I'm Bringing Chèvre Back. Havarti, Goat Cheese and Pepperjack.

Hey Blogstalkers!  I am back.  Back with a vengeance and a newfound penchant for rhyming.

Ok so maybe creating mad rhymes is not so entirely a newfound passion for me, but I do find it has become a stronger urge in the last day or so.  Like it has become almost an obligation for me to speak like a Dr. Seuss character.  It's inexplicable.  Well, it's either inexplicable or easily explained by the fact that I *might* have bumped my head pretty hard last night and thus knocked all the rhymes free.

Oh you want to hear how I bumped my head then?

First a little bit of background.  Ryan and I live in a four story townhouse with a lot of dangerous wooden stairs.  Also, our front door is weird in that it is entirely made of glass.  It's a very sturdy glass door with a number of locks so it's totally safe but as someone who grew up with a door made of regular door material (what the eff are doors made out of?) that one could shut at will and thus expertly block out the nosy prying eyes of neighbors who do not understand normal family activities like Pumpkin Seed Wars and What Is The Smallest Box You Can Fit Into?  it's been weird.  The door only looks into the first floor foyer so the mailman and Mr. Cheese (the man who delivers my cheese-of-the-month club selections) can't see much, but it's still sort of freaky to come down the stairs and see the doorman of the neighboring condo building peering in because he wanted to let you know that someone had left the trunk of your car open.

Sidenote: The cheese delivery man's surname is not actually Cheese but rather DeVries.  But he is great fun and joins in the dancing and the singing of "Mr. Cheese! Mr Cheese!" (to the tune of the Mr. Clean jingle) every month when he makes his appearance.  And Ryan is always like "Don't encourage her!"

Sidenote 2: Yes the someone that left the trunk of the car open was me.  

Ok so back to the story.  Around 7pm yesterday I was making dinner and realized that I did not have any lemons.  And I totally needed lemons.  At first I was perplexed because usually I am excellent at not forgetting things at the grocery store.  (My dad owned a grocery store when I was a kid and has taught me excellent grocery shopping techniques.)  And then I realized I had not gotten lemons because I thought I had lemons because of this.


A bowl of decorative lemons.  Decorative lemons that I purchased and arranged.  I swear parts of my brain don't communicate well with each other.

So anyway, I had to head back to the store.  As I was heading down the stairs to the front door I saw a suspicious shadow move on the front porch and I flipped out.  I don't know exactly what occurred next except that I remember flying through the air and then smashing, head first, into the glass front door.

Ryan heard a giant noise and the dogs barking and ran down the stairs to see what the trouble was.

Ryan: What was that?  Are you ok?  Did you fall?

Lauren: *groaning* I think I might have leaped actually.

Ryan: You leapt into the door?  On purpose?

Lauren: It was instinct?  There was something mysterious happening on the porch and I had to protect my home and my family.

Ryan: So you jumped from the stairs into the door?  That sounds like something the dogs would do.

Lauren: Or like a majestic leaping panther.

Ryan: No.

Lauren: You don't seem grateful enough right now.  I probably just scared away an intruder and saved your life.  You are welcome RYAN.

Ryan: *looks out door* OH MY GOD!

Lauren: What?! What is it?  Is it a mongoose!?  **grumbling** Mischievous little bastards.

Ryan: It's plastic bag.

Lauren: Well shit.  Let's not tell anyone about this.  Or if we do let's go with the graceful jungle cat protecting its loved ones from a pack of egg-sucking mongeese story.

Ryan: Let's get you an ice pack.  I think you hit your head.

So that happened.  Such is the life.

What've you all been doing the last couple of days?  Catch me up.

P.S. If you don't follow me on FB I think I've decided to start a separate food blog for my kitchen escapades and successes and dramatic failures of epic proportions.  Rest assured it will not take away from this blog since I will always make my first blog baby a priority.  I'm thinking of using the URL TakeItToTheFridge.com but I am open to suggestions.

Come here girl, add pecans to it.
Come here girl, croissant with meat on it.
Come here girl, put croutons on it.
Come here girl, have a bonbon minute.
Come here girl, needs bouillon in it.

29 comments:

  1. I love that your first instinct was to run toward the mysterious happenings and not away from it.

    Also, I would totally read a food blog.

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    1. Yeah I'm not sure why that was my response. I like to think it means I'm brave. Ryan likes to think it means my brain and body work independently of each other.

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  2. I love your mad rhyming skills, and I'm glad to see your head hitting incident didn't diminish your abilities. :) Cheers!

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    1. Haha thanks! I love to rhyme, rhyming's my favorite.

