Cotton Candy, Sweet And Low, Let Me See That Tootsie Roll


Heyyyyyyy Blogstalkers

So I know I've been a bad little blogger lately with less updates than usual, but I've been SO busy at work.

And I know I have literally 982 emails/comments to get to at some point, but I have been SO busy at work.

So busy in fact that my company finally decided that they were going to hire another accountant, glory glory hallelujah.  They're already interviewing and everything, so hopefully I'm not quite so busy soon.

And then maybe I can get to work after the sun rises and leave before it sets, because you know what work?  Despite my pale skin and my propensity to sometimes say "mmmm bloood" when I am drinking my morning pomegranate juice, I am NOT a vampire.

So the only thing really getting me down at the office now is the fact that they have not been letting me participate in the interviews for some reason.  Because apparently the suggested interview questions I emailed my boss were "not material."  Which is crap, because if I have to sit next to this new person every day then it is fully "material" to me whether or not they would consent to impromptu lunchtime Rap Battles when I'm feeling gangsta.

But anyway, through all of the recent crazy-tragic-never-magic times at work, a couple of colleagues and I have been understandably spending a good amount of time shuttling back and forth from each other's desks, trying to decide the best way to you know, amortize warrants and shit.

This morning, one such colleague was at my desk and noticed that the little light on my cordless mouse was blinking red.

"That light means that you're going to need to change the battery in your mouse soon," he said, "let me know if you need any help with that."

He was serious.

So I was like "Wait, did you actually think for a second there that I would not be able to figure out why my mouse stopped working?  Like in your head just now I was all 'Mouse, why you no work and be red-blinky? How I fix?"

He just shook his head and walked away.

So I briefly considered sending him this video.


But then I remembered that I am blocked from YouTube at work because of an incident involving me sending the wrong video to the wrong person.

So I came up with another plan.

When my colleague left for the evening, I sent him an email (marked urgent).

"Soooo.....I know I got offended earlier when you insinuated that I wouldn't be able figure out how to change the battery in my mouse...but it turns out I actually can't figure out how to change the battery in my mouse. I've tried EVERYTHING.  I'm not sure where I'm going wrong exactly.  Can you please help me in the morning?"








And then I went to the kitchen to scrounge for string cheese and had a brainstorm.

Email #2

Nevermind! Problem Solved!  Have a nice evening.--Lauren



There is just no telling what work tomorrow will bring Blogstalkers.

Hugs and Kisses and Genie Wishes!

71 comments:

  1. EEE! Your purple Chuck makes an appearance!

    I love to mess with my co-workers. Once when I said I wouldn't be in the next day because I had a doctor's appointment one asked "Oh, whatcha having checked out?"
    "Some of the circuits in my back panel are malfunctioning. I need to have them checked for corrosion."
    Now they never ask questions anymore. ^_^

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Haha!

      My coworkers are like the exact opposite, I think they mess with me more just to see what kind of crazy I throw back at them.

      (Also, I know I have the whole guest post thing to do and all that...it's on my list...it's a really really long list.)

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    2. I'm not worried about it. I can hardly complain when I haven't written anything much recently on my blog. :P

      (and now I feel like I should say "FIRST!" because I was actually first for once. :D)

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    3. Haha don't you love the commentors on like The Bloggess that shout FIRST!!! and then their comment is like...8th.

      Better luck next time people.

      Delete
  2. ha ha! love it! knowing my luck though, i would have ended up really messing up the mouse for reals.

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    1. I was VERY careful. I almost stuck a large paperclip in there but then I remembered that I don't know the laws of conductivity and wasn't sure if there was a possibility I could shock myself.

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  3. You are amazing. That is all. :)

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    1. Tell it to my husband Jen. Tell it to my husband.

      Delete
  4. bahaha. this is so awesome!! you ... are awesome. period.
    Ok, off to read this post again. that's how much I loved it. oh and the pictures! you crack me up.

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    1. So glad you liked the post tiff!

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  5. Bwahahaha! You're a friggin' riot.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Surprisingly not everyone (RYAN) thinks that.

