I Am Never Taking All Of My Clothes Off Ever Again. I Will Shower In Pants. I Will Be A Never-Nude.

Welcome to another week Blogstalkers.

I had a different post planned for today but then something ridiculous and horrifying happened so now I will write about that instead.

This morning I had an appointment to get an ultrasound done of my gallbladder.  Don't worry, nothing is seriously amiss, I've just been having some pain under my ribcage on my right side and my doctor ordered the test as a precaution.  And because of how I am a hypochondriac, I am all about having tests done.

In fact, after I found out that I get an ultrasound of my gallbladder just because I said my side was hurting I was like "If I were to tell you everything hurts would you order me a full body scan?" And my doctor was like "Why don't you try that and see what happens."  So I was all "Everything hurts."  And then I did not get an order for a full body scan.  Instead I got a pamphlet on hypochondria and a lecture on why it is important to never lie to one's doctor.

But moving on, this morning I got up early and drove to the hospital, which was in itself an ordeal because apparently every single road in Chicago is under construction right now and also parking garages and I do not get along.

Then I spent half an hour registering for the procedure even though I had spent half an hour yesterday on the phone pre-registering only to get to the ultrasound floor and have them hand me seven forms to sign, which I did blindly.  They were probably some sort of privacy policy acknowledgement or something but for all I know they were "Accidental Double Register Unregistration"forms.

Then I waited another half an hour to be called and was ushered to the ultrasound room and given a hospital robe to don.  The technician left the room for me to change and I realized that because I had not been listening to her instructions, I didn't know how much of my clothing I needed to remove and I was going to open the door and ask but then I was like "Meh, I'll just take it all off."

Sidenote: Ryan I will now concede that you are totally right about how I need to work on how often I zone out.  Much embarrassment could have been prevented.

So the tech comes back and says "Oh you could have left your pants and shoes on." (I assume this means I could also have left my underwear on, but I'm not positive about that because she didn't specifically mention them, so you should probably take those off just in case if you are ever having an ultrasound done of your gallbladder.)  She offered to leave the room again so I could semi-reclothe myself if I was uncomfortable but since I had been actually wearing a dress and not pants there wouldn't have been much to put back on and she assured me the ultrasound would be quick so I demurred.

Then she had me climb a miniature set of rolling stairs to get on the table and gave me some towels to cover my lady bits and lifted the gown to do the ultrasound.  Then ensued lots of deep breathing and craning my head to try to see the screen that was displaying my innards.  And everything was going just dandy until the tech told me to roll onto my side.

Which I did exuberantly.

Much much too exuberantly.

And so I was unable to stop the roll at the right moment and instead just kept on rolling right off the table.  I don't really know what exactly occurred in the next few seconds, I heard a loud smash which I assume was the rolling stairs flying into the wall, what I do know is that when everything had settled I was positioned facedown, sort of on my hands and knees, on the floor of the ultrasound room wishing I had not removed all of my clothes before I clad myself with the open-backed hospital gown.

"Well this is an unfortunate turn of events," I muttered to the tile.  And then the technician was all concern and "Oh dear oh dear, are you alright?"  And I had to just laugh it off and retrieve the stairs and climb back up on the table and continue the ultrasound even though the thing I wanted to do more than anything was just run away as fast as my bare feet could carry me.  Although in hindsight that probably would have just made the situation worse.

I was so happy when I was able to put my clothes back on and flee the hospital.

Oh and don't worry blogstalkers, the only thing injured in my bare-assed fall off the hospital table was my ego.  The ultrasound technician assured me that my ribs and organs appeared unscathed.

So that was my very Em-Bare-Assing morning.  Good job LAUREN.

112 comments:

  1. Oh hon! I'd have been mortified too. At least you're alright though! Silver linings and all that?

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    1. It makes for a good story I guess. I just wish I had less "good stories."

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    2. Jennifer9/17/2012

      But I love your good stories. I laughed and then had to figure out how to share on FB.

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    3. Haha thanks for the share!

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  2. Oh my goodness, this made me laugh so hard that tears literally sprung to my eyes. Thanks LAUREN for outing me as reading blogs at work! Actually, I'm on my lunch break (this time)... so there!

