The Note I Included In His Bag Read: I See You When You're Sleeping. She Knows When You're Awake. We Know If You've Been Bad Or Good. So Be Good For Goodness' Sake!

It's Christmas Season Blogstalkers!!!!  I'm so happy it can not be contained and I keep bursting out into little Christmas ditties.  This morning I woke Ryan up by dancing around the house singing:

Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat.
Please to put a penny in the old man's hat.
If you haven't got a penny, a ha' penny will do.
If you haven't got a ha' penny, God Bless You!

And he was like, "What the heck was that?"  And I was like "Oh just a song a learned in the class I took a couple of years back on antiquated Christmas carols.  And then he was all "I don't remember you taking any class of the sort." And I was all "Yes well it was self-taught and I was the only student in the class and it met at 3AM every night in October that one year I had really bad insomnia."

And then he groaned in frustration and got out of bed.  And I said "I'm sorry you have to go back to work today." And then Mr. Rude Pants Ryan was all "Are you kidding? I am overjoyed to be going back to work today."  I forgave him though because he used the word 'joy' which everyone knows is a Christmas word.

And also because he's not going to be so overjoyed to be at work when he notices the little surprise I slipped into his bag this morning when I was packing his lunch.


It's our brand new Elf On The Shelf.

Update:  Ryan has discovered the elf and called me.  And then we had this conversation.

Ryan: Lauren why the hell is there a small mischievous elf in my bag next to my chicken salad?

Lauren: She is keeping an eye on you for me.  And then she reports anything bad you've done while you were out of my sight to both me and SANTA.

Ryan: Santa has never brought me presents because of how I am Jewish.

Lauren: Perhaps.  Or maybe you've always just been really very bad.  This could be the year that you turn it around!

Ryan: I have to go.  Stop calling me at work.

Lauren: HA! You called me this time.  YOU stop calling ME at work.  I have things to do!

Ryan: *mutters something unintelligible*

Lauren: That elf is going to have so much to report to me today.

Update 2: Ryan just got home from work and when I gave him his usual giant hug he was like "Why do you smell like cinnamon?" And I was like "I may have put a lot of it into my conditioner this morning."

In other news, I have picked two winners in My Thanksgiving Giveaway  - they are Mrs H (who is thankful for hula hoops) and Megan (who is thankful for whiskey.)  If either of these people are you, please email me at LaurenRaeGallagher@gmail.com to collect your prizes.

Also, My Christmas Campaign is going pretty strong, be sure to friend me on FB here and like my current status so I can make Ryan and OJ and Vanessa dress up and pass out candy canes on Michigan Avenue this December.

And OH, we have to name our elf.  I was trying to make Ryan do it but all of the names he suggested on the phone were very, let's just say, not for gentle ears.  Any suggestions?

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to be going.  Ryan is trying to take a nap and I need to go read him a Christmas bedtime story.  Don't feel bad for him, I gave him the choice between that and a lullaby.  He never chooses lullaby.  Maybe because the one time he did I sang "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman" in a very deep soothing voice.

61 comments:

  1. My mom used to sing me the goose is getting fat song. I think your elf should be named Sheila. Sheila tell you everything!

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    Replies
    1. I'm so glad someone other than me knows that song! Usually people think I am crazy when I sing it.

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    2. I didn't realize that song was antiquated! I actually thought everyone knew it. So really that means Ryan is the weird one for NOT knowing it.

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    3. Oh and by the way - it can be sung as a round! Something to think on for when he's really needing some spirit.

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    4. Yeah RYAN! You're the weird one! Not me!

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    5. I know it from the Muppets Christmas album. It's sung very robustly by Miss Piggy. Think Ryan will like that version better? I suggest checking at 3:30 AM.

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  2. Angie M11/26/2012

    My elf's name is Peter. Since he is the only Peter we know, we don't have to phrase it with Peter the Elf...it's just, hey did you see Peter hanging from the light in the kitchen? He must have had a wild time last night.

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    1. Our elf is a little girl so it must be a girl's name, but I love yours! Currently I am threatening to name her Cheery Merry Juniper Berry if Ryan does not come up with something shorter.

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    2. ^ I super-rainbow-hearts love this name.

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    3. Why thank you Katy!

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  3. Our elf's name is Jingles, chosen by my four year old. Everyone knows that four year old children are the absolute best at naming elves.

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    Replies
    1. I am so upset that I do not have a four year old to name our elf!

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    2. You can totally borrow my four year old to name your elf! As soon as he is home from pre-k I will ask him what the elf's name is and will report back.

