How Ryan Met Lauren Part III - Part II - The Conclusion To The Wedding

Happy Friday Blogstalkers!

Actually I might post this on Thursday (today) if I actually get it finished tonight, but then "Happy Thursday" is not a thing nor should it be a thing so if I do post tonight I will refuse to change my salutation out of veritude and stubbornness, or as one Mr. Stephen Colbert (whom I have totally met) would say - truthiness.

Sidenote: Seeing someone leading a homecoming parade and then shouting "Stephen Colbert! Stephen Colbert! Stephen Colbert!" until they look at you and then pointing to your name tag is the same as meeting them right?

Moving on from that monstrosity of an opening, today I bring you the conclusion to the conclusion of the How Ryan Met Lauren series of posts.  And then you can all stop sending me harassing emails ok? Also, whichever of you threatened a "Chicago Cheese Blockade if you do not post the rest of your wedding for crying out loud," that is totally not even possible, I checked with local law enforcement agencies and they all laughed in my face because of how ridiculous you were being.

If you're new here, you might want to first catch up by reading:

How Ryan Met Lauren Part I - The High School Years
How Ryan Met Lauren Part II - The College Years
How Ryan Met Lauren Part III - Part I - Before The Wedding

And then mosey on back here for the Grand Finale.

We left off after taking pictures just before 5pm on December 11th, 2010 on what was probably the most disappointing day of weather Chicago had ever seen.

Umbrellas and naked flesh should never be seen in Chicago in the middle of the Winter!  Where are the icicles?  Where is the blizzard?  Where the fuck is my Thunder Snow?

But weather issues aside, the show had to go on.

As least that is what Lauren told Ryan when he was all "You know, we're not married yet, we could always just do this another day," and then she was like "There isn't even any snow RYAN, you can not possibly have cold feet, the show must go on!"

So the wedding party rushed off to the ceremony/reception venue and readied themselves to watch the wedding that had been 22 years in the making.

As our groom is a nice Jewish boy and our Lauren is a sweet (I really tried to leave that word there and just...couldn't) Christian girl, the ceremony was officiated by a judge friend of the bride's father and was approximately five minutes long (no joke.)

Lauren doesn't remember the part where everyone was making their way down the aisle in front of her because she was really nervous and felt like she might vomit.  But make their way down they aisle they did, as evidenced by these pictures.  (Our ceremony really was very short and oddly set up, so some of the pictures are taken from weird angles.)

OJ taking his duty of walking with Lauren's mother and Ryan's father very seriously.

Ryan and his mom.

And after all three hundred members of the wedding party had made their way down the aisle, it was finally time for Lauren to make her entrance.  And she realized she didn't feel nervous and like she might vomit any longer.  She felt excited and suddenly could not get down that drag her father down that damn aisle fast enough.  She was at last marrying the only boy she'd ever loved.

A tender moment between OJ and I where I am thinking non-mischevious innocent bride-like things and definitely not "I TOLD you I'd get him to the altar before the end of the year!"

And then Lauren and Ryan were quickly married, before Ryan had a chance to bust out of the joint.  It was like a shotgun wedding without any shotguns or pregnant brides.

Rings were exchanged, vows were exchanged and finally, the phrase Lauren had been waiting almost ten years to hear, "I now pronounce you man and wife, Lauren you may kiss your husband."

And she was like, "This judge has correctly gauged who is the boss of this relationship."

And then she kissed her husband.

After the ceremony, the standard family pictures were taken while all of Lauren and Ryan's friends sipped fancy cocktails and munched on hors d'oeuvres in the bar area.  It was ages before our bride even had a chance to update her Facebook status.

I was not only updating my status to "Married" I was also googling pictures of cute babies so I could send them to Ryan with the tagline "Here's To The Next Step."

Once the venue had been converted from make-shift altar to dining room, the guests were somewhat reluctantly shuttled from the bar to their seats for dinner.

Everything was very simple and rustic. 

As soon as all of the guests were seated, the wedding party was announced and Ryan and Lauren were announced and it was time for speeches.

The bow ties had polka dots and our toasting flutes had polka dots and my underwear had polka dots and it is none of your concern what else had polka dots.

First up was Jordan, the Maid of Honor and Lauren's oldest younger sister.

She was perfect.

She was sentimental and touching at times. 

And completely hilarious at times.

The above picture was taken, I believe, right after she said "In 1988, a four year old Lauren decided she was going to marry the blonde-haired blue-eyed boy in her preschool class.  Twenty-two years later she settled for Ryan."

OJ's speech was next.

Hi Y'all I'm OJ and I'm The Best Man and everything I say next is probably going to be ridiculous.

It went a little something like, "There comes a day in every man's life when he meets his soulmate.  The person with whom he is destined to spend the rest of his life.  For Ryan that happy day came to pass just about eight years ago when he met...ME."

Because, yeah.

He later redeemed himself.

After dinner and the speeches, first dances were danced.

"You Are The Best Thing" By Ray LaMontagne

And then it was finally time for the merriment!

The photo booth.  I understand that this is not usually how photo booths work.

My BFF Vanessa and Ryan's and my friend Ramin.  He was there when our romance first bloomed, in preschool.

At around ten p.m., people decided it was time to break out The Hora/Havah Nagilah.  And then Lauren hid in the bathroom.  (Seriously, she hid.)  Because she was terrified about getting up on that chair.

Ryan had a grand old time obviously.

 And then her traitor sisters found Lauren in the bathroom because of how it is really hard to hide in a bathroom stall while wearing a giant wedding dress and humming "So This Is Love" from the movie Cinderella.

  "You can get down as soon as I get one picture of you smiling up there." - Lauren's also-traitorous photographer.

So then Lauren quite successfully pulled off a smile in the middle of being scared for her life.

Once all of the jerks at the wedding finally let Lauren off of that death chair, the gods decided that since she was such a good sport that they would gift her with a Wedding Miracle.

SNOW!!!!!!!!!

Our Thank You Cards

And a wonderful time was had by all.

And then because of how when rain and snow mix they make ice, Lauren and Ryan got snowed into Chicago for the first two days of their honeymoon and Lauren looked to the sky and shouted "I take back all of the thanks for the miracle snow," and then the lady in the airport was all "Ma'am, we do not yell in airports."

So That's All Folks!

I was intending on putting some photo booth pictures in this post as well, but again, it's gotten too long, so I'll just wait until next Wednesday for a Mostly Wordless Wednesday post to use those!

Hope you enjoyed.  As always, here are some gratuitous pictures of our wedding.

We had "You Are The Best Thing" inscribed on each of our wedding rings.

Tweet