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    1. Glad it made you laugh! I'm not QUITE there yet. Still too embarrassed.

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  3. You are just too previous for words. I laugh my rear end off every time I read your blog. Please don't consider my laughter as bruising your ego. It's a compliment!

    http://authorgkadamsdotcom1.wordpress.com/

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    1. Oh laugh all you want. I wouldn't have posted this if I didn't at least think other people should get enjoyment out of the situation.

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    2. I guess I should have said PRECIOUS and not previous. Lack of coffee will do that to you.

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    3. No worries, I figured it out.

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  4. Anonymous9/17/2012

    I accidentally farted while the physical therapist was checking out the range of motion I have in my hip. So embarrassing.

    xoxo!

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    1. I did that once in high school when my gym teacher was holding my legs during a sit-up contest. Yep. Embarrassing.

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    2. I have a hip problem, so every time I got o the chiropractor, I'm TERRIFIED I'm going to fart in his face, or pee my pants. It doesn't help that his face is mere inches away from my ass when he treats me. WHAT THE HECK! Sometimes the fear makes me tremble, and he's all "relax!" Horrible.

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    3. Now I'm going to be like that every time I'm sitting on the exam table at the doctor's office. Ugh.

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    4. I have a follow-up appointment in a couple of weeks. I am nervous already.

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    5. Oh I'm sure you'll be fine, I think I embarrassed myself in a doctor's office enough for all of us this month.

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  5. You are right, you will never live this one down...Ryan will torment you for years and years....he'll probably use this as a reason you shouldn't be pregnant...you can't take an ultrasound without a face plant.....until you master that no dependent!!!!

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    1. I'm not telling Ryan this happened. Ever. And since he does not read my blog he will never know.

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    2. I hope he doesn't read the blog...though I have to admit, you made me laugh out loud with that one simply because I see myself doing that....not the falling part but taking off all my clothes without realizing I didn't need to do that....

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    3. Yep. This isn't even the first time I've taken off too many clothes in the doctor's office.

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  6. That is totally something that would happen to me.

    Although, when I had to have back surgery and was getting prepped for the OR the technicians were trying to be really careful of my modesty and not look when they had to poke, prod, or put those WAY TOO DAMN TIGHT stocking things on my legs. I told them that really, I didn't care and that while I did apologize for my so-white-I-can-signal-for-help-from-satellines-just-by-waving-my-hands lack of a tan, if mine was the first naked body they were seeing then I had more to worry about than just a little problem in my back.

    They laughed. I laughed. Then I winced. Then they told me to get on the table and wait for the nice anesthesiologist to come and make me not hurt anymore. I hobbled over and hopped up about as quickly as a motivated snail. I got there, anyway.

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    1. Yikes back surgery scares me, hope you're feeling better!

      And yeah normally I could not care less about doctors seeing whatever body parts necessary, which is why I had no compunctions in taking off all of my clothing. But the fall off the table combined with the fact that I was not wearing pants, not my cup of tea, haha.

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    2. Oh it was last fall and all is well now. Between that and the c-section for the baby I'm not sure there's any major body part that is now scar-free.

      Victory marks of a life well-lived, I think!

      Did you tell the tech that the mooning was a bonus and today only was free of charge?

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    3. I couldn't form any words at the time of the event, I so wish I had said something like that though.

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  7. Oh my goodness. I am dying of laughter right now. These type of embarrassing events, although not naked type events, have been happening to my friends and I in Spain. You have to just laugh it off. It makes for a great post though!

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    1. I'm working on the laughing it off thing. I'll get there eventually.

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  8. You poor sweet thing! I always try to keep on as many clothes as possible when donning a hospital gown. Whenever I go to the gynecologist, I wear the longest socks I can find so I feel less exposed. Most of my knee socks are brightly colored stripes, but if I'm going to be violated and felt up, at least I am concealing my ankles like a proper lady. At least your gall bladder is okay! Also, I can guarantee the tech didn't mind. Hospital people have to dis-impact so many bowels that any visit not involving feces is a success.

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    1. I'm not sure I've ever been so glad to be an Engineer. My job will never provoke me to say anything like that last sentence of yours.

