I'm One Step Closer to Marrying Justin Timberlake. Next Step - Actually Meeting Him. There Are A Lot Of Steps.

Good Morning Blogstalkers!!

So this isn't even a real post (look for one of those disasters either this afternoon or tomorrow morning) but I wanted to share something that makes my little heart sing.

My lovely talented reader Kat, whom I don't even know in real life, but who is clearly super amazing, sent me this last night.

And then I printed it out and put it in a frame and placed it on my nightstand (no joke.)

And then Ryan was like "Are you kidding me?"

And I was all "Can I make this better by promising you that when I'm married to Justin Timberlake I'll keep a photo of you and I by the bed?"

And he was like "Normal people don't have to deal with situations like this."

But anyway.

We're bringing sexy back.  Can you tell?




I sent a copy of this to Justin Timberlake as proof that we look amazing together.  As with my other emails, he's waiting  to reply until he has time to craft a response that will do my somewhat lenghtly missive justice.


Now must go.  I have to figure out how to print a copy of this at work so I can frame it there as well and prove all of my coworkers wrong when they continue to repeat "We know you don't actually play raquetball and drink Pellegrino with Justin Timberlake on the weekends."

Oh yes I do coworkers.  Yes I Do.

If anyone else wants to photoshop send me copies of pictures that I already own because they were taken on my camera of myself and various celebrities, go right ahead.  I will print them all out and keep them on my desk at work right next to my assortment of small wind-up creatures (I hold races on slow afternoons.) 

I am going to be SO much more popular at work.

Oh and if you like crafty giveaways, check out Abi's blog sometime before March 15th.  I don't know Abi in real life either and she's not forcing me with money or prizes to post this in any way, she's just very crafty and hilarious - As proven by her comment on my last post.

(I'm totally going to start posting my favorite comment at the bottom of each new post..you all are some serious cotton-headed-ninny-mugginses and I love it.)

I am a bugger to wake when I have a night terror and I scratch, bite, punch, flail! One of the first times my then boyfriend saw me have a night terror he assumed I was awake due to my eyes being open. He dropped his guard and apparently I just looked at him and punched him hard on the nose. HE STILL MARRIED ME. Now he knows if my eyes are open and I look like I'm conversing with him I'm probably still asleep.

One time, on a not so 'terror' sleep walk (we had just moved into our new house and it was empty) he woke to hear banging in one of the spare bedrooms. He went in search of the noise which turned out to be me banging the floor with a hard soled shoe. I told him I was busy building an ark so he shouldn't get in the way unless he could 'pass me that plank over there'.

Oh, and another time, one of his friends needed a place to stay for a few weeks and one night he came home and sat downstairs to watch tv (we were asleep). I sleptwalked out of the room yelling at Simon that I was going downstairs to kill the giant snake (which turned out to be his friend). His friend actually had to get in on the act and had to yell up the stairs 'I'm a snake but I'm leaving now' and open the front door and shut it again, pretending to go outside. He moved out pretty sharpish after that...or maybe it was the fact I organised his wardrobe into sleeve-length order on my day off once.

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Two Because I Need One For Each Hand and Butter Knives Because Otherwise I'd Just Hurt Myself

So a month ago or so, at about 3pm on a Sunday, I was lying upside down on the couch with my legs hanging over the back, probably still in pajamas, humming myself a sweet tune.  And then Ryan and I had the following conversation:

Ryan: What are you even doing?

Lauren: Trying to decide between taking a nap and reteaching myself how to knit fancy scarves.

Ryan: First, you have only ever knitted one scarf and I think we both know it was crap and second, maybe instead of napping you could do something about the bedroom?  It's a mess.

Lauren: YOU'RE telling ME to clean while you sit there on your computer and what? Research man slippers?

(seriously that boy has bought like eight pairs of slippers online recently and sent them back for various ridiculous reasons)

Ryan: Actually I'm paying bills, Hey do you know what this $37 charge at Garrett's Popcorn Emporium is from?  Lauren?

Lauren: (shouts over bedroom wall) I've decided to clean the bedroom today.

