Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, I'm Bruised

Happy Election Day Blogstalkers!  Rock the Vote! Vote or Die! Stick a needle in your eye! Wait, no, not that last one.  Got a little carried away there.

Since I'm home these days, this election year I have the privilege of watching CNN all day long as the votes roll in.  Though I must say I thought it would be more exciting than it is.  So far the biggest headline has been "Virginia Could Go Blue Or Red."  How insightful CNN.  I assume your next story will be something like "Presidential Election is Today, Probably."

But I'm still watching I guess.  Does anyone else sort of love election days?  Yeah?  Do you also make caprese pizza for dinner and totally die the crust blue so that it is a red, white and blue dinner?  And wear your special silk flag shirt that you found at the thrift store for $.95 while doing it?  Oh no?  Yeah, me neither.  I'm not crazy and I definitely did not watch this clip from Full House seven times already today.  Definitely not.


Umm yes though, moving on.  A conversation with my husband during our trip to New York a couple of weeks ago.  Driving to our hotel in our rental car.

If you have never seen Friday Night Lights here is a picture of Tim Riggins so you can better understand this conversation.

Dillon Panther and General Heartbreaker

Me: I had the weirdest dream last night.

Me: I will take your silence on the subject to mean that you wish to hear all about it.

Me: Ok so you know how we've been watching Friday Night Lights recently?  Well last night in my dream I was at Starbucks again and two people ahead of me in line was Tim Riggins.

Ryan: So you're telling me that while sleeping you often dream about drinking coffee?

Me: Yeah I go to dream Starbucks all the time.  I think it's my brain's way of telling me to wake up because something interesting is happening.  Like one time I happily drinking a dream Frappuccino and then I woke up and there was a mime just sitting in the corner of the room.

Ryan: That doesn't sound like a thing that really happened.

Me: In retrospect that one could have been a misguided night terror.

Ryan: Misguided how?

Me: Because I'm not even a little afraid of mimes.  Like nice try stupid brain but that one was a big ol' miss.

Ryan: I think mimes are pretty creepy actually.

Me: That's dumb.  What is a mime going to do to you?  Imprison you in a fake box?  I would be like "Mime, pleeeassse" and then kick the mime with my real foot while he pretended to run away.

Ryan:  We have gotten so off topic.  Tim Riggins?

Me: Oh right.  So anyway, I'm at Starbucks and I see Tim Riggins and I am like "Lauren this is it.  This is your one chance to possibly hook up with Tim Riggins."  I should mention that in this dream you did not exist.

Ryan: That's fine.  I only have dreams in which you do not exist.

Me: What!? Give me an example.

Ryan: Ok so like I have this dream where there is a super plague, which you obviously do not survive and I have to help save the world.

Me: What do you mean I obviously don't survive?  That's a little rude Ryan.

Ryan: Lauren even if you survived the initial onslaught of disease, which let's face it, you would not, you would break your leg like a week later trying to navigate some rubble and there would be no antibiotics and so you would die of infection or of me neglecting you and your broken feeble bird bones.

Me: Well this conversation just got real.  So how do you save the world exactly?  You don't strike me as much of a hero.

Ryan: When there is a world to save, you have to make some sacrifices.  I would be leaving you behind for the greater good.

Me: Someone has been watching too much of The Avengers before bed again.  Ok so now you're a superhero and you save mankind how?

Ryan: By propagating the species.

Me: Ok first, no one but me is having your babies, be they dream babies or otherwise.  And believe me, we have had A LOT of dream babies.  Second, that sounds like a fancy way to say 'sleep around.'

Ryan: It wouldn't be my choice Lauren.  It would be my imperative.  Mine and Mila Kunis' imperative.

Me: Lovely Ryan.

Ryan: You can't get mad, you're the one dream hooking up with Tim Riggins.

Me: Oh yeah, no that didn't happen.

Ryan: How did you ruin it?

Me: I asked him if he watched Glee and then used the word 'melifluous' to describe Kurt's voice.  So....yeah.

Ryan: Haha that's awful.

