Yesterday I got an email from an old Junior High friend. Among other things, it said "Lauren, I love your blog and everything you stand for and I think you should run for president. You had my vote in 1995 and you'd have it now."
Because, yeah, I totally ran for President of my 6th grade class. I like to think it was a brave thing to do because 6th grade was a scary year in my school district. It was the year all four of the elementary schools came together as one big class at a new school. So when I ran for office, I knew only 1/4 of the student body. Also, there were 17 people running. And running meant giving a speech in front of the whole 400 student class in the auditorium.
This was my speech. Seriously.
Teachers, Friends and Enemies,
I stand before you today to ask for your vote for the office of President. Why do I deserve your vote you ask? Because I have a great many big plans for this year. Most of those plans I currently have to keep secret either for legal reasons or because I have not yet thought them up. But I am happy, today, to share with you my greatest idea - that the cafeteria start offering more milkshake flavors.
Here are some of my flavor suggestions.
COCOA MOCHA MACARONI
TAPIOCA SMOKED BALONEY
CHECKERBERRY CHEDDAR CHEW
CHICKEN CHERRY HONEYDEW
TUTTI-FRUTTI STEWED TOMATO
TUNA TACO BAKED POTATO
LOBSTER LITCHI LIMA BEAN
MOZZARELLA MANGOSTEEN
ALMOND HAM MERINGUE SALAMI
YAM ANCHOVY PRUNE PASTRAMI
SASSAFRAS SOUVLAKI HASH
SUKIYAKI SUCCOTASH
BUTTER BRICKLE PEPPER PICKLE
POMEGRANATE PUMPERNICKEL
PEACH PIMENTO PIZZA PLUM
PEANUT PUMPKIN BUBBLEGUM
BROCCOLI BANANA BLUSTER
CHOCOLATE CHOP SUEY CLUSTER
AVOCADO BRUSSELS SPROUT
PERIWINKLE SAUERKRAUT
COTTON CANDY CARROT CUSTARD
CAULIFLOWER COLA MUSTARD
ONION DUMPLING DOUBLE DIP
TURNIP TRUFFLE TRIPLE FLIP
GARLIC GUMBO GRAVY GUAVA
LENTIL LEMON LIVER LAVA
ORANGE OLIVE BAGEL BEETWATERMELON WAFFLE WHEAT
Thank You.
After the narrowest winning margin in PJHS history (probably), I came in 2nd. I can't imagine why.
What do you think Blogstalkers? Do I get your vote?
The flavor section of my speech was taken from the poem "Bleezer's Ice Cream" by Jack Prelutsky.
I'm really impressed that as a 6th grader you could come up with so many flavors. Shoot, I had to learn what Guava was from lip smackers. You're a born foodie. You have my vote for student body president. But not regular president. I'm voting for Megatron (the evil robot, not the football player.)
ReplyDeleteSadly, I didn't think up the flavors, they were thought up by one Jack Prelutsky in his poem Bleezer's Ice Cream. I just adapted his writing to fit my needs.
DeleteAh I see. Well, that makes me happy. Mostly because I was really worried about how intelligent I'm not after reading what your 6th grade self wrote.
DeleteWow, that was magic. I think the estate of Dr. Seuss may be calling soon with a cease and desist order. Ignore them. :D
ReplyDeleteHaha I wish. Dr. Seuss was a genius.
DeleteOh my. That was magical. You would have had my vote, especially given that my Junior High didn't serve milkshakes.
ReplyDeleteMy junior high was a magical place. Although, it was more like soft serve ice cream than milkshakes. The best part was that they only cost $.50
DeleteI would vote for you. My middle school didn't have milkshakes either
ReplyDeleteMy middle school wouldn't even let us have French fries, let alone milk shakes! I would vote for you just for mentioning milk shakes. I've always said if I candidate offered free cookies, they would have my support (I'm easily bought over with food).
ReplyDeleteI think most presidential candidates keep a lot of their ideas secret for legal reasons. You were ahead of your time.
ReplyDeleteNatalie Merchant made that poem into a song! You must find it and listen!
ReplyDeleteComing out of hiding to say:
ReplyDelete1. I've now spent 20 minutes of my work day re-reading Jack Prelutsky. What a wonderful wordsmith.
2. I was campaign manager for back to back years in Elementary school. Both of my candidates were named Jenna B. Both were running for the same position the second year. I spent my whole "campaign manager" intro-speech reminding myself not to say the other girl's last name (who was in the running for the same position). And then I promptly did just that. Well, not exactly, I started to say the other girl's name, cut myself off (after a GASP from the crowd) and course-corrected.
The Jenna B. who was NOT my candidate won, we came in second. 19 years later & I'll never live it down with my mom... Wonderful wordsmith, I will never be.
I would have been right there with your program, helping to campaign by handing out leaflets that I'd copied for 5 cents apiece at the local library. :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm not American, but if you move to Australia and try for Prime Minister, you've definitely got my vote!
ReplyDeleteTotally run. You HAVE to be better than what is likely to be the option in 2020. And I'm sure you'd be more interesting to watch during a debate.
ReplyDeleteThe Presidential debates start this week. Time to get on the phone with the Bloggess and give us some alternative debate viewing options!
ReplyDeleteTopics:
1) Who is more tolerant-Victor or Ryan?
2) Which pets provide more blogger fodder-cats or dogs?
3) Which end of the taxidermied pony is better to own?
I'll vote for you!
ReplyDeleteAnd I thought being in my 6th grade spelling bee took guts. Wowzer. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteYou'd have had my vote. "Peanut Pumpkin Bubblegum?" Sold.
ReplyDeletePeach Pimento Pizza?? Yeah - I'm voting for the other guy. All 16 of him.
ReplyDeleteAlso, that you were in 6th grade in 1995 is udderly depressing. Seriously. I'll have to go drown myself in chocolate milk. In 1995, I was staring at some boy in my second apartment and thinking to myself 'hmmm. I think you should have this ring back. Oh wait, that's right - you used my own ring to propose to me. Shit. Now how do I get rid of you without incurring a felony?' He was far, far from 6th gradedness - at least chronologically. (PS - Best decision ever!)
I don't know. For me it's a toss up between Pomegranate Pumpernickel and Chocolate Chop Suey Cluster. My voting decision may depend on which flavours you may actually be able to deliver.
ReplyDeleteI would definitely support Judy's debate suggestion. I volunteer my services as debate moderator.
Let's just hope that 2020 is not the year that Sarah Palin decides that her years of non-service to the public should culminate in an actual run for the presidency. Her husband's grade of tolerance is on a whole 'nother level; dead wildlife does NOT provide more blogger fodder; and the whimsy of a taxidermied pony is likely lost on someone who likely has a forest-full of shot, stuffed and mounted victims in her den.