Help Me Santa Baby, Please Bring Me A Baby, You're My Only Hope. (Thanks for NOTHING Turkey Tom.)

This is going to be an incredibly busy week Blogstalkers!  So forgive me if the posting is light.  I didn't realize how much time it takes to label and send out like a thousand (seriously) Christmas cards.  Also, Ryan and I are acting Santa a bit this year for his younger siblings and I still have some of that shopping to catch up on and stockings to make (with the help of his little sister who is now living with us.)

But I wanted to at least get a quick post up today.

Remember how Ryan and I hosted Thanksgiving for our families this year?  Well I made sure to carefully extract and save the wishbone and dry it out so Ryan and I could each make a wish and break it.

Two weeks after Thanksgiving (which was the suggested drying time on the website I consulted) I called Ryan to the kitchen and this conversation ensued.

Ryan: What now? Did you get something else stuck in the garbage disposal?

Lauren: Maybe....but that's not the reason for me calling this impromptu kitchen meeting.

Ryan: I can already tell this is going to be ridiculous.

Lauren: Actually it's not.  I just want you to break the wishbone with me.

Ryan: Oh.  Ok.  Wait...what are you wishing for?

Lauren: OH I think YOU KNOW. (obviously a baby Blogstalkers)

Ryan: Shit.  Ok well then I wish to counter your wish.

Lauren: Ryan, that is wrong for so many reasons.  For one, you told me your wish, which is against the rules.  For two, it doesn't even make sense.  If I win then my wish comes true.  If you win then your wish to counter a wish that is not coming true comes true which is like a double negative and means that my wish comes true.

Ryan: That's still my wish.  I just want to put it out there into the universe.  

Lauren: FINE.  Get ready to have a baby RYAN.

And then we broke the wishbone and this is what happened.

Lauren: *awestruck and wide-eyed - whispers* What does this mean?

Ryan: It means the universe has finally come through for me!!!  Because now either both of our wishes come true which means I have successfully issued a counter to your wish or neither of them come true which means nothing changes.

Lauren: OH MY GOD YOU'RE RIGHT.  This is the only possible scenario in which your stupid counter wish would have worked.  I think you might be some sort of secret brilliant genius.  Although, I must say, you've been hiding it really well.

Ryan: Whatever.  No babies for you.

And then I drowned my sorrows in candy canes and researched if poinsettias really are poisonous to dogs on the internet.

And then called Ryan back to the kitchen to fix the garbage disposal.

P.S. For those asking for Christmas card reasons - my P.O. Box address is now included in my Contact Me page.


  1. i'm wishing that you get your wish and Ryan's wish is moot, because i think you would make the most beautiful and awesomely hilarious baby ever. Have a Merry Christmas!!!

  2. Ryan needs to get on board, that wishbone was just reminding him that he has no control over this situation... and perhaps you do not either.

    Have you started the "but what if we've waited too long and it turns out I can't get pregnant anyway" stuff yet... yeah maybe that level of crazy is reserved for me.

  3. I love that you're playing Santa - and it sounds like you have a lot on your plate with Christmas - but thanks for getting this post up! :)

    I hope that your wish comes true!!

  4. Anonymous12/18/2012

    I Love reading your Blog:) I am so glad that You and Ryan are able to help his Family out:) I hope you neck behaves so you can get everything done:)

  5. A THOUSAND Christmas cards?! Damn. My hand was cramping up after the 75 I sent out. I fear the last few are completely illegible. People will have to figure out who sent the card by the return address label. Or the fact that they're penguin cards. That's often a giveaway.

    1. P.S. Princess Leia hates it when you steal her lines...

  6. That is awesome! I mean not the negating the wishes thing, but that it broke so evenly! I'm surprised you have time to post with so many cards to send out (can't wait for mine!) and getting ready for Christmas. I wish you and your family a very merry Christmas and thank you for writing such an awesome, entertaining blog!

  7. Maybe you shouldn't dry it so long next year. :(

    I hope you get a baby. They're fun. Sometimes.

  8. "Lauren: *awestruck and wide-eyed - whispers* What does this mean?" - you always have the greatest responses to situations.. thanks for the giggles. I'm still trying to figure out how Ryan won...hurts to think.

  9. See, I think Ryan is slowly coming around. The fact that you explained that his wish counteracting your wish would mean that your wish would come through AND HE STILL went through with it means he was willing to take chance. Never mind what happened next. He was still open to the possibility.

