UPDATED X2 Wanted: BFF. Second F Subject To Limitations, As Vanessa Has Just Discovered.

Good Afternoon Blogstalkers!

I was going to say Happy Monday, but then I remembered that Mondays are terrible and not, in fact, even a little bit happy (as evidenced by the fact that I stubbed my toe on the way to work today and for some reason shouted "Ships passing in the night!" when I did it.)  I have never said that before.  I have never even thought that before.  Just more proof that my brain works completely independently of the rest of my body.

And then some lady totally laughed at me like right in my face and I thought "Well if this day wasn't ruined when I smacked myself in the face with the shampoo bottle this morning, it's definitely ruined now," and thought about just turning around and going home and curling up in my bed with my dogs and a bowl of cheese soup (which Ryan insists is really cheese dip, but I'm not buying it.)  But then I remembered that I have Sexual Harassment Training at work today, so I continued on to the office.

I want to mention at this point that I have Sexual Harassment Training today because I was hired in the last year and all new hires have to complete it, not because I sexually harassed someone.  I would never do that.  At least not on purpose.  Because let's be honest, if I told you I had to go to the training because I had tripped last week and accidentally grabbed someone's breasts to prevent myself from falling, you would all just nod your heads and say "That does sound like something you would do Lauren."

But enough nonsense, let's move on to the actual point of this post.

I am looking for a new best friend.

::Disclaimer:: This post is a joke, Vanessa will remain my BFF for all eternity because she does awful things like help me move and wonderful things like listen to me cry A LOT.::

I have found out recently that Vanessa has never read the Harry Potter books and has only been able to keep up with my conversations about Hogwarts because she saw the movies after they came out on DVD.

And yes, I was able to forgive her for punching me in the face but this, is just... you know...unforgiveable.

It's heart-wrenching, that's what it is.

So she has been demoted to second-best friend until she reads all seven of the Harry Potter books and successfully completes the exam I have constructed.  I have made sure that many of the multiple choice questions cover things not featured in the movies and one of the essay questions is "Develop this thesis in length: Compared to the books, the Harry Potter movies are utter bungholes."

Sidenote: I totally LOVE the Harry Potter movies, just LOVE the books more.

So all of that is going to take Vanessa quite a bit of time and as I can not go BFF-less for that long (because who other than a best friend would listen to me prove that I can indeed perform the entire rap in the song Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls complete with gangster hand gestures while wearing a blindfold?) I have also constructed a Be Lauren's Temporary Best Friend No Zombies Allowed application. 

You hear that zombies? No applying.

So please take the time to fill out this application if you have any interest in being my new best friend and receiving text pictures of my stubbed toe with the caption "Does this look infected?"

Poor Vanessa, she's going to be so miserable without me.

Serious Applicants Only.  Vanessa Need Not Apply.

1. Please take an ordinary word and think of an awesome new way to say it.  For example, I call toilet paper tail-napkins and actual napkins face-paper.

2. Prove that you have read the Harry Potter books.  Possibly by sending me a picture of you sitting next to your well-worn copies of the books.  Or just by saying you have read the books.  I am very trusting, that is how Vanessa managed to hoodwink me for so long.

3.  Do you like cheese?  (This is a sort of a giveaway question as the answer can be both yes and no.  Because if you do like cheese then we can have lengthy conversations in which we laud the merits of different kinds of cheese and if you don't like cheese then I get to eat all of your cheese when we go out to eat.)

4. Would you play a game with me that I like to call "Quack Quack" which consists of you duck-walking across the room quacking whilst I shoot rubber bands at you to improve my aim?

5. Do you like to iron other people's clothes?

6. Have you ever agreed with Mr. "No I Will Not Bring You A Shower Milkshake" (aka Ryan) while reading this blog?  If so, when?  (Sometimes he is right.)

7. That is all.

So submit your applications posthaste as I have a feeling people are just going to clamoring to be my new best friend.

Because who wouldn't want to be friends with this girl?

This was taken on our honeymoon.  Ryan is one lucky ducky.

Lots of Love Blogstalkers!

Oh and I'm sorry for not posting Friday, I'm still working on figuring out how to have OJ interview Ryan and I on Skype or something, we totally ran out of time this weekend.  It'll happen at some point.

UPDATE: Natalie, who writes The Barnes Daily Circus blog has just about got the much-vied-for title of BFF in her grasp with this picture sent to me via email. (LaurenRaeGallagher@gmail.com)

She says:

This is a picture of me (on the right) and MY bff Carolyn on the left.  I just got off work from Chili's and we went to the book release party and midnight for the 7th book.  We walked in and everyone was dressed up and we felt lame for not dressing up.  So we went back to our cars (after getting our numbers, of course, duh) and put on stuff that was in our cars.  College graduation robes, eye liner as lightening bolts on our foreheads, wands (sticks we broke off a tree), and Carolyn had foresight to bring brooms from her Mom's kitchen, just in case.  Well, good thinking points to her.

