Almost 800 Facebook Friends Doesn't Make You Popular In Real Life RYAN

Happy Lauren-Should-Not-Be-Allowed-To-Chew-Gum-Anymore-As-She-Has-Choked-On-It-Twice-Already-Today Day Blogstalkers!

So recently I was reading an interview with some celebrity or other and they mentioned that they have zero regrets in their life.  The interviewer then made some comment about how it takes a strong person to move past regrets and not dwell on them.  To which the celebrity responded by saying something like, oh no, it's not that I don't dwell on my regrets, it's that I really just don't have any to begin with.  Which is charming and lovely and fantastic and all... but it is also bullshit.

In theory, I like the theory that one should live without regrets but it is my opinion that it would be a pretty impossible thing to do.  Who hasn't said or done something that they felt bad about later?  Something that in retrospect may have not been the greatest idea in the world?  Or who hasn't done something that they wish they had? Missed a chance at anything?

Oh you haven't?  Congratulations.  May I please borrow your unicorn next Friday evening, I am attending a Cheese and Monkey Gala with Justin Timberlake and my flying carpet is in the shop.

(Jokes aside though.  If you really don't have any regrets or are one of those people that are able to move past regrets instead of dwelling on them then I am like...super jealous.)

All of this is really just a long way to say...I have regrets.  Like, I totally regret forgetting to put my phone on mute today during a call-in meeting at work and then accidentally singing the word "Sandwich" in a high-pitched voice when I took out my lunch.  There were like forty people in the meeting and they all heard and everyone knew it was me because my boss was all like "Don't quit your day job Lauren."  And now people keep walking past my desk singing foods.  So far I've gotten "Artichoke" "Mayonnaise" and "Sandwich." (That last one was highly unoriginal.)  I am seriously so close to quitting my day job.

I also regret the time I completely by accident inferred that someone was fat to their face.  I felt absolutely awful about it then and I feel absolutely awful about it now.  It was not purposeful but it was hurtful and I regret that it happened.

So with that introduction, I am changing direction entirely and am going to talk about things that I don't really regret, but probably should.

--The time I got sent home from my job at the hardware store in high school because I had said "inappropriate things" over the intercom.  In my defense, I was really just going about my usual cashier way and didn't realize how bad it would sound to say "I need a price check on Dickson nuts at register three."

--The time I got sent home from my job at the hardware store in high school because my boss asked me to make a Sale sign for garden hoses and I made a sign that said "Cheap Hose, Inquire Inside" and hung it in the window.  That one was totally on purpose.

--The time I posted a video of myself singing online for the whole world to see.  Because seriously Lauren, No.  That doesn't sound even a little bit good.  It's time to finally let go of your dreams of being a contestant on The Voice and wooing Adam Levine with your melodic ululations.  I don't regret this though because it introduced you all to OJ and then I got like a thousand emails and comments about how he made all of your "eyes all smiley."  OJ is in Chicago next weekend and we have plans to make an Ace of Base "The Sign" video which I will then post to fill all of your OJ quotas for the month.

--The time I was giving a speech in speech class in college and tried to say "I put on my socks" but sort of instead said "I put on my sex" and then got really flustered and tried to say calmly "I meant socks" but instead somehow shouted "I MEN SEX."  It was a disaster.  But I totally don't regret it because it turned into the most awesome joke of all time with people in my class.  We'd see each other at the library (bar) and be like:

"Hey what are you up to tonight?"

"Oh you know, I men sex."

And then laugh hysterically while whomever we were with, was like "Ummm what?"

That's all I can think of right now, but I'll be posting again tonight,  with something that my sister Clarke and her friends Lia and Arianna probably regret.  A tentacle filled photo shoot that I was able to talk them into after getting them slightly tipsy at my home recently.  (Don't worry, they're all older than 21.)

So check back around sevenish CST!