      (Thanks)

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  6. Holy crap, those pictures are awesome. Did you just have all that random stuff around to stick in your mouse? I mean, who has a baby converse laying around? Or a jelly octopus?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yep all of that stuff was either on my desk or in my purse. The baby converse is actually a key chain and is much smaller than a baby shoe. And the jelly octopus lives in my purse. It lights up and glows in the dark, but those things are surprising hard to capture on iPhone pictures.

      Delete
  7. Melissa7/12/2012

    My boss (we are also accountants, by the way) let me and two of my coworkers "group interview" a new hire at 3:45 on a Friday afternoon. We have since been informed that accountants do not have a "costume budget", and that we really shouldn't be allowed to talk to people

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    1. they don't? because i think accountants have whatever budget they decide they have :-)

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    2. Melissa7/13/2012

      Apparently tax accountants are not entitled to "costume budgets" or budgeting other people's money. It really is unfortunate....

      Delete
    3. OK costume budget is hilarious. I'm actually writing that down on my list of things to bring up at my next group meeting.

      I actually work with some budgets at work, nothing exciting, office supplies etc. But I also have my own personal budget that includes stipents for such things as band-aids (I hurt myself a lot) and funny straws (I drink everything out of straws.)

      Delete
    4. Melissa7/13/2012

      You do bring up a good point, even if I can't get work to adopt a costume budget on my behalf, I definitely have a costume budget in my personal life (as my dogs will attest to), and I'm sure that some of them could carry over to work needs.

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    5. Oh I'm positive they could.

      I wore Minnie Mouse ears to work once because my hair was a frizzball that day and I couldn't find a headband.

      Delete
  8. well you did change it, i think he really should've been much more specific. I mean if you are going to go there you might as well own it! question: can you be blocked from taking pictures at work?

    psst - i got my youtube access back at work by getting a new Windows 7 machine. can you break your computer? (i didn't break mine on purpose, it just stopped working a lot, i swear)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hmmm...I took the pictures on my phone, so they definitely can't BLOCK that persay. If work ever stumbles across my blog (not likely) they might suggest that I cool it on the work-related posts...right before they fire my butt.

      As far as YouTube goes...it's probably a good thing that I don't have access any longer. There was an awkward incident at my last job involving me accidentally singing "Chimpanzee Riding On A Segway" (have you seen that video?)while I was on a conference call. I swear I thought I was muted...things like that happen a lot to me.

      Delete
    2. Courtney7/14/2012

      I totally had not seen chimpanzee riding on a segway. I watched it, then laughed my butt off thinking about sitting in on a conference singing that. Everyone would know it was me singing too!! Thanks for the laugh! I plan on having that song stuck in my head for a while now!

      Delete
    3. He has a helmet on and...he's wearing overalls and...doesn't that lady look surprised?

      Chimpanzee Riding On A Segway, Chimpanzee Riding On A Segway, Chimpanzee Riding On A Segway, Ba Ba Da Da Da Da.

      It's an old video that floated around the internet forever ago, but it still makes me laugh.

      Delete
  9. Good thing you got it sorted out and sent him photographic proof! Otherwise he might have gone on thinking your ownership of a vagina meant you weren't able to do things like change a battery.

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    1. Haha, I actually don't think he meant anything malicious or sexist at all, was probably just thinking I didn't know where the batteries were kept, since they are in a secret place so no one steals them or something. It just came out wrong.

      But I definitely set him straight.

      Delete
  10. Fantastic! The baby Chuck makes me laugh every time!

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    1. So the story behind the baby Chuck is that it is my keychain that Ryan bought for me recently because I lost one of my actual purple Chucks and I was really upset about it, because I had totally worn them under my wedding dress toward the end of our wedding.

      So that is why I had a random little shoe with me.

      Delete
  11. Haha! Love it... Made me laugh out loud on a cta bus... One of my favorite posts! If only I had craziness like you in my office :-)

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    1. Success!!

      I'm glad you liked it because you are actually one of the only people in this world that was not even a little bit surprised that I had a tiny shoe and a rubber octopus in my purse.