Me: Yeah it was bad.  I tried to save the situation by eating a banana all sexy-like but then I just got yelled at by the barista for stealing a banana.  Which you think would have impressed Tim Riggins because he is a badass, but unfortunately, it did not.

Ryan: We are here.

And then I tripped getting out of the car and grabbed the valet all inappropriately and Ryan was like "And you think you'd survive a super-plague."

That's all for today Blogstalkers?  Had any crazy dreams?  Vanessa told me that last week she had a dream in which she had six small puppies and then she gave them all a bath and hung them on a shoe rack to dry.  And then she woke up.  And that is why we are BFFs.

Also - You may notice that I am once again writing my own content on Tuesdays.  Because of a situation beyond my control I've had to forego the idea of contributors so it's all me all the time again.  Yay for you....  Katie and I will still be reviewing a book once a month, on the last Friday of the month with this month's pick remaining The Casual Vacancy by J.K. Rowling.  Please if you are going to comment on this, only say lovely nice things about the ladies that were helping me out on Tuesdays because seriously, they are all wonderful.

Favorite Comment From The Last Post: Laurie H11/01/2012
You mentioned in your reply to my comment the other day that you change song lyrics. I also do that. We were standing in line for the train at Disneyland recently and I sang "Casey Junior's coming down the track with a smoky stack bringing sexy back"....thought you would like the JT reference. My husband pointed out he was pretty sure that is not how the song goes. My husband talks too much.

Now on to Christmas: never too early. I get so excited when I walk into Costco or Sam's Club and they have the Christmas stuff out ridiculously early.

Routine: Up at 4:30 (even on weekends. not much of a sleeper)

4:45 resentful I am only one up, make noise til husband wakes up then sweetly ask "what are you doing up so early"

5:00 Shower, makeup, hair etc.

6:50 leave for work (I carpool w/husband) spend next 20 minutes convincing him to stop for breakfast, usually successfully.

7:15 arrive at work, get alot done til people show up and interrupt me all day long.
Countdown to lunch, wonder if 10:00 is too early for lunch, decide it is not so eat food I brought for lunch.

2:00 try to convince employees to go out and get me food because I ate too early, unsuccessfully. Decide I make bad hiring decisions as no minions will do my bidding. Call husband, try to get him to bring me lunch, unsuccessfully.

Work, work, work,

4:00 Head for home

5:00 make dinner, eat, clean up, remove husband's pile of socks from underneath coffee table that he is convinced doubles as dirty sock storage (I am including as routine because it happens EVERY night!)

7:00 to 8:30 get daughter ready for bed, catch up on my DVR list, take sleeping pill with a glass of wine* (I call it a Judy Garland) fall asleep at 10:30, wake up 6 hours later and do it all over. *Glad I woke up because you should NEVER mix sleeping pills and wine. Don't try this at home people.

57 comments:

  1. I recently had a dream that Chris Evans wanted to marry me, in part because he thought he could make a baby with me that was cuter than my 8 month old (who is super adorable). I was like "WTF Captain America! I'm married! And we just met." Very bizarre, but then all my dreams are bizarre. My husband thinks it is a sign of something, but we haven't determined what exactly.

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    1. At least Captain America is a proper gentleman and wanted to marry you before having babies with you. It's very Captain America-y of him.

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  2. Crazy dreams? I could go on for a week about them. Wait until you are actually having Ryan's babies, nothing crazier than the dreams while you're pregnant. I kept dreaming that a basset hound was delivering my baby but kept leaving every few minutes because he 'smelled something funny' two blocks away.

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    1. Ok that's hilarious. I thought I had crazy dreams when I was planning my wedding (I got into a fight with Bob Saget because he forgot to mail my invitations) but it sounds like I've got even crazier ones to look forward to.

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  3. I love this post because I had a very similar conversation with Jim about the superflu and Taylor Swift. I had a dream the other night (after watching The Walking Dead) that I was a survivor of a zombie apocalypse being held against my will as a concubine in a dorm full of other concubines. Except, nobody was like using me as a concubine. They just tried to keep me locked up and made me dress like a saloon girl? My subconscious is incapable of true horror.