And tell me, what do you regret Blogstalkers?  Or what should you regret that you totally don't, not even a little bit?  Ever accidentally said something inappropriate or ridiculous in a public place?

Also, totally friend me on facebook (link on sidebar) and join the "Lauren Is More Popular Than Ryan On Facebook" crusade.  Currently he still has like a LOT more friends than me.  Stupid charming Ryan.

Also, I have a new sponsor that I'm really excited about!  I have really very sensitive skin so I use these products in real life and love them.  My aunt got me hooked when she gave me some the day of my wedding.  The volcanic ash mud mask and the foot cream are probably my favorites.
Click Here To Visit Store





56 comments:

  1. I regret not getting a tentacle while I was in Chicago.

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *buying not getting.

      I regret not buying a tentacle.

      Delete
    2. You wouldn't have had to buy one, I totally would have given you one for free. I have like a giant box of them in my house. Totally forgot about it.

      Delete
  2. My two biggest regrets from my teenage years are that I never became a boy scout, and that I never did musical theatre in high school. My school had a really wonderful music/arts program, and though I sang in the chorus, and acted in the dramatic productions , I never bothered to commit to the musicals. It was all the same group of kids (and I'm still close friends with most of them to this day), and I really would have loved to become even closer to my music "family".

    Something I don't regret, but probably should, was the day that I told a member of the country club I work at that I know where he lives...in a rather nonchalant though threatening manner. I work in the locker room cleaning golf shoes, and he handed me his to be cleaned, telling me that he wasn't sure if his locker number was on them. I knew his locker number by memory, but instead of telling him that I knew where his locker was, I said, "Oh, it's okay sir, I know where you live." He just sort of looked at me strangely and walked away very fast...I had a good giggle about it with my co-worker though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was a girl scout. Twas pretty awesome. We had a parachute that we used to play "Popcorn" by balling up our socks, throwing them on the parachute, then holding the edges of the parachute and flinging it up and down. Didn't take much to amuse a bunch of 11 year old girls I guess.

      Also, I am very jealous that you are musically inclined. I always always wish I could sing. But I can't. I can't dance either. I play the piano though, does that count for anything?

      Your story made me giggle. That would have been hilarious to see.

      Delete
  3. I regret that you, Lauren, and I aren't BFF's, but I could never live in Chicago, and I KNOW you'd die in Texas. : (

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're like internet BFFs though right? And yes ::sigh:: Texas and all the sunny sunshine would probably kill me, if the rattlesnakes didn't get me first.

      Delete
  4. Biggest regrets--Going to law school, dating the unintelligent frat boy in college and bringing him to family functions where he told everyone about how hard he partied the night before, and ripping up my mother's antique quilt in Jr. High because she wouldn't let me go out with my friends. There are more but those are the first that come immediately to mind.
    I love how you sang sandwich over the phone. I would have totally done that, but I wouldn't have regretted it because it would make for a good blog post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my gosh you regret going to law school? I sometimes wish I had gone. But I never did, because I didn't want to have to take the LSAT. Am quite lazy. Would make terrible lawyer.

      And yes, the sandwich thing makes for a good couple of blog jokes, but my office is TORTURING me about it and I'm pretty sure I'm never going to live it down around here. At least not until I do something else ridiculous that they can focus their attention on.

      Delete
  5. Lisa S6/13/2012

    I guess what people who say they have no regrets really mean is that they don't dwell on them. 'Cause surely everyone has some regret? I like the idea that our choices, including our mistakes, shape us and lead us where we are, so if we're in a good place, we can't have screwed up that badly, but there are still little things we could have done without. I regret that there are NO pictures of me and my ex together. Even though looking at them now would only make me sad anyway, it also makes me sad that there aren't any. And I was just reminded that I regret not buying a book when it was still available. And lots of other things. I say things I regret on pretty much a daily basis, but then I usually forget them pretty fast.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really envy people that don't dwell on regrets. I'm a stressball so I'm not one of those people that can just take a deep breath and move on.