And then I cleaned out my bedside table because it was the only thing in the bedroom I could tackle while simultaneously lying in the bed.

And there, nestled in the back of one of the drawers amongst all of the old magazines and cotton balls and the two butter knives I keep next to the bed for safety purposes I found my very first cell phone (that I had for like three years because I was so broke in college) - still attached to the charger.

So obviously I plugged that shit in.

And then I died of laughing at all of the old text messages I'd saved.

I thought I'd share a few.

December 19th, 2002 (our first Christmas together)

Ryan: Have fun Christmas shopping today babe.  But remember all I really want for Christmas is you.
Lauren: That's good since I'm not getting you anything for Christmas.
Lauren: Because you are a big fat Jew.
Lauren: I hope all you want for Hannukah is also just me.
Lauren: Otherwise you're going to be a very disappointed boy this year.
Ryan: That's nice Lauren. 

October 2nd, 2003 (when Ryan had a nasty cold)

Ryan: Thanks for the video game and the soup. 
Ryan: I told everyone I have the best girlfriend ever.
Lauren: What!? Who is she?

April 22nd, 2004 (during finals)

Ryan: How's studying going?
Lauren: Good, just taking a quick donut break.
Ryan: Lovely.
Lauren: Haha yeah.
Lauren: When I left the library Oma and Vanessa were still sitting at our table.
Lauren: So I was like "Bye Sluts"
Lauren: And then Oma was like "Hey I'm not a slut!"
Lauren: And I was like "I know, I was talking about Vanessa twice."
Ryan: How do you even have friends?

March 17th, 2004 (Ryan on Spring Break with his friends)

Ryan: Get down to the beach.
Ryan: OJ is about to enter a contest drinking rum out of a baby bottle.
Lauren: You meant to send that to someone else?
Ryan: I did.

November 21st, 2004 (I'm guessing home for Thanksgiving?)

Ryan: Want to go bowling?
Lauren:  The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected.
Ryan: I'll take that as a no then?
Lauren: Correct, No.

and finally, because my husband is going through a monstrously tough time right now and I love him super a lot.

July 2nd, 2005 (when I was working as a cashier at my uncle's grocery store for the summer)

Ryan: How's work?
Lauren: Oh you know, weigh carrots, scan cereal, steal KitKat, shoot self in face
Ryan: That bad huh?
Ryan: I'll take you to dinner and a movie tonight?
Ryan: Someplace nice even.
Lauren: Thank God for you.

Also, Uncle Bob, if you're reading this, I didn't actually steal any KitKats from your store (because Twix are much more my style.)  What? No. Seriously though, that was just a joke.

 I did however, secretly read my book at the register every single day.  Sorry!

Oh and if anyone is wondering why Ryan sent back the most recent pair of slippers, it was because the soles weren't "suited for outdoor use."

Probably because they were slippers.  For inside the house.  But whatever.

I really hope Ryan doesn't start wearing slippers out on dates or something.

Because one of us is enough.

Love you blogstalkers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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You've RUINED Drinking Games For Me VANESSA. And I Was So Good At Them Too. You Shut Your Mouth Right Now Ryan.

Hey blogstalkers.  So I'm always promising the second part of How Ryan Met Lauren and then not coming through.  And today... will be no different.

I wanted to get some sort of normal post up though because I feel like the blog has been all random lately and it's making my OCD nervous.

So I just thought I'd tell another of my tales of physical woe.  You might remember the first one, in which I plunged to my near-death.

This time I'm going to tell the heart wrenching story of the day my very best friend literally punched me in the face.

Who Was Involved:

Lauren - Gets Punched In Face Without Deserving It Even A Little Bit In This Story (on right)

Vanessa - Angrily Slams Fist Into Best Friend's Face In This Story (on left)

Je déteste votre chapeau stupide VANESSA.

If I had a stupider picture of Vanessa, I'd post it now.  Oh wait.

She's probably only kissing this troll because she punched it in the face earlier and then felt bad.