UPDATE X2: Jen, who writes the blog Bible Belt To Boulder sent me this picture of she and her daughter at a Harry Potter movie premier.

She says:
That'd be me as Professor Trelawney on the left and the Divine Miss M as Hermione on the right, complete with beaded bag and The Tales of Beedle the Bard inside.
Yes, we're nerds.  She'll probably be mortified by this picture later.  Perhaps I'll bring it out before any first date.  Or maybe just don the costume.  ; )

Natalie and Jen had better watch out though because Lesley who pens the lovely Fairy Tales Blog apparently has access to large amounts of cheese.  And I have always wanted to eat a wheel of cheese bigger than my head.

And Megan dressed up like Dobby for a Masquerade Day at her camp.  Which is totally awesome.

Competition is stiff Blogstalkers.  There's no telling who'll soon get to be my Temporary Best Friend and console me when Love In The Wild gets canceled.


  1. I wrote my Masters Thesis on the Harry Potter books - and I really think that should excuse me from having to fill out the rest of the application :)

    1. Amy, in what context is your masters? So fantastic! If I could have found a way to get HP into my thesis, I would have :D

  2. Whilst I undoubtedly fulfill most of the criteria set out above, I've never being very good at filling out applications, ergo reason prob why I am still unemployed in Switzerland, grr argh. Also Switzerland to America is an awful long commute for besties. Not even sure if you'd want me, that said everybody knows the a Gay Best Friend is the best kind, mwah ha ha.


  3. Been nice knowing ya. To set the record straight, I have never watched a single Harry Potter movie.

    1. Don't be mad Vanessa! It's a joke I promise! You are still totally my BFF, because honestly who else would put up with me?

      Also, I really thought you had watched the movies, but I am often wrong, as this once again proves.

  4. I can't believe Vanessa deceived you about reading the books! I totally made my BFF read ALL of them. Her husband was quite mad at me because she ignored him a lot whilst reading them. I would love to be your new, albeit temporary,bff.
    1. Hmm, i can't really think of a new way to say things, but i can say them in Spanish or French or my totally random English accent.
    2.I have read all the Harry Potter books many times. I even read the Quidditch through the Ages, Fantastical Beasts and where to find them and the tales of beedle the bard. Also, when watching the 6th movie with my sister, I had to explain everything to her. sample convo: "You didn't get that from the movie?" her: "No." me: "That's because...IT WAS IN THE BOOK!"
    3.I do not like cheese. You can have all my cheese, in fact if you come visit me, i'll totally give you free cheese dip, i mean cheese soup, at my family's Mexican place.
    4. yes 5. sort of 6. no. 7. this application is kinda long and my current BFF might not be happy with me applying for this position, BUT she didn't get replaced while she read my HP books, so she should be fine.

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  6. Seeing as my BFF insists on constantly moving around the country, I have a void that needs filling (in a nonsexual way). 1. This kind of answers 1 and 3, because instead of Babybels, those delightful treats are called "cheese rounds" in my house. 2. I'll be honest, I've only read the first book so maybe we could just be BFF for a day. I'm kind of lazy and probably wouldn't be a good BFF past that anyways. 4. I'm ok with the waddling like a duck part, but I had a traumatic episode involving a rubber band being flicked at me, so no dice there. 5. Oddly enough, yes. 6. I don't think so. And I have brought my bf a beer whilst in the shower 7. Showering drinking is the best!

  7. I'm in awe of anyone finding a way to officially study HP. My vote goes to Amy though I think I'm a close second.

  8. 1. Those things you put on toilet seats are ass gaskets.
    2. I have read 4 chapters in the first book. Threw it down and said I am not 12. (Hey I am just trying to be honest, Best Friends are always truthful)But I have watched all the movies.
    3. I can get down with some cheese. We've had many the awesome moments.
    4. I actually just envisioned us doing that while I wear the tentecals and they tick on the floor as I waddle.
    5. At my sister and her ex husbands coed bachelor/bachelorette party (I know it was as lame as it sounds)We were getting ready and neither one of them knew how to Iron so I did it...Who the f doesn't know how to iron?? At least know how to Iron a shirt...(unless you don't then I can totally teach you)
    6. I only agree with one thing Baldwin Ryan said and that was when he said that being called a Baldwin was awesome.
    7. We wouldn't be able to go on dog play dates because my dog hates everyone and everything except me and my black/white friend Phill.

