I Really Should Stop Calling These Wordless Wednesdays - The Day I Knew I Had Found My Best Friend Soulmate And Other Random Things.

Hi Blogstalkers!

I'm in such a good mood today!  It's in the 70s here (for now) and it almost feels like Fall.  And if it's almost Fall you know what that means, Winter is just around the corner.  Which means snowflakes and mittens and carols and drinking German beer in Daley Plaza for Christkindlmarket.  I can hardly wait!

These mittens in particular.  Ryan recently gave them to me and now I am just dying to have a reason to wear them.  I used them to get ice cream out of the freezer just yesterday.
I'm also in a good mood because I got a package in the mail yesterday from lovely Blogstalker Melissa.

And it was covered in awesomeness.
It was almost too pretty to open.  But open it I did.  And inside was THIS.  Ryan is going to be so displeased!!

Now she just needs a name.
 In case you are wondering why Melissa sent me this print, I will tell you the story now.  This April I got my first ever piece of hate mail.  And then I posted this status on Facebook.

Its Really very lovely to check your personal mail at lunch and find you've received hate mail.

It turns out that I "suck" and my blog "sucks". Also I always say things that I "think are funny but actually suck."

I'd be more upset if the email wasn't so well-written.

And then a bit later I posted this status on Facebook.

Choice morsels from today's hate mail.

"Subject Line: The Cardinals Don't Stink"

"You cant just say something on the internet and then it is automaticaly true."

"Didnt you ever see Babmi? If you cant say anything nice then don't say anything at all."

I think someone was hurt over the picture I posted of me on the blog as a child with the "Cards Stink" sign.

And since I already owed Melissa a tentacle for something I don't remember, probably making me wet my pants from laughing too hard, she posted this on my wall.

I am naming the first tentacle that you send me "Babmi" 

Babmi will be my "touched in the head" tentacle. by far my most irksome, irrational, and irresponsible tentacle.

btw, I am already planning on poking people with Babmi, then when they turn around and look at me, I will say "didn't you see Babmi?" <------direct quote from your first piece of hate mail. I am the best Blogstalker EVER ;)

And then I flaked and never sent Melissa her tentacle.  So she posted this on my wall.

"I remember all my life
oceans that were cold as ice
shadowed tentacles
lie beneath the sand
the night goes into morning,
just another day
happy fishies pass my way
looking in fish eyes
I see a memory I never realized
how happy you made me
Oh, Babmi"
you were a tentacle that gave without takin',
but Lauren never sent you my way, oh Babmi,
she thought there was a chance you were justin timbertentacle,
and I missed you today, oh babmi"

I messed up on some lyrics, bc Josh decided there was a limit on how many times I could replay this Barry Manilow song to get my remix right. That's right, I made you a Manilow remix. It's about how I'd like my tentacle to come in the mail? ;) :)

And so, because of the incredible Manilow remix and because of how I felt terrible for not sending anyone their promised tentacles (I'm sure I still owe some of you tentacles right?) I not only sent Melissa her tentacle, I did her one better.

I had Jenny 'The Bloggess' Lawson sign it when I hung out with her in Chicago this summer first.

And then Melissa sent me an Octopus-creature print in thanks.  The End.  Isn't that the happiest story ever?  Its beauty and truth bring tears to my eyes.

Moving on...

The one picture I was actually going to post today for this weeks Mostly Wordless Wednesday (who am I kidding, there is no way I'm going to ever be able to be wordless,) is this one.

Your eyes are not deceiving you.  This is a peanut shaped like a duck.
The story of how I got this duck-shaped peanut is as follows.  My senior year of college my parents took Vanessa and me to a Cubs game.  It was the first time my parents had ever met Vanessa.  She and I, at this point, are definitely friends, but in a more casual way.

At one point in the game my mom is all like "Oh look! This peanut is sort of shaped like a duck! How cute!"  And then she moves the hand holding the peanut toward her mouth.

As if in slow motion I see Vanessa lunge across me to grab the nut out of my mother's hand, "You give me that Duck Nut!" she shouts.

Having rescued the small duck Vanessa settles back into her seat.  Then she hands me the little thing and says, "Here, please keep this safe," and goes back to watching the game as if nothing untoward has just happened.

Tears spring to my eyes.  "Yeah, you two are going to be friends for a long time, " my mom remarks from my side.

"I know," I whisper reverently in return.

And here we are six years later.

This is a very bad picture of my hips.  I blame how I am sitting on the fence.


  1. Anonymous8/29/2012

    I like your version of Wordless Wednesdays.


  2. If it weren't sourced from such a glorious friendship genesis story, I would use "Duck Nut" as my new insult.

    I might have to use it anyway.

    "Hold it right there, Duck Nut, I had dibs on the last piece of cheese."

    "Stop being such a Duck Nut and give me back my cheese."