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    1. I know I already said this to you on gChat, but I am repeating myself here in saying that First, Taylor Swift would never live through the super flu and second, if she did she would be a horrible partner because you'd be all "Taylor LET'S GO, we have to get to higher ground," and she'd just be like "Why you gotta be so mean?"

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    2. That bit of conversation was way too good to be kept anonymously g-chatted. I told Jim what you said last night. He just 'harumphed' and rolled over. Which means he knows we're right and doesn't want to admit it.

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  4. I frequently have vivid dreams about The Walking Dead, I usually wake up just before I'm going to die OR when I'm making out w/ one of the sexy male characters. I don't think I'd survive any kind of apocalypse or super plauge either.

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    1. Yeah as much as I hate Ryan making that assumption about me, I think it's probably a fair guess. Also, I can not watch The Walking Dead because it is entirely too scary for me.

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    2. Darryl and Rick are kind of dreamy...

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    3. I have a HUGE & ridiculous crush on Daryl!

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  5. And, Tim Riggins... yum.

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    1. Yep. I sort of love him. Now that Justin Timberlake is off the market.

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  6. I have a hard time remembering my dreams, but the craziest ones have for sure been while on malaria meds. I imagine that experience to be pretty similar to taking LSD. Which means that I have basically been high on acid, something I'm sure Tim Riggins would have been into, being a bad-boy and all. But then again, if banana stealing does not do it for him, who knows?

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    1. Vanessa ruptured her Achilles a couple of years ago and was on like CRAZY MAD DRUGS. I stopped by to help her out once and it was hilarious. She has sworn me to secrecy on the things that happened that day. I can't even imagine what LSD/Acid dreams would be like. Yikes!

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    2. I vote Vanessa free you from that promise, for all of us blogstalker's sake. Since the closest I've ever come LSD is reading about it in Jenny Lawson's book, I can't be completely sure about the similarities... I'm not really that wild and crazy, in fact, when playing Truth or Dare with my friends (that's a normal thing to do when 24, right), I'm required to always pick dare, because my truths apparently are no fun. So maybe I'm more Ryan Gosling's type, according to Pinterest, he seems into the less wild ones.

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    3. I so wish I could tell you all but Vanessa would kill me. Maybe literally, I don't put it past her after I've seen how crazy she is on pain drugs.

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  7. hahaha well this is amazing!! I want to read The Casual Vacancy but it's on my Hanukkah list so I don't know if I'll have it by the end of the month...I'll try though!

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  8. Megan M.11/06/2012

    I had a zombie dream after watching The Walking Dead that turned into a zombie musical. I was creeped out when I woke up, but intrigued. Also, The Walking Dead is more sad than scary.

    I never watched Friday Night Lights.

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    1. I think zombies in general just scare me. And vampires and werewolves and witches and ninjas. I'm excitable.

      And I recommend Friday Night Lights! I haven't seen all of the seasons yet but so far it's great.

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  9. Christy S.11/06/2012

    I now feel so at home here...

    I've had a reoccurring dream for years where N*SYNC comes over and I'm sitting right by Justin Timberlake (RIGHT THERE!!!) and we just play cards. I wake up and I'm screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!". My dreams are totally mean to me.

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    1. That dream would make me cry. Very very seriously cry. I used to try to think about Justin Timberlake before I went to sleep so that I would dream about him. No such luck.

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  10. I have to comment on the Full House clip. Loved that show as a kid (but when I see the reruns I am amazed again by just how CHEESY it was!! Can you imagine a show like that making it these days?). And I remember that episode very well... Michelle was such a brat.

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    1. So confession, after hunting down that clip today I got sucked into a vortex of Full House clips for like half an hour. SO CHEESY. Like when DJ comes home from a slumber party so she can babysit because she is such a good little teenager or when Stephanie gets glasses and poses in front of the mirror with them for like an hour.

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  11. I read The Casual Vacancy just after it was released. I loved it! Everyone should totally read it and not compare it to Harry Potter AT ALL.

