The first being my birthday week because Ryan during that week sometimes consents to things like dance-offs and contests to see who can fit more marshmallows in their mouth. And he doesn't even get that angry when I change his outgoing voicemail message to "You have reached Ryan Gallagher. I have a respiratory infection which is why my voice sounds like a woman's voice right now. This week is my wife's birthday week so forgive me if I do not return your call with all the posthasteness in the world. If you leave a message please wish her Many Happy Returns. A-Wop-Bop-A-Loo-Mop-A-Wop-Bam-Boom."
But anyway, if you've been reading this blog for a while or if you've ventured back into the archives (and the lord have mercy on your soul) then you know that I'm sort of a Christmas freak. Christmas season for me starts November 1st. I know this is crazy and that I should wait until the day after Thanksgiving like most normal people but Christmas is one of the very few things that actually makes my depression recede entirely and so over the years I've started celebrating earlier and earlier (I promise never earlier than November.) I think I truly enjoy the buildup of the season more than the actual day. The pervasive feeling of goodwill and the music and the quiet jingling of the bells I place on my dogs' collars all work to truly uplift my spirit. And so I ask you to forgive me if I sneak a Christmas tidbit or two into some of my posts starting today. I will truly try very hard to keep in on the down low until the end of the month.
With that said, I get a lot of questions about what I do on a typical day, so here is a brief transcript of my morning.
6AM - Lauren pops out of bed! (Because one of her small dogs is whining at the front door) She lets the dogs outside and hops around on the porch in her bare feet while eating a Charleston Chew that was leftover from trick or treaters. She then pops her butt right back into bed and rests her feet on the small of Ryan's back. Ryan turns over and bops Lauren on the top of her head and says "Snooze," at which point Lauren respectfully moves her feet.
630AM - Ryan slithers out of bed and goes to the bathroom where he brushes his teeth and then blows his nose so loudly that I get a call from our neighbor who is concerned that someone is in our home murdering a goose.
635AM - Ryan informs Lauren that pretending to be on the phone with one's neighbor outside of the bathroom door and saying things like "I agree Mrs. Takamura, it does sound like he needs to see a doctor," and "The suggestion you have just made that perhaps raking the front lawn and getting some good clean air up into his sinus cavity would help the situation is entirely plausible and I will pass it on," is "played-out."
636AM - Lauren is like, "Darling I have no idea what you are talking about, now if you'll excuse me Mrs. Takamura has invited me over for porridge." Stomps downstairs and makes big show of opening and closing the front door, shouting "Have a good day! Let me know what you feel like for dinner!"
642AM - Ryan finds Lauren hiding in the garage, giggling, eating a Charleston Chew and asks her if she can make Chickpea and Lamb Chili for dinner. She agrees.
Sidenote: I realized after writing this post that I switched tenses at this point. I'm too lazy to change things, so I'm going with it.
645AM - Ryan leaves for work. I go back to bed until 8AM, and watch The Today Show on my iPad.
8AM - Time for breakfast! Homemade Pumpkin Cheesecake Tart with Homemade Whipped Cream, Leftover Halloween Candy and one serving of Chocolate Chip Filled Plastic Cauldrons. All washed down by Diet Coke, because I am on a special eating regime. At this rate I will definitely fit into my Mrs. Claus suit in time for the holidays.
|I obviously only read Self for the prizes.|
"Everything you own in a box to the left. In the closet, that's my stuff"
1015AM - I am momentarily sidetracked from cleaning when I discover A KILT in the depths of Ryan's pants drawer. I remember learning at Epcot that different family clans have distinct patterns of tartan so I quickly Google the Gallagher family pattern and sure enough, it matches the kilt. I call Ryan.
Ryan: Oh good, I was afraid you weren't going to call today.
Lauren: Keep your no-good cake-hating mouth shut. How did you never tell me that we have a family plaid pattern?
Ryan: I don't know, didn't seem important. Where is this even coming from?
Lauren: I have chanced upon your man skirt.
Ryan: Oh yeah, my kilt. I got that in high school. I completely forgot about that thing.
Lauren: I'm ordering myself a matching skirt. And to think that I woke up this morning not knowing what we were going to do for our holiday cards this year.
Ryan: No can do. I promised OJ he and I would send out cards together this year.
Lauren: Pffft. Not happening. What were you even going to do? Wear the same lame sweater and pretend to be napping together and caption it "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen?"
Ryan: Do you have anything of value to say or can I get back to work now?
Lauren: You can get back to work now. But I'm still upset about this plaid thing. Do you know how many times in days past that I have wished I had a signature pattern?
Ryan: Chickpea and Lamb Chili. Talk to you later.
Lauren: Hasta La Vista Baby, I'll call back.
Ryan: Please don't.
|I'm going to be wearing an awful lot of this in the years to come.|
1045AM - Receive email from Ryan that says "Happy November 1st, I have found myself a new way to get through this season, Whiskey Advent Calendar." (Credit Here.)
|"Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake."--W.C. Fields.|
1100AM - I get back to cleaning. I vacuum all of the carpet and sweep the stairs and make a grocery list for dinner tonight.
1200PM - I take the dogs on a walk. I get really excited that I can see my own breath outside and burst spontaneously into song "Feliz Navidad Key Largo, Monteeeeeego!"
Inner Monologue: AHHHH WHAT!? That is not even close to right! Did anyone hear that? Shit. That mailman is looking at me all suspiciously. Say something to make this better. Well that was the stupidest thing you've ever said to mailman. Just run.
1230: Change the laundry, answer some emails, and start writing this post while talking to Ryan and Vanessa via gChat and OJ via text. I take breaks for more laundry and to shower/change.
400PM - I finally post. And now you all know what a typical day for me looks like, except for the chores change daily and sometimes I think about going on a bike ride.
Do you have a routine Blogstalkers?
P.S. If you follow me on FB, then you know that I'm sending out holiday cards to anyone who wants them this year, as a sort of "Thanks For Reading You Are Awesome!" All you have to do is send me your address to LaurenRaeGallagher@gmail.com. Ryan and OJ and I have come to a consensus this afternoon and I promise you they will be ridiculous and signed by all three of us. Lovely. I now promise to cool it on the Christmas junk at least for a couple of weeks.