How Ryan Met Lauren Part IV - The Honeymoon

Happy Friday Blogstalkers!

I've got a bit of a sore throat today (Ryan says it's karma for how much I talked at him about babies last night) so I'm going to keep this entry short and sweet so I can go drink some chamomile tea* and watch The History Channel**.

*Brandy

**The History Channel.  It's oddly soothing to me, probably because my dad is a crazy history nut.  I have been to all of the Civil War battle sites.

Anyway.  Today I am going to recount for you Ryan's and my honeymoon.  If you're new here you can catch up on our entire story here:

The High School Years
The College Years
The Wedding - Part I
The Wedding - Part II

So after Ryan and I got hitched, tied the knot, took the plunge or whatever you want to call it (Ryan prefers "bought the cow" because of how he is a jerk) we went back to our hotel suite, had a bottle of champagne and opened all of our cards and gifts.

I did not let Ryan carry me over the threshold of the hotel room because he was tipsy and I figured as much as the whole "threshold" idea was good luck, the whole "bride with a broken face" was probably bad.

The next morning we awoke bright and early because we had a car service coming to take us to the airport at 530.  It turns out though that our flight is cancelled because of icy runways so we decide to just stay an extra night in the hotel and book another flight leaving the next day.

We went to brunch with some friends, including OJ, who seemed just a bit too delighted that everyone's flights had been cancelled.  I could tell because of how he kept making this face.

Yes we get it OJ.  The sign says Gallagher's.
The next day, thank the lord, our flight was not cancelled and we left the snow and ice of Chicago behind for the first leg of our honeymoon - sunny Orlando.

We stepped off the plane, eager to feel the sun on our pale faces.  Instead we were greeted with sleet.  It was seriously frigid.  Like in the 20s frigid.  People everywhere kept telling us how uncharacteristic this weather was and how just the day before (you know, the day we were supposed to arrive) it had been 70 and beautiful.  I could only now assume that bad weather was following me around.

Instead of going directly to our hotel we headed to an outlet mall and purchased all of the winter gear that we had not thought to bring.  Then we jetted off to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.


Platform 9 3/4

We spent the afternoon drinking butter beer (which contains no actual beer) and getting fitted for our wands at Ollivander's.  Or at least I got fitted for a wand while Ryan muttered something about "finding some Firewhiskey" and wandered off.

The next day was even colder than the day before but we braved the cold and headed to Epcot.

This is the picture of us that I used to have framed on my desk at work.  Because this is the face that Ryan is most often making at me, which makes it the face I am most used to seeing.  If I had a picture of him smiling looking at me every day I would be weirded out.
On Ryan's computer, his caption for this picture is "This is my wife."  I never know quite how to take that.
Ryan would not take a picture of him wearing the Mickey Ears with top hat while I wore the veil.  Well that's not entirely true.  He said he would do it if in exchange I was silent on the three hour flight to Costa Rica the next day.  I demurred.  He also would not let me buy the veil and wear it around the park because he didn't want anyone to "know I'm married to you when you start chasing the characters and shouting."

I put this picture up on Facebook and tagged me as Beauty and Ryan as Beast.  He didn't notice for like ten days.
 I got this picture by seeing Beast from like five hundred feet away and then shouting "Beast! Beast! Wait!" and running after him.  When Ryan finally caught up I told them "This is my husband.  He is married to me."

Later that night we headed to The Magic Kingdom for just a little bit, to see the castle all lit up.  It was gorgeous.  It takes more than 200,000 lights to make it look like this.  I know this because I looked it up after we got back to our hotel that night.  Ryan knows this because I told him all about it on the plane ride to Costa Rica the next day.


As we walked away from the castle, I took one last picture and whispered "Someday this will be my home."  And Ryan was like "What did you say?" And I was like "Nothing."

I will throw a ball and you will all be invited.

 The next morning bright and early we made our way back to the airport and boarded a plan for Costa Rica, where we would spend the next ten days.  I fully expected that when we disembarked from the plane we would be met with hail or at least vicious lightening but it seemed our bad luck streak was over.  It was 90 and sunny.

We checked into our resort and were introduced to our personal butler, Jonathan.  His first words to me were literally "Mrs. Gallagher, your every wish is my command."  And then we got to our room to find he had left us this.  And I was like "Ryan, you could learn a lot from this Jonathan fellow."

You can see all five of the books I brought on the nightstand.  I finished them all and had to buy two more.  That's what you're supposed to do on your honeymoon right?
 This is what Jonathan made us on the last night we were in Costa Rica.  He also drew me a bath littered with lavender oils and flower petals.  I miss him.  Plus he was a wealth of knowledge.  There were these weird bats in the trees at night and he told me "Here those are called Murcielagos, In the US you call them Tacarcunas."  And Ryan was like "I don't think so..."  And I was like "Ryan shush."