    As for dreams, I have died twice in mine (shot in one during a mugging, a spectacular train derailment in the other.) Spoiler alert: everything just went black and quiet. ;) Curiously, these dreams don't freak me out in the least.

    I am soooo trying to figure out why your contributors won't be contributing anymore! It's going to drive me crazy until I can come up with some satisfactory reason. Or you tell us...either way...you know, no pressure or anything.

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    1. I'm so excited to read The Casual Vacancy. I'm determined not to compare it to Harry Potter, but we shall see....

      I don't ever die in my dreams, but sometimes I come really close. Like I'll get shot and I'll know I'm dying but then I wake up.

      As far as the contributors are concerned, I'm working with a consultant who strongly recommended to me that I work on establishing my own brand and putting forth entirely my own content for the moment. And that is all I can say about that.

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  12. I want very much to read "The Casual Vacancy", and I will so I can be in on the Blogstalker Book Chat, but you know...I just don't ever want JK Rowling to ever write anything other than new Harry Potter books. I know, I know, that's what all Harry Potter fans say, but seriously? I'm emotionally aching for more. I reread The Deathly Hallows from the point where Harry says "I'm ready to die" to the end at least twice a month and I still weep like it's the first time. Is that normal? Or no?

    I had a dream last week that Ryans Gosling and Reynolds were fistfighting over who got to be my baby daddy and when I woke up, I honestly got mad that it wasn't real. Really mad, and I stayed mad for at like half of the day. Everyone at my office was all, "Oh Sara, why are you so grumpy?", and I couldn't tell them because that may have sounded a wee smidge crazy.

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    1. I'm a huge Harry Potter fan too. I actually got yelled at by Ryan to stop ordering the last movie On Demand and then only watching the last half an hour of it. Which I did approximately every three days for like a month. Neville and the snake just kill me. KILL ME. I always regret reading the last book nonstop over a period of like 20 hours. You should have savored it LAUREN.

      And if I had that dream I totally would have tried to sabotage Ryan Reynolds, what can I say, I'm more of a Gosling girl.

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  13. awww I liked guest contributors

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    1. You know, I really like them too. This was not a personal decision nor one I took lightly.

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    2. I liked the guest contributors but I'm happy it's back to all Lauren.

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  14. Had a dream night before last about having to drive jeeps full of people away from levitating, air breathing sharks that could swim through the air at you. I did not sleep well that night.

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    1. Haha that sounds like a dream I would have during Shark Week when I can not enter into any room in my house without being confronted by a tv blasting a shark show. Creeeeeeepy.

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  15. Jennifer storey11/06/2012

    Ha. I love it. I had a dream last night that somehow we decided that the ultrasound of our baby boy was not in fact boy pieces, but a hand. In my dream, my husband decided that the logical way to figure out what we're having (instead of waiting 6 weeks) was to cut me open and check. Except the baby was made of ground beef. And then turned into Cookie Monster. I woke up in a panic, looking for cookies. Pregnancy dream fail.

    I absolutely adore that clip from Full House- I believe I'll spend the next hour looking at horribly cheesy clips. With Steve in them. Because admit it, he's the reason you watched the Disney episode. To see him dressed as Aladdin.

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    1. OHMYGOSH pregnancy dreams are awesome. I can't wait to have them. Or maybe just awesome in retrospect. I can't imagine a ground beef baby was very much a delight in the moment.

      And yes, Steve....sigh.

      Now I have to go watch Aladdin.

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  16. one time i had a dream that i had a baby, but it didn't have any skin. no one seemed to notice and it kept slipping out of my hands (because fat and muscle are slippery) and i kept asking people if this was normal and no one would answer me.
    another time i had a dream that i was participating in a roller derby in a giant castle and the other team had been entirely zombified.

