(Not Even A Little Bit) Mostly Wordless Wednesday - Shark Attack

Happy Hump(back Whale) Day Blogstalkers!

WOW.  I really need to learn when to just let a pun go.  Sorry about that.

As many of you know, last week was Shark Week on The Discovery Channel.  My husband loves Shark Week because, you know, non-stop programming about people getting eaten by sharks and almost constant reprises of the Jaws Theme, what's not to love?

This year was particularly painful as there was this one program Ryan made me watch about a shark called the Megalodon, which apparently is prehistoric and could get up to the size of a fucking cruise ship.  I have never been so happy to have not been born during the time of the dinosaurs.  UNLESS (and bear with me a moment here, I'm not great at prehistoric history) would that mean I would have been, as some sort of predecessor of human kind, like a monkey?  

Actually...still no.

But moving on, (wow I am so good at these "mostly wordless" posts huh?)

This year in honor of Shark Week, or rather as something to get me through the horror that is Shark Week, I hatched a tiny plot, a 12lb dog-sized plot.  And then I went on the internet and ordered a shark costume for my ridiculously dainty dog Daisy and sat down and drew out schematics for what I had started calling "When Poodles Attack Ryan"

Then early last Friday morning, I snuck out of bed with the rising of the sun and stole away to prepare for the morning's probable bloodshed.  I readied Rimsky-Korsakov's "Flight of the Bumblebee" (my chosen theme song) on YouTube and strapped my dog into her terrifying new togs while explaining to her that today she was a ferocious man-eating beast and should act as such and stop trying to lick my eyeballs.



Positively fizzing with nervous excitement I scooped up my dog and my computer and rushed back to the bedroom.  I hit Play on the song, flung open the door, tossed a small shark-clad dog on the bed and yelled SHARK ATTACK!

And then Daisy kissed Ryan to death and didn't even bite him ONCE even though I was in the corner yelling things like, "No not kisses!  Eat him!  Get his nose!" and my plan was foiled.

Ryan has rules about what pictures I can and can not post on the internet so unfortunately I don't have any pictures of the actual event (which was pathetic by the way DAISY.)  But here a few shots of my dog dressed as a shark.

Hi I'm Daisy.  Sure I may look barbarous, brutal and blood-thirsty, but...
But really I am a delicate little flower and I am only doing this because Lauren promised me treats.
I hardly think you deserved this Daisy, but a promise is a promise, so whatever.

 There are so many more words than pictures in this post.


59 comments:

  1. hahahaha love it!! Daisy is soo cute!!

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    1. Thanks! She often gets treats for obeying the command "Look Cute."

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  2. Why is Nemo in Shark Daisy's bowl?! "Fish are friends, not food..." If you're a shark in a self help group. If you're a Katie, fish are icky when live and delicious when dead. I'm guessing from Shark Daisy's attitude toward Ryan that Nemo isn't in any real danger though...

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    1. Yeah Daisy doesn't even try to kill her toys. She gives them baths. I can't believe I have managed to raise such a ridiculously well-behaved dog. The only thing she's ever eaten beside her food is my wallet when she was a puppy.

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    2. The good news is that you'll never get sued for Daisy biting a small child. The bad news is that she'll never attack Ryan's nose on command. Catch 22.

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    3. She's actually terrified of small children for the moment. When we're out walking and one approaches she tries to like, crawl under my skin. So that's something to deal with in the future.

      Catch 22 indeed.

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  3. That is one adorable shark!

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    1. Yeah..sadly she was just terrible at being ferocious.

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  4. I'm glad you didn't try to do this BEFORE you quit your job. Otherwise Ryan might have added it to the list, and that would have just been sad. I'm sure there are a million more occasions a plan of this magnitude could be tailored to. Pilgrims and Indians on Thanksgiving? Scary Halloween Monsters? Cindy LouHoo and the Grinch? Possibilities = Endless.

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    1. I was just telling Ryan last night that his list was pointless basically since there's no way he could possibly nix each specific thing I have planned for this year. He would have to write down every ridiculous thing ever thought up on the list.

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  5. Daisy is so cute as a tiny shark. I'm sad I didn't get to meet her. :)

    FYI: my cat is (without being fat) larger than Daisy! :D

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    1. Yeah Daisy is the tiniest most ridiculous dog ever. She's a great little city dog though!