  3. I think... I think that your new photo should be Emperor Octapus Caesar, because I sense an innate majesty about him/her. Plus, I think "Octapus" as a language is pretty close to Latin.

    1. I lied. I obviously meant SHE should be named EMPRESS Octapus Caesar, because of her ladylike tentacles. How did I miss that?!

  4. Mary P8/29/2012

    I'm glad that something as wonderful as the tentacle story (and subsequent Barry Manilow reference) came out of getting hate mail.

    Long live Babmi!

    BTW, I too will have to use "duck nut" as a new insult. It's child safe.

  5. Shannon S.8/29/2012

    An Epcot picture! Woo-hoo!

    Such a cute story. If that isn't how lifelong friendships are formed, I don't know what is.

  6. Anonymous8/29/2012

    Wonderfully Wordful Wednesday, more like! Lovely!

  7. Ashley8/29/2012

    I love those gloves. I've only been near Chicago once - meaning I drove near the airport at 35mph because I was scared about how many lanes of traffic there were - so I always imagine the city is...edgy. With, like, people attacking one another for a cab. So anything that gives you an advantage in hailing a cab is awesome, right?

  8. Oh, you make me giggle. I have one of those delightful tentacles - you sent it in the prize package. I use it to tick off the cats.

    Some people are just sucky and mean. They can't produce constructive criticism or have civilized debates. I like to give those people the finger.

  9. Lisa S8/29/2012

    Both of those stories are extremely happy. Makes me jealous I don't have tentacles though.

    It's OK that you can't be wordless. We love your words.

  10. I have to agree with anonymous up there, I love your version of wordless wednesdays the best!
    My BFF and i have been bff's for exactly 10 years today. when we first started hanging out my mom said it was going to be a good friendship cause we are the same kinda crazy. she was right. at the moment she's obsessed with owls, so we spend a lot of time coming up with Owly names. I got her one a few months ago that we called Owlphelia. I think your octopus could be named Octavio, octopus and Octavio and octagon, all mean eight! okay, that might be too obvious. :)

  11. Great post!

    And (as if you don't already know), your blog most certainly does not suck. How do I know? Because I read it. And I do not read blogs that suck.

    And even though it was in the past, I just recently found you, so I never got to stick my tongue out at your hate-emailer, so


  12. I just laughed out loud twice at the duck nut story- once reading it, then reading it out loud to my husband. Who gave it an "mm-hmmm."

    Men. No sense of humour, I tell you.

  13. Duck nuts are far too fancy for eating :-)

  14. Michelle8/29/2012

    This post made me smile for a multitude of reasons. I am so glad you are making this the Year of Lauren right as I go back to the new school year (HS teacher) because you give me funny things to read when I need a break. (Which is often.)

    The Duck Nut is the best thing ever.

  15. Okay, we're too much alike! There are zillions of similarities so far - marrying my high school/only sweetheart, he thinks I'm crazy and wanders around shirtless, etc. - but I kid you not, I have a duck-shaped peanut. His name escapes me for the moment since I'm a terrible duck nut mother, but he lives in a box I made out of those magazine subscription cards when I found him and was short on duck nut shelter resources.

    I don't know if I've ever written anything that sounds more insane. Regardless, I adore your blog and can't wait to hear more from you!

  16. You had me at duck nut. Actually you had me from Babmi...I can't stop laughing over that one. One of those starts out like a chuckle and ends up with me throwing my head back kind of laughs. I applaud Vanessa on her Duck Nut saving skills. Real friends don't let other friend's moms eat Duck Nuts.

  17. It's like you're soul mates! When you bond over a duck shaped peanut, I'm pretty sure that's what happens.

  18. I can't handle the perfection of the phrase, "Give me that Duck Nut!" I want to be able to use it every day for the rest of my life.

  19. Evening Star8/29/2012

    I am astounded and touched by the fact that you still have the duck nut. That is true soulship. (Friendship didn't seem like enough, and there was no way to work 'soul mates' into that sentence without rewording the whole thing and I like the sound of it.)

  20. You have to wonder about people who take the time to write hate mail about stuff that's supposed to be funny. The first time I got hate mail for my humor column, I took it sooooo personally (and fretted it about it for weeks). Then it really struck me as really funny - this person either thought I was being serious (duh!) or has enough free time to write scathing letters over a silly column. That's WAY too much free time.

    Which, of course, made me contemplate writing a column with side bars for the humor impaired. Just sayin.

  21. Anonymous8/30/2012

    LOVE your blog! I was browsing sales on a boring day and thought of you when I saw this:


    and it's on sale!

  22. Duck Nut.

  23. The duck nut is rad. FACT. I have to admit though, as I was scrolling down I thought the picture was a Daisy poo. Then I read the caption and was very relieved that my new favorite blogger is not a dog poo collector.

    I am, however, now slightly concerned about the places my mind automatically jumps to...

  24. Just remember, the thing about hate mail is that in order to hate you, they must read you. Also, the tentacles are epic.

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