There Will Be No Merry Tap Dancing To Christmas Tunes For Me This Week.

If you've read my previous post Blogstalkers then you will remember that I was all "I feel fantastic! My neck is totally healed!  Now I shall go jump on the bed without a care in the world!"

Well it seems I spoke too soon.

I felt so grand and pain-free yesterday that I top-to-bottom-including-inside-the-refrigerator scrubbed my kitchen.  Seriously it is gleaming.

Unfortunately that was not a smart idea as I am still supposed to be taking things easy.  Today, I can not move.  And I am in so much pain even with muscle relaxers that at one point I briefly considered dropping a heavy rock on my foot to distract from the pain in my neck.

I am not trying to garner sympathy because this is quite surely my own dumb ass fault.  Anywho, I went to the doctor again this morning and it looks like I am back to physical therapy! Glory glory hallelujah!  Not.  90 minutes twice a week of resistance bands, stretching and something I swear my therapist should trademark as "Hate Massage" is not my cup of tea.

All of this is a long way to say: I am incapable of being funny today because of all of the anger I am currently feeling toward myself, my stupid clean kitchen and my physical therapist who refutes my claim that spontaneous fist swings are common side effects of massage.

So ummm, I'll be back in a day or two.  Until then, if you're newish here, here are some popular posts from the ol' archives.

Christmas Themed

Ryan's Attempt To Ruin Christmas 2011, #1.

Ryan's Attempt To Ruin Christmas 2011, #2.

Our Ridiculous "Love" Story

The High School Years.

The College Years.

The Wedding - Part I.

The Wedding - Part II.

The Honeymoon.

And now I am off (in my robe mind you) because getting dressed right now is an impossibility to therapy.  And I swear if my therapist tells me one more time that "Pain is fear leaving the body" he is going to get slapped.  With a taser.  Shock therapy.


  1. I love the term, "Hate Massage." So, you did make me smile.

    Thanks. I needed that. :)


    1. My therapist, when I suggested the trademarking, was not as amused. Oh well!

    2. Your therapist has ZERO sense of humor.

      I hope you're feeling better soon. And that RYAN is nice to you until then.

  2. Replies
    1. Thanks Meg! I am surely just being a big baby.

  3. Veronica12/05/2012

    Feel better quick! Sending healing thoughts!

    1. Thanks Veronica! No matter what, I shall be out and about in Christmas attire on Sunday!

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. Lauren, take this time to relax a little bit and have Ryan spoil you need to rest because when you make your trek with Ryan and OJ in costume I want to come down and witness for myself and take lots and lots of photos!!! Get better dear!

  6. I totally got "hate massaged" by the random seated massage people that set up in the middle of my mall. The worst part is I totally paid him for 10 minutes of massage that literally left me BRUISED the next day. I would say I learned my lesson, but I'm such a massage ho we both know I'm going to try them again next time I'm at the mall...

    Hope you feel better and I hear that rubies and cheese are both really good for ouchy necks.

  7. I've had those "Massages" at PT before ... feel better soon!

  8. 'Spontaneous fist swings' are definitely a side effect.
    Just like ...
    'Spontaneous 80's break dancing ie the robot' are side effects of grocery store music.
    'Spontaneous naughty limericks' are side effects of church going.
    'Spontaneous 'calculating points for pedestrians'are side effects of boring car music
    Feel better Miss Lauren

  9. I hope you feel better soon!! I cannot support anyone who would tell you such crap as pain is just "fear leaving the body"...because it isn't. Pain is pain, and it sucks!

  10. Your therapist is just asking to be harmed when you get better.

    I hope you feel better Lauren!! Only twenty days until Christmas :]

  11. I hope you get better soon, Lauren! Lots of love from the UK x

  12. See! Vigorous house cleaning is hazardous! I KNEW it!

  13. Pain is fear leaving the body? That can't be right. I need three years to think about that. I'm so sorry you're in so much pain, that sucks! I wish I could instantly give you a morphine drip. Now I do understand why I'm the worst housekeeper ever. I hate pain, there it is, facts don't lie.

  14. Aww I hope you feel better soon

  15. As a future physical therapist I absolutely love the description and will be thinking of "Hate Massage" every time I work on a patient!

    Hope you recover quickly

  16. Anonymous12/05/2012

    Dang! Feel better soon! Still lots of time before Christmas and with therapy you'll be better! And just think...the kitchen is spotless. Ryan better keep it that way!

  17. I hope you'll feel better soon.

  18. Aw, I hope you feel better very soon! That's one of the perils of cleaning, I tell you. ;)

  19. Feel better - I've been there. Never fun. I once woke up and couldn't turn my neck. It was the worst! I was still a kid, so my mom thought I was just bullshitting her. Then she found me laying on the kitchen floor an hour later, screaming, so she decided to take me seriously.

  20. I totally feel your pain. I get the 'neck thing' too. Last time it started after a particularly good workout. But then I could move for five days, so I figured that negated any benefits from working out.

    Anyway, hope you're back on your feet soon!

  21. Anonymous12/07/2012

    I also have the neck pain, nothing like waking up and moving your head and the resulting pain makes you want to hurl. But a Bonus side effect of my pregnancy is my neck pain almost completely disappeared, until now 21 months after birth. But it seems to be coming back, it's almost enough to Make me want to get pregnant again

  22. Puppygirl12/07/2012

    If you replace "clean my kitchen" with "sports", you have my husband. When he had 'unexplained hip pain' he went out, tried to play hockey, played outdoor touch football, and went curling. Of course there is no correlation between that and the unexplained pain lasting for more than three weeks.

    Just remember to wear a neck brace when Ryan dresses up for your Christmas parade down the streets of Chicago. So you won't hurt your neck more when you fall down and roll on the floor laughing.

  23. I have just spent the last 4 days reading your blog from the beginning, and finishing it as I finished my own private HP marathon that has been my lazy Saturday...literally watching the end of DH 2 as I type this and annoyed again that in the movie he breaks the elder wand - you just don't go around breaking elder wands...

    I digress,

    Your life tales are truly heart-warming, funny, witty, and beautifully saracasmed. I've enjoyed my glimpse into the world you present us.

    It's always nice to have kindred spirit out there in the world who shares the same ups and downs, as well as passion for cheese (I'm Greek, and pretty sure I have feta running through my veins and not blood, which would probably serve me well if I encountered vampires now that I think of it), pickles, and the ability to re-lyric any song for any occasion - when I'm looking for something I can't find - I always sing "I put things in weird places" to the tune of I have friends in low places - and that helps me find it...

    Anyway, just a thank you, and a keep on keepin’ on...I am new and enthused blogstalker.

  24. Sorry about the neck. But nice use of the 90s-style "not" in the third paragraph. For real.

  25. I really hope you feel better soon!


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