Sidenote: Did anyone else just see that first line and then immediately think of Buster in Arrested Development saying "Heyyyy Brother" and then get scarily excited for the fortieth time that the show is coming back?
Has anyone in this family ever even seen a chicken?
But moving on. Ryan didn't go to work today. Because it's Shark Week and he's got sharks to watch people! So he didn't have to get up before dawn this morning. Which meant he was still in bed when I woke up. And then I was sitting in bed answering emails/comments and trying to think of clever things to tweet (no success) and he started twitching like crazy. (Later I learned he was having a dream about playing volleyball.)
As I sat there watching him flail about I started giggling because his twitchiness brought to mind nothing more than the image of my little Daisy dog dreaming about chasing a bunny. (I just assume that is what she dreams about.)
|This is Daisy with her Lucky. She thinks Lucky is a real puppy and she gives him baths and tries to feed him by dropping him in her food bowl. They sleep together every single night.|
I shall list some of them for you now.
The Top Five Ways Ryan Is Similar To A Lapdog Named Daisy
1. Like Ryan, Daisy is usually without a shirt. Though Ryan wants me to mention in his defense that at least he is always top-clad when he is in public and Daisy "almost never is."
Sidenote: As Ryan is home from work today, he is just lolling about bothering me and trying to read over my shoulder so I told him to GO AWAY. So he went into the kitchen to eat a plum and I guess I was staring at him intently trying to think of ways he and the dog are the same and he was all like "Stop undressing me with your eyes LAUREN." And I was like "Please Ryan, if anything I was adding more clothes." And then he snorted with indignance and went upstairs.
2. They both snort when offended. Seriously. Whenever I try to make Daisy jump into the car on her own she just looks up at me and snorts like "Please Mother. I don't know about you, but I for one am a lady. And ladies only enter vehicles on the arm of someone else."
And then I say to Ryan, "Did she just insinuate that I am a tramp?" And Ryan is like "I would have no idea, I don't participate in the conversations you have in your head with the dogs. Now can you please get into the car, we're going to be late." And I am like "Come over here and hand me into the car, Daisy is watching." And Ryan is all "No." And I am all "Every single freaking day you manage to do something worse than Mr. Darcy."
|And I try SO HARD to be more like Elizabeth Bennet too. For example, my hair looks exactly like that right now.|
4. They both hate going outside in the rain. I have to physically shove Daisy out the door when it's raining and I have to play mental puppet master with Ryan to get him to take the garbage out when there is water falling from the sky.
I just stand at the window and sigh and say things like "Oh dear. I was going to ask you to run the garbage out but it appears to be raining. And I would hate it if your mascara started to run or if you muddied the hem of your ball gown."
And then he is like "What the hell are you talking about, I don't care about the rain." And then he takes the garbage out.
But really if I had just asked normally the conversation would have gone more like this:
Lauren: Hey Ry? I made fish for dinner so can you take the garbage out now before the whole house starts to smell like fish?
Ryan: Now? But it's raiiinnniinnnngg.
5. Both Daisy and Ryan are easily mollified with treats. Like sometimes I have to wash Daisy's Lucky since her tongue baths leave a little to be desired. And at first she will sit at the washing machine and whine. Until I give her a doggy treat. Then she is like "Fuck Lucky, I've got a cookie."
The same works with Ryan. Like one time we were giving my sister our old laptop for college when we got a new one and because I was embarrassed about the quality of music in all of the playlists titled things like"Lauren's Disco Gym Playlist" and "Lauren Rocks Out While Scrapbooking" I went through and changed all of the "Lauren's" to "Ryan's" before I handed the computer over. And then everyone in my family teased Ryan for WEEKS about his lame playlists and he was a bit..miffed..with me. But then I made him chocolate chip cookies and everything was forgiven.
There are countless other things, they are both suckers for a good massage (Ryan actually just left to go get a massage because I am "stressing him out") and they both run to the door when the mailman gets here, Daisy because she wants to eat the mailman and Ryan because he wants to see if his new slippers have arrived for example, but five seems like a good round number, so I'll leave it there.
Having a good week so far Blogstalkers? What's going on in your worlds?