  9. Thinking of applying.

    How would I know if i'm a zombie or not?

    1. Easy. You can type. Zombies can't type.

  10. I figured it would be more fun in the comments than just to send lauren an email so my application:

    Obviously you're speaking to me.

    Jk - that would be something a true stalker would say instead of a blogstalker (of which I am totally the second. I'd be no good at the first)
    So, since I'm sitting at work pretending to do my job and I imagine you're doing the same thing I figured I'd fill out your application. Because blogstalkers like to provide entertainment rather than creepy emails. (See, totally not stalker type #2)

    Though I have a few questions/comments for you:
    1. What the hell does BLNBFNZA mean?
    2. Tail-napkins sounds like something gross strippers would use. Maybe try something else like tush-pillows or just stick with toilet paper because I see trying to rename it as politically fraught with inappropriate phrases.
    3. How did you not know this about Vanessa before? It seems you've been lax at finding out how much your friends and family are actually paying attention to what you say and are just letting them nod in response to your questions. Start quizzing everyone. Immediately. Especially Ryan.
    4. Cheese soup? Really you'd eat something that thick and call it soup?

    *Offical Application*
    1. Phone - PIMA. Not original, but accurate.
    2. I have a chinchilla named Dobby. He is awesome and has the cutest ears and I hugged him when the original Dobby died in the books and the movies. I have considered knitting him a hat to free him, but that seems like overkill. Plus I like having a chinchilla servant even if he's sadly lacking in the magic department and has never tried to save me from Voldemort.
    3. I somewhat like cheese. Like my most extreme cheese like is Havarti Dill. I mostly like it with wine. So I'd give you all the exotic cheeses in exchange for your exotic wines.
    4. I don't like rubber bands being shot at me due to having an annoying younger brother, but I'd do it if you shot hair-ties. *Bonus* I freaking love ducks and pretending to be one.
    5. Hells yeah
    6. Not in recent memory. He seems nice, but totally delusional about how 'normal' normal is. Obviously he does not appreciate the joy some of us have in experiencing the world in a childlike manner.

    I appreciate the opportunity to apply!
    That was the best way to spend 20min ever.

  11. Yeah...that application seems like an awful lot of work. I'm pretty sure you're just trying to get us to entertain you during your sexual harassment seminar. And while I would totally be your friend, I'm kind of tired. So in lieu of filling out the application, I'm going to take a nap. And then eat some cheese. While reading harry potter.
    So I win right?

  12. 1. I think that there are lots of things I call by names that are not really our names. Like I call our cat "Mr. Fattie" instead of his real name, and I make fun of our other cat for being so prissy. But I digress. There are lots of things I don't call by their real names, but I can't remember what they are because I'm so used to saying them that I believe I've actually started to think of them as the real words.

    2. I've read all 7 of the books many, many times. My mom has pictures of me (and my husband) sitting around reading the 7th book when it came out. That's all we did. All. day. long.

    3. Um, I love cheese. I'm addicted to cheese. I wish I was eating cheese right now.

    4. I would only agree to play that game if you had really bad aim.

    5. I don't even like to iron my own clothes...Is that a dealbreaker? Because I've read all of the Harry potter books. I'm even on Pottermore! I'm WolfsbaneMagic20411!

    6. He seems too much like my husband to ever be right.

    7. Seriously, is the iron thing a dealbreaker? because I can learn.

    Also, I don't think I'm a zombie.

  13. 1. A few years ago, I accidentally said "forecalves" instead of shins out loud in a group of friends. So word-inventions are a regular thing inside my head...and also apparently a regular thing out of my mouth as well.

    2. I am at work, so cannot go to my high school pictures to find the one of me dressed up at an HP book release party dressed.as.HP. Also, once when I was a camp counselor, I threatened to harm a camper when he almost told me the ending of the 6th book before I had a chance to get it in a care package from my mom.

    3. I love cheese. Also, I frequently eat things that make me feel ill (i.e. buffalo-flavored anything). So my mouth's pleasure beats my stomach's pain any day.

    4. I bruise easily...so aim softly. Also, I'm no good at quacking.

    5. I do not like to iron. But, I also do not judge for the lack of an ironed garment.

    6. I have to admit, he made a wise choice when he puckered up to the nemo look-alike

    7. Thank you for your consideration.

  14. Merete6/25/2012

    I know all about having the people close to you not reading the Harry Potter books. My boyfriend, who I only agreed on dating to begin with because of his initials RAB (and it took him months to figure out why I loved his initials, seriously??? The other reason was that his name is Reid and that = read), had not, and I quickly got sick of him never getting my awesome references. So unless he readS the first book by our anniversary, I'll have to dump him (it's important to stick to the deadlines you set). He also has to get a sailboat by September, come to think of it. Getting a boat is the least he could do for me, I am after all the person who introduced him to brie.
    And only seeing the movies??? Then you never ever get to meet Peeves, such a tragedy.

