How Ryan(Or as he calls himself "The One That Didn't Get Away") Met (And Married) Lauren Part III - Part I

The day has finally arrived.  The start-of-the-conclusion (I actually divided this post into two separate posts because it got WAY too long) of the thrilling How Ryan Met Lauren series of posts.  I was actually all set to post this a week or so ago and then the dreadful internets ate the post.

And I was like NO.  That did NOT just happen.

But it turns out it totally did happen.

So I had to rewrite the entire thing.  Which brings us to today.

If you're new here, I suggest you start with How Ryan Met Lauren Part 1How Ryan Met Lauren Part 2 and maybe take a quick peek at The Engagement and then if you're not too dizzy and/or horrified, come on back here.

Oh you're back?  You must be crazy.  But whatever, let's move on.

Ryan proposed March 27th, 2010.  Ryan and Lauren got married December 11th, 2010.  Let's reminisce shall we?

Lauren (that's me, for some reason I always write these posts in the third person) had always wanted a Winter wedding.  She daydreamed about soft snowflakes and twinkling holiday lights and about how all the bees would be dead because Winter is too cold for fucking bees.

Unfortunately, upon waking the morning of the wedding and running to the window of her fancy hotel suite, there was nary a snowflake in sight.  At least Lauren assumed this was true.  She couldn't positively say that it wasn't snowing because it was pretty hard to see anything through all of the rain.


Luckily Lauren is a hard girl to flap, so she took a deep breath, gave the rain her middle finger, then apologized to the rain because she is a lady and middle fingers have absolutely no place in fancy hotel suites, and trekked downstairs to get some coffee.

A short time later the hair and makeup girls showed up and whipped Lauren into shape.  It was surprisingly painful.  Like side-burns-waxing painful.  Lauren didn't even know that was a thing.

It was the happiest day of my eyebrows' lives.
Then the photographers arrived and it was time to put on the dress.  First though, Lauren ordered the two man photographers out of the room.  Actually she said "Gino, Ben, I like both of you, and respect your talents and understand that you have seen many a bride in many a state of undress, but today is a special day, and I do not want anyone thinking rude things about my wobbly bits, so please will you remove yourselves whilst I don my bridal plumage."

And then Lauren's sister Jordan, the Main of Honor was like "Ryan is so lucky he gets to marry you."

And Lauren was like "I know. I wonder what he is doing right this second."

Later she found out that at right that second Ryan was panicking back at their condo, surrounded by groomsmen and ushers because no one knew how to tie a bow tie and he hadn't actually learned how to tie a bow tie like he had told Lauren and there was no one to tie the bow ties.

So he called the tux place and they actually had to send an associate over to our home to tie all of the dumb boys' ties.

OH! So you TIE it into a BOW?  Wow I was way off.
But back to the bride.

It took twenty minutes and three bridesmaids to get the dress on.

I am saying a little prayer in my head right now.  Oh Dear Lord, Please Let This God Damned Dress Fit.

This is a grimace, not a smile.
And all of the other bridesmaids were just standing there watching, all worried.

Vanessa is definitely thinking "I TOLD her a Quesadilla Wedding Diet wasn't a thing"
But in the end, all of Lauren was somehow smooshed into the dress.  And she was very happy.

This is when I shouted "See Vanessa! I CAN eat a quesadilla for every meal for a week and still fit into my dress!  You were wrong to doubt me and wrong to try to take away all of my quesadilla-making ingredients."
With Lauren and Ryan both finally dressed, it was time to take some pictures.  First Lauren got to take Glamour shots.

This is looks like glamour, but really it is me not being able to breathe or sit on a chair like a regular person.
This looks like glamour but really it is me being like "Oh look, my shoulder is sweating."

They should really let you wear your dress around for like two days before buying it.  Because those things can be HEAVY and HOT and underneath her dress Lauren was like, covered in sweat.

Soon Ryan and company arrived at the hotel and it was time for Ryan and Lauren to do their "Reveal."  The moment they saw each other for the first time.

Why is her back so sweaty?

At this point I got nervous and as I turned around I said "It's Me!" and Ryan was all "I kind of thought it would be."

He was glad it was me.

At this point I was thinking "After today, no one can think I'm a slut if I get pregnant."