      Delete
  12. P.S. At first I thought that rubber thimble thing was a Twinkie... Or at least a miniature one!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I am pretty sure you just came up with our invention (well YOURS I suppose)...miniature twinkies. For days when a regular twinkie is just too big.

      Oooh Oooh and we should also make GIANT twinkies. For days when a regular twinkie is just too small.

      Also, even if we don't make all of these twinkies I am pretty sure you and I should start letting each other know what kind of day we are having by just being all "Sorry I'm being crabby, it's a Giant Twinkie kind of day." Or like "This is the best day ever, I don't need ANY twinkies, though I wouldn't say no to a miniature one."

      Delete
  13. You are a goddess of giggles. This is a gem.

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    1. Excuse me, I must rush off and make a shirt that says Goddess of Giggles.

      Delete
  14. So THAT'S how you fix that pesky thing. My mouse has been blinking for days and I had no idea what to do with it. Tootsie rolls?? All this time, I had no idea it was a candy holder. So that blinky light is basically my mouse telling me that it's hungry? Thanks. Good to know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep. Glad to be of assistance.

      Also, you should know that if you ever want to really freak people around the office out, you should name your mouse and tape a little pipe cleaner tail to it and sometimes carry it around the office with you.

      Not that I know from experience or anything.

      Delete
  15. Lisa in Seattle7/13/2012

    Oh, it's ON NOW.

    If we were allowed to participate in interviews with prospective candidates, nobody would ever accept the job.

    I thought the rubber thimble thing was...you know...some kind of personal appliance, and I wondered where you got such a small one. Freaked me out just a little.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would totally accept the job.

      Are you hiring?

      And yes...it's a bit suspicious looking. But a very practical implement. It allows me to rifle through journal entries at super speed when my boss is yelling "Lauren please pull entry #79988 RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND!"

      My best friend Vanessa, who is very skinny but also has food-on-the-brain a lot, told me she thought it was a miniature Twinkie at first.

      At least yours makes sense.

      Delete
  16. Lauren,
    I just spent about 2 weeks (between reading at work (when I could, as being on the internet is frowned-upon at work) and at home) reading your blog from the beginning. Needless to say, I am now addicted to your blog. I can't remember how I came across it. I think it was from a different blog that I read (naptimeisfordrinking.com) and pressed a couple buttons, some how got to the Bloggess, and then got to your blog.
    You're blog is awesome! I really enjoy reading it and can't wait to read more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lisa I am so very glad you've happened upon my corner of the web, or as my husband calls it, "the place where all things that make sense go to die."

      I love meeting (well sort of) new readers.

      I especially enjoy meeting you as I am quite certain that you have super powers, seeing as how you've read through a year's worth of inanity in a very short time and not fainted dead away.

      Now off to check out this NapTimeIsForDrinking blog. It sounds right up my alley.

      Delete
  17. See... I read this and couldn't help seeing things from your coworker's point of view. I would SO love a coworker like you (if I wasn't self employed, that is. I mean, if I went about sending myself random sarcastic emails... that would be both annoying and troubling).

    I would seriously have to email you back something like "alternative energy sources for you to consider" and send photos of healthy snacks to feed your mouse, like baby carrots and small celery sticks, and in the text section put something along the lines of, "you might want to consider going green."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh man, now I want a coworker like you.

      Except then I would probably get no work at all done, because I would just email you all day long to see your responses.

      Also, I read my mouse your comment and he is appalled. He very much enjoys his tootsie roll diet thank you very much.

      Delete
  18. HAHA! I once asked my boss if I could sit in on interviews the next time she did one. She said, "Sure!" BUT then she thought better of it and asked me why. I told her that I had to make sure that they did not hire any more morons, geriatrics, people who disagreed with me, people who talked about politics at work, lazy people, or people who were generally unlikable. She told me that I was NEVER allowed in on the interviewing process. I really think that them not letting me in on interviews is what is wrong with that place. I would only hire the fun and interesting people, who were smart, and a little dorky like me.

    I think this is why I am not cut out for a management position....