    1. We did it, we bashed them, wee Potter's the one
      and Voldy's gone mouldy, so lets have fun!

  15. 1. I have been known to use the f-word in various different ways. I can make it a noun, a verb, an adjective and an adverb. I also frequently call my dog either Duketacular or Dukebacka.
    2.I own all seven of the Harry Potter books, much like everyone else on this board! However, I foolishly bought the first one in paperback to see if I would like it. So when I went to England in 2006 I bought a hardback copy of the British version. One thing I noticed with the books is that the farther along in the series that you go the more British slang appears. For instance, in book 6 Harry's sneakers are suddenly referred to as trainers. I still have not forgiven JKR for killing Fred.
    3. I adore cheese! My favorite is goat cheese, followed closely by mozzarella. I also love gruyere and parmesan, and ricotta, and cheddar. I love brie too, but can only have that in very small quantities as it causes me to have an asthma attack.
    4. Can we take turns being the shooter? I bruise easily.
    5.I like to iron flat things like napkins, but my husband has been known to use starch on shirts before so I can get him to do the ironing.
    6.Clown fish are awesome.
    7. I like to bake too! And I hate zombies.

  16. Anonymous6/25/2012

    1. I had parents from Oklahoma and therefore we have a lot of words that make absolutely no sense to anyone else but us. But,the most used one would be yens, it's a combination/plural of you and youngens.
    2. I have read the Harry Potter books several times and am trying to convince my husband that I also need them for my Nook.
    3. I love cheese but my tummy does not!! So, you could have all my cheese.
    4. I would play Quack Quack if our husbands could be the ducks. Also, do you love that show Duck Dynasty. I love it!!!
    5. Yes, unfortunately, I love to iron. I use both liquid and spray starch on my husband's crisp white shirts. I'm so conplusive/OCD about it that I even will iron T-shirts.
    6. I have never agreed with Ryan. Like Ryan, my husband is just used to the Crazy Train as we like to call it. Usually he laughs. Bless his heart, he thinks it's cute!!!

  17. I, unfortunately, cannot apply to be your BFF because I am not a HP fan (books OR movies...I know, I know...it's a wonder my girls - who are HUGE OBSESSED & CRAZY HP fans - haven't run away from home) BUT can I be your totally awesome (much) older sister who you love but kind of hate (because of the whole HP thing) and who will stay up snapping rubber bands at your sleeping husband (a new game I just invented) while eating kabobs made of a variety of cheeses??

  18. Ooh...I am also a HUGE fan of the Harry Potter books and also have a friend that has not read them yet. I can't believe there are actually more people out there that don't read them!

    I like the face-paper. I call my children the "giant headaches with legs". Not sure if that counts. Cheese is great. I hate to iron- I just buy clothes that do not require to be pressed before I wear them.

    And husbands are usually wrong. I have one. I know. He understands that he won't be right and can't be right when he argues with me. No matter how "wrong" I am, I'm the winner.


    But I have only read the first Harry Potter book so I am disqualified.


  20. I cannot be your best friend at this time because I AM a zombie. Which automatically disqualifies me. I can't remember if I read the Harry Potter books, and if Ryan has ever been right. But I will eat his brains if it makes you feel better. I don't particularly care for cheese, since I said before that I like brains. I can't move my legs to walk like a duck, but I go slow so you can totally shoot rubber bands at me. But if a body part falls off, that's on you. I don't iron, but I would probably leave pieces of skin on your clothes, so that's a good thing.

  21. What if... I read HP after I was already a zombie? Zombies can't read I don't think, so you caught me. I am disqualified because I didn't read HP, BUT I just learned how to make a jalapeño pimento cheese fried pie, do I get bonus points?!? Everything is better fried, even cheese and who doesnt love a fried pie?

  22. I want to know why you're so blatantly discriminating against zombies. It seems random and a little mean and frankly, unlike you. Zombies have feelings too, Lauren!

  23. Mary with a long Polish last name6/25/2012

    1. When I want to turn the volume up or down on my TV, I say that it needs to go up or down a nib or XX nibs. Depending on my nib needs at that time.

