Dad, Maybe Don't Read This Post - I Mention My Bra.

Hey Blogstalkers.  Sorry for not posting yesterday or Monday, things have been a little hectic around here the last couple of days with doctor's appointments and veterinary appointments and an incident involving a dead bird on my front porch that took like hours to recover from.

Today I would like to recount for you a conversation my husband and I had the other day while walking the dogs.  We were discussing why a couple of our acquaintances won't just like, start dating already.

Lauren: Oh she's just playing hard to get.

Ryan: I don't understand that tactic at all.  That would never work with me.

Lauren: What are you even talking about right now, how do you think we started dating?

Ryan: I took you for ice cream once and then I couldn't get rid of you.

Lauren: Ok RUDE.  And no, I totally played hard to get.  I booby trapped you into falling in love with me.

Ryan: First of all, 18 year old you was like flat.  So more like no-boobies-trapped.

Lauren: Oh how clever RYAN.  I wish I had said that.

Ryan: You know it's true.

Lauren: I was a late bloomer you jerk.  I just used to tell myself that having an A+ cup size was fine as it was in keeping with my pristine GPA.

Ryan: Haha yeah and then sophomore year of college and boom, C cup, still in keeping with your GPA. (sidenote: this is not true.)

Lauren: You are just full of nice things to say about me today aren't you?  I don't even know why we are talking about what size bra I wore in high school anyway, it's not like you ever got to see it.

Ryan: Did you just say that so when you put this conversation on your blog everyone will think that you were a very sweet little innocent senior in high school?

Lauren: Maybe. (I was mostly)  But anyway, back to the point of this conversation.  You fell in love with me because I played hard to get, unintentionally, I'll grant you that, but I did do it.

Ryan: Give me one example.

Lauren: Ok, how about that one Friday night, before we were officially dating, when you wanted me to come over and watch How Harry Met Sally with you and instead, probably because I was weirded out by your unnatural obsession with Meg Ryan, I chose to go disco roller-skating with my friends.  And you couldn't come with because you had just rolled your ankle playing volleyball.

Ryan: Let's get one thing straight, I would not ever have gone disco roller-skating with you, no matter what the condition of my ankle.

Lauren: Marissa and I wore bell-bottoms to get in character.

Ryan: Of course you did.

Lauren: Don't you remember though?  You called my house the next morning and were all sad and like "You could have at least called to say hi last night." OH and what about the day like a week after that when you asked me if I wanted to eat lunch at your table?  I totally said no.  Which I will tell you now was because my lunch table used to have potluck lunches on Fridays and someone had brought a huge bag of Cheetos.  Otherwise I would have eaten with you.  But you definitely just thought I didn't want to.

Lauren: You should concede.  I have a lot more examples.

Ryan: Fine you won this one.  You also won...

Lauren: If you say acceptance into the itty-bitty-tittie-committee I will find a stick and hit you with it.

Ryan: OH MY GOD Lauren.  I was going to be sweet and say you also won my heart.

Lauren: Ok Puke Ryan.  Let's go home.

So that was our, granted pretty inappropriate, Sunday-afternoon-while-walking-the-dogs conversation.

He is not naked in this picture.  He is wearing his bathing suit and no shirt, obviously.

Sadly, the "flat" thing is totally true.  When my sister and I were in fights she used to tell me I was "jealous of a wall."  So yeah.  I grew boobs and four inches as a 19 year old.

How has your week been so far Blogstalker?  Anything interesting happen?  Encounter any dead birds?


  1. No dead birds, but once I did find a birds head on my porch. There us a hawk that lives in my trees and I think he must have killed the bird. OH! And then one time my cat got into my roomates birdcage and took the bird and wouldn't let go of it. I ended up sticking my cat underwater to get her to let go of that bird...Tell Ryan girls ALWAYS win on how we get the guys!

    1. I meant to say there IS a hawk....

  2. I definitely went for a walk in the park yesterday and there was a pigeon in the path that had been *beheaded.* It was really creepy, although all the dogs around found it fascinating.

  3. Dead birds, flat boobs, and dog walkies. What a start to the week! My only unsettling bird encounter thus far was on Monday, when a crow and I played chicken (sorry for the bird metaphor) as we walked toward each other on the street. The crow won because the closer I came, the more he intimidated me with his sideways-beady-eyed stare, and he watched(rather smugly, I thought) as I sidestepped him with my bag full of groceries. What a jerk. Turns out I was the chicken, and he was still the badass crow.

  4. Ew dead birds, lol. I was pretty flat in high school, not quite A cup but still not good. My sister (3 years yougner) had Ds in middle school. I gained some weight in college and got a C cup. YAY late boob bloomers!

