So recently I was reading an interview with some celebrity or other and they mentioned that they have zero regrets in their life. The interviewer then made some comment about how it takes a strong person to move past regrets and not dwell on them. To which the celebrity responded by saying something like, oh no, it's not that I don't dwell on my regrets, it's that I really just don't have any to begin with. Which is charming and lovely and fantastic and all... but it is also bullshit.
In theory, I like the theory that one should live without regrets but it is my opinion that it would be a pretty impossible thing to do. Who hasn't said or done something that they felt bad about later? Something that in retrospect may have not been the greatest idea in the world? Or who hasn't done something that they wish they had? Missed a chance at anything?
Oh you haven't? Congratulations. May I please borrow your unicorn next Friday evening, I am attending a Cheese and Monkey Gala with Justin Timberlake and my flying carpet is in the shop.
(Jokes aside though. If you really don't have any regrets or are one of those people that are able to move past regrets instead of dwelling on them then I am like...super jealous.)
All of this is really just a long way to say...I have regrets. Like, I totally regret forgetting to put my phone on mute today during a call-in meeting at work and then accidentally singing the word "Sandwich" in a high-pitched voice when I took out my lunch. There were like forty people in the meeting and they all heard and everyone knew it was me because my boss was all like "Don't quit your day job Lauren." And now people keep walking past my desk singing foods. So far I've gotten "Artichoke" "Mayonnaise" and "Sandwich." (That last one was highly unoriginal.) I am seriously so close to quitting my day job.
I also regret the time I completely by accident inferred that someone was fat to their face. I felt absolutely awful about it then and I feel absolutely awful about it now. It was not purposeful but it was hurtful and I regret that it happened.
So with that introduction, I am changing direction entirely and am going to talk about things that I don't really regret, but probably should.
--The time I got sent home from my job at the hardware store in high school because I had said "inappropriate things" over the intercom. In my defense, I was really just going about my usual cashier way and didn't realize how bad it would sound to say "I need a price check on Dickson nuts at register three."
--The time I got sent home from my job at the hardware store in high school because my boss asked me to make a Sale sign for garden hoses and I made a sign that said "Cheap Hose, Inquire Inside" and hung it in the window. That one was totally on purpose.
--The time I posted a video of myself singing online for the whole world to see. Because seriously Lauren, No. That doesn't sound even a little bit good. It's time to finally let go of your dreams of being a contestant on The Voice and wooing Adam Levine with your melodic ululations. I don't regret this though because it introduced you all to OJ and then I got like a thousand emails and comments about how he made all of your "eyes all smiley." OJ is in Chicago next weekend and we have plans to make an Ace of Base "The Sign" video which I will then post to fill all of your OJ quotas for the month.
--The time I was giving a speech in speech class in college and tried to say "I put on my socks" but sort of instead said "I put on my sex" and then got really flustered and tried to say calmly "I meant socks" but instead somehow shouted "I MEN SEX." It was a disaster. But I totally don't regret it because it turned into the most awesome joke of all time with people in my class. We'd see each other at the library (bar) and be like:
"Hey what are you up to tonight?"
"Oh you know, I men sex."
And then laugh hysterically while whomever we were with, was like "Ummm what?"
That's all I can think of right now, but I'll be posting again tonight, with something that my sister Clarke and her friends Lia and Arianna probably regret. A tentacle filled photo shoot that I was able to talk them into after getting them slightly tipsy at my home recently. (Don't worry, they're all older than 21.)
So check back around sevenish CST!
And tell me, what do you regret Blogstalkers? Or what should you regret that you totally don't, not even a little bit? Ever accidentally said something inappropriate or ridiculous in a public place?
Also, totally friend me on facebook (link on sidebar) and join the "Lauren Is More Popular Than Ryan On Facebook" crusade. Currently he still has like a LOT more friends than me. Stupid charming Ryan.
Also, I have a new sponsor that I'm really excited about! I have really very sensitive skin so I use these products in real life and love them. My aunt got me hooked when she gave me some the day of my wedding. The volcanic ash mud mask and the foot cream are probably my favorites.
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