We Don't Even Have A Chimney RYAN.


Just a couple of random thoughts on this beautiful Chicago Wednesday.

 - First, if you follow me on Facebook you might already know this but Ryan is not currently talking to me because yesterday when I saw that he was outside talking to the new neighbors I grabbed my pink umbrella and ran outside and handed it to him.

"Here darling," I said.  "You've forgotten your bumbershoot and it looks like rain."

Then I kissed him on the cheek and ran back inside.

- Second, last week I got into my SECOND accident in a taxi in the last month.  I was relatively uninjured but did smash my elbow on the window pretty hard and am now sporting a fantastic bruise.  I thought about calling in sick with a "black elbow" but decided that would be ridiculous.  Not unlike me, but ridiculous all the same.  Plus I remembered that I'd left half a cinnamon roll in my desk drawer.

Ryan says this is a sure sign that I should not take cabs any longer.  I say it is a sure sign that I am temporarily crippled and thus unable to aid in the unpacking of all of our boxes.
 - Tertiarily (which blogger is telling me is not a word), whilst packing, I found a really old Mother Goose poem book that must have been one of my grandparent's.  Then I got sidetracked from the packing and instead read extremely sexist and hilarious poetry for the next hour.

Ryan took this picture (a bad one obviously) of the top poem and sent it to all his single friends.

Here's another example:


Ice cream, a penny a lump!
The more you eat, the more you jump.
Eeper, Weeper, Chimney sweeper,
Married a wife and could not keep her.
Married another,
Did not love her,
Up the chimney he did shove her!

The next day Ryan and I had to go to Home Depot to purchase more moving supplies and in the check-out line I suppose I was chattering on about everything and nothing like always so Ryan turned to me and said "Please be quiet, or when we get home, up the chimney I will shove you."

Then he remembered we were in a crowded store. 

I'm rubbing off on him.

That's all for now Blogstalkers!  Have a marvelous evening!




36 comments:

  1. I woke up with a black eye a couple of weeks ago. Who does that? Anyway...I always feel like I should concoct an elablorate story about where I get my injuries from to make me sound more interesting.

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    1. Oooph a black eye in the middle of the night would be a new one for me. That's crazy. Maybe your husband accidentally did it in his sleep to subconsciously make up for the time you hit him in the face in your sleep? Yes. I'd blame him and demand jewels.

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  2. Yikes! Taxi accidents scare me! Luckily I tend to avoid taxi's and take the L, though that can be pretty traumatizing as well. Hope your elbow feels better! Also, your umbrella story made me laugh out loud on the train and people looked at me funny. :) Love it!

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    1. Unfortunately I'm a bit of a taxi-slut. If I'm running late for work - taxi. If it's raining - taxi. If I'm wearing pinchy shoes - taxi. It's bad news. The good news is that our new house is just four blocks from my work so there's absolutely no reason for me to take a taxi, even if it's raining.

      So glad I made you laugh!

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  3. Tertiarily is too a word. My Mom's name is Tertia and she does everything Tertiarily!

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    1. Take THAT blogger. Also, that is a cool name.

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  4. I get bruises like that all the time. I am like an old banana. Sad, really. I have had several particularly nasty ones lately. I don't generally take pics but I think it's a fabulous idea. How else will people know to feel sorry for me?

    Also, in news related to bumbershoots. . .when my husband was growing up, and his grandparents would visit, as his grandpa was going out the door, his grandma would yell, "Don't forget your rubbers." They all found this hilarious and I must admit the junior high part of me thinks it's pretty funny, too. Unfortunately, I have not had the pleasure of hearing grandma yell this to anyone but I hold out hope and pray for rain.

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    1. I ALWAYS take a picture of my bruises. And then I text said picture to my best friend Vanessa. She has like twenty Lauren-Bruise pictures on her phone. If she lost it and someone found it and saw the pictures, they would think she was completely nuts.

      That's hilarious about the rubbers!

      In other rubber news, one of the boys in my photography class in high school was Australian and on the first day of class he asked me "Do you have a spare rubber?" I was completely taken aback until I realized he was pointing to my eraser. Rubber is apparently what they call an eraser in Australia.

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    2. As of right this moment, I am choosing someone to send my bruise pictures to. I don't think I'll tell the chosen one. I'll just start sending them. They are so lucky.

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  5. You're obviously a good influence on Ryan. No one should be so serious. ;)

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  6. Ok Lauren, I am your faithful blogstalker but first you like monkeys (phobia) and now you like cabs (another phobia). I have been known to walk 90 city blocks to avoid taking a cab. I once offered my cousin $100 to drive me somewhere so I would not have to take a cab. So, what is your opinion on clowns? dolls? I find them both freakish and scary.