    2. I have read the Harry Potter books so many times that I am considering rebuying them. I purchased book 7 from Amazon.uk so I could read the "original" and convinced my fiance to buy me the collector's edition of "The Tales of Beedle the Bard." I also joined the Museum of Science and Industry just to I could go to the Harry Potter exhibit. I read book 7 in 24 hours. Including sleep. Shall I go on? ;)

    3. I love cheese. I have a kit to make my own fresh mozzarella. If I was your new BFF, I would make fresh mozzarella for you. I might even make you a pizza with said cheese on top. Note: I always share my cheese. Additional note: if you haven't tried it, Belletoile triple creme brie (you can get it cheap at Trader Joe's) is amazing!

    4. I would be your rubber band target so long as your aim does not improve and/or I get to shoot rubber bands at Ryan or OJ or some other random person as well.

    5. I don't mind it, but I prefer to steam them with my sassy new garment steamer.

    6. Not yet that I can think of. Though the possibility exists.

    Additional notes to consider: I make my own toffee, hard candy, fudge, cake balls (I said balls...), cake, cookies (I've gotten marriage proposals for my double chocolate chip cookies), bruschetta, etc. I love to cook for my BFFs. Oh, and I make my own pumpkin vodka so that at Thanksgiving I can make a drink that tastes like pumkin pie a la mode.

    That is all.

  24. what is harry potter? does this mean i'm completely disqualified??

  25. 1. Hummingbird = Glitter-snitch.

    2. See above.

    3. I am from Wisconsin. Have you ever had a fresh squeaky cheese curd? Because they're awesome. Also: Brie. Yum.

    4. I'm not real partial to being shot at, but I can teach you how I shoot rubber bands - my aim is badass.

    5. It is in fact, my least favorite thing ever in the history of things. We can bond over that mutual dislike while we pile everything together for a trip to the dry cleaners.

    6. No. If there was agreement betwixt y'all, it wouldn't be a funny blog. Also, a shower milkshake is clearly an amazing thing that needs to be instituted in the American lexicon of daily routine.

    7. I once had a belt buckle made of dry-erase material. The person who gifted it to me explained I could write my address on it before going to the bar to make sure I got home safely. Usually the night just ended with someone drawing something lure uncomfortably close to my crotch. Poor adolescent choices make us respectable adults.

  26. 1. I call my cat Doodle-Bop. I'm apparently having word block right now because I actually make up many words and can't remember any of them. OHHHH! I KNOW! When I'm sad....I say I'm so Sad Face. Which isn't really different, but it makes you think of a sad face.

    2. I would go to the Midnight book release in Alaska at the Barns and Noble for the parties and fun and the run across the street in the freezing cold to Walmart and buy it there because there wasn't any lines...I also have a Snitch tattoo...

    3. Um...does a Unicorn Poop Magic!? YES! I love cheese. But I like you, am allergic to it. I say: PASHAW cheese. One of my favorite dishes is Rice and Cheese. Like plain white rice and sharp chedder melted all over it. OMG! SO GOOD! Also I went to Italy and have AWESOME pictures of me standing with HUNDREDS of Cheese wheels. If you would like this picture I shall send it to you.

    4. Birds scare me so could I be something different? Like a small bunny?

    5. I like to stick them in the dryer and fluff them up. I have a fancy dryer like that. You can use it any time you want or just give me the things to be ironed and I will take care of it.

    6. "Boys are Dumb, we should throw rocks at them." This is an actual painting someone painted. But I would rather throw marshmellows at them.

    7. I'm going on a Disney Cruise soon to Hawaii...you should pick me and you can come with me! YAY! Also, my Christmas tree is still up. True Story.

    1. I meant Barnes and Noble. I don't know why I spelt it wrong. SORRY!

  27. Oh honey, you've got to do the Sexual Harassment Training ... how are you going to know how to harass people properly if you don't?

  28. I spent my BFF's 30th birthday reading the sixth Harry Potter book in the corner because it was on teh day it was released and I felt if she was a true BFF she would have changed her birthday instead of making me choose between her and Harry. Then she made me leave when I cried at THAT SCENE (you know the one, it's in the tower) because I was causing a scene.

    I also once spent a drunken night walking around London with my flat mates wearing witches hats on our heads and waving sticks at people shouting EXPECTO PATRONUM hoping that it would miraculously turn into some sort of large animal that would take us home. It didn't. And the cab drivers refused to let us in wearing our witches hats so we had to walk home.


  29. 1. Please take an ordinary word and think of an awesome new way to say it. For example, I call toilet paper tail-napkins and actual napkins face-paper. ~ That's a tough one. I do this all the time on the fly when I can't think of the word I actually mean, though.