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  3. hhahahahahahahahahah reading your blog leads to not work appropriate laughing. Love it!

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  4. I'm so happy to see a new post. I was growing a bit weary of cat videos on You Tube.
    When I read "glass door" I thought "Uh oh..." Glad to hear no blood or permanent damage was involved. :)

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    1. No blood for sure. The permanent damage thing is still being investigated by Ryan. Also, there may or may not be a blood stain that I can not get out on one of the walls going down my stairs from a previous incident.

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  5. I am sitting at my desk at work and I just laughed so hard (quietly) that I was almost crying. :D

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    1. Yay! I love making people laugh!

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  6. Heather12/27/2012

    Welcome back! I'd LOVE a food blog from you... I spent the last week making three separate Christmas dinners for three separate family-type group dinner thingies... :)

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    1. That sounds like a lot of work. I did Thanksgiving for Ryan's and my families this year and though it turned out well, it was like, HARD. I am so impressed by you.

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  7. I think that you should periodically list easy recipes that kitchen dunces could concoct... You know. So that I may participate. Wahoo new venture!

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  8. I agree with the easy recipe idea! Glad you might not have permanent brain damage.

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  9. Hilarious! A food blog from you would be awesome!

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  10. Megan M.12/27/2012

    More blogs from Lauren equals more happy for me. Can't wait to see it!

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  11. I've been working on a food blog too! Unfortunately, my silly boyfriend has not taken the 5 minutes his computer-genius-brain needs to figure out how to make my food blog happen. And since he's the computer-y brains behind my incessant rambling and ranting, I kind of need him for that part. But I've got the first several posts written already!

    Anyways. Hope you had a merry holiday! We loved the card-it's on our wall 'o cards!

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  12. First of all, thank you so much for my Christmas card! It came in as i was was leaving my house for my brother's and our very fun Christmas Eve party, so I carried it with me and showed it off to everyone! I'm sad to say they didn't share my enthusiasm! Secondly, I'm so glad you're back to blogging and seem to be back to your usual fun self! Also, i love lemons/limes so much i use them on everything i eat (well, almost, great on chips and watermelon, not so much on milk products), so i could never have fake ones as that would lead to constant disappointment.

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  13. Come here girl, add pecans to it.
    Come here girl, croissant with meat on it.
    Come here girl, put croutons on it.
    Come here girl, have a bonbon minute.
    Come here girl, needs bouillon in it.

    Lauren, SERIOUSLY, could you be any funnier?!?!? :):):)

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  14. You totally need some Wolverine adamantium claws. Because there is nothing that you could do with those things that isn't badass.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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  15. You make falling sound hilarious which is much better than me who falls and can't come up with anything funny at all to share. Hope you are okay. Nothing going on here except being cranky the snow totally and completely missed my house.

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  16. Pitch your song to Lonely Island! Andy will go for this I'm sure and since he is BFFFFF's with Justin T. it's a done deal I'd say.

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  17. I recently hit my head as well. I was trying to get my kitten out of my closet, and when I bent down to pick him up, I rammed my head into my closet doorknob. It really hurt and I think I may have internal bleeding.

    When I told my boyfriend about hitting my head, he told me I should just go to sleep now.

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  18. Youch! That must have hurt! But at least you were injured in the line of duty, protecting your family from rogue plastic bags ;D

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  19. No more rhymes now, I mean it! ;)

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  20. I am sorry you hit your head, but Oh. My. Word. You are an excellent story teller. It took me 4 attempts to read the conversation with Ryan because I kept collapsing into fits of giggles. And by the way, mongeese are effing SCARY. You did the right thing, protecting your family.

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  21. What does it say about me that I'm so distracted by the concept of decorative lemons that the whole flinging downstairs to your potential doom in a panther like attack on a bag was lost of me the first read?

    But, really, decorative lemons? Like to pretty to eat, so you had to go buy inferior lemons to cook with? Or plastic lemons you keep in a bowl and have to dust? Really?

    Also? Protecting the house being your first instinct is a lovely quality. But if a panther was protecting the house and flung itself head first into a glass door to scare off a bag, well, we'd all laugh at that, too...

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  22. I'm super intrigued by this cheese of the month club. Can you post a link? My husband came home from Costco with three kinds of giant cheese today.
    PS I love your blog:)

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  23. I read this while on vacation in Austria and every day as I walked through the village donning my lovely helmet (I fell ONE time and my husband got all flippy and now I’m helmet lady) I would sing "I'm bringing sexy back. Yeah. Havarti, goat cheese, and pepper jack. Yeah." My daughter wouldn’t walk with me. I’m sure it was the helmet because the song, my singing and the little dance I made up were fabulous.

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