Oh and also,

Ryan - Laughs Incredulously On Sidelines While Eating Corn On Cob, (Thanks for coming to my rescue RYAN)

Do I have any corn in my teeth?

What happened was this.  It was the summer of 2007 and I was 23 and one year out of college and had a real job and thus was obviously quite rich and had recently purchased myself a spectacular leather coat.

I was attending Vanessa's college graduation party in the backyard of one of our mutual friends.

See?  I TOLD you all my ears are unfortunate.  My dad used to make me tuck them in my baseball hat.  Thanks for the self-esteem boost DAD.

I am pretty sure Vanessa was jealous because she was 22 and just graduating college and was broke and had no leather coats to speak of.  So she was probably looking for a reason to hit me all day.

I can further prove this theory by presenting the following conversation, that I remember MOST CLEARLY.

Ryan: Is there guacamole at this party?  Oooh corn on the cob...(wanders off)

Lauren: Congratulations Vanessa!  You look so pretty today.  And smart.  You're so pretty and smart.

Vanessa: Is that a new coat? If it is then I hate you and am going to look for a reason to hit you in the face all day.  Now if you will excuse me, I hear there is corn on the cob somewhere. (storms off)

And so the day went.  We hung around and drank cheap beer and probably ate bratwursts or something.

At one point I was cleaning my glasses with my shirt and some dude I had never met flung himself at me from across the yard and produced an actual glasses cleaning cloth from the depths of his pocket and waved it at me all coyly.

And I was like "Umm thanks but I think I'm all good now."

And then he made some reference to Lord Of The Rings which I did not understand so I just said 'uh huh' and then unentangled myself from the conversation by shouting "Vanessa come here, there's someone you HAVE to meet."  And then introducing her and then backing slowly away.

This could also be the reason she punched me in the face later that afternoon.


But anyway, at some point during the day people decided that they wanted to play flip cup.  I was on Vanessa's team and standing right next to Vanessa.  Everything was going swimmingly for a couple of rounds.  We won a few games and lost a few games and the score was eventually tied 3-3.  So the next round would decide which team was the Flip Cup Victor of the day.

Vanessa had been busy drinking beers all day to celebrate the fact that she actually managed to graduate from college, so she was VERY enthused, exuberant, pumped up and basically just drunk.

The last round started off pretty well.  Boy drinks beer, places cup upside down on table edge, successfully flips cup.  Second boy does the same exact thing.  THEN...Vanessa drinks beer, places cup upside down on table edge, astoundingly manages to flip cup on first try, screams shrilly in delight, turns around and punches me in the face, both causing me terrible pain and also making me spill the beer I was attempting to drink all over my fab new leather coat.  She did it TOTALLY ON PURPOSE.

Literally seconds before my best friend assaults me in a physical manner.

Time stood still shortly blogstalkers.  And then my nose started bleeding and someone gasped and I ran into the house and into the bathroom to assess the damage.

Luckily my nose was just sore/bruisy/slightly swollen and not broken.  I waited for it to stop bleeding, iced the crap out of it and then rejoined the party.  Because really, you can't let something like your very best friend in the whole wide world punching you in the face totally on purpose get in the way of a party.

I've notified Vanessa, who remains my friend to this day because I am very forgiving and she gives good Christmas presents that this post was going up today.  She has 24 hours to write "her side of the story."  I told her if she did this, I'd post it on the blog for all to see, whether it is almost word for word the same as mine (as I would expect) or disgustingly full of heinous lies.

(My latest Christmas gift)  You other bibliophiles can deny.  But when a book gets wrote and its heavy to tote and hours to it I devote, I get tongue (tied.)  Wow that is...not my finest poetic effort.

Oh and my dad said that as long as I'm discussing all the ways I've gotten injured, I should mention the one time when I was spending the day with him at his place of work (he used to own a grocery store) and kept complaining about my hand, which was very puffy and slowly turning blue.

My dad had no idea what was going on, so he made me ice it and he splinted it and wrapped it up and then let me eat like ten egg rolls from the dairy case (which he NEVER let me do.)