After the Reveal, it was on to group pictures.  Unfortunately, it was still raining cats and dogs and bats and frogs and gnats and hogs and rats and logs.

And since all of the bridesmaids were newly beautified, it was decided that the original plan of getting pictures of everyone out and about in Chicago would need to be changed.  So they took some pictures inside and some pictures outside, (but still under the hotel's awning) and then released everyone to the party bus.

Stop looking so happy OJ, it's not YOUR wedding day.  It's MINE.  I mean, mine and Ryan's.

I was adamant that my bridal party be made up of an equal number of blondes and brunettes.  And no redheads.  Because I don't have any redheaded friends, not because I've got animosity toward gingers.  I would seriously marry Ron Weasley if he was a real person.  And then we would have magical little redheaded babies and I would be like "Ronaldina and Ron Jr, please use your wands to conjure mommy up some mozzarella sticks."

Rain Rain, Go Away, Come Again Any Other Fucking Day.

We released everyone to the bus except OJ that is.

Because of the rain, OJ was in charge of being my Man of Honor.  Which meant that he had to keep me dry and my dress dry and my wrap dry while he and Ryan and I traipsed about the city.

When my photographer took this picture of OJ wearing my wrap and putting on his I-am-suave-and-debonair face, other random people started taking pictures of him on their phones and stuff too.  We're pretty sure they thought he was some sort of Indian Prince or something.

He's VERY handsome and loves the Batman movies and lies about his height.

When we first got engaged, I wanted to get married at the Harold Washington Library, which is gorgeous.  But Ryan said no because he thought I'd "sneak away and read books."
And then the photographer was like "Look Drunk!" and we totally pulled it off. (I swear I didn't have a drink until 11pm when the photographers left.)

A picture of us walking around in the rain with umbrellas.

Another picture of us walking around in the rain with umbrellas.
At one point, when OJ and Ryan and I were walking down the street, in the rain, with umbrellas, a woman with a young girl was like "Honey look at the bride! Isn't she pretty?" and then the little girl was like "Mommy why does she has two hubsbands?" and I was like, yep, sounds about right.

Last time OJ was visiting, I went to bed by myself while the boys stayed up talking.  When I woke up there was a Lauren, a Ryan AND an OJ in my bed.  And OJ was in the middle.
At one point we did totally break into another hotel's ballroom to try to get some more group shots.  And there was a piano there, so of course Ryan had to show off.  And then we got escorted out of the ball room by security.

I look pregnant in this picture.  Sadly I was not actually pregnant.  

Yoouuuu My, Brown-Eyed Girl.

Then picture time was over and everyone headed over to the venue to watch Lauren and Ryan say I Do.

Another picture of people walking around in the rain with umbrellas.
Everyone crossed their fingers that Ryan would be better at tying the knot than he had been at tying the bow ties.

Although OJ volunteered to step in if once again, Ryan couldn't perform.

That's not even a ring OJ, that's a fucking cookie in a box.
Luckily Ryan did just fine.  Though if he doesn't start letting me have babies STAT, I may have to take OJ up on the offer of "little brown babies" he made me on my birthday this year.

So that's all for now, I'll get to the ceremony and the reception on Monday!  But I'll leave you with some more gratuitous wedding photos.  Because this is my blog and I can do whatever I want on it.


  1. I adore your description of Ryan (v. handsome, loves batman, lies about height), I would describe Fiance similarly. And that last picture in the window with your silhouettes is pretty flipping awesome too. Love them. I have nothing constructive to add significant content, I just needed you to know I like some things you post here.

  2. You are quite honestly stunning in all the pictures. Just plain gorgeous.

  3. Heart! And I got a little teary for no reason! I love weddings and your photographer was awesome. And really, you said "no" to a cookie in the box? Bet you would have said yes if it had been a cheese curd, huh?

  4. You look insanely gorgeous in your wedding pictures. Your Valentino shoes just made me weep openly with envy. Please don't tell my husband that I have a massive crush on OJ and will be happy to bear those little brown babies he offered to you.