Most days in Costa Rica were spent like this.  In a bungalow that Ryan rented for me daily because of how I am allergic to the sun.  There are two beers on the table next to me because Jonathan was great at making sure I never ran out of beer, not because one is mine and one is Ryan's.


This is more Ryan's style.

I will have something fruity.  In a coconut.  Extra flowers.  No tiny swords.
When Ryan was not getting in the way, this was my view.  Before we left on the last day I whispered "Someday this will be my second home."  And Ryan was like "What did you just say?" And I was like "Nothing."

I will have a luau and you will all be invited.
He got in the way a lot.


On one day, Ryan took surfing lessons.

That's not it at all.  Do less.
I sat on the beach and made sure I got all of the important pictures.

I can see your belly button.
Does it confound anyone else that Ryan thought surfing was the correct time to don a shirt?

On another day, Ryan and I booked an excursion.  First up was zip-lining.  If you look closely at this picture and the next one you can see evidence of my sun allergy on my legs.

If this is how bad it is when I stay out of the sun, imagine if I actually tried to tan.


Right after they took this picture, the guide told us that just the day before a monkey had jumped onto the zip line and collided with a guest.  Ryan almost backed out when he heard that.  I was just like "If he backs out can I do the course twice?"  Ryan looked at me like I was insane until I explained "double the chances to catch a monkey RYAN."  Then he told me I was insane.  And I was like "Whatever Ryan," and turned to the guide and asked if he had any bananas handy that I could use as monkey bait.

That tiny little speck is me.  I am probably shouting "Here monkey monkey monkey!"
After zip-lining (which was amazing, I highly recommend it) came horseback riding.  I LOVE horseback riding.  


I didn't so much love the activity that came after horseback riding.  Which was a waterslide through the jungle.  Sure in theory that sounds like a good time but imagine this, a twenty minute trek uphill through the jungle, then noticing that the slide is actually just a cement shute with one dude standing at the top stopping and releasing the dam that holds the rushing river water that propels you down the slide.  And then you see a sign that says "Women must wear dipers."  And then you are handed a leather "diper" and sit down in the ice cold water and get shot like a cannonball down the slide.  And you get super banged up all the way down.  And you don't catch any monkeys.  Yeah, not good right?

Moving on though.  To recover from the ordeal that was the waterslide of doom, we were taken to giant stone vats of hot mud that we smeared all over our bodies.  The guide told us that the mud was said to have healing powers which turned out to be not true as I still woke up the next day with giant bruises all over my back and legs from the slide.

Two things you should know about this picture.  One, I gained a total of 11 pounds on my honeymoon.   Two, Ryan stuck those leaves on his face and said "Look, I'm a faun."  

And I was like THIS.  This is why I married him.
To wash the mud from our bodies we were led to a series of pools.  The first one was like regular pool temperature and then each one after that got five degrees progressively hotter.  Ryan couldn't go in the last two because they were too hot for his delicate lady skin.  Although to be fair to him no one else in our group got into the very last one either except me.  The guide was impressed because I guess 90% of people can't make it into that pool.  Ryan told him I could do it "probably because of all of the ice water running through my veins."


And with that our excursion was over and it was back to the resort to lounge around for the remaining couple of days of our honeymoon.  Nothing much interesting happened except for Ryan got attacked by a wild jungle cat.  Oh you want to hear that story?

So there were these two feral cats that sort of wandered around the resort at will.  There were signs telling you not to feed the cats but I am a bleeding heart and those cats were SO SKINNY.  So I disobeyed and occasionally wrapped pieces of my meals in napkins and put them in my pockets and fed them to the cats.  Thus one of the cats became very very attached to me and would not leave my side.  It even took to laying in the pool bungalow with me.  (I was careful not to touch the cat because I didn't know what jungle diseases it was carrying.)  One night Ryan and I were out on a patio having a drink and some appetizers.  The cat was sitting nearby, hoping I would toss it a piece of shrimp or something.  Ryan went to kiss me (because he does like me after all) and the cat got jealous or something and pounced.  And Ryan screamed like a woman and I was like "Katniss! No! You stop that right now!"  And that is the story of how Ryan got attacked by a jungle cat.

I'll leave you to your weekends now Blogstalkers! Talk to you on Monday!


50 comments:

  1. Yay for extra HRML posts!

    And don't accidentally stumble onto the H2 channel. It will make you feel decidedly UNcomforted. Rather than the Civil War, you'll be learning about the "history" of the future apocalypse, told in first person with comic book style illustrations, and the "history" of how comets are going to blow up the Earth.

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    1. Glad you like these posts!

      Oh and I KNOW about the H2 channel. It's terrifying. And it makes me cry.