      I say things I regret pretty much all the time too. As in the "sandwich-incident" of today. Ugh.

      Delete
    2. Lisa S6/13/2012

      So I somehow skipped the part of the paragraph where you said the interviewer said the thing about dwelling. I didn't mean to repeat the same thing, I just don't remember reading it. I blame tiredness.

      Delete
    3. Lisa, you didn't miss it, it wasn't there. I read your comment and remembered more of the interview and though I should throw it in so I didn't sound like such a jerkface.

      So you didn't repeat anything, I did. I used your words.

      Delete
    4. Lisa S6/13/2012

      Haha. Mind games. But that's a relief. No need to worry about my ability to read then.

      Delete
    5. Am VERY good at mind games.

      Delete
  6. Anonymous6/13/2012

    I regret going into a master's program after I graduated college. I didn't really know what else to do so I just went for it. I also became a teaching assistant because it reduced tuition costs but it paid a measly monthly salary. I ended up taking out loans just to survive. I had the realization at the beginning of my second semester that I hated what I was doing, so after one year I dropped out. I wasted my time and lots of money on something I didn't finish or like. What I wish I would've done is go to Cosmetology school. I love skin care and makeup! Seriously, my passions! I was so afraid that people would think that wasn't a good enough career. Like only girls who couldn't make it to college go to beauty school, but it's something I believe would've made me very happy. I can't afford to go now because of the loan debt I accumulated between my undergrad and one year of grad school that I'm now paying off and I don't want to add to that anymore. Oh well, we live and learn, right?

    -Stacy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was SOCLOSE to starting a MSA (Accounting Masters)right after I graduated from college but someone that had the same experience as you counseled me out of it.

      And I think Cosmetology is awesome! I am absolutely awful at my own makeup and I can honestly say that the woman that I hired to make me pretty on my wedding day, like made my wedding ten times better.

      Delete
    2. Stacy - You're, like, my internet twin!! I did the EXACT SAME THING right after college, right down to the teaching assistantship and loans. The only difference is that even though I hated school, I really liked the cute guy who prepped the labs I taught (ahh, chemistry in the chemistry department) and ended up marrying him instead and moving around with the military. I'm now back in school for a different field because my first, super expensive degree is no good to someone who moves a lot. It's expensive too, but so worth it because it'll get me somewhere I want to be. I just hope I don't fall in love again, because I'm kind of already married this time.

      Delete
    3. That is such a sweet story Stephanie! (I mean the part about marrying the cute Chemistry guy...not the expensive degree part.)

      Delete
  7. Amanda6/13/2012

    I should regret the public dancing I did this morning after finishing my morning run with a friend, but I don't. I provided entertainment for those who witnessed it (I didn't know there were spectators), provided a wonderful example for how NOT to dance (it was educational), and I provided a confidence boost for the spectators (they now can go about their day saying to themselves "well at least I wasn't the crazy chick dancing on the trail").

    I might though regret a letter I sent to a town in Massachusetts so I'll have to let you know how it turns out.

    I don't have a URL but also don't have anything to sign into but didn't want to be anonymous, so I chose Name/URL option. I'm electronically stunted! I’d also be your friend on Facebook but I’m one of the only people under 30 without a FB account, but I’m there in spirit!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha I love that you danced after your workout! It's totally something I would do. Mine would also be..ahem...educational.

      Interested in this letter to the town thing....

      And I'll bet Ryan has ZERO spirit FB friends. So that is totally awesome.

      Delete
    2. Amanda6/13/2012

      Not to prove my craziness or anything but…The town thing goes as such. This morning the groom and I were watching the local news and they reported there’s a town in Mass that has made public swearing illegal. They’ll fine you and if you don’t pay the fine you could possibly end up in jail. It’s my day off and so I spastically announced “I’m writing that town a letter!”.