      Although, I did just have a baby. I'm all up in the poop now. I even have discussions about poop with my boyfriend, the pediatrician (including a discussion of appropriate colors and how some of them look kinda good on the wall, right before you clean it up), and various family members.

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    2. Yeah the tech told me that other people have actually fallen off the table while getting on or off because it is so narrow and flimsy. But still, other people are not me. I really wish these things would only ever happen to other people.

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    3. Laura - I don't have a baby yet, obviously but Ryan and I have an unfortunate number of conversations about our dogs' poop since they're so little and every single thing they eat makes them sick.

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    4. I have a friend from high school who is a nurse and I've heard many poop stories. I also have several new parent friends and I've been regaled with tales of projectile pooping. My sister once ate a box of crayons and my mom took her to the pediatrician because of her oddly colored poop. I think it was the discovery of a partially digested crayola wrapper in the diaper that gave the true cause away. So. Good luck with the poop and the little one- and keep the baby away from crayons so you can avoid an unnecessary poop related doctor's visit.

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  9. Steph M.9/17/2012

    Oh my gosh, that is awful, AND totally something I would do!
    I had to get a few EKGs recently and encountered the same problem. The tech was talking, I zoned out, she came back in and I was wearing the paper vest and my underwear. The worst part was that she was so totally embarrassed for me which made me even more embarrassed. For now on, I'm taking off clothing layer by layer, as I'm told. Or you know, actually pay attention to what people are saying.

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    1. I'm so terrible at listening, Ryan is always yelling at me for it. But as of today, the zoning out has got to stop!

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  10. Bless your heart and all your vital organs! I thought I was the only person these things happened to! I had a mishap with an x-ray scan (or better yet the tech) this morning. I had to pull down a bra strap with the gown for a shoulder x-ray and had a "wardrobe malfunction". The poor guy got an eye full as he was adjusting the machine. I think he was a newbie, too!
    What is even better, is that the reason I was there is because my goat got out and when I was trying to get him back in the pin he damn near yanked my shoulder off with his horns. :(

    See, you don't feel so silly now do ya?

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    1. This is probably a terrible thing, but OHMYGOSH it makes me feel so much better that someone else was similarly embarrassed today. Hope your shoulder is ok and that your goat is safely in his pin.

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    2. He is. And pending MRI I get surgery. That sorry bastard. I went out to feed him yesterday and told him the next time he costs me this much I won't think twice about turning him into BBQ! Then he looked hurt, and I told him I was totally kidding. And I felt bad. Yes, I talk to my animals. Sad I know... My husband works long hours. haha

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    3. Haha when my husband worked nights the only thing that kept me from going insane was the fact that I had my dogs to talk to. Other people have suggested that the fact that I talked to my dogs during that time period proves that I had indeed actually gone insane. But those people are wrong.

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  11. If i had been that tech, i would have been laughing while trying to help you and make sure you were okay. It's just what i do when things get awkward, i laugh! Glad you only bruised your ego, I'm sure the doctor could prescribe something for that!

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    1. I actually would have preferred that she laughed! She was just concerned and reassuring, which made everything worse.

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  12. I did something almost as embarrassing! I was getting an exam and only needed to take off half my clothes, but I took everything off, including my bra and underwear. When I was about to cover myself and get on the table, I realized the cloth wasn't a gown but a little blanket smaller than a towel. I was like, WTF, how am I supposed to cover my whole 6 foot tall body with this?! So I tried to wrap it around myself like a towel with no luck. I pretty much just covered my front self and left my butt and back bare as I sat on the table. Then my doctor walked in with her assistant and a student and they all stopped as my doctor said, 'Oh God honey, I just needed your pants off!' Then they all left, the student totally embarrassed (maybe he hadn't seen a naked girl before?) while I got dressed. The saving grace is that I did not fall off the table like you did. I'm pretty sure I never would have gone back because you KNOW that lady that did your ultrasound was telling everyone about it after! =P

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    1. Haha that's hilarious! I feel your pain.

      I'm pretty sure I will never see that ultrasound technician every again in my life and for that I am forever grateful.