Halfway through this ordeal I figured out what was wrong.  I had a hairband wrapped much too tighly higher up on my arm near my elbow.  It was cutting off my circulation.  I didn't tell my dad.  Because I was enjoying all of the attention and all of the egg rolls.

He figured it out for himself a short time later.  But by then all of the egg rolls were eaten and I was ready to take the damn hairband off, read some Archie comic books, take a good long nap food nap on the couch in my dad's office, and then go home and brag to my sister about the egg rolls and probably make her cry.  It was SUCH a good day.

Ever gotten hurt in some ridiculous manner blogstalkers?

UPDATE: Jessica made a comment (read her comment, it's hilarious) that reminded me of another ridiculous story from my childhood.  In elementary school one of the classes I was in had a bunch of hermit crabs.  One day when the teacher had to run out of the room everyone was daring each other to kiss the hermit crabs. 

Obviously I was up to that challenge. 

I was like "No big deal, I'd kiss hermit crabs ALL DAY.  Kissing hermit crabs should be my job." So I kissed the stupid hermit crab.  And then felt really sick about it.  And kept getting up to get a drink of water to try to rinse the memory out of my mouth.  Eventually I drank so much water that I vomited.  Luckily, I made it to the bathroom (unlike Jessica).  My teacher sent me to the nurse, who had to call my mom and be like "We have your daughter Lauren in the office.  It seems she kissed a hermit crab and then drank so much water she threw up."

And then I got to go home AGAIN.  I'm sorry mom.  Really.

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UPDATED: Hey Blog, You Sure Clean Up Nice.

UPDATED: So obviously no post yesterday.  I don't think I have mentioned this on the blog before, but my mother-in-law (the same woman who very recently lost her husband) has been quite ill with cancer for about the last 15 months.  She is currently in the hospital.  I so wish I could say she is doing well, but the fact of the matter is that she is not doing well in recent days and our family is broken-hearted.  I am going to attempt to keep up a semi-regular posting schedule in the coming days (hopefully a post will be up later today), but please forgive me, and do not forsake me, if I do not succeed.  I heart you all and promise this blog will be back to normal at some point.

I update more regularly on Facebook, so if you're interested, friend me by clicking the button in the sidebar.

Also, I've gotten a couple of emails from readers saying that they are having trouble commenting.  If this applies to you as well, it may just be that you need to install third party cookies (which is simple and can be googled.)  If you have these installed already and are still unable to comment, please shoot me an email at LaurenRaeGallagher@gmail.com to let me know since if this is a widespread problem, I need to work to get it corrected.

So much love blogstalkers.   You don't even know how much you've helped lately.

So real post on Monday.  And it'll be a good long one since I have the day off of work thank the lord.

But I just wanted to say...

Oh My God, Oh My God, Oh My God  It's HERE It's Finally HERE!!!!!

I'm not excited AT ALL.

What do you think of the new design blogstalkers?

It feels like my birthday all over again.  

Oh and the cat and the hat in this picture were purchased for me at Dave and Buster's by an old creepy gentlemen shortly after he accosted me at the bar and told me I smelled like milk.


It's an old photo, from like five years ago.  


Which is why I'm not wearing my wedding ring.  


Not because I took it off to troll for older men at a grown up Chuckie Cheese-esque establishment.

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Winner Winner Cheese For Dinner Because Ryan Is Not Home

So I know I promised a giveaway winner today and I'm about to announce who will be the lucky recipient of a small box of "Stop Bringing These Things Into My Home" in Ryan's words.

But first I wanted to mention that this blog finally has its own Facebook page, yo.

I currently have zero friends because Ryan refuses to be a friend of my blog because he thinks my blog is ridiculous, which it is of course, so whatever RYAN.

Please be my friends blogstalkers.  I'm feeling quite pathetic at the moment.  You should be able to follow the link above, if not you can search for me as "Lauren Filing Jointly" and not as "Half A Sack of Monkeys Past Certifiably Insane" as SOMEONE in this home suggested.

Also, who would ever want just half a sack of monkeys?  Full sack for me please.

But anyway the winner, as determined by a random number generator shown below, is Stefanie.