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  17. my brain has given up giving me baby dreams. i haven't had one in years, though i frequently have dreams about getting my period when i am in the middle of a fertility treatment cycle (which is NOT HELPFUL brain). i don't really have nightmares anymore, although the other day i dreamed my husband left me for a woman in chicago (waaaait a minute - you live in chicago!) and then crashed my car. then i spent the remainder of my dream slapping him repeatedly in the face for leaving me which was quite unsatisfactory (i think) because i've never actually slapped someone and so the sensation was off and that's why i kept repeating it, because i really wanted the satisfaction of a hard slap. wow, this makes me sound really violent, which i am not, can i blame the meds?

    i actually cannot watch election results as they occur. it stresses me out and i just need to know once someone has actually won.

    i would survive the super plague, i've been training my body for years to be strong and withstand viruses. i have only had the flu once (in 2000, and i blame college for stressing my body out). have you ever watched the British TV Show Survivors? I loved that one... it's about a super plague that kills 99% of the world's population. However my husband ruined it somewhat by proving their numbers were off, it's more like they killed 99.9% of the population.

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  18. This feels off topic, and I would explain why except I don't know why my brain needs to go to strange places.

    What ever happened to the cent sign? Did someone vote to never use it again and take it off keyboards?

    Am I showing my age by even admitting I know what a cent sign is?

    Congrats on finding an election day shirt for $.95. I wish there was a cent sign.

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  19. Hi Lauren,

    You don't know me, so I think this is going to be creepy. Apologies all around.

    Here's the set up: I started reading your blog from when The Bloggess linked you (I think), so kind of recently. I have a weird job that involves going out on commercial fishing boats for days at a time. The boats basically go out 200 miles, fish for up to 10 days and then come home. There is virtually nothing to do 200 miles out at sea, so I read about a book a day. On this one trip the captain smoked wayyy too much weed and decided to stay out for 12 days. I did not bring nearly enough reading books, and was re-reading everything/memorizing the backs of cereal boxes/ready to blow my brains out. THEN. I had this dream, and I was going to email you about it, but I thought it'd be creepy, and then you posted ASKING about dreams, so I remembered about my dream and figured it was a sign to tell you.

    Here's the dream: I'm in a book club and we are all having a meeting. This meeting is at your house! You are in my book club! We are friends! (creeped out yet? soo sorry. sincerely). Anyway, to make a long story short you had a cool house, everyone in the book club liked the same books as me (such a coincidence, brain) and when you heard about my lack of reading materials (this is from the real life boat situation) you leant me some books. So, thanks. Dream-you is super nice.

    K that's all. Hope I didn't scare you off too much/if you block this comment, I'll be sad but understanding.

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  20. I recently had a dream where I started hanging out with a bunch of guys, who then dragged me onto this medieval knight quest where I had to kill women and children. Then we traveled down a dusty roast with 3 horses that we wouldn't ride (there was only 4 of us) and one of the guy handed me a biscuit he *just* made. But when I looked at it, the butter chunks melted. Then we sat on the side of the road and decided whether to ride the horses or not.

    Apparently it means that I need to let go of things that have happened in my past, take down my walls and let people in.

    Yeah, I don't get it either =/

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  21. Once, when I was a kid, I had a really realistic, creepy dream that cannibals were rowing across the St. Lawrence River ( which was in reality, located right across from my home) and were coming to " get" me. I woke up, heart beating rapidly, until I realized was a dream and a nonsensical one at that. Calmed down to the point I fell asleep again - and had a dream that no the cannibals were IN my house, doing a cannibal-like ritual and at any point would well - you know. Woke up in a start.

    And that is the story of why I never slept again!

    Also while I dream on a regular basis, those are the only dreams I can not only recall, but recall with utmost precision ...

    My husband, on the other hand, had a dream once about going to the kitchen, cutting off some cheese, and eating the cheese.

    I do realize it is weird we are married.

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  22. I have crazy dreams all the time. My bff and i spend way too much time analyzing what our dreams mean. The other day I had a dream in which I was possibly dating this guy and was just really happy, but then i woke up and was so sad it wasn't true that I was mad for like three days.
    Speaking of cars,last Wednesday I decided that Jess from New Girl was a perfect costume for my birthday since it was not too blatant a costume. So, I dressed in my best Zooey inspired dress and went shopping with my bff. Apparently, the character's clumsiness rubbed off on me. I managed to almost fall whilst standing for a picture, knock over a display at Best Buy and fall out of the car! Unfortunately, in my case, there was no valet to inappropriately grab on to.

