Another Way I Know My Brain Is Just Fine: I Sang Opera Songs In The Shower Today.

Good Afternoon Blogstalkers!

First things first, I need to announce the winner of the giveaway I did a couple of posts back.  I can't believe I got almost 500 comments (plus lots of retweets and shares)!  You people rock my socks.  Which, in case you're wondering, are presently orange with little black bats all over them.

But without further ado, the winner of all of Ryan's least favorite things is: Delania!  Congrats Delania, email me at for details on how to claim your prize.

Sidenote: I absolutely love doing giveaways because giving gifts is one of my favorite things ever.  It's a lot of the reason why I can't get enough Christmas.  But sometimes I need reminders that not all gifts have to be something physical and store-bought.  Sometimes a random act of kindness is the best gift.  In that spirit, my friend Heather (who writes Like A Cup Of Tea) is asking, for her 29th birthday, that people consider performing a random act of kindness this week.  If you do, please tell her and I about with #29actsofkindness on Twitter or if you don't have Twitter, by commenting on my FB page (which you can find the link to on my sidebar.)  I'm definitely going to participate myself!

Moving on.  Ryan and I had another wedding this weekend (our third of four weddings in five weeks.) This one (which was absolutely lovely Kelly!) was in the suburbs so we had to drive.  Because of anxiety reasons, driving in the car for long periods of time makes me really thirsty, so I make sure to always bring water.  My current driving cup is a green plastic one with a straw that was given to me on Earth Day by my old company.

So Ryan was driving on the highway and I was happily slurping water in the passenger seat when we were cut off by another car.  Ryan hit the brakes pretty hard to avoid rear-ending the other car and I was pitched forward.

Lauren: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I've been stabbed!!

Ryan: What? No you haven't, stop being melodramatic.

Lauren:  I've just been in a horrible car accident RYAN.  The straw, it went up my nose.  I felt it touch my brain.  

Ryan: If that is even possible I can only hope right now that the brain cells injured are the ones in charge of your propensity to actually use the word 'ampersand' instead of 'and' while speaking.

Lauren: I really hope not.  That's one of the most delightful things about me.  OHMYGOD, what if I hit the part of my brain that controls my sweet dance moves?  Ampersand us, on our way to a wedding.

Ryan: Yeah that'd be a real tragedy.

And then we got to the wedding and everything went swimmingly for the rest of the night.  And luckily my dancing was not impaired and was in fact called "electrifying" and "show-stopping" at intervals throughout the night.  And then I realized, while taking a break at our table with Ryan, that all of my dancing had wreaked havoc on my bangs, which were stuck to my forehead in sweaty clumps, in desperate need of a good combing.  And then my eyes landed on an item on the table and I slowly picked it up and reverently whispered one word.  "Dinglehopper."

"And with that I think we can rest assured that your brain remains unaltered," remarked Ryan.

A quick trip to the bathroom later and I was ready to hit the dance floor once again.

The End.

Anyone have any good car stories?  Or ideas for Random Acts Of Kindness?  Has any of you read The Brief Wondrous Life Of Oscar Wao in preparation for Katie's review tomorrow? 


  1. Thank you for saving my grouchy day! (whispers) Dinglehopper...

    1. Anytime! Looking forward to tomorrow.

  2. A dinglehopper! I love the way your brain works, even if others (RYAN) don't always appreciate it :) !

    1. Sometimes my brain is annoying when I want to just like, do something normally and my brain is like "instead of that, let's buy a unicycle." But most of the time I'm ok with it.

  3. Anonymous10/22/2012

    Noooo!! That scene causes me too me too much second-hand embarrassment. I have never been able to watch it.


    1. Yeah I get that. I used to hate it when I was younger.

  4. I have been fighting with satellite, phone, internet, cable, and possibly fiber tv phone companies for a week. You have no idea how much I have needed your blog.

    Handy Tip: Never be the first to build a house in a neighborhood, even if you get an awesome deal. Because you will discover during the moving in process that you aren't on the 911 system and if you aren't on the 911 system, people will not believe you really have a house. I had to send a screenshot from google maps to a company this week to prove there wasn't just a telephone in the middle of the field and I wasn't tricking their engineer to come evaluate service just so I could kill him and put his head in the freezer in my apparently non-existent house.