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yeah I'll never be in a management position. Which is actually just fine with me. My manager works like 80 hours a week and sometimes emails me at nine pm on a Saturday. So, you know, yuck. If I had to work that much, I would never have time to Keep Up With The Kardashians.

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  19. Right now I wish I was an accountant so that I would be interviewing for that job and then working with you. But, alas, I am a teacher. I do have the privilege of working with some fun/funny people but no one who would have all that stuff in their purse or on their desk. Or who would take the pictures and send them to me, which would absolutely make my day. Here's hoping you get a kindred spirit to work with you.

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    1. Yes! Kindred Spirit! (That phrase always makes me want to reread the Anne of Green Gables series.)

      Also, I have crazy respect for teachers. I could never do it. Never.

      Delete
    2. Ooh, great suggestion. I haven't read that series in a long time. I loved those books. And thank you for the respect. Unfortunately, not everyone agrees that we deserve it.

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    3. Oh you totally deserve it.

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  20. I recently discovered your blog and I love it. You are hilarious :) And informative too - I never knew the words were "cotton candy, sweet and low". In retrospect, I guess I just mumbled that part when singing along. So thank you!

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    1. So glad you're here!

      Would it make you like me less if I told you I had to google the lyrics?

      Delete
    2. Oh no, I still respect you. Besides, I would bet good money that you know how to do the accompanying Tootsie Roll dance without googling it, and that is way more important!

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    3. Oh yes, I definitely remember the dance.

      I also remember the dance to that "I Dip, You Dip, We Dip" song. Classics, truly.

      Delete
  21. What a hoot! Great laugh!

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    1. I'm laughing right now because it turns out while you were leaving this comment here, I was commenting on your Walmart story on your blog.

      And Thanks!

      Delete
  22. I didn't know those were the lyrics to that song. When I read the title to your post, I was all "Oooohhh, that's what it says!"

    Love the pictures! And I don't know why they objected to the rap battles question - it falls under the category of keeping up morale. I just don't think bosses know how important that is. I bet they have rap battles at Google.

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    1. Want to know a secret? I didn't know those were the lyrics either. But I do now, thanks to Google.

      They definitely have rap battles there.

      Delete
  23. You've got the positive and the negative on the Tootsie backwards. It's gonna fry sooner or later.

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    1. ::sigh:: I wish I'd read this comment earlier. You, sir, were totally correct.

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  24. Awesome! You make me wish I worked in an office again. OK that's kind of a lie but you are super funny!

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    1. OHMYGOSH never wish to work in an office again. Cubicles are places were dreams go to die. Unless you get a job working in my office, then totally work in an office again and save me from the mundane.

      Delete
  25. Oh, that is fantastic. When my boss was on vacation, we were all supposed to take turns answering her phone (we were all in a big room like gerbils). Obviously I couldn't leave this opportunity unexplored so I forwarded her phone to my coworkers desk. Took her two days. It was glorious. Honestly, I'm usually a joy to work with. End ramble.

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    1. Come work here with me please? How are you at booking prepaid expenses?

      Delete
  26. I wish to have coworkers like you, mine are mostly boring and nevermid the accountants, they are the worst of the bunch.

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    1. ::Sigh:: Yep, the accountants usually are. And being an accountant myself, that's who I get to work with the most. Boo.

      Delete
  27. I like the shoe. Brings new meaning to the term "reboot it".

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  28. I am in love with the teeny tiny shoe. But I must ask - what is its actual purpose?

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  29. Hahaha... The tiny shoe MUST become your mascot!!!! AND you must make it a tiny cape!!! AND give it a tiny name!!!

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  30. You are freaking hysterical. I found your blog through a comment on YHL once and I was sitting at work today all like I don't want to do any work, work is boring and I'm on vacation next week and I read all my usual blogs. Then a light bulb went off and I'm over here reading and laughing and thank god my boss is cool.

    Holy run-on sentence. Anyway, I wish you worked in my office. We're pretty ridiculous here (this is what happens when you put a bunch of 20/30 somethings in an office together). There's lots of random questions and "That's What She Said."

    ReplyDelete

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