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  13. I saw where your story was going and clamped my hand over my mouth thinking "if I don't let the laugh out then she won't fall off the table". I'm sorry I giggled, and more sorry that you fell.

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    1. Oh don't be sorry that you giggled. I totally deserve to be giggled at. I'm the dummy who didn't listen to the tech. Someday I might even giggle at myself about this. Not today though. Today is reserved for feelings of humiliation and shame.

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  14. Oh bless your heart.

    I probably shouldn't have been eating lunch when I read that.

    I agree that brussel sprouts for lunch will not sure that. I'm thinking a cake. *A* cake.

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    1. Your comment made me want cake so now I have two pans of cake in the oven because I am making a chocolate layer cake filled with strawberries and covered in icing. And then I will eat it.

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  15. "Good job LAUREN" indeed! You have a talent for going over the top (or over the side, as the case may be). I think your blog/writing needs to make enough money so you can hire a full time body guard (to keep you safe from yourself!). Glad you're OK!

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    1. Haha Ryan sort of has the same bodyguard idea except he says I need to hire a nanny for myself. Someone to make sure I am getting all of my nutrients and bandage my knee when I fall off the swing in the park.

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  16. Haha that sounds like something I definitely could've done, too. But to be fair to you and all of us who only half-listen, they really should find a way to, I don't know, not have those hospital gowns be completely open in the back. And the ones that tie in the front are no better! They don't line up and so I inevitably end up with one boob out and then, like, my collarbone covered. Not really ideal, the hospital.

    I'm glad all checked out well!

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    1. Once I had a hospital gown that had three arm holes kind of like a wrap dress. Like you put it on normally and then wrapped the third armhole side around the front and over your arm. It was brilliant. Everything was covered and it was easy to unwrap when the doctor needed to examine something. I really don't know why all hospital gowns are not like that.

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  17. Anonymous9/17/2012

    Thanks for sharing your life's moments with us. Some posts will be sad, some will be touching, and some like today's will be funny (ok, maybe ALOT funny)...and at your expense. We've all been there, done that. What I do know is one day this will be a funny story to you. So take today to feel a little embarrassed. We're all here for you! Every post connects us to you, and you to us. And really, we're all in this together! Thanks again for making me smile today!

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    1. Thanks for reading! I'm glad I made you smile today. Maybe by the end of this week the events of this morning will make me laugh. For now, it's mainly just a lot of cringing...

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  18. I'm sorry I laughed, but I did and I am sure that now people at work would wonder about it, because I am sitting at my desk, and supposedly working.

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    1. Haha! That used to happen to me like a hundred times every day at work. Then I would just say things like "Isn't accounting amusing?" And everyone would give me weird looks and leave me alone.

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  19. Oh you poor thing! At least you are okay and it's nice to know that there is someone else in the world besides me that stuff like that happens to ;).

    P.S. thanks for also following me back on Twitter today too! :D

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    1. The fall really wasn't that bad, it sounds worse than it is. I probably could have climbed on the table without the help of the tiny stairs, so it really wasn't that high. It was just SO embarrassing. And Anytime!

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  20. this made me laugh in real life. I once took my friend to the doctor because she rolled her ankle or something and the nurse gave her a gown and told her to undress. so when the male DR. came in the room the first thing he said was why are you naked, you are here about your ankle right? Put your clothes on I'll be right back.

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    1. Glad I made you laugh! It's nice to know some other people have random shouldn't-have-gotten-naked-at-the-hospital stories too.

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  21. Anonymous9/17/2012

    The first time my partner and I were having sex (sneakily, in her parents' house) we went to roll over in the throes of passion and all that...right off the side of the bed into the bookshelf. CRASH!

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  22. Oh my God, I cannot stop laughing! I'm so glad I'm not the only person who doesn't listen to how much clothing they're supposed to take off and then panics once they leave the room.

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    1. So glad I made you laugh! And yes! I always panic and am like "wait, do I get to keep my bottoms on this time?"

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  23. Always worried about rolling myself off an exam table. So my slightly paranoid self puts a death grip on the table if they ask me to move at all until they're done with me. Could've been worse at least you weren't gassy when you took your tumble. Yet another fear I have when I get my annual gyno exams.