  5. My body entirely forgot about the whole boob thing. I've learned to be okay with it mostly. Flat then, flat now. Presidential status of the IBTC - truth.

  6. I once went on a CC (a country cruise where you smoked the pot so your parents wouldn't find out) and I unknowingly hit a bird and it was wedged in between my hood and my head light. I found it the next morning.

  7. Ryan really never does wear shirts, does he? (Maybe he's hoping you'll pick up the trend?)

    We had a dead bird weekend also. We have a large picture window and apparently this bird thought he was going to dive bomb my cat sitting on the windowsill. On the plus side, I got to see my cat do a back flip. So that was fun.

  8. I stopped getting taller in the 8th grade. The boobs kept growing till I was like 16 and leveled off (because really, nobody needs bigger than a D... it was starting to scare me.) Now they only shrink or grow if I gain or lose weight. Which is totally unfair. Because if part of my body has to be fat, I obviously want it to be my boobs.

    1. When I lost a bunch of weight my boobs ended up flatter, but not smaller. Now that I'm nursing they change size throughout the day. I wonder what will happen after I wean the baby, but am kinda afraid to find out!

  9. i like to say that my body resembles that of a 12 yr old boy (no boobs or hips) which makes the things my boyfriend does to me, VERY inappropriate.

  10. Anonymous10/03/2012

    I can't deal with birds. They creep me out even when they are caged up. A dead bird would have meant moving to a new address.


  11. No dead birds on my end. But, my cat once stared a bird to death (weird story). My boyfriend will also attest to "taking me to ice cream once and never getting rid of me". According to him I have a "problem" when it comes to how much ice cream I eat, so maybe he isn't the best judge of character.

  12. You have to admit, the Hubbs is pretty crafty with his words! You guys were totally made for each other.

  13. Anonymous10/03/2012

    no dead birds recently, but once, while i was driving, a bird swooped in front of my car. i wasn't sure if i hit it or not and had mostly forgotten about it by the time i got home. a few hours later i remembered and made my husband go check and the bird was stuck in the grill of my car, dead of course. thankfully my husband took care of it...

  14. I was the same Miss L, but I was never compared to a wall because they had more curves than I.
    My fav saying was 'you're so flat you're sucked in'. I heard it so often that I even checked my back in the mirror once to make sure the tata's hadn't gotten misdirected during growing and sprouted out my back.

  15. I was also a late bloomer and got boobylicious in college. Which really was probably a good thing because I was so skinny in high school that I totally would have fallen over with these mamba-jambas. So I totally NEEDED to gain weight so I could balance. Right.

  16. Why does Ryan look naked in this picture? Was Ryan naked when this picture was taken?

    So much for the high school innocence....

  17. Ryan's penchant for going shirtless is hilarious and CLEARLY longstanding. And I know annoying for you. Also? I got boobs at 9 and that sucked too. But you're gorgeous - both now and then. :)

  18. Only saw a dead bird, who the boyfriend said was sick, because it was flying low and got head by the right front bumper. Didn't see it when I went looking for it initially at the back of the car, just heard the thump and for some reason I didn't scan the whole car, the next morning I found it stuck in the grill. Was so not happy. Mostly because there was a bird in my grill but I also hate killing things big enough to play with.

  19. No dead birds, but I definitely saw a live squirrel taunting my dog in the backyard EVERY MORNING. It's cute and sad and funny all rolled into one.

  20. Does Ryan know you're posting nudie pictures of him? Wow, I'd like to be a fly on the wall for that conversation!

  21. hahahahaha!

    I used to get "I've seen bigger lumps in my oatmeal", so then I did the 'must increase our bust' exercises, slept on my back for four years, AND (the icing on the cake): "Dear God, I want boobs! I don't care if I get fat, I just want boobs." And then, with that, my metabolism completely changed, and I got my wish. Lovely.

    Now I wish those damned things weren't there because sometimes it's hard to get comfortable at bed time.

  22. Veronica10/04/2012

    No dead birds, however I did get chased by a chicken and a rott weiler on my morning run. This is why I should not listen to music while running in the middle of nowhere.

  23. My best friend always gets mad at me because she claims that when we were younger she got boobs first but then I got boobs better. She was like an A cup but so excited that she got them first. The next year I got boobs and it was like BAMN 12 years old with a C cup.

    They're huge. People stare. Random guys in clubs try to motorboat me. It's awkward.

  24. Very entertaining!

    It seems like there is always one person playing hard-to-get at the beginning. I had to ask my husband out 6 or 7 times before he gave in.

    I got the last laugh. He said "I love you" first.


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