      To which my groom gave his automatic response of “that’s great toots, perfect, you do that”.

      So either out of spite for him not thinking I’d actually do it or my love for swear words I wrote a mini essay on the linguistic history of swear words. I am completely biased but it’s a masterpiece!

      Also, even if Ryan did have spirit FB friends they would be douche canoes compared to me!!

      Delete
    3. I want to seeeeeee this letter (why yes I can whine from behind the internets.) I used to get all worked up about things in the newspaper when I was like 18 and I would write scathing Letters To The Editor. Some of them got published. They were not masterpieces.

      Also random, but my very first boyfriend of all time called me Toots.

      Delete
    4. Amanda6/13/2012

      That is random and I like random. I have no idea where he got it from and he refused to call me princess fifi sparkle pants so toots it is.

      I laughed that you would write to the editor I was that same book worm too who did the same thing. I'll email you the letter if you're actually curious. Also as a side note it's not exactly a masterpiece but what can I say I'm a legend in my own mind.

      Delete
    5. I wanna see that letter too, Amanda. I LOVE cuss-words. :) (sorry to eavesdrop)

      Delete
    6. Yes, agree with Kristen Mae, must see letter.

      Delete
  8. I've known this kid, we'll call him Bob, since age 6 or 7. Bob and I went to school together our entire lives, even college. In elementary school I would make him cry by giving him Indian arm burns, which he said hurt the worst because I really am Indian (dot not feather). But anyways, the thing I should regret is making him cry in high school. In class I borrowed, without his knowledge, his car keys and then completely forget about them. Fast forward to the end of the day, when he's skipped his last class to look for his keys and is now freaking out and crying. I just was like oops, here's your keys. I should regret this but I don't. I feel like I should have felt worse, but I can't stand it when guys cry (unless it's something serious).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm...OJ (who is Indian) and I are going to totally have to test this "hurts worse because he is Indian" thing next weekend when he's in town.

      I should clarify. Test it on Ryan, not me. I'm not particularly fond of pain.

      Delete
  9. I SHOULD regret meeting a guy in an online chat room and running away with him. Y'all, I could have been killed! Or worse!! But, obviously I was not and I got a bonus beautiful baby boy that shook my ass into shape and made me be a grown up... Sorta, some people might disagree but I don't like them so it doesn't matter. I DO regret not being able to use the word "ululation" in a sentence. Kudos!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is it weird that every time someone posts something about a baby I'm all like "PICTURES, SHOW ME PICTURES!"...It's probably weird.

      And the ululation thing? I typed that word then stopped and was like "Where the hell did that come from?" It's probably from me eating a lot of broccoli yesterday. Broccoli makes you smart right?

      Delete
    2. Nah, it's not weird. But he is 10 now and in the awkward "my head is too big for my body and my arms are spindly and too long (no offense) and even though I exist solely on a chocolate diet I look like my mother doesn't feed me" stage. So, mostly I am the only person that thinks he's cute.

      Delete
    3. I have a much much younger brother and I totally remember that stage! Now he's like 6'4" or something and still looks like he doesn't eat enough.

      Delete
  10. Merete6/13/2012

    Unfortunately, I have quite a few regrets about not taking chances, thus missing out on a lot of cool stuff. But, luckily, I have learned from them, and my recent regret involves something that should not be learned by doing.
    So, people of the internet:
    If you have cut fresh chilli peppers, no matter how many times your hands have been washed and how many hours have passed that day, do not, and I repeat DO NOT attempt at inserting one of those non-applicator tampons. As it turns out, it is very, very tricky to rinse out your vagina. According to wikipedia, vaginal irrigation (oh yeah, that is a thing) can be achieved by using a douche bag. Sadly, the only douche bag I know of is my ex... Wikipedia, you let me down and I'm very disappointed in you.
    So, if you ever have to chose between a chilli tampon or no tampon and white pants while meeting the president on live tv, chose the latter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OK so I really and truly shouldn't laugh at this, because OW OW OW. But, it sort of made me giggle.