  5. Tiffani W.10/22/2012

    Sometimes a good fork is all you need ;-)

  6. Yessssss. This made me so happy. I can never remember the word for fork in German; I'm just going to use dinglehopper in all languages.

  7. No good car stories, but I did have a fine conversation with my husband this weekend. He received a package in the mail and claimed not to know what it was and told me to open it and tell him what was in there. In a flash, I figured out that he has a Russian mail order bride and he had convinced her to send me a mail bomb and kill me so that the two of them could run away together with my millions (I'm actually almost penniless). Then in my second flash about 30 seconds later, because I always think of the good stuff too late, I realized he was also screwing over the Russian mail order bride. The CSI people would find two scraps of paper with an R and 3 on it, and would trace it back to her. She would tell them that her mail order husband told her to do it, but of course they would find no trace of him, and she take the fall for the bomb, and he would run away with my millions (again, penniless) all by himself. No sirree Bob, I was not falling for that and he could open his own mail bomb, thankyouverymuch.

    The end result of this conversation was dead silence on the other end of the phone and then "What the hell is wrong with you?"

    A successful conversation as far as I'm concerned.

    The package ended up being a cookbook a friend sent him. But he had to open himself to find that out. I watch way too many Lifetime movies to fall for that old Russian mail order bride mail bomb bit.

  8. My purse spilled as I was driving the other day and while I was fumbling to shove everything back in I looked out my side window and HOLY CRAP a motorcycle cops face was wedged up against the glass glaring me down. He pulled me over and charged me with texting and driving.

    ME: But I wasn't texting. I never took my eyes off of the road. I was just shoving my phone and everything else back in my purse.
    COP: I saw the phone in your hand.
    ME: was necessary to have it IN my hand before placing it in my purse.
    COP: Do you really think it's safe to be driving with one hand?
    ME: Well, it's probably safer than taking your eyes off of the road to, say, stare into someone's front seat for 20 seconds.

    Yeah. . .I got the ticket.

  9. I hope you also played the Snarflat for the Bride and Groom as a special wedding surprise.

  10. Hahahahha! Another great post. I may have to adopt your "ampersand". What if I say "Today I took Sloan ampersand-trademark-Lauren Max for a walk." Does that give you proper credit??

  11. It is a good thing that you and I have never attended the same wedding (as far as I know) because I am not sure the world is ready for two people performing "electrifying" and "show-stopping" dance moves in one place. We would probably have to take turns on the dance floor and as rule I need to be out there all night long.

  12. I did not see dinglehopper coming. It hit me out of nowhere. Excellent retelling ampersand I'm glad your brain is fine.

  13. Your posts always make me happy. And for the record, best Disney movie to date. Also for the record, I lost my hairbrush. I used the cats. Pretty sure I smell like kitty litter. Really really wish I were making this up.

  14. Dinglehopper. Ah, Lauren, how I love you. Great post as usual :)

  15. This was priceless and gotta love a good dinglehopper

  16. Anonymous10/23/2012

    Browsing the newspaper, I came across an ad from a woman looking for a matric dance dress (South African version of homecoming, I guess) for her daughter's friend. They live in a poorer neighbourhood and couldn't afford anything special so I handed over a bridesmaid dress (it was a nice one, I promise). So that felt good. And freed up some closet space. I understand there are charities that provide a similar function, in that you can donate dresses you don't use and they loan then out to underprivileged kids for formal dances. We don't have anything like that near where I am but maybe there is something similar in Chicago? Just an idea.

  17. Whispering words makes it so much more awesome!
    Side note: did anyone else see Paranormal Activity 4 this past weekend? My hubby and I went and I missed the very end because I closed my eyes! as we were walking out I kept asking my husband "what happened???" he just laughed at me. a 14 year old walking by looked right at me and said "next time you should keep your eyes open."

  18. I saw this and thought of you instantly:

    You're welcome.

  19. Anonymous10/23/2012

    hi Lauren- I am shamelessy begging you to love Katie- (words for worms) the blogs are funny, wity, irreverant, and totally worth keeping around.
    no money has exchanged hands, and since I have seen no chocolate come my way- no bribery either.


  20. We are doing 25 days of RACK for Christmas this year as our advent calendar. There are TONS of blogs out there with some wonderful ideas! I just googled it and came up with a list of 40 items...I promise I won't list them here because I'm sure that would bore you to tears. Good luck!


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