Note to self: Lauren, please begin to get these posts up before one in the afternoon. The early bird gets the worm and all that. Also, I hardly think it was more important for you to research dog Halloween costumes this morning than it was for you to write this post. Although, I do agree with your decision to order the following:
|Just the headpiece, not the dog. Ryan says I can't have any more dogs.|
For years and years I have been addicted to the show Jeopardy. I used to literally run home from high school so that I could have my butt on the couch by 3:30, Yoohoo in hand, ready to get my trivia on. Unfortunately my route home from school was along a very busy highway (Kedzie for Chicago people) and I've always looked like an injured gazelle when I run so I got a lot of ridiculing shouts and honks. Interestingly enough, many of those honks were made by my father whose office was only a few blocks away and who used to take his lunch break late to come home and watch Jeopardy with me. Thanks for that DAD.
At 14 and 15 my dad consistently slaughtered me on the daily. Then came Thursday, March 9th, 2000. The first day I ever beat my dad at Jeopardy. And I didn't just beat him, I like killed him. Though in hindsight some of the categories that day (The Spice Girls, Jane Austen, Fucking Delicious Cheeses) may have been somewhat to my advantage. Whatever. I still make a point to call my dad on that day every year to commemorate my win. It serves him right for the honking and for also how he used to sometimes come into the hardware store where I worked and whistle for me, like a dog.
I still play Jeopardy with my dad when I happen to be home at 3:30 on a weekday, which is admittedly not often.
I more regularly now DVR Jeopardy and watch it with Ryan. It started out as a casual sort of thing where I would jump up and down and shout things at the tv and my boyfriend would sit on the couch and "rethink life decisions." Gradually though, my enthusiasm for the show was catching and Ryan became an active participant in my daily tradition. It turns out, we are pretty evenly matched. I'm excellent at categories involving "Literature" and "Geography" and "Words That Start With F" and he runs the board when "Economics" and "Politics" and "Physics" come into play.
Which is fine with me, because Economics? Gag me with a spoon right?
|The bottom left corner is damaged from an incident involving water guns and whiskey and witlessness on graduation night, two days before I reported to my first full-time position in the Investment Bank at JPMorgan.|
I present those rules to you now. (And yes, if you're wondering, we do have an actual physical copy of the rules. It sits in front of us on the table while we match wits.)
My Namby Pamby Rules For Playing The Game Of Jeopardy
written by Ryan Gallagher, except for the title, Lauren came up with that. No she didn't, I did.
1. All players must remain clothed during all portions of the game. No removing one's top because one "is suffering heatstroke from your closeness and your hotness" or because one "is not trying to distract you, I thought there was a spider in my bra."
2. All bathroom breaks must be completed before the game begins or between Single and Double Jeopardy rounds. Waiting to see the categories and then retreating to the commode with one's smartphone is strictly verboten.
3. "Phone My Dad" is not a thing.
4. "Ask The Audience" while Lauren's dad is on Skype is not a thing.
5. Insults should be kept at bay. For example, it was totally out of line last year for a certain player to call another certain player a "Rapscallion" and tell them they were going to "Go fetch my blunderbuss and teach you a lesson."
6. There is no contesting the validity of a match because one forgot to wear their spectacles during the match and thus "isn't certain I was reading all of the words correctly, which is almost definitely why I lost."
7. The broom must always stay in the pantry. As much as one player insists, each group of seven games is not in fact a "World Series of Jeopardy" and thus the "Balcony Sweep Dance" is not a thing and also it is rude (not to mention confusing to one's neighbors) to shout things like "I have won the World Series more times than the White Sox who are horrible."
8. In keeping with the idea that Jeopardy does not in any way resemble baseball, it is not necessary to sing the National Anthem each day before beginning. Especially not with the "adapted lyrics" of a certain player.
9. Now that a certain player is home during the day, it is illegal and immoral for that certain player to watch Jeopardy when it actually airs and then again with the other player later that night, strategically getting enough answers incorrect so they are not suspected of cheating.
10. No claiming to one's friends that one's wife only beats one regularly at Jeopardy because she "plays fancy."
11. Now that both players reside in the same abode, the "House Rule" of "attaching a chip clip to the visiting player's body every time he guesses something deemed ridiculous by the home team" no longer stands.
And finally, the rule that my dad and I came up with when I was 14 and could only win with a Hail Mary type maneuver.
12. One automatically wins the game of Jeopardy, no matter what the score, if one correctly guesses the answer to Final Jeopardy after the category is revealed but before the clue is given.
What would you add Blogstalkers?
Sidenote: With all of these rules in one place, it completely sounds like I am the worst cheater of a player ever but it should be noted that all of these things have literally only happened like one time over a period of almost ten years on days I was feeling particularly feisty. Also, rule number two was written after Ryan got an astonishing number of Civil War Generals correct after a bathroom break one evening.