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    1. I've never worried about falling off an exam table until today. This one was like half the width of the normal ones and made out of aluminum foil and chewing gum. Super flimsy and tiny. It's totally not even my fault I fell.

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  24. Reasons why you should feel better:

    1) It totally wasn't your fault (stupid aluminium and chewing gum).
    2) Your tech wasn't a super dreamy Ryan Gosling-esque dude.
    3) I'm assuming your butt was clean. That would've been embarrassing if it wasn't.
    4) Your ass it probably super hot. Think about it. You're young, you're gorgeous. Tech was probably totally jealous!
    5) You won't see the technician ever again.
    6) You aren't on reality television!
    7) Your butt is probably one of the least-awkward experience that technician will have had all day!
    8) You aren't a member of the Royal Family; there will not likely be photos of your bum sold to the National Enquirer (wahoo)

    Ahh!

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    1. 1) Totally
      2) Thank GOD.
      3) Oh yes, I take exhaustive showers before any doctor's appt.
      4) I don't know about this one...
      5) Thank GOD.
      6) But one day I will be. When JT and I star in a show about our unlikely romance.
      7) Hopefully.
      8) I still wish I was a member of the Royal Family. I like their accents.

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  25. Hahahahaha see now when I go to the Dr I end up leaving too many clothes on. I had to get an ultrasound done of my chest once and so I left my bra and everything else on and just took the shirt off. The Dr came back and informed me the bra had to go. We argued over why and how she could not do her job if I was wearing a bra. Sadly, she won. I'm always afraid after I'm just going to forget to put everything back on and just waltz right out for everyone to see :(

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    1. One time I left my tank top in the GYN office and didn't realize until later that night. And then I was too embarrassed to call and ask if they had it so I wrote it off as gone. The next time I had an appointment, they handed me my tank top.

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  26. Hah! This story made me feel much better about my day. Nothing bad happened really...it's just a good day nothing like this happened.

    Glad your parts are a-okay.

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    1. I am glad to be assistance!

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  27. Ohgod. The samethingonlydifferent happened to me during a massage. I disrobed totally and was asked to please put my undergarments back on. Asking to take more clothes off? Never embarrassing. Asking the perv to please put her clothes back on? Always embarrassing. My thoughts go out to you in this time.

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    1. Haha, that's weird though right? I'm not a huge massage person but the few times I've gone I've taken at least my bra off, otherwise do they just massage around it?

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  28. Now that I know you're okay. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

    Going to the doctor never ends well for me. Apparently sarcasm doesn't translate when you're wearing a dress made out of half-ply toilet paper. On my recent visit to my GP I complained of feeling a "lump" in my throat. Turns out it's the gift that keeps on giving...acid reflux. (I know...gross...sorry.) Shaking his head, the doctor informed me that I would have to "swallow the snake" to confirm the diagnosis. I laughed in that way that says.."wow, that was kinda funny. normally you are not a person I find funny. i am incredulous and yet impressed", and said "Nice one. I'm going to have to put that in my blog." Bad move. I had to spend the next ten minutes reassuring him that "yes, I know you didn't mean anything by it" and "no, I won't put it in my blog, I promise.". Sheesh.

    Glad all is okay Lauren!

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    1. Oh I totally get the blog thing. I spend like hours every week promising friends that some of their more ridiculous antics will not make their way into the blog. I'm constantly scared that people will stop being ridiculous around me.

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  29. Lauren, I think you know at this point I love you. Even more so now.

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    1. Why thank you Heather, I quite adore you as well.

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  30. Think of it this way, at least you gave that technician a great story to tell in the lunch room!

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    1. ::sigh:: I suppose...haha.

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  31. I just found your blog and man am I glad I did. Your writing style is awesome and this post gave my eyes the twitch. You know the twitch where you are laughing so hard that your eyes try to close but you resist because you don't want to lose your place in the paragraph.
    At least you gave the hospital staff something to talk about today. ;)

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    1. So glad you've made your way here Crystal! And so happy to have made you laugh!

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  32. Anonymous9/17/2012

    Would you say you were a bit gobsmacked?

    I had to. I'm sorry.