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  2. I would like to see a picture of said "leather diaper"

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    1. We actually didn't have our camera with us for the water slide as there would have been no way to get it down, so no leather diper (yes it was actually spelled like that) pictures.

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    2. If you ever watch the Top 10 Water Parks show on the Travel Channel, you'll see it! (I totally yelled "OH MY GOD I KNOW SOMEONE THAT DID THE JUNGLE WATER SLIDE!" at my husband when I read this entry. He didn't share my level of excitement.) It replays like 3 times a day on the weekends.

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  3. Once I went to Mexico and found a Spider Monkey rescue place where they saved monkies. We were allowed to go into the gianormous cages with them and pet them and such. We even got to feed a baby. It was spectacular. In the end, I got in trouble for trying to put the baby into my hoodie pocket like a baby kangaroo. Apparantly that kind of thing is "frowned upon". And that was the closest I ever got to stealing a monkey on vacation.

    I did used to work at a zoo. We had a monkey there, but he liked to grab nipples. He was kind of a jerk for a monkey. So, I really didn't want to steal him.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    1. That sounds like the best thing ever (not the nipple-grabbing monkey, the other ones.) I would almost certainly get escorted out of such an establishment for trying to steal a monkey.

      Isn't it ridiculous how many totally normal and sensical things are "frowned upon" in today's world?

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  4. I don't even know where to start. So much awesome. First, I'm totally jealous that you had a honeymoon, because we bought a furnace and air conditioner instead of taking one. Second, I DO find it odd that Ryan decided to only don a shirt to surf. Third, I want to attend both the ball you're throwing at your castle AND the luau in Costa Rica. I assume Ryan will be invited so we'll all get to partake in fruity floral refreshments?

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    1. First, because our honeymoon was so close to Christmas and my birthday we just decided that it would be our gifts to each other for a while to come. It was the first time I had ever been out of the country, so it was a huge extravagance for me. Second - Right!? Third - Definitely.

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    2. I secretly think the "dire need" for a new furnace and air conditioner stemmed from Jim's fear of flying anywhere. He took his first-ever plane ride last November... 2 years after our wedding. It's cool though. He made it up to me with our recent Disney-cation. It's unfortunate you couldn't steal a monkey, but all in all, a successful trip, no? :)

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    3. I'm still jealous of your recent Disney-cation. Ryan makes me wait like three years in between trips and I'm starting to get withdrawal.

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    4. I was told that I'm only allowed a Disney-cation once ever 4-5 years...and the next trip can't be until we have babies! Can you believe that?

      Also--I was going to post my own separate post...but I snuck into your conversation with each other. Hope you don't mind.

      Also--you are hilarious. Have I mentioned that before/yet?

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  5. I loved ziplining. I did NOT love the coordination it took to handbrake.I crashed into the pole on the first one

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    1. Oh yeah I wasn't good at that either. Our course had emergency brakes though, so if the guides thought you were going too fast toward the end they employed the emergency brake to slow you down.

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  6. I love your blog posts so much that I always read them twice. Back-to-back. Don't tell anyone!

    http://authorgkadamsdotcom1.wordpress.com/

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    1. Thanks Gina! That's such a huge compliment. Also I just realized I used your first name without even thinking about it.

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    2. Awesome...you made the translation from GK to Gina. GK is what I use for writing.

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  7. Oh my gosh, RJ, that was totally my thought too. Where is the Lauren in the leather diaper picture??!

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    1. You guys know that if I had a picture of the 'diper' I would post it. And then we would all have a grand laugh.

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  8. forget the leather diper photo, i want to see ryan fighting off the jungle cat!

    awesome post, lauren, as always. thanks for redeeming my friday at work (which has been more hellacious than it should be since it's friday).

    i swear the only good things that happened today were 1. reading your post 2. a chick jumped the curb in her prius in the parking lot and got stuck in a bush, so we all got to watch her get pushed out.

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    1. It happened too fast to get any photos plus Ryan probably would have held a grudge if instead of helping him I picked up my camera. But I do have images of it burned into my brain, for which I am very grateful.

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  9. My husband has also mentioned something about me having ice water in my veins. My hands are freezing pretty much all the time. But, for some reason, I get the impression that he's referencing something other than just the temperature of my hands. Hmmm. Something to ponder. Looks like an amazing honeymoon. I am not sure I would have come home if I had to leave behind that bungalow and the very thoughtful, beer-providing Jonathan.

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    1. I do miss that Jonathan. I can't believe I never got a picture with him. You know what else he did? He made me dinner reservations every single night and then came over in his little cart and drove us to dinner. And I was like "See Ryan? This is how you manage a date."

