6. I love that it was to the Fresh Prince song.... since that is truly so gangster. Ha! Have a great weekend.

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    Replies
    1. Right? It's the most gangster song I know. Mary Had A Little Lamb came in second. I was going to call it Lauren Found A Little Bird, Yo.

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  7. Hey Birdie Birdie can't you see, Sometimes Lauren's rhymes just hypnotize me!

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    Replies
    1. Haha thanks! I think you're better at this than I am.

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  8. I leave this here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMkJuDVJdTw&list=UUzdbnf-pIJh-Qp6fdSb5ezw&index=1

    You may follow any ideas as you wish...

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    Replies
    1. Haha that was amazing! Apricot!

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  9. I hope you record yourself doing the rap :]

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    Replies
    1. I really think I might. I've been practicing. Is SO bad.

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    2. I love hearing you rapping!! I want an owl ring now :]

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    3. Yeah owl rings are pretty hip. You should definitely get one.

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  10. Can't wait for the video! I also have a tiara that I made my husband buy me to wear around the house while cleaning. I think every woman deserves crowns for important things!

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    Replies
    1. Oh totally. Hope you enjoy the video, it's quite terrible.

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  11. awesome. lol, i really hope you do the video so i can see this performed by you!

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  12. Lisa S1/18/2013

    A crown for graduating. I may have to steal that idea.

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    Replies
    1. Please steal it! It should be a thing everywhere.

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  13. Yup, you're the coolest! ;) love it!

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    Replies
    1. No one has ever called me the coolEST before!

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  14. Best. Video. Ever.

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  15. Love. This. Please record it, it would make my day.

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  16. Thank you. I had a bad day and this made me smile. Jack the Sparrow's death was not in vain.

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    Replies
    1. Glad to have brightened your day just a bit Susie!

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  17. Replies
    1. Yay! Happy you enjoyed it!

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  18. You are simply amazing. Just sayin.

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  19. Looove it! You are dope, man!!
    "Fo'shizzle," said the least rapper like person eva'.(I initially spelled 'rapper' with a 'w' just to prove how un-rapper like I am.)
    Grrrrreaaaat video. (Okay, just imitated Tony the Tiger, but in a totally gangsta like way).
    More videos please!!

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    Replies
    1. Videos make me nervous! But I'll attempt more in the future.

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  20. that was awesome! i love your jewelry (i'm currently wearing my owl ring as well!) this is so great, thanks for the laugh!

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  21. Totally worth asking random people at work if I can borrow their ear buds! Totally worth the risk of getting the flu. You gots mad skillz L. Keep it real.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! So happy you enjoyed my ridiculous video.

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  22. You are so awesome it hurts. Seriously.

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  23. Poor Jack the Sparrow, still he went out the way I'd like to go ... plummeting from the sky, followed by a rap eulogy.

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    Replies
    1. This just made me laugh so hard! Plummeting from the sky, followed by a rap eulogy. Yes.

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  24. Thank you for this! I don't know what I thought your voice sounded like, but I was surprised. No doubt you have a lovely, lovely voice. My brain just made up a different one.

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    Replies
    1. People are always surprised to hear my voice! I'm not sure what everyone thinks I'm going to sound like, but I guess it's not how I actually sound!

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  25. Jack the Sparrow couldn't have asked for a better person's front porch to die on... well played Lauren... well played.

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    Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed it Vanessa.

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  26. You are my friday hero!

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  27. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! That is awesome :)!

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  28. Megan K D1/19/2013

    That video was awesome! You are so creative!

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    Replies
    1. Glad you liked it Megan!

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  29. Anonymous1/19/2013

    Loved it! You are so talented. Jack couldn't have picked a better doorstep to die on....... :-)

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  30. That. Is the greatest video in the history of music videos. Shall I engrave the moon man statue now?

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  31. Michelle1/21/2013

    Wonderful. Just... wonderful. Please keep being you!

    Michelle

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  32. Sorry I'm late to the party, I had company all weekend and couldn't get to your blog sooner. In a word, "BRILLIANT!" Ryan doesn't know how lucky he is to have married you.

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  33. I've been busy and didn't have a chance to view this until now. ZOMG you are the CUTEST thing next to my daughter!! Love it!!

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  34. I'm officially convinced that the secret to being a super big time internet ruling blogger is to have a huge kick ass wall of books behind you. I want your wall.

    ReplyDelete

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