  5. You are so beautiful!! Your wedding makes me want to get married in Chicago (I will be tying the knot in a library though). I was so excited for this post, I started to read parts of it aloud to my mom and her fiancé. They both laughed at the part with the little girl. :]

    Your wedding photos are filled with so much love and I can only hope to be so lucky one day. :]

  6. Beautiful pictures. I love your blog!

  7. Wow. You both are simply stunning. I hope the future Mrs. Sean and I can pull off something like that (mainly that I can end up looking 1/10th as studly as Ryan does in some of his glamour shots).

  8. What a beautiful wedding! I love your dress and shoes. And what does Ryan know, I think getting married in a library would be an excellent idea!!

  9. WOW!!! You are absolutely stunning in that dress!!! And the pictures are beautiful!! And I shouldn't be allowed to type comments on blogs when I'm this tired, I sound kinda stalkerish, I swear I'm not. And Ryan was totally wrong, the best part about getting married in a library would be sneaking away to read books, although I'd have to drag my groom with me. Hmmm I may just have to plan my wedding in a library when the time comes.
    PS: Can't wait for part II!!!

  10. I love looking at your wedding pictures. I think the photographers were brilliant and you must have had the wedding of the decade for Chicago. Everyone was truly brilliant (that's my new word of the day in honor of the Olympics. Just sayin')

  11. You are the cutest thing ever. (and a beautiful bride).

    I got married during a tropical storm. Seriously, a real tropical storm. By a miracle, I managed to stay dry but my guests were soaked.

    It must have been lucky, because I've been happily married for almost 18 years!

  12. Aww yay! You looked absolutely beautiful :) I love seeing wedding details, here's ours!

  13. Michelle7/28/2012

    OK, first off, most beautiful and glamorous pics ever. Second, I've been reading (stalking) your blog for a while now and it always cracks me up. I love how you write! Just wanted to say hello, compliment you, and say I will forever be a Blogstalker now! Thanks, Lauren!

  14. Oh, this was wonderful! You had an amazing photographer...such great, artistic shots! Thanks for sharing this with us. I'm a sucker for romance and weddings.

    And I would have definitely have taken OJ's photo on the street, as well. He's a beautiful man!

  15. I love the pictures of everyone walking around in the rain with umbrellas!

  16. I am probably the female who's least interested in weddings, but I absolutely love your pictures. I wanted a winter wedding, too, but logistics changed that to April. I love the rain pictures- they are so fantastic, and practically out of a magazine! Seriously. You make me want to re-wedding, and I NEVER thought I'd say that. *sigh*

  17. Oh holy crap are you kidding me? I was cracking up through this whole post and that hasn't happened for awhile. You make a stunning bride and once OJ is finally over you, tell him to call me. He's hot.
    Also, I have red hair. Can I be your token redheaded friend? I don't know any magic tricks but I'll buy you some mozzarella sticks and I won't even ask to share!

  18. I love your posts. Also, When and IF Michael ever proposes, I need to get the name of your wedding photographer, because your photos are AMAZING. I'm super jealous. I'm also still trying to convince Michael that it would be an awesome idea to get married in the Library. If he says yes, you are totally getting an invite for being the person who told me I could get married there!

  19. The whole day looked amazing, but I can't get one phrase out of my mind..."please use your wands to conjure mommy up some mozzarella sticks". I can totally get behind that as a reason to marry a wizard. Mmmmmm.

  20. It looks like you had a beautiful day...despite the rain...truly a day to remember.

  21. I love your wedding pictures! Even though you had sucky rain on your wedding day (it rained on my wedding day too, everyone told me it was good luck)the pictures of you and Ryan walking around with the umbrellas were gorgeous! I love that one with the two of you smiling at one another with umbrellas towards the end. You look so happy.

    You also need to tell us the story of how OJ and Ryan met and became besties! I wanna hear that story too!

  22. Oh, my. Just amazing. I love these pictures! And now my daughter wants to get married at the library one day. (a long, long time from now; she's only 15)

  23. Aw, I love your wedding story! And that dress! The lace on the shoulders is gorgeous. The last picture reminds me of the last scene in 16 Candles. Ryan is your Jake!

  24. "After today, no one can think I'm a slut if I get pregnant." - YES. LOL!

  25. Love the little girl's comment about two husbands. Isn't that everyone's dream? Oh, wait, you don't want two people who could potentially use and old sponge to seal your save the dates? (I went back and reread the other entries even though I already read them.)