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  10. Anonymous10/05/2012

    Maybe I'm missing something that's obvious to the rest of the world, but I'm wondering why just the women have to wear "dipers" ?
    ~n

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    1. Oh no not obvious, I should have explained. I didn't get it either but I was glad for the "diper" in the end. I was wearing a bathing suit and it covered the backs of my legs and my lower back (it was a large diper). I think I would have gotten a lot more beat up without it.

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  11. What an amazing honeymoon... I went to Disneyland Paris and they had a huge castle and I too wanted to live there. So I'm quite excited about the ball you'll be throwing when you move in. I hope you get to keep your butler, I'm pretty impressed with his prowess with towels, I have no idea where you would pick up skills like that.

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    1. Oh Jonathan went to butler school. Obviously. (Haha but no seriously, he said he had to take a mandatory course to train.)

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  12. Anonymous10/05/2012

    As usual, you made me laugh and snort at the same time when I'm supposed to be working. You seriously crack me up and your writing is just so fabulous. I've told you this before, but it bears repeating, you make me feel more "normal" because there are a lot of us out there. Thanks.

    Carol Dickerson

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    1. Thanks Carol! That's such a nice thing(s) to say!

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  13. Now I have a visual of Ryan being attacked by a feral cat. Thank you :D

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    1. You are welcome indeed!

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  14. Anonymous10/05/2012

    I did a study abroad program in Costa Rica in 2007 and literally did everything you did on your honeymoon except stay at that fancy resort. We were a bit poorer, but I have pictures of myself on those horses, playing in that mud, and sitting in those pools. Ah, memories...

    -Stacy

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  15. Wonderful. Loved every minute of it.

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  16. Am picturing you saying 'No Katniss, stop it right now' without looking up from your book while wondering where your second husband Jonathon was with your beer napkin shaped like a octopus.
    Can now go to sleep happily.

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  17. Great trip and photos, you're too funny and too adorable

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  18. Oh my goodness, I love your posts! The "diper" and the feral jungle cat, you are a riot. Have a great weekend!

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  19. There is just so much awesomeness in this one post to process. But I think my favorite was the whispered, "someday this will be my home". It made me extremely happy and I fully expect an invite to that ball.
    Question though. Why did only the women have to wear the diper? I've thought it through and I just can't come up with a logical explanation. If it was as rough as it sounds, you'd think the men folk would be concerned about their dangly bits getting scraped down the concrete so THEY should be the ones required to wear them. I really don't get it.

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  20. Anonymous10/06/2012

    I love to live vicariously through you. Thanks for a great laugh! PS...the pictures are a riot!

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  21. My cat's name is absolutely Katniss Everdeen, since she attacked us two days after moving in.

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  22. Oh I am so glad to see the books you brought with you... my Husband and I honeymooned in St. Lucia for 10 days and I had a fully loaded Kindle with me... The first full day of our honeymoon, I read the first two books of the Hunger Games.

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  23. Shamefully, I read 50 shades on my honeymoon (i know. Please don't hate me forever.... guilty pleasure)This totally reminded me of how I got married 3 months ago and still haven't uploaded my honeymoon pics... I should probably get on that.

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  24. How lame, no one got attacked by jungle cats on MY honeymoon...

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  25. I totally see Diana Gabaldon hanging out next to your chair in that last pic. Well done, Lauren... well done.

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  26. Ryan attacked by a wildcat, the bad weather trailing you to Florida, etc. That was one funny post!

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  27. You are pretty much the cutest thing ever! I was reading about auto-immune stuff the other day and read about the sun allergy thing, that looks like it super sucks. Dear tiny baby Jesus please don't let that end up as one of my ailments, I'll stick with what I got.

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  28. Awesome post (as usual), but you forgot one crucial detail: What books did you bring??? I think I recognize a few.

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  29. I have always wanted to honeymoon at Disneyworld. I spent a weekend there not too long ago and decided that I was never leaving. There had to be somewhere I could hide out in the park and they would never find me.

    Your entire trip sounds fantastic (except for the sun allergy). Thank you for sharing this with us! :]

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  30. Hello. I've been a terrible slacker when it comes to reading blogs and so I am catching up. Yes, back to October. I know. Anyways, I just thought that you would like to know that my seven year old totally laughed at that last picture of Ryan. He was like "look at him, he's standing there like *HUH* (a bit of a guttural noise)" while sticking his chest out. It was kind of funny. At least to me. And hopefully you.

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    1. Haha and now that is my most favorite picture of Ryan. Yes!

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  31. I know you wrote this forever ago, but I am new here and getting caught up. I just wanted to say HOLY COW YOU HAVE A PICTURE WITH MY OLD ROOMMATE!!! (I'll give you a hint: I lived with her in Florida and she certainly was a beauty)

    This makes me excited because it means we have like one degree of separation and you are totally new blogging idol, which means I kind of almost know an Internet celebrity!!! .... That's how it works right?

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