      "So, if you ever have to choose between a chili tampon or no tampon and white pants while meeting the president on live tv, choose the latter." Best sentence I've read in a really long time.

      Delete
    2. OMG, thank God I'm not the only person that has done something similar! I was making salsa and cutting up jalapenos and I swear I washed my hands at least 3 times and 2 hours later using the bathroom I guess I didn't wash them enough.GLOVES ALWAYS GLOVES when chopping peppers now

      Delete
    3. Amanda6/13/2012

      Whole new meaning to the term fire crotch.

      Good tips to live by!

      Delete
    4. Merete6/13/2012

      Totally ok to laugh, especially considering how many times you've put a smile on my face with this wonderful blog of yours.
      I just remembered a thing I probably should regret, but doesn't. When younger, my sister and I managed to convince our youngest (13 at the time) brother that he was adopted. Or, more specifically; that our parents brought him home from the hospital in pity because his real parents abandoned him due to his ugly face. But don't worry, we totally told him the truth when he ran crying to his room. (and before I'm judged to harshly I'd like to point out that my mom went along with this until the very end, so it's not me, it's the way I'm raised.) I guess the moral of the story is that karma is a bitch that sometimes puts freshly chopped chili where freshly chopped chili should never be.

      Delete
    5. So I cook a lot and now I'm like TERRIFIED of this pepper thing. I'm going to invest in gloves. I've rubbed my nose after chopping jalapenos before and even that was like SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE.

      Also, this is another, I totally shouldn't laugh thing, but when I got to "ugly face" I burst out laughing.

      Delete
  11. Hmmm I've never gotten caught singing about my food but I do tend to sing random lines from commercials... like I was jamming out " RAINBOW SOCK MONKEY" from the Pier 1 commercial all afternoon. If I was more tech savvy I would make it my ringtone.
    As for things I regret... I've got a list of guys I've dated to start. I'm one of those people that tend to dwell on regrets but, I look at it as sometimes dwelling on them helps me learn more from them because I know what NOT to do!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now I have to go YouTube this Pier 1 commercial, I don't see commercials because of the DVRing. I sing about a lot of things. Food just happens to be one of them.

      Delete
    2. It really is the silliest thing ever but it cracks me up every time. And singing about food makes it more fun,I know if I'm at a restaurant and they getting ready to set a plate of something fab in front of me a do a sort of butt wiggle dance in my chair like I'm a dog waiting on treat. Yep,I like to keep it class like that.

      Delete
    3. Haha, I'm right there with you. Ryan doesn't take me out to dinner much any more.

      Delete
  12. Things I don't regret (but maybe I should?) - 1. Dancing to the music in department/grocery stores. I do it all the time. I could lie and say I do it more now that I have a two and a half year old boy who thinks it's funny. But, it would definitely be a lie. I did it just as much before he came along. 2. Speaking my mind pretty much all the time. Yes, it gets me in trouble sometimes. And, yes, it doesn't always win friends and influence people. But, every time I have kept my mouth shut I HAVE ended up regretting that. 3. Wearing layered socks and stirrup pants in junior high. Why should I regret that? I totally rocked that look.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dancing in the grocery store is ALMOST mandatory. That and the singing is why Ryan doesn't like to go to grocery store with me.

      I totally did the layered socks and stirrup pants thing. My sister and I shared one pair of coveted black stirrup pants and were always arguing about who got to wear them.

      Delete
  13. Ok, so I totally regret watching the video of OJ like a bazillion times and having my "eyes go all smiley," because I am totally married and really love my husband. BUT, I also think that OJ is definitely a cutie patootie, and in my alternate life, we are totally married with adorable babies as he dances and I sing nonsensical songs to him about calling him on the phone, maybe. I would just like to state that NO I AM NOT A STALKER! I just think he is kinda hot, in a totally platonic, because I am married kind of way. That is all..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha there's no denying that OJ is nice to look at. And on my birthday he totally offered to give me a little half-Indian baby if Ryan wouldn't get his butt in gear already. Sadly, because I am also married and because I assume he was joking, I was forced to turn him down.

