I'm in a fantastic mood today! My neck is feeling a thousand times better! Thanks mostly to a well-timed shot of cortisone and maybe a little to that yoga class I took yesterday upon the instructions of my doctor.
She's actually been telling me to go to yoga for years since I have terrible balance as well as various mental ailments. But until now I have not gone. Please do not tell my doctor that because for some reason she maybe thinks I go twice a week and that my instructor's name is Anthony and that he has a ponytail.
But anyway, it seems as of late that the amount of time I spend couch-ridden and drug-addled because of my neck has increased. And as I am beginning to think Ryan is getting tired of me alternating between being all "My neeeeccckkkk" one hour and asking him (once the drugs kick in) to go to the store and get me candy canes so "I can rub them in my nose and make the whole world smell of Christmas," the next, I figured I should maybe do something about this.
Sidenote: That candy cane comment did actually occur and Ryan was rather judgy about it. Which makes me somewhat incensed as he is the dummy that came home from the bar after two football games on Saturday and told me he'd had "cups and saucers" when I asked him if he'd had anything to eat. I assume he meant chips and salsa, but really, I can not be sure.
So yesterday morning around 730 am, I rolled over in bed and hit snooze on my alarm and decided to take the 11 am yoga class instead. Bait and switch m*therf*ckers.
I actually made it to the later yoga class and copied all of the other girls with their tiny tops and bouncy ponytails in getting out a mat and sitting on it and stretching out my legs. It turns out my legs are not very stretchy so I switched to doing some sweet elbow maneuvers with my double-jointed elbows (yep true story) to make myself seem like an advanced yogi person.
Soon the instructor came in and introduced himself as Anthony and I was all like "What the what!" in my head because it turns out I am psychic and I never knew that until now.
Then I imagine the class progressed as normal yoga classes do. All downward-facing-dog and alligator-goes-to-lunch and that one pose where you get to pretend you are a warrior princess shooting a bow and arrow at the person in front of you in class.
After a while it was time for quiet reflection which began with everyone in the class saying some sort of chant that I could not understand so instead I just intoned "Iced-Venti-Nonfat-No-Whip-Iced-Mocha" a couple of times since that was the treat I had promised myself if I went to the yoga class.
Then it was time to just sit silently on our mats and meditate. I was not excellent at this. My mind does not get quiet. Here is a rundown of the things I thought during those ten minutes.
Ok clear your mind Lauren Rae, make it a peaceful soothing quiet place.
What the hell!?
Ok at least try to think about quiet things.
A sleeping mime. A baby mouse peeing on a cotton ball.
I wonder if I could convince Anthony to grow a ponytail. I know we have not known each other for very long but he did touch my butt a little bit earlier.
I really feel like some curried butternut squash soup right now.
I feel like I have been sitting here for a really long time, I wonder if this is some sort of newbie hazing ritual where they get me to close my eyes and sit quietly and then all sneak out of the room and leave me here. *opens one eyeball and peers around surreptitiously*
Ok good they're all still here, probably knew I was un-foolable from my no nonsense bun.
It is SO quiet.
It is SO VERY quiet.
Do not do it Lauren Rae, do not break the silence.
DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST FUCKING RIBBET!?
Bibbity Bobbity Boo. Bibbity Bobbity Boo. Alla Kazaam Sweet Marzipan and Bibbity Bobbity Boo!
Ooh I'll bet shrimp would be excellent in curried butternut squash soup.
Oh it's over, thank goodness.
And then I cleaned my matt and rolled it up and put it away and went to Starbucks.
Later Ryan asked me how yoga was and all I could say was "Oh it was a real mind and body workout let me tell you."
And then he said something snippy and sarcastic and I was just like "Iced-Venti-Nonfat-No-Whip-Iced-Mocha-Iced-Venti-Nonfat-No-Whip-Iced-Mocha." Yoga is clearly my thing.
How were your weekends Blogstalkers?
P.S. Check out Katie's Blog for her take on J.K. Rowling's A Casual Vacancy. My review is coming later this week. I meant to post it Friday but it's really hard to read when you are high on drugs (prescription drugs) so I'm still finishing up the book and my review.
P.P.S. For anyone stalking their mailboxes for a Christmas Card, they will not be sent out until after next weekend since that is when OJ is in town and when we will be finishing up the cards. I'll have my P.O. Box address up tomorrow (when I pick up the keys) for anyone that wants to send a return card. Obviously this is not required.
Now I must be off. I just scrubbed a bunch of pennies until they were super shiny and I have to go scatter them heads-up about the neighborhood.