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  4. I was already sold on you before this post but you have sealed the deal!!! My uncle makes me say that song/poem every single year. I always roll my eyes but it is a tradition that my holidays wouldn't be complete without :)

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    1. I am seriously so happy that other people know that song!

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  5. You should go with Holly, because it is Christmas-y and it is the name of the kick ass girl elf from the Artemis Fowl series, which all little girl elves should aspire to be

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    Replies
    1. I've never read the Artemis Fowl series, I feel like I now should...

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  6. That song was on the Muppets Christmas album. But I learned it in grade school too. :) I think you should name your elf Willis. So that when you're listening to him tattle on Ryan, you get to say, "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?"

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    Replies
    1. I would totally do that but I got a little girl elf so that she and I could be in cahoots against Ryan and so Ryan would continue to live in a house overrun by girls. (Our two dogs are also girls and Vanessa visits quite a bit.)

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    2. We are buying our kids a dog for Christmas! Going to be the best Christmas ever! We have talked about getting one and decided it would be a boy and chose it's name, they just think it will be in the summer, but surprise! It is for Christmas! And the name we chose many months ago when we first started talking about getting a dog was ... WILLIS! Because then my 9year old will be able to wear a shirt that says "What you barkin' 'bout Willis?" and my 3 year old will wear a shirt saying "I'M what Willis was barkin' 'bout!" . And now I am glad that at least three people exist who will find that as funny as I do :)

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  7. I think she looks like a Carol or Lois.

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    Replies
    1. I have an Aunt Carol, otherwise that would positively be on the list!

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  8. Anonymous11/26/2012

    no elf name suggestions here, but I did think of a way you could potentially convince Ryan to let you have a baby- maybe he doesn't realize once you have a baby all your "creative energies" will be directed toward him/her instead of Ryan. or maybe he does realize that and secretly wants to keep them directed toward him ;) also, I love the Christmas goose song! did you know it's on the Muppets/John Denver Christmas album? Miss Piggy and Gonzo sing it- so awesome :)
    ~nicole

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    Replies
    1. I am going to make him read this comment right now. I shall have to wake him up to do so. Oh well. Such is life.

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    2. Anonymous11/26/2012

      I'm sure he won't mind since it will afford him another opportunity to have you sing him to sleep/read him a naptime story :) and if this plan works, you can name the baby after me (Nicholas, if it happens to be a boy) ;)
      ~nicole

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  9. My 6 year old mailed a letter to Santa this weekend requesting that he not send our elf, Dave, this year because Dave "freaks" him out.

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    1. This is cracking me up right now.

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  10. I know the song! I remember learning it in grade school music class, and the teacher had to explain to us what a "ha' penny" was. American currency has no such thing, but I'm led to believe that England does. Or at least DID, you know. Antiquated times and all. Also, I think you should call the elf Hazel because my Grandma is named Hazel, and she's also pocket sized. Plus, they have a similar haircut. I think she'd approve.

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    1. I'm surprised so many people know the song. It's making me feel very happy. Now I can prove to Ryan that it was not another ridiculous lyric of my own creation.

      Hazel is going on the list!

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  11. I learned this song 30 years ago in elementary school! However, I deliberately chose to sing, "if you haven't got a ha' penny then God help you." 'cause if you don't have half a penny, you need a helping hand!!
    How about Cinderelfa?

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    Replies
    1. LOVE Cinderelfa! Suggesting it to Ryan immediately.

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  12. I love that song! I remember Miss Piggy singing it. Can I link a video here? We'll see! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5RFqPV3YLM

    P.S. have you posted your P.O. Box info yet? I've got a holiday card waiting for you!

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    Replies
    1. Getting P.O. box keys tomorrow!

      And I love that video. I shall now watch it thirty times end to end until Ryan shouts at me to stop it.

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  13. Some (highly disreputable) internet sources suggest that two of Santa's elves are Pepper Minstix and Sugarplum Mary. Perhaps your little friend is one of them.

    Also, PSA: Do you know that you can now buy a special skirt for your more feminine shelf elf? I saw them in Hallmark the other day. Although the ones they were selling (polka-dots) did NOT match the one in the advertisement photo (snowflakes). So you should watch out for that.

    My sister dragged me away before I could bring the problem to the attention of the establishment, (I'm pretty sure she loves shopping with me), so I feel it is my civic duty to state it here. Buyer beware!

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    1. Oh I love those little elf names!