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  23. I'm sorry to hear the news about the guest contributors. The good news is that Lindsay and Katie have their own blogs so I can stalk them in their own backyard (so to speak), but Sara doesn't so how am I supposed to stalk her now?
    I finished The Casual Vacancy yesterday and even *took notes* and I'm looking forward to discussing it with you all.

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  24. I love election day. Swedish and American. I would have stayed up to see the results coming in if I hadn't had to get up so early. Stupid time difference.

    I'll add to the zombie dreams with this: I had watched 28 Days Later just before bed and kept dreaming about zombie fruitflies. Yep, fruitflies. Of all the animals my brain could zombiefy.

    The craziest of my recent dreams is perhaps when I was sleeping with the TV on and ended up dreaming Ray Barone was a murderer. I do wonder what happened in that episode.

    I'd like to read The Casual Vacancy, but I've put myself on an Amazon ban and the library has a huge waitlist for it, so we'll see if I get my hands on it in time.

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    1. *fruit flies

      And then I realised I had to order a book for school anyway so had to break the Amazon ban and that it was downright silly not to order a couple of other books while I had the free shipping option right there.

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    2. I like that logic.

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  25. I had a dream last night where I walked past a recycling/ donation bin and someone had left a chicken (like, a living, egg-laying chicken) behind. So I picked it up and someone was all "You touched it last - it's yours now!" And I panicked, because actual real-life rule number 3 in our actual real-life marriage is "Kp is not allowed to just bring home animals and claim them as new pets without the Mister's approval first."

    It was a realistic dream. I woke up, poked the Mister awake and was like "I'm sorry we have a chicken now I named it Betty but I didn't have a choice she was in recycling and she'll lay us eggs and you like eggs don't divorceeeee meeeeeee."

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  26. Last night, I had a new version of my department store recurring dream. Each time the clothes inside the store differ: bridesmaids dresses, favorite clothes, clothes I hate, and last night...it was full of 70's era leather suits in brown and green. The one I wanted to buy had a huge green star on the front. It was AWESOME.

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  27. katrina11/07/2012

    I had a dream that I was some sort of super human. I was bulletproof and could fly. I was not being super at all though, I was hunting humans and shooting hoards of them with a machine gun. :(

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  28. OMG you're hillarious! I love reading your blog.

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  29. This is late I know but:

    I had a dream a week or two ago where Mitt Romney came to campus and was taking questions from college students. I was all ready to ask him how exactly going to the ER could remotely be considered acceptable medical care for chronic conditions. But I never got to ask him the question because he was totally macking on me. Every time I went to ask him the question he would deflect it by complimenting me or asking me out for a drink. Which I thought was weird because isn't he Mormon? They don't drink!

    And then he went for the groping. And I got all weird and was staring at the secret service hoping they'd come rescue me, but apparently they only protect their important people from groping. They don't stop groping being done by the important people.

    After I woke up and thought entirely too much about this I wondered if he wanted me as a second wife. And then I asked Jeremiah about it and he said if I really wanted to move to Utah he'd be right there with me. And then he'd acquire a few wives of his own. And then I licked his cheek. And then he said I brought it up. And then I called him silly.

    The end.

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  30. It's kind of rude for Ryan to automatically assume you messed it up. How did he know Tim Riggins was actually a freak and you decided to pass?

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  31. Anonymous11/20/2012

    I had a dream that my husband and I got matching tattoos of Dom Delouise on our butts. I bring that dream up every time we pass a tattoo parlor. It's terrifying and awesome.

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  32. Anonymous11/20/2012

    Oh and another dream was that I was trying to shove a basketball into a crack in the pavement. When I woke up, I was actually pushing my husband's head toward the crack in between the wall and the mattress. Oops. I'll never understand why his head wouldn't go. Just. Push. A. Little. Harder. Next. Time.

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  33. physicsmom12/04/2012

    I hope that routine timetable was also a dream, cause that's way too early to get up, and I thought you didn't have an outside job, and a daughter (?). Would you please clarify for a new reader?

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