The fact that I somehow acquired this cold is actually really bumming me out. I feel like the universe hates me.
It's all like "Oh you spent the weekend breathing fresh air and spending time with the people you love the most and eating delicious healthy homemade meals?...It seems to me like that warrants some sort of ailment."
And I am like, "Yes I was aware you thought that stupid universe, which is why, I assumed, I am covered in sunburn and mosquito bites."
But apparently that just wasn't enough.
I am not kidding about my weekend either., here is a small photo-tour.
|Stop grinning at me you two. You spent all day yesterday with me, which means you are almost definitely going to get sick soon. (I'm sorry about that in advance.)|
|Homemade Beet Gnocchi|
|Homemade Prosciutto Mozzarella Pizza|
|Fresh Baby Octopuses.|
|Crepe and Macaroons for Bastille Day|
Then I could have woken up today, realized I had, what at this point I'm sure can only be yellow fever, and been like "::sigh:: Karma."
I mean, I rescued A SPIDER from certain me-stepping-on-him death this weekend. I should have woken up to breakfast in bed and work being canceled and cupcakes and rubies raining from the heavens.
The front page of the newspaper should have said "Breaking News, Justin Timberlake Dumps Jessica Biel And Sets Off On Quest To Find Love Of His Life, Someone That Will Share His Love Of Gouda And Accompany Him To The Jungle On A Monkey-Petting Trip. He Is Starting In Chicago. Girls That Shave Their Legs On A Daily Basis Are Girls He Is Not Interested In Meeting."
I'm just saying, me waking up sick instead, it's totally whack.
I'm totally stomping home, taking a shot of Jack Daniels and putting on the movie Scarface after work.
But moving on.
As you can tell by the above, I did a bit of cooking this weekend. Saturday was homemade beet and potato gnocchi with fresh beet greens and arugula and shaved parmagiano reggiano cheese. And Sunday was fresh mozzarella and prosciutto pizza on homemade crust. My sweet lovely Ryan was in heaven.
He was so excited about the pizza that he was loitering about the kitchen while I was cooking, which was fine...until he started scrutinizing my cooking methods. (I would like to mention at this time that I showered JUST before I started dinner and I washed my hands again before I started dinner and I NEVER cook like this if I'm throwing a dinner party or even making Vanessa dinner or something.)
Ryan: Did you just dunk two of your fingers into the jar of tomato sauce and then lick it off?
Lauren: Erm...ummmm...yes. I was trying to be seductive, did it not work?
Ryan: Like not even a little bit. It worked even less than the time that you tried to do the whole 'Bend And Snap' thing in front of me and fell forward and hit your face on the ground.
Lauren: I must have done it wrong then. But you know what they say, If At First You Don't Succeed And Crap. Dunks fingers in sauce again.
Ryan: I don't know what detail you think, about this vision of you, covered in sauce, wearing only one sock and the glasses the dog chewed on is going to be seductive to me.
Lauren: These are my cooking glasses RYAN. They can't get more ruined. I don't even care if they fall into a pot of soup while I'm leaning over it stirring.
Ryan: I swear to god if I ever find out you've served me soup with glasses floating in it I'm going to...
Lauren: (interrupting) You're going to what? Stop letting me cook you dinner every single night?
Ryan: (Opens and closes mouth like a dumb fish a couple of times and then leaves the kitchen.)
Lauren: (mutters) Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish, as my Grandmother would say. (Gets on with making the pizza.)
Ryan: (Five minutes later, has wandered back into kitchen without Lauren noticing.) Are you seriously taking a bite out of like every slice of mozzarella cheese you cut.
Lauren: I think you need to start wearing bells around your neck like the dogs. I can't have you surprising me like this all the time. And yes, as you have so astutely noticed, I am taking a bite out of every slice of cheese, but it is not for the reason you imagine.
Ryan: That if there is cheese in the room it is almost impossible for you not to throw your mouth at it?
Lauren: Correct, it is not for that reason. I am checking for POISON. I am taking an active role in managing your health and welfare.
Ryan: First, this is not the middle ages. Second, if you take such an active role in managing my health and welfare then how do you explain what happened this morning.
Lauren: You'll have to refresh my memory.
Ryan: You clipped an effing clothespin on my ear lobe while I was sleeping!
Lauren: That was an experiment! I wanted to see if it would make you dream about lobsters!
Ryan: I don't know why I ever try to reason with you.
Lauren: I don't know why either, you always lose.
Ryan: (Goes upstairs to play video games, various shouts and whoops ensue.)
Lauren: Pizza is ready!
Ryan: (coming downstairs) I just saved the Vice President's life. I would make an excellent Secret Service agent in real life.
Lauren: (looks pointedly at Ryan's bare chest) Even I will admit that you are unrivaled at being under-covered.
Ryan: I left my shirt upstairs. I was trying to be seductive, did it not work?
So that, Blogstalkers was my Sunday.
And this "cough sneeze hack cough bang head on desk" is my Monday.
How were all y'all's weekends? (OJ, stop rubbing off on me THIS INSTANT.)
P.S. I'm totally blaming the clothespin/lobster incident on Heather from Like A Cup Of Tea, because she has been tweeting me "threatening" to come visit and bring a tub of Maine Lobsters for like three days.
Leave me a comment please? I have Dengue Fever and my doctor said, when I called her just now, that comments are the only medicine.