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  6. Lauren, I cannot even BELIEVE that you posted about Megalodon today. My friend just got back from a trip to the Smithsonian where her husband (who has bizarre taste in museum exhibits, I must say) dragged her to both the Megalodon skull exhibit (think huge, teeth-teeming jaws opened wide enough for you to (literally) drive a VW through) and the Titanoboa exhibit (huge pre-historic snake). I have photos of both if you're interested, but be prepared to be terrified and/or skeeved. In shark-related news, I rented a beach house at this charming town in NJ where I happily take myself every summer. Another friend (with whom I share the house and who is lucky enough to work for herself and can stay down there for the entire month instead of dragging herself wearily back and forth to Philadelphia) was walking on the beach on Monday and saw a SHARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Actually, she saw a shark fin, but it was attached to a SHARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! People keep asking me if I'm sure it wasn't a dolphin, but we see dolphins all the time and there were guys out there giving surfing lessons who saw the beast itself and brought the kids in and then collapsed white-faced and shaking on the beach and then the lifeguards made everyone come out of the water. When I told my boss about the shark-sighting (he and his family have a house in the same town), he made it worse by telling me about something called rogue sharks which are sharks that have "acquired a taste for human flesh" and "leave their natural feeding grounds to prey on humans" and how there was a rogue shark in NJ in 1916 and how there are always sharks several miles off the shore in NJ and then I had to hang up the phone and put my head between my knees. Apparently there was also a show during Shark Week about rogue sharks. You may want to ask Ryan, but if it were me, I wouldn't because I think we need to pretend such things don't exist.

    Also, don't you love how long this comment is? I don't even know you, but I'm positive we're kindred spirits when it comes to sharks and that you will be suitably impressed by these important matters.

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    1. So yeah on the Megalodon show I was forced to watch, they recreated the jaws of the thing using STEEL because that was what comes the closest strength wise. And then they made the giant jaws bite giant things in half. It was positively horrifying. Before today I had never heard of a Titanoboa and I am going to pretend like that is still the case.

      When Ryan and I were in Hawaii last year the beach we were on actually closed because of a Tiger Shark sighting. We were assured that the Tiger Shark was just looking for somewhere to give birth, but STILL.

      And I do love long comments! And the phrase "kindred spirits" as it always brings Anne Shirley of Green Gables to mind.

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    2. Titanoboa? I read that and right away picture a girls first day at stripper school excitedly reporting back to her mom via phone "and then they want me to show titanoboa!"
      "What? Back in my day we always had a boa!"
      (Sorry, my mind goes to weird places)
      By the by, I'm from Prince Edward Island and live just by Ann Shirley's house. But I don't drink any of that Cherry Cordial crap...blech.

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  7. Anonymous8/22/2012

    Your post made me think of Jenna Marbles' Landshark video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swsEvb2yytU

    And if you haven't watched any of her videos before, I hope you didn't have grand plans for the rest of your day!

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    1. Ahh yes, Jenna Marbles and I are old friends...well not so much friends as I stalk her videos every week and she doesn't know I exist.

      I don't know that I've seen that one though, off to watch!

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  8. Was her treat the fishie!? Did Ryan know you took on of his fishies? I know you said he loves those kind. Now I feel like a stalker...sorry. :-D

    Your pup is ADORABLE! I bought a Dino costume for my cat...but it was to big for him. :-( He would have been so scary though...

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    1. Yep! (Well in actuality I gave her some sweet potato, but I figured the Nemo doll would be more along the lines of something a SharkDog would want as a treat.)

      And yeah, the reason we even have that Nemo is because Ryan bought it for "the dogs" at Disney World.

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  9. LOL!!!! What a great idea! Ryan must have been super siked to have Shark Week brought to his very home. You are truly a loving wife. :)

    Hugs!!

    Valerie

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    1. Aren't I though? I made him sushi later that night to apologize for the small SharkDog in his bed.

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  10. Veronica Tumavicus8/22/2012

    Sooo cute. Cutest thing I have seen all day!

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    1. I am off to tell Daisy you said that at once. It will make her little doggy day.

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  11. Since you already established that Daisy was not ferocious, I think that Ryan and the fish snack were probably licked to death.
    Costume is so cute indeed.

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    1. Yep ::sigh:: an attack dog she is not.

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  12. Bahhhhhahahahahaha..... Absolutely pee-your-pants funny!!!

    You're a total nutcase, Lauren.

    And I love it. :)

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    1. Why thank you *takes a bow*

      Is it weird that I think the word "nutcase" is a compliment?

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  13. Anonymous8/22/2012

    My friend has the exact same breed of dog and her name is Daisy and they have another the sister named Lily! Too cute

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    1. What kind of breed is your friend's dog? People think Daisy is a Shitzu or Shi Poo or Malti Poo all the time but she's really half Lhasa Apso and half Poodle or Lhasa Poo. We almost never meet any other dogs of the same breed, it would be crazy if your friend's dog actually was the same breed with the same name!

      And I don't have a Lily, but I have a Zooey (like gooey with a Z)

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  14. That was an amazing scheme. And an adorable shark costume. Sorry you didn't get more mayhem and violence. Would perhaps throwing doggie treats at Ryan have helped?

    In other news, a quick Google search reveals that HOLY CRAP there are a lot of varieties of adorable pet costumes. I quite like the dog-lobster.