      Delete
  14. Sarah H6/13/2012

    I will cut all of you bitches who try to steal my OJ. KIDDING!!!!! Yay for a new OJ video. I've noticed a distinct lack of OJness on the blog for the last couple of days. And my eyes need some happy.
    Can you pre-regret something that is totally going to happen at some point in the future it just hasn't happened yet? Because at some point I am going to have to present the research I've been doing to the Pharmacy and Therapeutics committee at the hospital I'm doing rotations on and instead of saying postictal, which just means the period after a seizure, I'm going to say postcoital. NOT the same thing. not at all. and yet, my brain automatically reads/says the after sex one instead of the after seizure one. EVERY time.
    p.s please don't judge my lack of grammar correctness. I write in babble cause that's how my mind works.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha everyone LOVES OJ. I'm going to have to start including a picture of him at the end of every blog post to appease my readers.

      And in your situation you can totally pre-regret something. It's a new concept to me, but one that I very much like. I'll bet you don't mess up though. I was positive I was going to flub and say something incredibly inappropriate at my friends' wedding last month when I was doing an original reading, but I somehow made it through.

      Delete
  15. How can someone say that they don't have regrets? They are a part of maturing as a person, and are part of human existance. I have regrets, and I rue some of the choices that I have made in the past. That being said, I am the fantastic person that I am (most days) because regrets and mistakes helped make better decisions in the future. I'm not sure which celebrity made the "no regrets" comment, but they sound like a total douche canoe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I seriously can not remember who said the no regrets thing, I read it like six months ago and it's been annoying me ever since. And I totally googled like crazy for the interview yesterday and just can't find it. I probably dreamed the whole thing up.

      It was probably Jessica Biel. Dumb Justin-dating Jessica Biel.

      Delete
  16. One time my sister was showing me the student art in the back of her yearbook (she was on yearbook staff), asking my opinion on the art (because I dabble in drawing quasi-well), and as my sis flipped through the art I was like "Good. Awesome. Okay. Meh. Good. SUCKS." And guess who drew the one that 'sucked'??? Yep. My sister. I will never forgive myself.

    I also have several one-night-stands from college days that make me want to vomit every time I remember them. There. It's out there. Blech.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never did the one-night-stand thing myself as Ryan and I dated through college but I totally had friends that had to do the whole walk-of-shame the next morning a couple of times. When it comes up now, they say the same thing, vomit. I think it's just a coming-of-age-college thing that many people experience though.

      And the yearbook thing...yeah...totally totally sounds like something I would accidentally do. I'm sure your sister forgives you though, mine always do when I say something completely terrible not on purpose.

      Delete
  17. I don't regret you posting yourself singing because it's now one of my favorite songs!! Thanks for the intro to "Call Me Maybe". It makes me happy. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I'm so glad I introduced you to that song! It's my official song of the summer. It's very good at cheering me up when I am sad because I just ate the last Hershey's kiss.

      Delete
  18. I regret not staying in Arizona when I got laid off I just ran back home to Northern California to the same old people at the same old small town bars. I wish I had the strength to stay and tough it out. I miss Arizona. I miss it a whole bunch....But then I wouldn't of got to help my best friend plan her amazing wedding, See my nephew being born, Have enough down time at work to stumble across your blog.....things happen,life goes on, it's what you do in the now that really matters anyways..and right now I'm looking for a husband so......lmao know any one?

    ReplyDelete
  19. I want to make more friends on facebook, so please add me by sending friend request at:

    http://www.facebook.com/vikbharti

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
 
Site Design By Designer Blogs