    Progress, Lauren, progress.

  10. i have never heard of drying a wishbone, we just ripped it apart on thanksgiving... maybe this is why none of my wishes ever came true? it was the lack of drying time!!

  11. I'm wishing for your wish, and one for me too!

  12. Maybe it means you'll be having twins!

  13. Melanie12/18/2012

    This so reminds me of that whole "no anti-quitsies, no startsies, no erasies, you can't triple stamp a double stamp" scene from Dumb and Dumber. Not that I'm saying I've seen that movie about a thousand times or anything. I think I vaguely remember a "friend" telling me about it, or something.

    Seriously, I hope your wish comes true. :)

  14. I agree with GK Adams comment. I think it means that Ryan sucessfully negated your wish for ONE baby. But now you will get TWO just because that was such a mean wish for him to make. Good job, RYAN!!

  15. I could send you my 4 yr old son for the weekend. We live in Dallas so I'll just ship him on up there via OJ. After one weekend with him you might decide to hold off on the whole baby thing. Just a warning that no one ever tells you....babies turn into toddlers that turn into mouthy kids. They start out cute and go progressively downhill from there...3 is much worse than 2...I'm still waiting to hit bottom..I'm hoping things get better after 4 :)

  16. I can't wait for the Christmas card! :)I hope your wish comes true too! Come on, RYAN!

  17. Anonymous12/18/2012

    Lauren, what's your favorite animal? (For Christmas card purposes, although I promise I won't attempt to put a live [or dead] animal inside a Christmas card.)

  18. Today, my boyfriend sent me the fowwlwing fb message:
    "Probably not good for your baby craziness... but these are adorable. "
    I think this revokes his complaining rights next time I start talking about kids while rubbing my belly.

  19. Maybe if you show him what I posted on your FB wall then he'd have to come around the the baby idea.

  20. Why would poinsettias be poisonous only to dogs on... oh. Never mind.

  21. I've actually had that happen before! But, the wish bone was super old--probably from the previous Thanksgiving. I forgot it was even in the cabinet until I accidently knocked it off the shelf and onto my head.

    Needless to say, I screamed.

  22. Anonymous12/19/2012

    First rule of Wish Club - do not tell anyone your wish. Come on. I got preggers after wishing on a star. True Story.

  23. You're adorable :)


  24. Bobbie of Oregon12/19/2012

    This may seem weird, but I promise it's totally not. I love you! Thank you for adding a bit of humor and often times, a lot of humor, to my days. :-)
    I love you L.R.G!
    Thanks again - your (perhaps too much so) friendly Oregon, Bobbie Girl.

  25. smart aleck12/19/2012

    You could try my method...I had my husband so convinced that because of our ages, it would take us eons to get pregnant, and then would need some sort of expensive intervention to help us out (he wanted kids but was all about the this isn't the right time).
    Cue positive test, him dancing around like a fool and buying tons of stuff in the first weekend (our baby is due in March and already has 4 or 5 things to wear on Halloween, assuming he guessed the size right), while I sat with my mouth agape for several days. He was ecstatic because we had just saved TONS of money!

    But meanwhile, continue to enjoy your "just us" time while you make those wishes--it's precious. And married just us time is different than before married just us time (we were together 6 years before getting married)--there's more security in the married life--breaking up is suddenly a much more expensive option.

  26. Babies, even in their pre-baby form, have a mind of their own. They show up when they are damn good and ready. And then they take over. But they're really kind of cool. Until they become teenagers. . .

  27. Here's hoping you get you're wish!!! I agree with smart aleck, enjoy the time where it's just the two of you while you can.

  28. Whoa, that's creepy. It's like the wishbone gods were messing with you or something!

  29. I just happened upon your blog via Goodreads and I am loving it so far! I am dumbfounded by the wishbone though! I have personally never broken one but I've seen it done and never seen that happen!
    Any ways, good luck with the bebe! =]

  30. Ha! My oldest son is a 'wishbone baby'. I broke a wishbone with my husband in November, got pregnant that summer, & was VERY pregnant the following Thanksgiving. Of course i'm sure it didn't hurt that we wished for the same thing! Good luck!

  31. A little bored at work today, so I have been going back and reading some of your old posts. They never fail to make me laugh. I stumbled upon this one and thought.... RYAN has probably never been more wrong in his life. hahahahaha.


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