So Stefanie, please send all your addressy details to LaurenRaeGallagher@gmail.com and I will attempt to get your prize sent out in a timely fashion.

Please no hate mail from the rest of you.

I wish anyone who is not Stefanie better luck next time, and I actually mean that, I'm not just saying it to be nice.  

I'd make a really good Facebook friend.

Enter a number:

I want a number between 1 and…

Result:

02

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Happy Valentine's Day RYAN

First and foremost, if you have not already, enter my VDay Giveaway.

Second, no I have not yet received any rubies in celebration of our love from my husband.  But the day is still young.

Finally, as promised, I have improved upon Ryan's original boring mushy wedding vows.

you are welcome my darling Ryan.  Please memorize these for recitation this evening.

Look Ryan, our wedding rings.  Remember how they say "You Are The Best Thing" on the inside?  These new and improved vows will totally make that a true statement.

I, Ryan Gallagher, take you, Lauren - Champion of Miniature Golf, to be my lawful and wildly attractive wife, to have and to never scold, from this day forward, for better, for new purse (hand me new purse), for richer, for even richer, in richness and in wealth, until Justin Timberlake do us part."

Further, I promise the following things:

To take the blame for punching a hole in our bedroom door and never ever tell anyone that my awkward-in-a-totally-cute-way wife actually created said hole in an unfortunate hallway skateboarding incident.

To never expect you to ride and refrain from riding myself in/on the following death-contraptions: helicopters, go-carts, motorcycles, unicycles, double-decker buses, white water rafts and wagons filled with hay.

To understand and allow you to vent your frustration when yet another person we know sings the praises of hay rides, which are completely worthless and uncomfortable and take entirely too long to get you anywhere and then when you do finally arrive at the pumpkin patch all of the good pumpkins are gone.

To never ever again submit you to the humiliation of being kicked out of brunch.

To keep the fridge stocked with an assortment of cheeses, both hard and soft, goat and cow, blue and artificially yellow.

"To never again say things like "Oh, you have a mustache, I never noticed before.  Must be these new sunglasses.  Man these things are awesome."

To buy you at least one ruby, most likely more though, on the second Valentine's Day after we are married.

To allow you the naming privileges of all of our future children.  And to never again say "We are NOT naming our child after a Pride & Prejudice Character/Flower/Dairy Product."

To totally forgive you if, again, on the second Valentine's Day after we are married, one of the dogs is sick on the carpet and you "don't notice" it before work and leave it for me to clean up later.

To say "ick" whenever we are spending time at a beach or pool and a girl in a bikini walks past.  And, in future, to first make certain that said girl is not in fact your lovely wife.

To never let the following things eat you: A bear, a catfish, a lion, a cannibal.  I promise if you are close to being eaten, to throw myself in harm's way so that you may escape.

To never let you watch 'Silence Of The Lambs' ever again.

To stop sending you texts in the middle of the day that say nothing but "I just ate a sandwich for lunch, it was delicious."  Because that is ridiculous and a complete waste of time and makes you jealous about the delicious sandwich.

To stop meticulously and secretly tracking the weather and then offering to take the dogs on their morning walk "just to be nice" because I know that it will probably be raining/snowing later in the day when it will then be your turn to take the dogs outside.

And finally, to allow you to make any and all edits to these vows that you see necessary as the days and years go by.

I love you.  And I don't care if you never shave your legs again.  And ponytails are not lazy and your orange sweatpants are sexy and I also sort of want a baby hippopotamus.

Anything you would add blogstalkers?

P.S.  I love you my Ryan.  Happy Valentine's Day.

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Because Not Only Do I Like You..But I LIKE Like You

So yesterday I had some spare time and inbetween helpings of lasagna and episodes of Downton Abbey I actually finished rewriting Ryan's wedding vows (as I promised to do this post.)

I'll share that tomorrow, in honor of Valentine's Day, which is like my second favorite holiday, even though Ryan almost never buys me ANY RUBIES IN CELEBRATION OF OUR LOVE NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I ASK.  (I realize that sentence was not grammatically correct.  Not having any rubies makes me forget my book learning from time to time.)

