Ryan Should Write A Book On The Delicate Art Of Insulting One's Own Wife With Well-Timed Rap Lyrics

Hey Blogstalkers!

As I mentioned in the last post, yesterday was Ryan's birthday.  Unfortunately what we were doing for his birthday was driving five hours home from St. Louis where we spent the weekend celebrating my cousin's wedding.  (Congrats Lacy and Chris! We had an amazing time!)

So we didn't really do anything special yesterday to celebrate Ryan's big day.  Today he took the day off of work and we are going to go eat crabs for lunch (his suggestion) and maybe hold hands (mine).  Tonight I'm making him a big dinner and this morning I made him chocolate chip cookies and chicken salad to bring to work the rest of the week.  As the way to Ryan's heart is through his stomach, he is quite pleased with this plan.

So anyway, as I am going to spend the rest of today hanging out with my husband, I'm going to keep this post short and sweet.  Maybe.  I don't know.  Because sometimes I say that and then the post ends up all long and sour instead.

Sidenote: Ryan is reading this over my shoulder because he is eager to get on with the crab-eating and also probably the hand-holding and he just suggested I "add the word handsome before the word husband."  For the reason of "making your blog more accurate."  And I was like "Honestly, if I was in the business of making my blog more accurate, I would add the words 'found-a-grey-hair-in-his-eyebrow-yesterday' before husband."  And then Ryan was like "Fine, don't add anything."

Moving on.  Yesterday morning Ryan and I and my sister Jordan and her boyfriend Jake all clambered into our car to begin the sort-of-long drive back to Chicago.  As a birthday gift to Ryan, Jake offered to drive, which ended up being a really nice thing to do since it like poured the entire time home.  Ryan sat in the back with me but hooked up his iPod and announced he would DJ as he had made a "Special Birthday Playlist" for himself while I was in the shower.  Which obviously I found suspicious.  Sure enough the first song started playing and these are the words I hear:

"All I Want For My Birthday Is A Big Booty Ho.  All I Want For My Birthday Is A Big Booty Ho."
(Birthday Song - 2 Chainz featuring Kanye)

And I was like "Oh HAHA, very funny, you're hilarious and I can not stop laughing, now skip this song."  Which Ryan did begrudgingly (or so I thought.)  So the second song starts playing and these are the words I hear:

"All I Want For My Birthday Is A Big Booty Ho.  All I Want For My Birthday Is A Big Booty Ho."

So I was all "SERIOUSLY? Is this entire playlist just that song over and over again?  Because that is rude."  And Ryan swore up and down that this was not the case.  So we quickly listened to the rest of the playlist and it turns out he wasn't lying.  Only eight of the ten songs clued me in to the fact that all Ryan wants for his birthday is a big booty ho.

The other two were "Birthday" by Flo Rida "because the chorus says I don't want no cake on my birthday, which is true because of how I do not like cake," and "Birthday Sex" by Jeremiah "because it is a genuinely great song."  Lovely Ryan.  I'm glad you amuse yourself at least.  

That's all for today Blogstalkers!  I'm off to do Birthday things with Ryan (not any of the things mentioned in those three songs.)  Mainly I'm going to explain to him the concept of double negatives and how if he says "I don't want no cake on my birthday" then he really does want some cake.  And then I am going to make a cake, you know, for RYAN.

12 comments:

  1. Big Booties don't grow themselves..... you need more cake so that you can make his birthday wish come true by his 30th B-Day.

    Have fun today!

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  2. Happy birthday to your other half. I have nothing clever to say, because I am exhausted and it's Monday. Ryan, I do however want you to know that now at least 20,000 people know you are old now.

    You guys have a rockin' day!

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  3. That's the spirit, Lauren. Beat him with grammar. And then eat cake!

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  4. bahahahaha this is hilarious and the type of playlist my husband would make himself too!! Happy Birthday Ryan! Enjoy the crabs and handholding :)

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  5. Veronica10/15/2012

    I read "hooking up with his iPod" like 4 times. Finally my brain took out the extra word and it made more sense. That would have been a whole other kind of drive...

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  6. On my birthday, my friends like to sing"Go shorty, it's your birthday, we're gonna party like it's your birthday." It's called "vertically challenged" people!!! And since it's my birthday I can do whatever I want (I think that rule is in the UN's human rights), and what I want is to kick you all in the shins. Which is, I may add, much easier when you are closer to the ground where the shins usually can be found.

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  7. Have a great time eating crabs and relaxing over the big dinner.

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  8. At least he had fun making his b-day play list.
    Now go and enjoy your cake! I mean Ryan's Cake.... he he

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  9. So, are you going to get him a big bootied ho? It's the gift that keeps on giving!

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  10. I think you should give him a garden hoe with a great big boot strapped to it. Wish granted!

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  11. I hope Ryan (a fellow Libra) had an awesome birthday. Mine is tomorrow and I'm having a GIVEAWAY! Stop by www.claireclopez.com

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  12. You know, I think all Ryan secretly wants for his birthday is hand-holding and crabs...I suppose a big bootied ho could help him with those things if you're otherwise occupied... ermm... sorry couldn't help the double entendre.

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