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    1. More than a bit, I had to admit.

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  33. Thanks for sharing. I kind of wish medical professionals would join in the laughter sometimes tho. I mean, you know they are doing it when you leave so why, when we make a joke of embarassing things happening to us, don't they just commiserate and chuckle along with us? I had an internal ultrasound done with 2, that's right TWO, techs in the room watching as I hoisted myself up on the table while trying to keep the gown closed (no steps for me). And then watching as I had to wedge that damn wedge under my hips to get the correct tilt. And then do the insertion myself (for legal reasons, I don't think they are supposed to) and then while one moved it around the other watched while I started to say just stupid stuff because who expects to be in that situation? I sure didn't! I went in for a regular ultrasound and was told I was getting an internal too. Lucky me. But wait folks, it's not over yet......I then was told that I had to go empty my bladder again because she couldn't get a good view. I had been drinking water like a drowning person for the "regular" ultrasound and this chick was all put out because she sprung an internal one on me and was shocked that my bladder was filling up so fast. This happened TWICE!!! I had to get off the table get dressed again, go down the hall to the bathroom, head back and unrobe, wait for them to come in, and RE-INSERT. But she took so long to get back to the room my bladder was full again and so I said "Listen, you need to be here when I get back so you can get started right away." And she was the second time but still. It was not amusing at the time. I can see the humor now, and honestly, the telling is better in person but you get the idea. So, really, your thing wasn't all that bad in the grand scheme of things, Lauren. And I hope that all the stories that have been shared have made you feel less embarassed. And I am sure your catlike reflexes both impressed and awed your tech.

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    1. Haha cat-like reflexes, not so much. My monkey arms did manage to keep my face from smacking the ground though, so that's something. I've had the internal ultrasound done as well, when I had my ovarian cysts, such a weird and awkward experience, I don't care if they do that stuff everyday. (Your story made me giggle though, sorry, I'm a terrible terrible person.)

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  34. Hahaha oh man I can picture it. I always feel so akward when they tell me to disrobe. And I always feel like they're not specific enough. I end up having to take more off when they come back into the room. Hope you weren't too em-bar-assed!

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    1. One time I was told to disrobe completely but that I could leave my socks on. And I was like, psssh, please, I did not just get a pedicure this morning for nothing. So I took those off too. I feel like you and I err on different sides of caution. Haha.

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  35. Veronica9/18/2012

    Haha, oh no. This sounds like something I would do. I also have a huuuge problem with zoning out. I'll spend five minutes on the phone with customers only to hang up and have no mother loving clue what they were talking about. I'm going to have to quit this habit before I end up in a situation like yours!

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    1. Seriously! Quit! I'm warning you!

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  36. My husband rolled off a stretcher in the ER when the doc told him to turn over. But he was drunk!

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    1. I so wish I had had like a mimosa or a bloody mary or something that morning for breakfast so I could say the same. Alas though, I just had chocolate milk with whipped cream.

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  37. Oh Lauren, I'm sorry to laugh at your pain, but I really did giggle at this one. Not at you, more with you because this is precisely the type of thing that happens to me.
    I seem to be having this thing recently where I go into the doctor and ask them to see something and they write down something compeletely different - I went in to see them about a lump on my head and they told me to see the nurse the next day. I came back the next day and the nurse told me to take my underwhere off asked why I wanted a smear done... I told her I was there about a lump on my head and she sighed and said 'right, pull your jeans up, lets have a look at your head then...'

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    1. And now I'm laughing, not at you, with you. Because in college one time I was accidentally almost given a breast exam when the doctor had specifically ordered an EKG. That nurse was very apologetic.

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  38. Anonymous9/18/2012

    Hey I had to go to the hospital for pain under my rib cage a few months ago. If you still have the pain it might be what they determined I had - apendegitis which has the most embarrassing medical explanation ever. Apparently you have...fatty sacs...on your colon. And one of those sacs gets twisted and then it causes pain in your pelvis up to your chest? I don't know - look it up! I hope you feel better.

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    1. I'm already feeling much better after just being on prescription strength Prilosec for like a week, so turns out, probably heartburn or acid reflux or something. I'm totally still looking up this apendegitis thing though, since I had never before heard of it and need to add it to my mental list of things that explain future symptoms.