    2. Prove that you have read the Harry Potter books. Possibly by sending me a picture of you sitting next to your well-worn copies of the books. Or just by saying you have read the books. I am very trusting, that is how Vanessa managed to hoodwink me for so long. ~ I have definitely read the books. Multiple times. I have also listened to all of them being read by Stephen Fry multiple times. I have seen all the movies, of course. I visited the exhibit at The Museum of Science and Industry. It was awesome.

    3. Do you like cheese? (This is a sort of a giveaway question as the answer can be both yes and no. Because if you do like cheese then we can have lengthy conversations in which we laud the merits of different kinds of cheese and if you don't like cheese then I get to eat all of your cheese when we go out to eat.) ~ I certainly do love cheese. I eat some form of it every day - cheese dip, cheeseball, cheese soup, shredded, chunk, melted, etc.

    4. Would you play a game with me that I like to call "Quack Quack" which consists of you duck-walking across the room quacking whilst I shoot rubber bands at you to improve my aim? ~I bruise like an old banana so this would not be a good idea. But, we could definitely exchange photos of our various bruises. I am covered in them at all times.

    5. Do you like to iron other people's clothes? ~ No. I don't even like to iron my own clothes. But, I do have a stem setting on my dryer that will make things look as if they have been ironed. I will also be willing to shop for clothes that don't need to be ironed. Or, we will go to the dry cleaners. I once took a dress to the dry cleaners not because it was dry clean only but because it came out of the wash wrinkly and I could not handle trying to iron it myself. They did a lovely job!

    6. Have you ever agreed with Mr. "No I Will Not Bring You A Shower Milkshake" (aka Ryan) while reading this blog? If so, when? (Sometimes he is right.) ~ Well, he did buy you a pretty great purse. I definitely agree with that.

    7. That is all. ~ Thank you for considering my application. I really think the willingness to send/receive bruise pics should give me an advantage, yes?

  30. Well, I think I'm out of the running because I've never read any of the books. I've only seen the first maybe 3 movies as well. I know I know. But I actually bought them all for my son and am hoping to read them WITH him at some point when he is able to tackle these types of books. I have been wanting to read them for a while. It will happen. One day. Might I apply at that time? Please? Maybe my son can even apply as well. He is a lovely boy. I'll even teach him to iron (I don't do that either. Darn).

    (Sorry I've been absent. I'm trying to catch up on blog posts now).

  31. 1. Well, toilet paper is usually called 'napkin toilet' at our house - but it's kind of cheating for me to use this since my daughter actually called it this as a toddler and it stuck. The term, not the ... nevermind.

    2. I've read every book many, many times. But I think I'll e-mail a pic of the last midnight movie premiere as evidence of my love for all things Harry Potter.

    3. Love cheese - the best is caciocavallo, an Italian cheese. I'm really not sure if it's good but coming from a very, very large Italian family, liking it is sort of genetic.

    4. If you play the "baaaaalk, baaaaalk" game. I am the chicken sound champion - a coveted title at our house. Don't judge.

    5. I have to recuse on this one. My partner has this idea that I'm terrible at ironing so she does pretty much all of it. I would hate to alter that perception, even if it might not be entirely accurate ....

    6. Hmmmm, not since I've been reading your blog. Maybe he just hasn't been right recently??

    Serious Applicants Only. Vanessa Need Not Apply.

    1. Please take an ordinary word and think of an awesome new way to say it. For example, I call toilet paper tail-napkins and actual napkins face-paper.
    I got nothing... Sadly... HOWEVER, I can make up for that by recommending a few Wizard Rock bands?! Hard to beat bands that play songs SPECIFICALLY about Harry Potter.. ^__^! (The Remus Lupins are my personal Favorite)

    2. Prove that you have read the Harry Potter books. Possibly by sending me a picture of you sitting next to your well-worn copies of the books. Or just by saying you have read the books. I am very trusting, that is how Vanessa managed to hoodwink me for so long.
    I have read the books, I won three of my books at the midnight release parties at BAMM for my ingenious costumes. ^__^

    3. Do you like cheese? (This is a sort of a giveaway question as the answer can be both yes and no. Because if you do like cheese then we can have lengthy conversations in which we laud the merits of different kinds of cheese and if you don't like cheese then I get to eat all of your cheese when we go out to eat.)
    I LOVE CHEESE! Have you tried Jarlsburg and Chorizo together? SO GOOD!