But today, blogstalkers, because my last giveaway was such a rousing success and people actually embraced the absurdness of it all instead of deleting my blog from reading list, I have decided to do another, also in honor of Saint Valentine.

This will definitely be a giveaway on a much smaller scale as I am not made of money and money does not grow on trees and I do not have any rubies to pawn for money.

But it'll still be quirky and odd and everything you all apparently liked about the last one (weirdos.)  And will mostly be a surprise, but will definitely include "Stop Talking" cards.




These are VERY useful.

 Sorry Ryan, you are unable to win this giveaway.  And no I will not tell you where I purchased the "Stop Talking" cards.  (paper-source.com if anyone else is curious.)

To enter just leave me/Ryan

1. Any old comment

or

2. A comment detailing exactly why you think I deserve not only rubies, but also probably various other jewels.

Goodluck blogstalkers!!

I'll pick a winner on Wednesday.  It'll probably be you.

xoxo - Lauren Rae aka Lauren

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Ryan Attempted To Put My Own Cupcake Hat In The Box Too, He Was Unsuccessful And Let's Just Say...VERY Sorry For Even Trying.

Good Morning blogstalkers.  And yes it is morning in my world, seeing as I just got up (it's been a long week.)

First I just want to thank all of your for your kind words and thoughts this last week.  Losing my father-in-law, who was an amazing husband, father and friend, so suddenly and at such a very young age (he was 54) has been extremely heartbreaking and difficult.  Both Ryan and I so appreciate the support.

Not a traditional post today, but I figured I'd finally share what I sent my sweet reader Emily who won this here giveaway.  (The one in which I promised to send the winner a box of my favorite things in honor of my birthday.)

Also, I will be doing a small Valentine's Day giveaway as well as regular giveaways on April 7th, July 7th, October 7th and January 7th (my quarter birthdays, because quarters are really important when you're an accountant.)

So if you like what you see here, be sure to come back and enter.

Haha, I can't wait to see Ryan's face when I tell him we are now celebrating quarter birthdays (just mine, not his.)

So without further ado,

Emily from Arizona received what appeared to be a normal package in the mail pretty recently.  Then she opened it and was probably horrified and confused.  I apologize Emily.  I'm not a normal person, so I'm incapable of sending a normal package.

The contents:           (All of these items were purchased either on Amazon.com or at Paper Source.)

 To hang on her Christmas tree next year.  Because we all know Disney princesses are no longer safe on my tree.  Also, I apologize Emily, but I feel like I should warn you, it is possible that this particular Belle is a little slut.

Probably VERY stale as Christmas is long over.  But I figure, if someone has to eat stale dots, better Emily than me.

I actually bought these as part of a pack of twelve.  So I currently have eleven boxes of Valentine Dots sitting on my desk, all waiting to be eaten on February 14th.  Eating them any other day just feels wrong.  I will probably not feel well on February 15th, so try not to expect a post from me that day.

A tee shirt with this little waving bear on it.  I actually placed this bear in the package last because I was home alone when I was packing it and I needed someone to talk to as I worked.  And I am not in the habit of conversing with trollops, BELLE.

I just like this bracelet.  I have one and when I put it on in the morning, it makes me feel like I've made an effort.  Like, hair brushed? No.  But did you happen to notice my wrist?  That's right, jewelry.

Actually, sort of sadly, it's gotten to the point in my home that Ryan sees me wearing anything more than my engagement/wedding rings and is like "You...didn't put on deodorant today did you?"

A cupcake hat.  A necessity.  My sister bought me mine randomly last winter because she is awesome and totally understands me.  Ryan will not go places with me in this hat.  So I've taken to not putting it on until we are already out.  He's taken to checking my pockets and my purse for this hat before we go out.  So I've taken to hiding it in my bra.

One time he was all "Did your boobs get bigger?"  And I was like "I don't know, maybe, I have been eating more."  Then later I pulled out the hat and he was doubly disappointed.  It was a great day.  I still get all teary-eyed thinking about it.