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  39. I zone out a lot as well, which is awkward when receiving instructions, especially vis-a-vis clothing removal for medical purposes. Well done on keeping cool!

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  40. Just a word of warning. If you for some reason need to have your gallbladder removed be very careful. The bed they wheel you into the OR on is nice and comfy but the table they move you to for the actual surgery is super skinny. Like your arms will fall off the sides. They didn't tell me whis when they moved me but luckily the nurse helped steady me as I started to roll to one side. Then they put these things up like the extra parts you add to your dining room table when you have company. Then they put you to sleep really quick so you don't care anymore.

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    1. I think I probably get to keep my gallbladder at this point, but I remember those tiny little table from when I got my tonsils out in college. Luckly, I didn't have to flip for that one.

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  41. Meh. As a nursing student, I can tell you that I'm positive that tech has seen worse things. A small, cleanly person's butt is probably a nice reprieve from what they normally have to deal with. Oh, and don't feel bad that she didn't laugh it off. Healthcare worker's brains are reprogrammed to not find amusement in situations where other people would be forced to giggle uncontrollably. Please imagine having to say things like, "Can you tell me exactly where you inserted this object? Can you describe the consistency of your last bowel movement? I'm sure that your genitals will be back to normal within a few hours." on a daily basis. Not much phases us.

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    1. Yeah she didn't seem phased, just more worried that I may have hurt myself falling from the table. And I kept telling myself that she'd seen worse (and honestly I'm not even sure how much she saw as we were on opposite side of the table) but my brain just kept insisting that I be mortally embarrassed.

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  42. So I just finished this super long chain letter type post about blog awards. I'm sure they are relatively meaningless, but as my favorite blogger, you win them too. Yay for major awards! (We can tell ourselves they are MAJOR, can we not?)

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    Replies
    1. Oh definitely MAJOR. As a warning though, I am total crap at accepting awards. Let's hope I never win an Oscar or something.

      WHAT!? No, never mind, don't hope that.

      Delete
    2. Oh and THANKS! Duh.

      Delete
  43. @kbo23859/19/2012

    I went to the doctor yesterday after reading this post. The nurse handed me a gown and no undressing instructions. Immediately I thought to myself, "oh god I'm going to have a Lauren moment". Luckily I did not roll off the table and I chose to keep my underoos on.

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    1. I'm both sad that I can't tell myself that the exact same thing happened to someone else and happy that you didn't have a "Lauren Moment." Isn't is really sad that all of my moments are "Lauren Moments"?

      Delete
    2. @kbo23859/19/2012

      Take comfort that you didn't graze the doctor's face as you practically jumped off the table yelling obscenities when he cauterized outside the numbed area. I had to apologize profusely. We all are crazy in our own special way.

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    3. Oh man if someone cauterized my unnumbed skin, I probably would do exactly the same. That sounds terribly painful.

      Delete
  44. Best. Show. Ever. (referring to title). Life lesson learned!

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    Replies
    1. Yes, it seriously is. Ryan and I are currently rewatching it in preparation of the upcoming fourth season and movie.

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  45. I can't read your blog in my office anymore. I laughed a little too loudly when I got to the fall and someone actually poked their head in to see if I was alright. Which actually concerned me - why would my laughing cause someone concern about my well-being?? I'm not sure if that says something about them or me and now I'll ponder that the rest of the day ...

    When I'm not chuckling at your story. Thanks for the smile!

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    Replies
    1. My coworkers used to do the same thing! They would be like 'You ok over there Lauren?" And I would think, huh, that's weird. And then remember that accountants tend to be boring and probably are unused to the sound of laughter. (I am allowed to say that because of how I am an accountant. Also, not all accountants are boring, some are delightful.)

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  46. You poor thing. Watch you end up behind said technician at the grocery store next week. And same as toast always falls sticky side down, of course you had to fall cheeks out and on all fours. And ask me how loud I laughed when I read your comment that you farted during a sit-up in gym class...don't ask me, I'm still laughing...lol

    My best, Lynn

    ReplyDelete

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