    4. Would you play a game with me that I like to call "Quack Quack" which consists of you duck-walking across the room quacking whilst I shoot rubber bands at you to improve my aim?
    ONLY, if I get to rent a chicken suit...I have this thing with costume. As it would be apparent if I could figure out how to post me & my best friend dressed up at the Harry Potter Convention. She walked me around for Hours as Scabbers.
    5. Do you like to iron other people's clothes?
    Honestly, yes.... I love to iron...Especially with essential oils in my steam water. I usually iron with Lavender, or Peppermint.

    6. Have you ever agreed with Mr. "No I Will Not Bring You A Shower Milkshake" (aka Ryan) while reading this blog? If so, when? (Sometimes he is right.)

    Not really, I think there are times that Ryan can be equated to a funpire... He just seems to suck the fun out of life

    7. That is all.

  33. 1. Please take an ordinary word and think of an awesome new way to say it- instead of probably, I say prolly: less syllables and way more fun and quicker in a text.

    2. Prove that you have read the Harry Potter books - crap, I'm out: I am a huge reader and have never cracked the spine on even one HP book. BUT do I get points for never having seen one of the movies either?? Prolly not.

  34. I may be too late, but here goes.

    1. Have you ever wondered about West Virginia’s placement in comparison to Virginia? I have disregarded the name and have referred to it as North Virginia for years.
    2. I unfortunately do not have a picture of me as a Harry Potter character, but I have read Harry Potter religiously and told my sister to teach her dog to fall down by Stupefy. I also just recently took a college class on Harry Potter where I saw several mistakes in my instructors teaching and I know who Marietta Edgecomb is, and that is a feat. I do have a picture of Harry Potter in Paris. Or rather, Harry Potter on the lamp in the living room. If you want to see that, I can direct you. Somehow. I bad at the internet.
    3. I do like cheese. But then I was diagnosed with something crazy and cannot eat it. Please, feel free to take the cheese. Also, my family once owned a cheese factory, and then we sold it and they changed the name to Guggisberg and they made all the money.
    4. I would, as long as you let me shoot you with a nerf gun.
    5. I used to, but then I got a boyfriend, and he’s picky. So now I have a complex. On the other hand, he will take the shirt right off of me to iron it, so no complaints.
    6. I agree with Ryan’s choice of OJ.
    7. If you are interested, my little sister and I are going to find the wizarding school in Boulder, because there is no way there isn't one in a city like Boulder.

  35. Lisa in Seattle6/26/2012

    1. In our house "deodorant" is "pitgoo" and "nose" is "snotlocker."

    2. I worked for the company that made the Harry Potter TCG and consulted on the playmat and playtesting. I made an unholy deal with one of my students when HP and the Goblet of Fire was released. She worked at a bookstore and nabbed a copy for me because there was no way I could go pick one up myself. On the way home, row after row after row of adults had the same big book on our laps for five hours. Quietest plane trip ever.

    3. My favorite cheese is a Spanish variety called "tetilla," which means "little boob," and what could be more awesome than that?

    4. Certainly. You will not object to my carrying a large medieval heater shield, correct?

    5. Life is too short to iron *anybody's* clothes. Alternatives to ironing include the "de-wrinkle" setting on the dryer, hanging clothes in the bathroom while you shower, and carefully laying them under the mattress before you go to bed.

    6. Rule 1: Ryan is always wrong. Rule 2: If Ryan should turn out to be right, refer to Rule 1.

    7. Remember, I am a staunch supporter of the Knock Up Lauren movement.

  36. 1. I call all dog tails Nubbins and also want to one day lose my thumb in an accident then have my big toe sewed on to my hand so that I may have a ToeThumb to do my evil bidding.

    2. I have seen every Potter movie in the theater at midnight. I have read every book multiple times. When the last movie was released on dvd, I called out of work and watched every single movie back to back with only 4.5 hours of sleep total. And, finally, last month I ventured to Harry Potter Land in an epic pilgrimage. You can read about it here: http://www.flyingplatypi.com/2012/05/harry-potter-land-is-my-jerusalem.html

    3. I am lactose intolerant and eat cheese every day. Then I complain about shitting so much. Then my husband yells at me. Then I get upset and eat more cheese.

    4. Yes. I'm fairly certain that I can make my husband waddle for us. I have an unopened bottle of tequila in my basement.

    5. I do not iron. What I do do (HAHA... DODO!) is put my clothes in the dryer on high for 5 mins before I get dressed.

    6. The first rule about Filing Jointly is that Ryan is always wrong. The second rule about Filing Jointly is that Ryan is always wrong.