In which penguins do incredibly evil things.  This book makes me furiously happy since I've always had a suspicious that penguins are inherently evil.  It's why I love them so much.

Like this is how I imagine penguins in the wild:

Sort of along the same vein:

These are evil penguin erasers.  They erase your homework in the middle of the night.  They are like the opposite of the shoemaker's elves.

Both a boy and a girl plate were also included in the package.  Because I think playing with your food is important.  I can't WAIT to have kids.

I almost just kept these for myself.  The scale talked me out of it.

If you read this blog regularly, then you probably know that I am a hypochondriac.  So this journal is perfect for me.  It totally gets me.  And now Emily has a copy as well.

I have to hide this journal from Ryan.  Because one time he read a random entry and was like "Seriously Lauren? On November 15th you wrote 'Odd scab on foot.  Possibly blister.  Probably Leprosy.  Call Jordan, It's her birthday.'"

Honestly I'm just glad he didn't read December 12th's entry.

I use these at work.  As well as paper clips that are shaped like anchovies.  One time my boss told me that he would never fire me because I "keep things around the office interesting."

So now I tell people I'm tenured.  And Ryan is like, "No she's not, she's just weird, they keep her around just to look at her, like a zoo animal."  And then Ryan does not get a delicious homemade meatball sandwich that night.

For making gross white milk delicious.  I carry these in my purse and use them at restaurants that are too snooty to offer chocolate milk on their menu.  Ryan doesn't take me out to dinner much.

I only sent Emily one of these, but I have ten.  And use them to bug Ryan when he's sleeping.  And then he gets up and sleeps in the guest bedroom and locks the door.  And then I have the whole bed to myself.

I use them for other things too.  Like bugging Ryan when he's napping on the couch.

I don't actually have this.  But I LOVE Kate Spade.  And Emily is a teacher.  So she needs this.

This is a coffee mug with an octopus in it.  It's really fun to serve people coffee in this mug.  Because it's like "Surprise! Octopus!"

And from the outside it looks exactly like my other coffee mugs.  So even people that have been "Octopused" before don't know when it's coming.

Is it weird that I registered for my other coffee mugs for only this reason?

No?  Good.

Because I couldn't send real pickles in the mail.  Because that is weird.

So that's the giveaway prize.  Oh and it came all wrapped up in this:

I also sent Emily a $25 gift certificate to Amazon.com so she could buy herself something conventional, since I am seemingly incapable of choosing anything but peculiar and abnormal things.

So who is now DESPERATE to win my next giveaway?  No one?

Oh, I should also mention that I sent another reader, whom I like to call "Other Lauren" a small package too, for helping me to come up with what will be the tagline on my soon-to-be-newly-redesigned blog.

It was this:

A Dammit Doll (available at dammitdolls.com)  The poem on the front reads:

Whenever things don't go so well,

And you want to hit the wall and yell,

Here's a little Dammit Doll,

That you can't do without.

Just grasp it firmly by the legs,

and find a place to slam it.

And as you whack the stuffing out,

yell Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!

And it was wrapped in this: 

Because "Other Lauren" loves glitter.

UPDATE:

Emily reminded me in the comment section that I forgot these:

Coasters! Shaped like toast!  And they come in a little tiny bread bag with a twist tie.  I ask Ryan "Don't you love our coasters?" like once a day at least.  

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Turns Out The Universe Is In Charge And Not Me

If you're new here check out my popular posts on the sidebar. The below is not a typical post.

::UPDATE:: Unfortunately my father-in-law passed away this Saturday afternoon.  He was 54 years old and it was completely unexpected.  Please excuse my absence from the blog in the coming week. 

Hey blogstalkers. My husband's father has recently suffered a very serious medical misfortune and Ryan and I need to focus our attention in that direction. Thus I will be taking a brief hiatus from posting. Hopefully I'll be back at you in a couple of days to a week or so.

 Until then blogstalkers, please send good thoughts and well wishes and hilarious musings our way. We could certainly use them.

 Lots of Love and Eternal Devotion

 Lauren

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