  26. Yay! My day is complete! You look gorgeous! I love wedding pictures, whether I know the person or not. Love the shoes and the fur. My anniversary is also December 11. Good choice :)

  27. Anyone else now have the Alanis Morisette song about "rain on your wedding day" song in their head? No? Just me then? Ok.

  28. This is great! I'm a total newbie at this blogging thing but, as an accountant whose first love is also words, you remind me of myself (a little bit). I had thought I was the only one of my kind.
    I'd love it if you stopped by!

  29. Ok, I absolutely LOVE that you wore black shoes, so awesome. And taking the pictures before the ceremony is something that all brides and grooms should do, it makes so much more sense!

  30. As a girl who chose to elope to Vegas, forgoing the traditional wedding, your winter wedding pictures make me a bit jealous. And the rain and umbrellas really did make for some stunning photographs. Beautiful. Great writing as well.

  31. Love the photos. You are gorgeous. Also they make me miss Chicago. Also also I am now tempted to try the Quesadilla Wedding Diet.

  32. Katie Palumbo7/30/2012

    Ok, your pictures are amazing! I love the idea of walking around the city... its amazing! And I am with you.. I hate bees! Winter wedding for me, it will be! Plus, I live in California, so otherwise it will be 110 outside! And eww, that would be really sticky! I love the story! :)

  33. I knew those shoes were Valentino....*sigh*... you lucky girl!

    Also, you all looked very gorgeous and happy :)

  34. ARGH! I am 800 different types of jealous that you get to be so pretty *and* got to have OJ in your bed (even if it wasn't all freaky like). I'm pretty sure that's cheating somehow.

    Sidenote: I love your wedding pictures, and your shoes.

  35. I love, love, love the last picture. The pictures of you guys walking around the city were such a great idea. Obviously, every bride would prefer it not rain, but the pictures with the umbrellas are perfect. And the two husbands comment was hilarious!

    Little Ron Weasley babies would be perfect, though! ;)

  36. It was all lovely! I'm now hooked on your blog and I've read all the posts. and I think I wanna hang out with you and Ryan and OJ even though I'm OLD and you guys would totally roll your eyes at me. And no new posts to read!!! Wahhh.

  37. I love your pictures!! and I just have to say you had the largest wedding party EVER! People couldn't believe I was having 6 bridesmaids and I didn't think that was too bad... what a beautiful day you had tho!

  38. Prince Charming7/31/2012

    Did it rain the entire night? I seem to recall there being a miracle in the weather later on. HILARIOUS POST and you Look Beautiful!

  39. I am in love with your shoes!! SO Freaking Glam. I think that everytime I click over here and see your header (sometimes I'm lazy and just read in google reader).
    Also, that line about Ryan being glad it was you, that might be the sweetest thing you've written. cuteness.

  40. Beautiful. And Ryan's pretty cute, too.

  41. Beautiful. And Ryan's pretty cute, too.

  42. I came over from YHL and I have to say- you are gorgeous and your wedding looks amazing! Congrats on your happy day!

    Also, OJ looks like David Boreanaz- for REALS.

  43. Your best blog post yet! And right at the time you make the jump! I think it is a sign! Go Lauren!

  44. I got misty-eyed looking at your photos. My wedding in November was outdoors, and it rained cats, dogs, gnats & frogs (BTW - stealing that phrase) the night before. There was no plan b. I told everyone to find their galoshes, the show must go on. Of course, we live in Phoenix - literally no one owns galoshes.

  45. I am fairly new to your blog and am thoroughly enjoying it. I have to say that Ryan and OJ make a lovely couple, although you and Ryan look much better together. And I can't imagine you have wobbly bits considering how tiny you are. You should see my wobbly...on second thought, no, no one should see my wobbly bits.

  46. It gives me hope to see you happily or at least sillily married (i like being silly) even though it RAINED on your wedding day. It rained on mine too... which was 7.28, just after you posted this. :P

  47. Beautiful story and photos. Is OJ single? :)

  48. Holy crap that's a large wedding party!
    Love your dress- glad to FINALLY see a wedding dress that is not strapless.

  49. I discovered your blog tonight, and I just want to say, I really love your writing. Your wedding pictures are absolutely amazing!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Site Design By Designer Blogs