      Your comment is cracking me up right now. Actually when I got my elf and then read the little story that came with her I was like, huh, in the story she has a skirt but in real life she does not, this needs to be corrected. I was going to make her a tiny skirt but now that I hear they are for sale, I shall just buy one.

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    2. Anonymous11/26/2012

      Mrs. Awesome pants is the best one yet.( I posted that one by the way) - Nicole .v. also known as anonymous. I posted the one on 11/26/12

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    3. Anonymous11/26/2012

      I mean mrs. Awesome elf but mrs.awesome pants is nice too.

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    4. Anonymous11/26/2012

      I mean mrs. Awesome elf but mrs.awesome pants is nice too.

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    5. Anonymous11/26/2012

      I mean mrs. Awesome elf but mrs.awesome pants is nice too.

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    6. Anonymous11/26/2012

      Mrs. Awesome pants is the best one yet.( I posted that one by the way) - Nicole .v. also known as anonymous. I posted the one on 11/26/12

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  14. I didn't read all of the comments, but if no one has suggested Cinnamon for the elf, then I think that name needs to be thrown into the hat!

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  15. THAT WAS MY FAVORITE SONG ON THE MUPPETS CHRISTMAS ALBUM. I know it's all caps. You can't stop me. It's that amazing. Miss Piggy and Gonzo singing in a ROUND? come on now.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVuV_jB30Fg

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  16. Like many of the readers, I also learned about that song from the Muppets! However, I also know it from my husband who has extensive knowledge of old songs that no one believes are real including dozens of old Irish songs which his parents sang to him as lullabies. Considering most of them involve heavy drinking, death, and prostitutes, it helps explain why he turned out so weirdly awesome.

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  17. I think you should name her Jovie. That is the name of Buddy the Elf's love interest in the movie ELF. LOVE that movie!!!

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    1. I concur. Our elf is named Buddy, as a matter of fact, and he would be very interested in sending Jovie a fancy holiday skirt, if she would be interested in such a long distance love affair.

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    2. Seee??? Jovie. And she would already have a suitor sending HER presents!! I'm like the Chuck Woolery of Elves. Making Love connections all over the place!!!

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  18. I learned that song from The Muppet's Christmas Carol soundtrack back in 1992. this isn't it but these guys remind me of RYAN.

    http://youtu.be/cpsaPSfnLzM

    TIS' THE CHRISTMAS SEASON!!

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  19. You are awesome! That is all.

    And I'd like to suggest Sparkles McSprinkle for the elf name

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  20. You should name her Mint Julip. I love this idea :) You crack me up. I can't wait until my daughter is old enough to do this with.

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  21. Lauren, your elf is a little scary.

    With that in mind, I must know where you got her, so I can buy her sister and leave her in my boyfriend's back pack.

    Her name should be Rapunzelf

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  22. Sarah H11/26/2012

    Lurlene. That is all.

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  23. My 3 year old named our elf "Derf". If I had my way, the elf would be named Sleepy Tinklepants. You could use that name, although it strikes me as more of a boy name.....

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  24. Elmer. Because I once dated a guy named Elmer (really, I did) but everyone called him Hap because, really, who wants to be called Elmer. But Elmer the Elf has a great ring to it.

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    1. Ah, man. I forgot the part about it being a girl elf. Still like Elmer, though. How about Ethel.

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  25. Shannon11/26/2012

    Seriously, your posts crack.me.up. And I suppose I should feel bad that I didn't realize you could buy a girl elf. Or that I didn't realize yours was a girl until reading these comments. So there's that. As far as names, I think it should defintitely be something "Christmasy". Noel? Holly as someone suggested? Bell? Other than that, I got nothing.

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  26. Anonymous11/26/2012

    How 'bout these elf names:
    Kate
    Charlotte
    Ester
    Sally
    Mrs. Awesome elf

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  27. Veronica11/27/2012

    I vote for cinderelfa! I'm buying one of those for my niece- I think they are so cute, I may have to buy one for myself also!

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  28. Santa sent my daughter one of those elves this year. She named it, Suzy Louise May Jayne. Unfortunately, her elf is lazy and doesn't move around at night like she's supposed to, much like the Tooth Fairy in our house that "forgets" to pick up lost teeth.

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  29. I like the name Stella. Not sure why. My kids refused...mostly because ours is male and they liked the name Alfred. Woo. Alfred it is. My husband despises this little critter. I'm having a blast putting him in positions that scare everyone and make them question my sanity.

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  30. Stefani11/27/2012

    Delfina!

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