    7. I am well prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse.

  37. 1. Not off the top of my head. But once I was loving eating a particular brand of ice cream then told my husband I was going to buy a whole lot of it and store it in my freezer. I say stuff like that a lot .... And once in a store I wanted to sniff shampoo ( not to get high! To see if I liked the smell before buying it) and I snorted it right up my nose. Oh, actually once as a kid I heard my Mom talking about the Downy Woodpeckers then saw a woodpecker sitting upright as they are prone to do and squealed " oh look, an Uppy Woodpecker!" and didn't clue into the humour until well into my teens.

    2. I read all Harry Potter books. While waiting to deliver my baby. The two weeks prior I mean, not during actual labour. Anyway, I forget them all. But refuse to watch the movies until I re-read the books, yet have no time to read all the books, and my poor husband is stuck in limbo as he has to wait for me and well .. unless I can convince him me reading all the Harry Potter is a valid reason to quit working, gonna be a long wait.

    3. Boursin. You're Welcome! You not Ryan. He won't thank me. Your taste buds will never forget me though.

    4. I have two small children. You have none (yet). So obviously you need to borrow mine for target practice and I'm ok with that - that's what true friends do.

    5. People who buy anything that needs to be ironed are certifiably insane unless they buy it, wear it, then throw it out. In which case they are kind of bad ass. Unless they give it to goodwill instead. Then they are mean and maybe stereotypical in thinking all poor people should know how to iron. Just because we are poor doesn't mean we are sweatshop poor. That's uncalled for.

    6. Ryan is so right in his love of all things O.J. except when he is so wrong in his demonstration of love like when he purposefully buys him a Christmas present that is gloves which are two sizes too small. That's not funny RYAN!

    7. I just ran a Spartan Race so am well on my way to being prepared for battling zombies. Yet I would purposefully run slower than you, because that is the kind of TBFFN I am. Unless you ate cheese recently in which case forget me running downwind!

    Love your (hopefully new) * Temporary Best Friend for Now*

  38. Amanda6/27/2012

    Long application is long.

    But fun HP story - first time visiting Wizarding World of HP in Orlando, when I turned the corner the first time by the Hogwarts Express, I burst into tears. I'm 27. My entire family enjoyed that.

    And I brought my Harry Potter pillow to the last movie premiere and held it while I cried through the last movie. I had a picture for a while on my FB that said "When it is okay to die: 1) after a long fulfilling life- 2%, 2) after seeing that Stephanie Meyer has died in a fire, 8%, 3) After seeing Ron and Hermione Kiss-90%.

    True Stuff.

    Also, if you've never seen it, watch this video with tissues:


  39. 1) I call the television remote the "clickamajig" because my grandparents called it the "clicker" and, really, remotes are SO much more complex now.
    2) Yes. I have. Take my word on it. Also I have read the Inheritance cycle and am currently starting a Song of Ice and Fire. I only mention this because I assume everyone who read Harry Potter at some point probably moved on to the Inheritance books, and then I'm hoping the Song of Ice and Fire series are also good but so far in the first book, A Game of Thones, holy shit holy shit holy SHIT I was not entirely prepared for this!
    3) I do loves me some cheese.
    4) That sounds like... a horrible idea. Is this ... wow ... am I seriously the only person who said they wouldn't like to play this?
    5) Absolutely. If by "iron" you mean throw the clothes back in the dryer with a little water, then hang them up as soon as the dryer stops. Which, I assume, is what you really meant.
    6) I find myself agreeing with Ryan a LOT. Hm. Maybe I should be applying to be his friend??
    7) Okay then. Hm. I feel I was doing pretty well up until #4. Crap. Where's the application to be Ryan's friend, then?

  40. So I guess we're "over" since I've never seen a single Harry Potter movie, nor read the book. I have, however, been through the Harry Potter section of Universal Studios, although the entire extravagance was completely lost on me. So, I enjoyed the Marvel comic section just as much. Yes, the "friends" I was with considered it blasphemy, as well. *shrug*

  41. This was definitely the best and funniest post I read all day. I love me some Harry Potter also.

  42. Apparently your suitors have your number! Harry Potter and cheese! Personally, I would offer you a bouquet of tentacles (duh) that are pink and purple and covered with glitter and studded with diamonds (why not go all the way?) in the suckers. The fact that I'm *practically* old enough to be your mother should have no bearing on your decision.

  43. This is so sad because I really wanted to win this because I have an affinity for BFF necklaces but I have never actually read the Harry Potter books. Or seen the movies. This is because I went to a slightly cult-ish church when they came out and our pastor told us that they were of the devil and being the blind follower that I was at the time, I shunned them with the intensity of the Amish. Except now I have re-evaluated my relationship with the Lord so that it is normal and stuff but still forget to check them out every time I go to the library because I am distracted by the Sweet Valley High books circa 1993.

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