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    1. Sorry! Since we moved I've been successfully avoiding cabs, but honestly if it's raining and my destination is ten blocks away, I definitely cab it. Ok I do that sometimes when it's not raining too. It's a really really bad habit.

      But I do totally agree with you on both clowns and dolls. Scary for sure. Did you ever see the Seinfeld episode about the dolls? I can't even think about it without shuddering.

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  7. I have the Seventeen Book Of Etiquette published in 1956. It is amazing for things like 'how to keep your date interested in converstaion. hint: talk about him all the time and don't bore him with mundane details about you!'. I also know how to serve punch correctly at a record party chaperoned by my parents! Also, when I lived in Chicago, I was a total taxi whore. It's just so easy...

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    1. Right? It's SO easy. They're everywhere.

      That book is great! The punch thing made me giggle. Do you know who the Duggars are? (the ones with all the kids from TLC) The wife recently wrote a list of happy marriage tips, your post reminded me of them. For example:

      A husband needs a wife who respects him as a man: This one states that a woman destroys her husband’s manliness by “being financially independent; Love is killed by self-sufficiency.”

      AND

      A husband needs a wife who will continue to develop inward and outward beauty: Your hairstyle, for example, can show “obedience vs defiance” and “personal discipline vs inconsistency,” among many other things.

      Crazypants if you ask me.

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  8. Also, I can't stop singing "Black Elbow" to the tune of "Black Velvet". thanks for that.

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    1. Black elbow you are cramping my style.
      Black elbow you will pain me for a while.
      From a cab ride that put me ill at ease.
      Black elbow you displease.

      Sorry, I'm not very good at writing songs spur of the moment. Or even when I have all the time in the world.

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    2. That was flippin' brilliant. Truly.

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    3. Haha thanks Misty! I'm always rewriting song lyrics to fit my life.

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  9. Okay... I'm totally juvenile for pointing this out. But, the photo being sent around by Ryan cuts off at a HILARIOUS point.

    Here sits Lord Mayor,
    Here sits his two men,
    Here sits the cock,

    ...what are you implying, Lord Mayor?

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    1. Haha I was just waiting for someone to get around to that! I am pretty sure the cock in this poem is an actual rooster. But honestly I don't know for sure. Some of the poems were SO inappropriate.

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  10. That sounds like an awesome book. Nothing like adding a bit of old english to your insults. And ouch on the elbow.

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    1. It really is an awesome book and now holds a place of honor on my coffee table.

      And yep the elbow hurt. But I milked it for all it was worth and got Ryan to purchase me chocolates.

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  11. Thank you for using the word "bumbershoot". I just spit out my mouthful of cereal onto my keyboard.

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    1. You are WELCOME. (And sorry.)

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  12. It's been two days since I read this post and I am still giggling to myself about "bumbershoot".

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    1. I'm so glad it made you laugh, it was such a spur of the moment idea!

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  13. Ryan's list of home improvements for new apartment.

    1. Build chimney.
    2. Buy bumbershoot stand

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    1. The funny thing is...Ryan could totally build a chimney. He and his dad used to co-own a masonry company before Ryan started trading for a living.

      I'll suggest it to him.

      And I'm never ever calling umbrellas anything other than bumbershoots ever again.

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  14. So, I'm guessing that your new neighbors are suitably impressed with you hubby's manliness now. Thanks to you. He is so lucky to have you.

    I bruise like ripe fruit. My bruises usually end up being mystery ones, though. I'll have some massive bruise on my thigh and have no memory of bumping into anything. At least you know where yours came from. So there's that.

    And just think of how much money you'll save by not riding in cabs!! Just remember . . . babies are expensive. ;)

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    1. He is SO lucky to have me.

      You and I are totally bruise twins. I always have like five or six random bruises on my legs and a couple more scattered about the rest of my body. And I never ever know what they're from. I take pictures of the really bad one and send them to my best friend. Usually with a dime for scale purposes. She hates it.

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  15. ok, i have totally gone in to work "sick" after remembering my half eaten granola bar. i will not ... absolutely not ... waste food. the real question is, why the heck did i only eat half a granola bar?! this post is cracking me up.

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    1. So glad you liked the post! I'm not much of a food-waster either. Although I think that is because I usually just eat all of the food that is in front of me the first time around. The only reason there was half a cinnamon roll remaining was because it had started out like the size of my head.

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  16. I really like the conversation you two had. my husband called me a stalker (of him) two weeks into the marriage. True love makes people say weird things. haha

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    1. I'm always telling Ryan that because we are soul mates, we can say whatever we like to one another, because we are meant to be together no matter what. Then he usually says "I don't believe in soul mates." He's such a bummer.

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