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    1. I know! I'm saving the lobster costume for when I have a baby and then I am going to dress up as a chef and dress my baby up as a lobster and carry the baby around in a huge metal pot all night. I am going to be such a good parent.

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  15. I share Ryan's love for SHARK WEEK!!!! And if I had a dog I would completely steal your idea of dog in costume, throw on bed to devour husband!

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    1. You Shark Week-lovers are just nutso, let me say that right now. I am terrified for like the whole week and I live nowhere near an Ocean.

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  16. Michelle8/22/2012

    I love this. Love this, love this, love this.

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  17. Unfortunately, I don't have a dog (yet!) to dress up and use to attack my husband. There are my cats, but one would be like, "Oh, fuck no am I getting in that costume." The other one would have been on board but when I threw him on the bed he would have either just licked my husband's head or plopped himself over so he could get his armpits scratched. Hopefully, our future dog is a little more helpful in the crazy antics category.

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    1. I have two dogs and my other dog hates costumes and just runs in circles biting at itself until it gets the costume off. And Daisy of course will wear the costumes but is just terrible at "getting into character." She should never quit her day job to become an actress.

      And as far as I've witnessed all dogs are crazy while they are still puppies. I often wish I had taken advantage of that craziness a little bit more. Now my dogs are like "Please MOTHER we are four years old and thus much too old to do anything fun."

      Good luck with your future dog!

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    2. Note to self: Start planning shenanigans now so crazy puppy moods can be fully taken advantage of....

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  18. Anonymous8/22/2012

    Love the costume, but am really just commenting on the fact that the video you posted is photoshopped. Just kidding, I know you can't photoshop videos, but geez... That is some crazy piano playing!!!

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    1. Right!? That song has always astounded me. I played piano for 15 years and there is no way I would ever have even been able to do that like half speed. People are crazy talented.

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  19. What an adorable little dog! I see other paws in the one photo, I'm guessing you have 2 dogs? What breed(s)?

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    1. Yep two dogs. Daisy is a Lhasa Poo and Zooey (like Gooey with a Z) is a Cockapoo. We had to wait to find poodle mixes because Ryan is allergic to most other dogs. Or at least says he is.

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    2. My husband won't let the cat on the bed because of his alleged "allergy" but that sure doesn't stop him from picking her up and rubbing his face in her fur (with no ill effects, I might add).

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  20. My dog pees when we put anything on her. The cats hiss. My 10 year old daughter, however, puts on a penguin suit and dances for birthdays at our house. She also stands in the driveway sometimes and dances as the neighbors come home from work.

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  21. All I hear when looking at these pictures is "rawr"

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  22. This sounds like something my Pomeranian Columbia would do. Instead of attacking she would kiss my hubby to death LOL.

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  23. The Nemo in the dog bowl definitely got a laugh out loud from me. Nicely done.

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  24. i really want to recreate this with our similar-to-daisy-only-in-disposition-doberman. maybe i'll smear peanut butter on fiancé before i spring the 'attack' on him... now to figure out a reasonable explanation for "hold on let me smear peanut butter on you for no foreseeable reason."

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  25. If you read my blog last week I totally talked about Shark Week and how much it terrifies me. However, when I see pictures of Daisy dressed like one it makes Shark Week WAY more palatable!!! Love it. Oh, I mean, Daisy is terrifying and now I'm even more scared of sharks than I was.

    Love love love it!

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  26. Am I the only one that thinks the photo looks like a vicious shark ate an adorable dog?! She really is too cute.

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  27. Anonymous8/23/2012

    Ok Where did you get that costume? I need one for my puppy! And I am totally stealing your idea.

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  28. I, too, am a delicate flower and am constantly reminding my teammates whenever we have a soccer game in the rain...which, being from Seattle, is a LOT! Daisy is such a cute pup.

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  29. Troy won't let me put Optimus in costumes. I have even bought him sports jerseys. Troy says that big dogs look ridiculous in clothes, while it is acceptable for little dogs. So unfair.

    This happened to me last week:

    http://barnesdailycircus.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-failed-sales-pitch.html

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  30. I am killed ded from teh kyoooot! Your pup slays me with her adorableness! Also, I am in love with your flooring pattern. Your ideas are the best!

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  31. Melina8/23/2012

    No daisy! Fish are friends, not food!!

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  32. My coworkers PVR-ed those movies! My personal favorite was megashark vs crocosaurus. Urkel was in it, whats not to love?

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  33. Anonymous8/26/2012

    Learn about how my friend's one day with a Buddhist monk changed his life, helped him become a CEO and redefined his idea of success:
    http://www.nextgreatestspeaker.com/profile.cfm?aid=72

    ReplyDelete
  34. Lisa S8/27/2012

    Is that video sped up?! Her speed is insane.

    I saw a costume like that and wished I had a dog, which is rare for me. But I love sharks. Every year, I hear people talking about Shark Week and bemoan the fact that I don't get the Discovery Channel.

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